11:00 140 micro-grams ALD52
12:00 20 mg 4-ACO-DMT
2:00 Harmalas
2:30 42 mg DMT
Eleven AM I swallow 140 micro-grams of ALD-52; I begin to fold morning laundry and tidy as a meditation to pass time. I am consistently uncomfortable rising into the LSD/ALD head space, finding a perceivably undesirable pressure engulf my head and frantic yet uncertain muscular electricity. Previously the peculiarity of this feeling claimed the entirety of my attention, however it’s take 50 and I’ve learned to settle and move through the discomfort as an explorative exercise.
Dog is fed, chores are done, I am capable and I am ready. All the while I've been listening to Paul Selig’s Book of Truth, to remind myself who I AM. The fasted state of my flesh vehicle perpetuates the substance pulling me in totality only 45 minutes in. I have found my head space and footing, my being is existing as a continuous inhale. I drink 20 mg of 4-ACO-DMT that has been bathing in the juice of a lime. The acidity kills any undesired taste and does not cause flatulence that is often produced from food particles interacting with ACO.
Today I have 40 acres of Washington forest nestled at the base of Mt Rainier. I begin to make my way across the pasture towards the beckoning trees. What began as an eerily foggy day, has now lightened up to spitting rain and grey skies. As I walk the Astarius chant follows me:
“Hey Man Hey Woman
Hey God Hey Goddess
I AM absolute reality, oh is a blessing be
My being knows no limit
I am god goddess within
A rising of this moment with this energy I’ve been
Every space is here
Every time is now
Every one is me
For the awakening, hum-a na blessing now I be
Immortal hands
Immortal body
Immortal energy
Immortal being
I am God, and God will do all that it will ever do.”
I stop at the foot of the forest asking permission to enter, and within me the gate permits. Immediately I stop at the grandmother tree, whose hairy bark flakes every which way. The purple stripe running up her trunk beams with wisdom and knowledge.
“Grandmother, what can I learn from you?” I ask her, earnest to learn.
She reveals the tranquility in her stability, the residents of her branches, and the moss on her side. “Ground yourself, and become a home for others. Share your gifts and we can all flourish together.”
I thanked her for taking the carbon dioxide I could no longer use and transforming it into the life force once more. I wanted to hug her but it seemed I could easily lose myself in her womb, and I knew I must stay human just a little longer.
The wet mud cushioned every step as if the ground were ever so secretly trying to embrace me. I consciously took note of all the death and decay around me. The profound purpose of sacrifice became clear and once more I knew the beauty of transition.
The forest became all there ever was, as I was engulfed by its’ limbs. Recognizing the endless information and learning opportunities around me, I felt the desire to understand my surroundings on a molecular level. The elusive fungi, breathtaking lichen, and discrete sap dripping from the trees were nothing less than a sensual carnival. I could feel the presence of fairies and otherworldly creatures that exist there but were previously unperceivable. Here I remembered this human form isn’t the first or last of Creator’s creations.
I then began to think of how God is all things, how this illusion is presented for learning and communication. The corners of my mind began to purge questions of the devil to the surface. What is it? What is its purpose? If all creation is God, then the devil is God hiding in itself. It must get old being endlessly divine. My eyes rested on a tree and in that now it became engulfed in the flames of its own making. Within the licking reds were figures dancing and celebrating this transformative fire. There is no bad, there is no good.
A worried knock on my conscious began to hope my partner wasn’t searching for me. I recognized the thought and loosened its grip noticing how the perception that ‘I must hurry’ warped time and experience. I began to walk even slower, senses attending to each squish of the foot, knowing that there was only forest, and there is only now.
As I emerged from the forest, I returned upon the field. I saw that though the forest felt good, the field too felt equally fulfilling; and the purpose of the field was to allow me to differentiate the forest. At this moment the sun had curiously broken through the clouds transforming the once soupy day. It felt as though God himself was letting me know that I AM HERE, in the kingdom that always is; The world outside of our projected perception experience, the only true reality. Life filled my gait as time was lost beneath each footstep.
“Thank you sun, I see you shining down on me, lighting my path.” I remarked.
After the field was crossed the sun retired behind its’ blanket of fog in the same way God hides within its’ own veil. I approached the yurt that would house my ceremonial breakthrough. Feeling content with my current dose, but wildly curious to explore ‘furthur’, I pressed my third eye to the ground as I sublingualed my MAOI.
The moments leading up to mother’s milk were silent. I came to my breath noticing it was unusually shallow. I knew that in a few moments I could not exist this way so I attempted (unsuccessfully) to deepen each inhale.
It was time, 42 mg of spice danced into my lungs.
I laid back holding it in, wanting something, but instead receiving a very real punch to the face. My limbs flew above my head as I was ripped to pieces. What seemed unpleasant was immediately redefined as unknown. It is always important for my explorations to release all negative preconceptions to make space for curiosity. I was floored but somehow had a voice to ask “What can I learn from you?”
The shattered glass of indescribable grey scale felt once again like the binary structural aspect of all of creation. Our voice together said “LET GO” and when I learned I progressed.
The scene burst and bled into the cosmic joke of God. Together we were once again, and here I remembered that there is no good or bad, there only is. Anything we perceive as negative only exists that way because we have given it that power. As we played I began to crave the confounding energy that hyper slapped me initially, bellowing with laughter in the absurdity of the desire. What I once would have defined as fear ultimately became exuberant enthusiasm.
The sacred shapes of source (as always) was charged with sexuality, kaleidoscoping bare bodies in pleasure began to twist and thrive here. God you are too funny. Back with my source I could see clearly all things and determine the illusory evidence of consensus reality.
“I can be anything and I AM everything for my amusement.”
Only we forget in these human bodies what we really are, and when we remember, the game begins to change. When we remember we are the creator, we awaken to our unlimited potential.
Together Great Spirit and I laughed with joy and she began to cloak herself once more in the cool fabric of darkness and dreaming. As I returned to this dream, I found my purpose here is to facilitate these types of ceremonies. While in the realization I faced resistance, I immediately recognized it as past limitations that could no longer claim me. When I walk the path I am limitless. When I listen and learn I only face necessary resistance.
Thank you.