Greetings.

Felt compelled to share my experiences somewhere. So here goes.

I happened to cultivate some spice recently. I have been working towards the experience for some time. I am brand new to the DMT experience, but not completely new to psychedelics.

I have done zero reading on other's experiences before this. I wanted it to be my own experience, without any subconscious pre-conceptions altering it.

I had no idea what it would be like.

I struggled with my first few attempts. It was unlike anything prior. (Strong edibles / vaped hash / boomers / LSD)

I did not like the experience at all. I did not like the sudden shift from reality, as everything I have experience prior, had more of a smooth, and ritualistic ascent into the unknown. More on this afterwards...

The first dose was approx. 25mg out of a GVG. This is what I would assume would be a sub-breakthrough taste of the medicine and hopefully a good intro. (I did look up advised dosing for newcomers)

I was in my room, softly lit, everything clean, bed freshly washed and turned. I'm used to vaping, I knew the procedure. I ripped hard and held it in. I immediately did not like the smell. DMT to me smells like a mix of burnt circuitry and plastic. Very alien. It was not like the sweet earthy smell / taste of fresh boomies, which I thoroughly love.

I was of course anxious, who wouldn't be? I knew at least, that it was touted as one of the strongest psychedelics, and though I went into it with respect, there was still some fear mixed in.

I am by nature, an introvert. My most comfortable setting is actually alone, and not with others...so not being around others was a non-issue.

Everything began to vibrate, I heard the ringing pulse quicken, I closed my eyes and then my space changed into the most ridiculous and bizarre display I had ever seen in my life.

Multiple thoughts began accosting me at once. "What if this? What if that? What if you could reach through space and pull out color? Here, watch this space fold into single point, and then decompress it into a million bits. Death? Who cares, you've already died a million times already, infinity? It's bigger than you could imagine normally. Our universe and the possibilities contained within it? Even bigger than that.

Imagine all the possibilities at once.

I viewed a multi-dimensional self-folding space of varying shades of purples, blacks and greens, along with other shapes and colors we probably don't have a name for.

I smelled a myriad of smells that I could only assume my mind was making up. I felt a full variety of feelings I had never felt. Some were pleasant, some were not so pleasant.

I felt my body enter several state-changes, from liquid to gas, to nothing, and re-configure over and over.

There was a brief glimpse of what hell might be imagined like, followed by a grotesque display followed by grotesque sounds.

I was experiencing everything all at once, and it was a bit much...

Originally I had said I did not like the initial experience...It's probably based on what I'm used to, which is more of a smooth transition and a smoother flow. These transitions felt like I had ADD. They were rapidly changing, fractured and I felt bombarded / overloaded. I suppose I felt like a child that had stepped into a new realm who was totally overwhelmed.

I think the part that I really did not like was the sourceless auditory hallucinations. All I could hear was a constant "Blip blop, bloop, yim-yom, yim-yom, myum-myum-myum". I found it greatly disturbing, and unsettling.

I came down feeling a mix of annoyance and distaste. I had some rather beautiful experiences with other entheogens, and for me this didn't seem to hit the mark, even without any set expectations for it.

I absolutely did not want to try that again...at first.

After a few days, curiosity with this new-found potential for conscious freedom brought me back.

I did some light reading at this point on how other people go about things...But,I felt that I had to find a way to go about this, in a way that suited me. I shared this experience with some friends who had experience with DMT, and they were a bit puzzled about me not liking the experience, they recommended I just drop 55mg in there and go for it...*sigh* friends and their advice...(I was terrified at the prospect for an even stronger and more unsettling "blip-blop" world)

So I set out to experiment.

I decided to try playing around with some lower doses, accurately measured.

I found that 15mg produced a euphoric state for me, still having colors and some vibration, but not as frantic.

I noticed something very interesting at this level. I was being beckoned to go further.

There wasn't any anxiety or hesitation in this state, compared to being completely sober.

So after an hour break, I measured out 2 doses. One was what I'm deeming a "warm-up" of 15mg. The next was a fuller dose at 40mg.

Same as before, I entered the euphoric state, and was beckoned to continue. I felt pleasant, warm, and was still in control of myself enough to venture forward. At the peak of this euphoric state, I loaded the next and let a rip.

The next hit was similar to the first time I did it...Except vastly more intense, I knew immediately the gravity of this hit. But this time I felt the vibration was more centered, more focused and I was a much more willing participant.

I am not sure how long I was holding my breath for, before I promptly melted into my bed, and then into nothing. I felt extreme warmth but my physical body was gone, and I was "floating" in a blank space. The hum was still there, but I made a distinct effort to ward off the impending voices. They calmed down and almost respectfully remained quiet. I was relieved.

At first I was confined to a small room. It felt empty / lonely. I felt that this wasn't actually a confinement, but a blank slate set out for me.

With this thought, I tried painting the room with my mind... and it worked...I painted flowing reds and oranges, which were warm like the sensation I was experiencing. I imagined impossible, indescribable shapes with equally impossible colors, and they appeared, folded, unfolded warped and gave way. I felt an unlocked potential of my conscious mind had opened up. I now wanted to try moving through this space to see what else was possible.

The interesting thing here, is that the imagery was not forced upon me, but rather, reacted to my own influence. It was also much "slower". I was not being bombarded, and things were not changing rapidly. It was slow, fluid, and elegant, as I began to move through "space".

It was like moving through walls, but the walls gave way. There were spaces of infinite vastness, and infinite closed-ness. A few spaces I was absorbed into and became a part of. I melded into the eloquent folding patterns, and dispersed outwards for what felt like forever. The warmth and bliss was immeasurable. I felt calm, and at peace.

Towards the "end" I managed to fold back to a "centeral space". I could "see" everything around me, not with telescopic vision as we have, but with a full 360 view in all directions, all at once, my mind was no longer being limited by my concept of eyes.

And this seemed pretty darn awesome to me...it was quite wonderful. There were waves and swirls of blue, turquoise, and all manner of "cooler" shades of varying opaqueness, translucence, and vibrancy in all "directions".

Unfortunately, this is when I began to rise slowly back into reality, out of this ocean of shapes and color. I could feel my bed form underneath me, my body take shape. The room around me shattered into many more brilliant colors, and then reformed into my room. I'm not sure whether my eyes were open or closed before this point.

This was about an hour ago. I feel totally refreshed, like a kid again. To get a real break from normality, and be provided an experience such as that, which I could actually guide...was fantastic.

Having come back, it also makes me appreciate our own reality that much more. I find myself thinking about all of the things we couldn't possibly imagine, like waterfalls, rainbows, stars, black holes, dark matter, molecular structure, atoms, quarks and matter that has yet to be discovered yet. This also includes all the variety of living organisms discovered here, and those yet to be discovered.

We are truly blessed to live with in an infinitely expansive existence in which to explore, discover and pursue our own forms of happiness. Our universe / existence is truly the biggest sandbox in which to play. These medicines are definitely here to help us grow as conscious entities, and help us in whatever way we need help.

In my case, it was boredom. I've done many things, and learned many things. But as the wonder from childhood fades and the constant day-to-day became the norm...I just needed a total break. And that's what I got.

I've also noticed a heightened sense of smell that's seemed to persist after the experience. I hope it stays like that...I value all of my sensory input. Walking around outside, I was blasted by the pungent aroma of the outdoors.

Anyway, whether this was a breakthrough or not is inconsequential to me. The experience was fantastic. I'm glad I came back to it. Starting with 15mg and then applying a "sizeable" amount really seemed to do the trick for me to really integrate with it.

I also don't seem to have any more ill feelings towards it anymore.

Still smells a bit funny though.

Great write up! Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond.

Very cool experiences from the sounds of it!

I found it very relatable. Empty spaces..vast spaces.. being absorbed into the environment. DMT can provide for such a wide array of weirdness.

Happy travels and Welcome to the Nexus!

Thank you as well

Happy travels!

So I had another go of it today.

It seems as though the molecule and my mind is really seeking to re-establish it's roots.

I did the same ritualistic warmup dose to get me into it. But I did not measure the second dose.

For the second dose, I added moar until I felt it was enough / time to stop. (I did my own extraction on 100g MHRB, I have plenty to spare atm) This proved a little difficult, because I was shaking in anticipation.

So I'm not sure how much I added...Enough to coat the bottom of my gvg bowl and create a small pile. It seemed like a lot.

Well...I got to experience a bit more than I had bargained for. Woo boy. This ended up being a mixed CEV / Open eyed experience that I'll never forget.

I first went through total destruction. I felt a wide range of negative feelings and emotions come pouring out. It was very painful, very hard to bear. My memory is foggy regarding it. Space and time were definitely warped heavily, I do not know how long this took. I was clearly being purged, and just held on for the ride. There was a sense that this was necessary, and that I needed to bear it. I did not feel scared at any point, because it was the very first emotion that was torn away from me.

As the negative feelings cleared out, I arrived in what I assume to be a very high dimensional space, as the amount of distortion and warping that was going on is hard to relay in words. It's like I was looking forward and backward at the same time, while also looking sideways and upside-down. The color palette though, happened to be in hues of my favorite color, turquoise.

The emotional void I felt was replaced with a familiar sensation of warmth, but it grew to become a hundred-fold stronger.

There was an entity who looked very similar to me sitting across from me in what seemed to be a chair. I felt that this was a version of me, but not a current version of me, or a past or future version of me, but a cumulative version of me.

The being seemed to be smoking out of what looked to be a wooden pipe. My "vision" was completely distorted. I was in a room, but not in a room and space was highly warped but I could clearly make out this entity across from me. It also felt like we were moving at high speed, and yet not moving at all.

They said for now, there was a message that they wanted to relay.

"We are what we are, because we choose to be this way."

"The universe is the way it is, because it chooses to be this way."

"The universe could be any number of ways, but the state in which it currently finds the greatest harmony, is the way it currently is, adapted and evolved over immeasurable cycles."

"To have collected ourselves from pure chaos and nothingness, into the structure and order we are now, is our current greatest achievement. We, are our greatest achievement. The universe does not want to be alone, and it too, want's to understand itself more".

I then had visions of the process unravel in front of me, as it was beamed into my consciousness.

It's as if an infinite number of iterations had taken place regarding time and space, and the current one we exist in now is what was chosen. I was shown higher dimensions, and negative dimensions, but the 3rd dimension as we refer to it as, was what was chosen for it's simplicity and elegance. The rest deemed too complicated to deal with for it's purpose.

This part of the journey felt like it went on for a very long time as I was shown the birth and destruction of the various dimensions and possible planes of existence. It was not unlike how the colors, patterns and shapes unfold in the DMT experiences we share, but they were presented in a progressive way...eventually I found myself again in the same room, with the same entity.

And this is what was relayed to me. Having felt that I understood, we both nodded and I was plopped into my bed.

At this point I had no memory of anything. I had no language. I did not know what anything was, or what it was called. Total amnesia.

My consciousness had severed the input from my memory. (Thankfully not the output to it, otherwise I wouldn't get to share this)

I did not feel scared...and then I saw my hands, and did not know what they were. I learned that they were mine, and that I could control them. I thought that they were weird, but this was only a feeling, as again, I did not know words.

I moved them around, touched them, flexed them, and learned that I had sensation when they touched something. I began to vocalize, no language, just sounds like an infant would make. I made bubbles when trying to speak, found this amusing and began to laugh. (It was a weird, almost polyphonic laugh, not my normal laugh) I looked around in wonder at the things around me, as I heard the typical DMT hum fading away, but it was very pleasant this time. (And not odd or strange as it has been)

The only thing I could gather from this part of the trip, was that it was a reminder what it was like being born for the first time. And a reminder, that like us, our universe could also be born, which mean it could also die...

My prior existence then flooded back to me. (I almost threw up, as this was pretty intense)

I felt extreme panic and anxiety. I quickly went into my back yard and sat in the grass under my tree. The evening smell of cool air and earthiness invaded my senses. I regained center, though still wanting to throw up. Touch and smell were extremely hypersensitive at this point.

I would say that is the end of the major part of the trip...but after this experience, I don't think there will ever be an end to it...

Everything else are my thoughts I'd like to record here to reference later, while they are still fresh in my mind. And of course share, with those who might find them interesting.

Having gotten comfortable again in the grass...I began contemplating the implications of what was relayed to me while staring up through the tree I was sat under. Bits of light shone through the rich green boughs, and they looked like hundreds of small stars amidst a green evening sky... I was still quite under the spell at this point.

The thought that consciousness and life is a choice, and a collective choice at that. We are a living, breathing part of our universe's desire for consciousness and life. The atoms and molecules in our body have been here since the beginning. As we now know it, matter cannot be created or destroyed.

These small particles have slowly gathered and arranged themselves over time in such a way that allows them to become autonomous and capable of thought. This took a very long time...

We breed and reproduce because this speeds up this process of "evolution", rather than having to start over from scratch again.

I think this may be where our innate fear of death stems from. Completely starting over from a blank slate could take a veeeeeery long time and I feel the universe fears these sort of delays. We too, also fear returning to something we do not understand yet. The universe will die eventually, so I think it hopes to understand itself better before that happens. I am unsure as to whether it has memory or not. I would like to think so. And even if the reality we currently reside isn't the entire scope of the universe, maybe it is trying to understand this part of it. Who knows really...And I think that's the whole fun of this journey of figuring it out.

So to progress forward as this "life" is what is in our nature, the universe and all things, down to the very atoms we are comprised of. Pleasure is the emotional construct / tool used to encourage propagation, while fear and pain are the tool used to safeguard against self destruction. These tools were evolved / developed to guide and protect ourselves...

All things have to be accounted for in an infinite existence, including self-destruction...I feel the desire for order and peace is something ingrained in us that fights against the nature of this destruction, though sometimes we let chaos take hold and stray from this ideal.

So, we are literally living, breathing, thinking pieces of the original universe, that has chosen to pursue life... that seems pretty profound to me. I always had an inkling of this notion, but was never able to fully give it thought.

The original warmth has persisted from about an hour ago as I write this...my final thought...

If all of this is the case, are we not a small fragment of the universe, that is trying to understand itself? Did it choose life and the current reality we live in to pursue that goal, knowing it would eventually die? One of our biggest goals as human beings has been to understand ourselves and why we are here...

...So I don't think it's much of a stretch to say, that the goal of our universe is very much the same, and we are a part of it, carrying out that task. But what we choose to do still has meaning, even if it's not discovery. By simply living and experiencing joy, we are fulfilling a core fundamental of the universe's wish...our, wish, which is to live, love and hopefully come to understand ourselves more. We are it, and it is us.

Whew. That'll take some time to fully digest I think.

You got my vote up.