Wow, what a year it has been.

I had a thought to look at the results of me meeting the molecule.

In the beginning on 2018 I was on the atheistic side of specturm, rejecting taking seriously anything spiritual. Then came N,N-DMT and its magic circus.

Before: all the gurus, lamas and other popes, were same kind of robed charlatans for me. I dismissed spiritualistic teachings as ramblings of crazy people, who need to validate their behavior with some badly written ancient text and will of bearded sky-dude.

What changed? Well not much in terms me still thinking that many of the religious texts are at least 90% full of bull crap, and most of the gurus are probably still charlatans, but they seeming all have this elusive grain of Truth, which is buried by bad rewriters, illiterate translators and biased interpreters. We humans have this ability to be told and shown the seeds of Truth and then bury it under piles of dogmatic rotten tomatoes.

A lot changed in terms of my own views on life and world and the biggest shock was, how much actual information, which I can relate all experiences to, is lying out there openly in the view since the dawn of times, dismissed by the likes of me. Our ancestors maybe had bad technology, but plenty of time and enthusiasm to investigate entheogens and practices which connect us to the worlds of divine. I mean, come on, these Tibetan dudes even have a manual on how to be proper dead. Isn't it great and funny at the same time?

Now I think that psychology should be taught in a non-dogmatic, but structured and scientific way, to everybody in schools, as a mandatory subject, just like basic math. I am saying that because, if I didn’t consider psychology a major waste of my time during school and university years, I might’ve been better prepared to understand my own consciousness and how to integrate and treat my psychedelic experiences.

My view towards our world and people has certainly changed. My compassion towards people and our world has increased. My view towards who am I and what I do here has changed. When I observe, I can see these parts of my mind, that activate and go dormant depending on situation. This also helps me observing and identifying the same patterns and activities in other people.

This made me feel even more fascinated, how unfathomably complex is this game we are playing and how complex we and our consciousness are.
I see sparkles of divine humor everywhere. I think the God/Creator/Universe is the best joker out there and has a lot of giggles when we step into subtle traps (which are plenty), again and again and again (and again and again and again hahahahaha).

It also made me appreciate science more, which might seem as paradoxical, as people tend to put science and spiritual on a different side of spectrum. Well, I think the time of mutual dismissal by both parties should be long over by now. I am seeing more and more collaborations and mutually respectful relationships from both ends of a spectrum. I think, considering all the bad stuff going in the world, we still manage to drift in a generally right direction, with laws becoming less restrictive towards cannabis and mushrooms and much more focus being put now into entheogen research.

What’s was the most important change, is that molecule made me appreciate our world and just simply being, existing, even more than before.

I haven’t taken DMT since June 2018 after my last breakthrough experience. I had this strange state of mind for several months, which pretty much had me fearing that I am about to break through, just when under any strong substance. It made me feel that breakthrough is possible not only on DMT, but on any substance, just the dose that matters and on some substances breakthrough dose is the same as lethal dose, so nothing new here. I could feel how fragile is veil of reality and how easily it can be lifted. This generally subsided and I could say in November-December of 2018 that I finally got to the pre-breakthrough baseline.

DMT is a harsh teacher, but it teaches you the most important lesson!
Only now I am beginning to hear the call of the molecule again, but it’s faint and I feel that exact time has not yet come, but I think it will

Last, but not least, The Nexus has been in the center of all things spiritual and psychedelic for me. Without people of this forum and their help and advice (and a lot of wisdom from members), this path would be much more painful and bumpy for me, so thank you all people of Nexus for doing what you do!

TLDR: I smoked some DMT in 2018 and it turned my world upside down, it was one of the most lifechanging experiences, so I recount some of what has changed for me.

Fantastic read my man!

I can very much relate to all that you have written down.

Particularly liked the part when you stated that the veil of reality can very easily be lifted....

more true words have never been spoken!

example, the one more terrifying than anything in the universe trip I experienced a couple months ago.

I just about had a "mini breakthrough" a couple days ago with some whippets, I used two carts in one balloon and instead of taking one inhale, exhale , inhake oxygen, exhale and then inhale the nitro again this time when I exhaled my first lung full of the whippets I instantly inhaled the rest of it... shut my eyes and instantly was transported to that terrifying nightmare trip again for a few seconds... felt like it lasted 1 week in comparison to my bad trip that lasted about 200 years in my head... it was nothing, but a little shocking...

that exp from whippets? crazy...

I think you are right that psychology should be taught at schools. Or at least the basics. We know too little about ourselves to be able to understand eachother.

I am happy for you Exitwound! Thanks for sharing something very nice like this! I love to hear the positive transformative effects of psychedelics! Very validating to hear these things from you!

Cheers friends! There is much to be learned this year!

2018 was one of my hardest years, in a way; yet also very revealing. I was in a very similar place as you during my first year after experiencing DMT and a variety of other psychedelics.

For me- these things, let's call it excited awareness, seem to be very evident for short durations of time: 6 months to a year at a time. I think that some of the excitement wore off when I got slammed by the university after not being in an academic setting for nearly 10 years. It felt like an uphill battle. I wanted to say "f--- it" many times and give up. I thought that I "just wasn't meant for school," but I kept pushing.

So, my equivalent year was 2014. I first discovered DMT on December 7th of 2013. The transformation began. At first I flew high high high!!! Oh so high!... but if you forget that you've got wings, the fall is harsh and fast. I hit the ground and thought I'd be done. But, I kept pushing. Lots of things seemed to be "aimed so that I would fail." There were some difficult times, for sure.

After many hard (and soft) lessons.... enter 2018. Whew. The real challenge!! Well, December 8th, I finally made it out (5 years and 1 day later...) Got the duh'gree, and now time to move directly into a career, right? Lol!!!! I'd thought that the university was hard! Hah! They will easily let you in and let you decide if you want to fail or succeed. Either way, you're paying them for a service, and they don't much care how you use your time. It's easy from the perspective: student applies to school, and then they get in. Whether you stay or not doesn't really bother them, because there are a constant flow of students.

Now, take that mentality and smash it into a million pieces. The path of the career is different than the student, in a way, but similar in other ways. I never stop learning; but I realized that I'm one out of hundreds that might be applying for a position. It's a type of continued education, but they pay you; and if you seem like you'll fail, then you're no longer a contender.

So, after applying to (what felt like hundreds) of potential employers, I finally started getting some hits. Awesome!!! Right? Lol. Ha ha, again! Getting noticed was the first step... but then the challenge begins! It took some help from friends to allow me to see the process behind-the-scenes. I'd been approaching it with an academic viewpoint - "ah yes, I just will approach a career as I had school; just be myself and all will be fine." Whoops! Wrong again. I began to see my errors - my perspective of expectation was fixated on what I'd been told in school.

After a lot of help from a friend, things are coming together. I had to come to the conclusion that the employers are paying for a service and they want the best that they can find and within a certain price. Rather than being able to buy into school, I had to learn how to sell the skills that I'd been taught in school. In the big scene, I'm a very small fish, within a large sea, and plenty of sharks out there.

So, I decided to become a dolphin, instead. Sure, maybe smart as a human; but limited to the sea. But, here's the thing... sure, the sea feels limiting - but you don't have to breath the water all the time. Come up for air; blow some bubbles; turn a flip or two... or ten.. or twenty... or you just keep flipping around until you find your footing... wait... footing? What the heck!? I was just in the sea!?!?! I looked down and I was standing on wet, but solid, ground... ok... this was new. I didn't realize that all that spinning would lead to the unexpected, though I've come to expect the unexpected!

So once i'd grown comfort in the sea, here I am, in an alien world. Totally new!!! Before, I'd only come up for breaths if air, but now... it's everywhere. So, I tried to walk. Fell straight on my face (dolphins don't know how to use feet, you know?). But a friend walked over and said, "need some help?" I wondered, "how can my friend help me learn to walk?" Well, turns out that the friend had been a dolphin once, too.

I tried to walk, but fell to the beach. So, I decided to crawl. It took some time, but I finally was able to stand. Taking the first steps, I fell again, but got up. Fell again, but got up. I kept getting back up... currently, I'm working on maintaining balance while aspiring to walk. The first few steps have been tricky, but I think I will be up and running within a shorter period than I'd expected.

Either way, I've started the walk. The marathon, not the sprint. Gotta build up that endurance, you know? Maybe it'll be slow, maybe it'll be fast... but it's shown me a whole new light.

Enjoy the lessons! Even the hard ones, because the easy choices might lead you back out to the sea - which is fine... But, I'm a human now, and going back to the water has its limitations. I can't hold my breath as long, or swim as fast, but it's closer to amphibious than being a dolphin.

Being amphibious is cool and all, but you never know when someone might come shine a light in your face, pick you up, and squeeze until you offer some magic. Ask kikker! Hopefully, they put you back where they found you. Then you can go back into hibernation until you've made more magic. But, me? Ehhh. I'll stick with being a human.

So that was my 2018. Lololol.

2019 has been a lot more enlightening. Maybe I had to get my head out of muddy water in order to get a glimpse of the light.


Take Care!
ACY

ACY,

I wish I had it in me to reply with such a long and well thought out presentation.

what an inspirational person you are!

This must be the 5th post like this from me,praising you're intellect and social awareness but damn dude you really know how to make an individual think and see things from another perspective.

I'm still not ready to respond to our convo, been very busy with a new car and a trip to Boston this weekend. I'll be in touch with you come early next week