Greetings.
Felt compelled to share my experiences somewhere. So here goes.
I happened to cultivate some spice recently. I have been working towards the experience for some time. I am brand new to the DMT experience, but not completely new to psychedelics.
I have done zero reading on other's experiences before this. I wanted it to be my own experience, without any subconscious pre-conceptions altering it.
I had no idea what it would be like.
I struggled with my first few attempts. It was unlike anything prior. (Strong edibles / vaped hash / boomers / LSD)
I did not like the experience at all. I did not like the sudden shift from reality, as everything I have experience prior, had more of a smooth, and ritualistic ascent into the unknown. More on this afterwards...
The first dose was approx. 25mg out of a GVG. This is what I would assume would be a sub-breakthrough taste of the medicine and hopefully a good intro. (I did look up advised dosing for newcomers)
I was in my room, softly lit, everything clean, bed freshly washed and turned. I'm used to vaping, I knew the procedure. I ripped hard and held it in. I immediately did not like the smell. DMT to me smells like a mix of burnt circuitry and plastic. Very alien. It was not like the sweet earthy smell / taste of fresh boomies, which I thoroughly love.
I was of course anxious, who wouldn't be? I knew at least, that it was touted as one of the strongest psychedelics, and though I went into it with respect, there was still some fear mixed in.
I am by nature, an introvert. My most comfortable setting is actually alone, and not with others...so not being around others was a non-issue.
Everything began to vibrate, I heard the ringing pulse quicken, I closed my eyes and then my space changed into the most ridiculous and bizarre display I had ever seen in my life.
Multiple thoughts began accosting me at once. "What if this? What if that? What if you could reach through space and pull out color? Here, watch this space fold into single point, and then decompress it into a million bits. Death? Who cares, you've already died a million times already, infinity? It's bigger than you could imagine normally. Our universe and the possibilities contained within it? Even bigger than that.
Imagine all the possibilities at once.
I viewed a multi-dimensional self-folding space of varying shades of purples, blacks and greens, along with other shapes and colors we probably don't have a name for.
I smelled a myriad of smells that I could only assume my mind was making up. I felt a full variety of feelings I had never felt. Some were pleasant, some were not so pleasant.
I felt my body enter several state-changes, from liquid to gas, to nothing, and re-configure over and over.
There was a brief glimpse of what hell might be imagined like, followed by a grotesque display followed by grotesque sounds.
I was experiencing everything all at once, and it was a bit much...
Originally I had said I did not like the initial experience...It's probably based on what I'm used to, which is more of a smooth transition and a smoother flow. These transitions felt like I had ADD. They were rapidly changing, fractured and I felt bombarded / overloaded. I suppose I felt like a child that had stepped into a new realm who was totally overwhelmed.
I think the part that I really did not like was the sourceless auditory hallucinations. All I could hear was a constant "Blip blop, bloop, yim-yom, yim-yom, myum-myum-myum". I found it greatly disturbing, and unsettling.
I came down feeling a mix of annoyance and distaste. I had some rather beautiful experiences with other entheogens, and for me this didn't seem to hit the mark, even without any set expectations for it.
I absolutely did not want to try that again...at first.
After a few days, curiosity with this new-found potential for conscious freedom brought me back.
I did some light reading at this point on how other people go about things...But,I felt that I had to find a way to go about this, in a way that suited me. I shared this experience with some friends who had experience with DMT, and they were a bit puzzled about me not liking the experience, they recommended I just drop 55mg in there and go for it...*sigh* friends and their advice...(I was terrified at the prospect for an even stronger and more unsettling "blip-blop" world)
So I set out to experiment.
I decided to try playing around with some lower doses, accurately measured.
I found that 15mg produced a euphoric state for me, still having colors and some vibration, but not as frantic.
I noticed something very interesting at this level. I was being beckoned to go further.
There wasn't any anxiety or hesitation in this state, compared to being completely sober.
So after an hour break, I measured out 2 doses. One was what I'm deeming a "warm-up" of 15mg. The next was a fuller dose at 40mg.
Same as before, I entered the euphoric state, and was beckoned to continue. I felt pleasant, warm, and was still in control of myself enough to venture forward. At the peak of this euphoric state, I loaded the next and let a rip.
The next hit was similar to the first time I did it...Except vastly more intense, I knew immediately the gravity of this hit. But this time I felt the vibration was more centered, more focused and I was a much more willing participant.
I am not sure how long I was holding my breath for, before I promptly melted into my bed, and then into nothing. I felt extreme warmth but my physical body was gone, and I was "floating" in a blank space. The hum was still there, but I made a distinct effort to ward off the impending voices. They calmed down and almost respectfully remained quiet. I was relieved.
At first I was confined to a small room. It felt empty / lonely. I felt that this wasn't actually a confinement, but a blank slate set out for me.
With this thought, I tried painting the room with my mind... and it worked...I painted flowing reds and oranges, which were warm like the sensation I was experiencing. I imagined impossible, indescribable shapes with equally impossible colors, and they appeared, folded, unfolded warped and gave way. I felt an unlocked potential of my conscious mind had opened up. I now wanted to try moving through this space to see what else was possible.
The interesting thing here, is that the imagery was not forced upon me, but rather, reacted to my own influence. It was also much "slower". I was not being bombarded, and things were not changing rapidly. It was slow, fluid, and elegant, as I began to move through "space".
It was like moving through walls, but the walls gave way. There were spaces of infinite vastness, and infinite closed-ness. A few spaces I was absorbed into and became a part of. I melded into the eloquent folding patterns, and dispersed outwards for what felt like forever. The warmth and bliss was immeasurable. I felt calm, and at peace.
Towards the "end" I managed to fold back to a "centeral space". I could "see" everything around me, not with telescopic vision as we have, but with a full 360 view in all directions, all at once, my mind was no longer being limited by my concept of eyes.
And this seemed pretty darn awesome to me...it was quite wonderful. There were waves and swirls of blue, turquoise, and all manner of "cooler" shades of varying opaqueness, translucence, and vibrancy in all "directions".
Unfortunately, this is when I began to rise slowly back into reality, out of this ocean of shapes and color. I could feel my bed form underneath me, my body take shape. The room around me shattered into many more brilliant colors, and then reformed into my room. I'm not sure whether my eyes were open or closed before this point.
This was about an hour ago. I feel totally refreshed, like a kid again. To get a real break from normality, and be provided an experience such as that, which I could actually guide...was fantastic.
Having come back, it also makes me appreciate our own reality that much more. I find myself thinking about all of the things we couldn't possibly imagine, like waterfalls, rainbows, stars, black holes, dark matter, molecular structure, atoms, quarks and matter that has yet to be discovered yet. This also includes all the variety of living organisms discovered here, and those yet to be discovered.
We are truly blessed to live with in an infinitely expansive existence in which to explore, discover and pursue our own forms of happiness. Our universe / existence is truly the biggest sandbox in which to play. These medicines are definitely here to help us grow as conscious entities, and help us in whatever way we need help.
In my case, it was boredom. I've done many things, and learned many things. But as the wonder from childhood fades and the constant day-to-day became the norm...I just needed a total break. And that's what I got.
I've also noticed a heightened sense of smell that's seemed to persist after the experience. I hope it stays like that...I value all of my sensory input. Walking around outside, I was blasted by the pungent aroma of the outdoors.
Anyway, whether this was a breakthrough or not is inconsequential to me. The experience was fantastic. I'm glad I came back to it. Starting with 15mg and then applying a "sizeable" amount really seemed to do the trick for me to really integrate with it.
I also don't seem to have any more ill feelings towards it anymore.
Still smells a bit funny though.