Last night I had one of the most intense spiritual experiences of my life and I've decided to share it with everyone. First, a little background.
Ever since I was a little kid, I had a sensation in the third eye area come up from time to time. Sometimes it was involuntary, but I could induce it by holding a finger near my forehead, or simply by focusing on it. I was always curious about it, but I never payed too much attention to it.
A couple of months ago I started meditating. It was one more altered state of consciousness I wanted to explore. I was pretty serious when I started, meditating 2-3 times a day for 30-40 minutes. Focusing on various subtle sensations in my body was my favourite way to meditate. I could develop feelings in various parts of my body and move them around. but I lost interest after a while.
During this time I was on a cannabis hiatus, and just as I stopped meditating I started smoking again. I quickly realised that while high, all those subtle sensations in my body would become stronger. I could feel strong sensations in areas where the chakras are supposedly located. So I started meditating while on cannabis.
This led to several interesting meditation sessions. I could feel strong energy currents starting in the lower back and going all the way to the head. Sometimes I'd feel as if my entire body was slightly vibrating. Eventually, the energy from the head spread to my right ear. I started hearing a buzz, like tinnitus, and a tingling sensation. The buzz would turn into a pulsating sound/feeling. I thought that might be my pulse that I'm hearing, but usually it would pulsate about twice my heart rate.
I started listening to my left ear and initially it was quite faint. When I started to hear a pulsating sound in it as well, it wouldn't match the right ear's pulse. But on occasions they did align, I would have the most intense experience. Sometimes it would feel as if a strong wind was blowing through my head. Other times my head sounded like an electric substation. And the peak experiences would involve a massive energy surge that would last for a second. Such energy would feel too intense and would always make me jump a little. One time I could withstand the energy for more than a brief moment without twitching and that time I got a massive erection. Still, it didn't last more than a couple of seconds.
I started reading about kundalini awakening, but most of the things I've read sounded like mythology and superstition. Also, I remembered an incident that happened a couple of years ago when I took a high dose of potent sativa while being somewhat sleep deprived. I don't remember it clearly, but I felt extremely uneasy. I had strong sensations in every single part of my body and the feeling was way too intense. I couldn't think straight, nor could I relax. I wanted it to stop so badly, but there was nothing I could do. At one point, the thought that my mother could call me at any moment brought me back to lucidity. I felt normal for about a minute, but then the weird feeling in my body went into overdrive again. Eventually, I somehow fell asleep and everything was back to normal when I woke up. I always thought this was just an anxiety attack, but now I started to think - could this have been a premature kundalini awakening, induced by strong weed and a lack of sleep?
Back to the present, I experimented with various combinations of dmt, harmalas, marijuana and meditation. I'd usually smoke some weed, meditate, once it wears off, vape some dmt and harmalas (45mg each), once they go past the peak, meditate some more, then smoke weed and meditate again, before going to sleep. This time I decided to do something a bit different. I decided to smoke weed, then immediately vape. I also wanted to try meditating immediately after vaping, rather than waiting for the peak to pass, so I sat cross-legged, instead of lying down like I normally do with dmt. I had only 20 mg of dmt left, so I figured it wouldn't be intense at all. Boy, was I wrong.
As soon as I put my vape down, I felt the energy coursing through me stronger than I've ever felt before. It infinitely dwarfed the experience with strong weed that I mentioned. It's as if a big pillar of energy was going through me and my body was expanding around it. At the peak it felt as if my body was starting to tear since it reached the maximum it could expand. I thought I'm going to explode.
“NOT TODAY!”, I yelled. I thought I was not ready. I can’t undergo a kundalini awakening now, I have to go to work tomorrow. The energy started to let up a little and I did not feel like I'm exploding anymore. However, it was still very strong and I decided I should try and ground myself. I tried focusing on my breath and it helped, although not very much.
I still had the feeling that my body was expanded. I could feel my surroundings, as if the sensations are coming not only from my body, but from the area around me as well, entering my brain mostly through my left ear. I could hear a female voice talking, but I couldn't make out any words. As always, thoughts of finally taking too much drugs came to my mind. “Will I finally be able to hear ghosts? What would it be like if I never came out of this trip?”
Finally, after a short while it seemed like it had passed. However, after a minute or two, I suddenly felt really high again. This time it was as if the weed was reaching its peak. Wind was blowing through my head, energy surging through my body to the head and reaching uncomfortable levels of intensity for brief moments. How long this part of the journey lasted I couldn't tell, because soon after I went to sleep.
Today everything is back to normal, except for the part of my brain which still pulsates from time to time. I'm going to try and recreate the session in the next few days to see if I manage to get a similar experience. Hopefully I won't chicken out this time, but relax and embrace the experience.