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Nope. No. I'm done. I never want to feel this way again. Options
 
fidus-archimedes
#1 Posted : 12/12/2018 6:38:19 PM

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For posterity. Kindly skip to bottom for description.

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind) Set: Nervous, rapid heartbeat
(physical condition) Set: In good health
Setting (location): Comfortable couch in living room, lights low, warm blanket
time of day: 6pm, dark outside
recent drug use: None
last meal: 5pm, ramen bowl

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 73kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: Novice

BIOASSAY

Substance(s): DMT freebase
Dose(s): 50mg
Method of administration: Vaporized via GVG


EFFECTS

Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: 1 hour
First effects: Immediate
Peak: T=0:02
Come down: T=0:30
Baseline: T=1:00

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1
Unpleasantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 4


AFTER-EFFECTS

Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 2, in the comedown, I had some interesting insights into personal motivation that I enjoyed.


REPORT


I'm still integrating from last night, but the most clear memory I have of my experience is thinking: "Nope. No. I'm done. I never want to feel this again."

Let me back up. I'm new to the spice. I've had psychedelic experiences, but not very many and nothing as intense as this, which was exactly the point of my curiosity. I'm not looking to party hard or trip balls. No disrespect intended to those who are interested in that; I certainly have been at other times.

My interest in the spice is that in my previous experiences, there is nothing I would ever describe as profound. Fun? Yes. Trippy? You bet. I remember grooving at Burning Man on 200µg of LSD and thinking, "Oh, THIS is why people listen to trance. I get it now."

Friends have described to me the time they communed with God or experienced in their core the true interconnected of all things. I want to experience this as well.

I first sampled my homemade spice a couple of weeks ago, starting with 10mg. It was a pleasant, short ride that immediately gave me confidence that my spice was clean. Ten minutes later, I put in 20mg to go a bit further (side-note: I'm weighing with a cheapo mg scale). That experience was pretty intense, not quite overwhelming, but uncomfortable. I called that enough for one day.

Last night, I loaded up 60mg. 20mg was a lung full, so I figured two full draws would get me to a 40mg dose with the extra 20mg in there to make sure I got two solid breaths.

The visuals were already intense as I tried to get down the second pull. I don't understand how people get down a third. Half-way through the second draw I was trying to align three torches with three pipes held by six hands. I should have had a sitter.

I set down my kit and laid back on the couch as a million tiny fingers wriggled their way into every fold of my brain. As you know, my memories beyond this point are not crisp.

I remember seeing trippy shit and thinking, "I want this to be impossibly beautiful. Instead it looks like a cartoon with too much detail." I expected too much; fair. Still, the cartoony nature of the visuals was making it difficult to take seriously as a profound transcendent event.

Distracting me from trying to enjoy the visuals was an overwhelming feeling that I struggle to describe. It was intensely uncomfortable, something like a crushing psychic pressure on my chest and mind. Some piece of me remembered that it's best to submit to negative experiences, and I tried my best to do that. I don't think I was successful.

It was at this point that I wanted to be done, but the spice was not done with me. I took refuge in the knowledge that it doesn't last very long. I felt anger.

Even then, I knew that anger didn't make much sense. There was nothing to be angry about and no one to be angry with. There the anger was anyway, insisting that I'd been cheated, or perhaps rejected. God isn't interested in talking to you. Everything in the universe is interconnected, except you.

I am suspicious that my ego is super-pissed that I tried to kill it, even for just a short time. Can you blame it?

As I said, I'm still integrating. I can't say yet whether I'll try again. I'm going to go back to meditation for now. Slower, less exciting, but maybe that's exactly what I need.

 

STS is a community for people interested in growing, preserving and researching botanical species, particularly those with remarkable therapeutic and/or psychoactive properties.
 
Jees
#2 Posted : 12/12/2018 8:07:46 PM

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Hello,

Quote:
...Friends have described to me the time they communed with God or experienced in their core the true interconnected of all things. I want to experience this as well...

Vape imho is an unguided missile, not the best tool for reaching goal X or Y.
Everything with maoi becomes more navigable, slowing down the paces.

I've also felt out of place too in vape-hyperspace, took a very long break.
But stuff with maoi has never given me such a decision to make, I've never felt afraid during aya or pharma. They were not all a feast, some painly hard, but no fear. Vape is different.
 
ShamensStamen
#3 Posted : 12/12/2018 8:16:22 PM
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Yeah if you wanna try DMT again and actually get something out of it, go for oral DMT imo, oral DMT with Harmalas/Rue/Caapi or Moclobemide. You can also add 3 to 4 grams of dried Lemon Balm leaf tea to it to smooth out the intense come up if desirable, reducing intensity and anxiety/panic, still quite a powerful experience but much smoother come up.

Vaped DMT is not the kind of experience you wanna go for if you're looking to have these deep and meaningful experiences where you learn a lot, vaped DMT is too quick and chaotic for that. Adding some Harmalas to the vaped DMT experience, like in Changa or taking the Harmalas orally and then like an hour or two later vaping the DMT can be a good way to go too, but oral DMT is definitely where it's at imo/ime.
 
pete666
#4 Posted : 12/12/2018 9:54:20 PM

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My two cents ... dmt is not an ecstasy, it is a powerful psychedelic and if used correctly, sacred entheogen. As such, it is not giving us what we want, but what we need. Euphoria or positiveness is not what we should search for. Yes, it may be there, but it doesn't have to. And likely it won't. But even the worst experience can turn into the best one if understood properly. Imporant is to learn seeing the reasons. Someone calls it an integration, others conversation. Just keep asking what and why happened and be open to receive/see/accept the answer. The answer can but doesn't have to be what you want to hear. Enter when you feel you should. Do not enter when you feel you shouldn't.
Acceptance of the fact that our reality is not real doesn't in fact mean it is not real. It just leads to better understanding what real means.
 
DmnStr8
#5 Posted : 12/12/2018 11:38:42 PM

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Puts in all right in your face doesn't it.

As Ian Anderson wrote "I may make you feel but I can't make you think." DMT can certainly bring all those feelings we wish to avoid right into our forefront. We wonder, What is this? This not from me. I have no reason to be angry, or sad, or insert emotion here. Turn away from these terrible emotions. Place them back into the ether from which they came. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to feel cheated, rejected, discarded, ignored, angry or other wise out of my comfort zone.

I know I have had a heavy experiences when I begin to utter those words 'I am never doing that again!'. Man oh man how many times I have said that. Yet... I return over and over. Where does it get you after years of doing this? It shows you how to live if you pay attention! You show you how to live I should say. DMT can pull perfectly on strings of emotions. It is up to us, the experiencer, to think about it. DMT will attach itself to an emotion you react to and run with it. Creating all sorts of scenarios and more emotion which weighs heavily on the hue of the experience. It can be all to easy to say never again. I get that for sure!

Go into these experiences with intent and respect. Ask for love. Ask for answers. Ask for anything you wish. Just intend something. Otherwise all the feelings that pop up don't make much sense. If you are working with the teacher you will learn and you will think and not just feel.

I am willing to bet if you take a break for awhile you may very well have a pull to try it again someday. Dial back your dosage a bit. 60 mg is very strong. Try around 25-30mg and don't worry about how many hits it takes you. If you feel like closing your eyes and reality is fading after one hit, cool, sounds like you effectively ingested DMT. Please consider the addition of a MAOI. I prefer changa all the way down the line.

Good luck my friend!!
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
ducdevil
#6 Posted : 12/13/2018 5:08:47 AM

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DmnStr8 wrote:
Puts in all right in your face doesn't it.

As Ian Anderson wrote "I may make you feel but I can't make you think." DMT can certainly bring all those feelings we wish to avoid right into our forefront. We wonder, What is this? This not from me. I have no reason to be angry, or sad, or insert emotion here. Turn away from these terrible emotions. Place them back into the ether from which they came. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to feel cheated, rejected, discarded, ignored, angry or other wise out of my comfort zone.

I know I have had a heavy experiences when I begin to utter those words 'I am never doing that again!'. Man oh man how many times I have said that. Yet... I return over and over. Where does it get you after years of doing this? It shows you how to live if you pay attention! You show you how to live I should say. DMT can pull perfectly on strings of emotions. It is up to us, the experiencer, to think about it. DMT will attach itself to an emotion you react to and run with it. Creating all sorts of scenarios and more emotion which weighs heavily on the hue of the experience. It can be all to easy to say never again. I get that for sure!

Go into these experiences with intent and respect. Ask for love. Ask for answers. Ask for anything you wish. Just intend something. Otherwise all the feelings that pop up don't make much sense. If you are working with the teacher you will learn and you will think and not just feel.

I am willing to bet if you take a break for awhile you may very well have a pull to try it again someday. Dial back your dosage a bit. 60 mg is very strong. Try around 25-30mg and don't worry about how many hits it takes you. If you feel like closing your eyes and reality is fading after one hit, cool, sounds like you effectively ingested DMT. Please consider the addition of a MAOI. I prefer changa all the way down the line.

Good luck my friend!!


yes. all that above. perfectly stated. i didn't really need to say this except i echo it enthusiastically.

but i did want to add i LOVED the Thick as a Brick reference Thumbs up ....showing our age, aren't we? Big grin
 
PsyDuckmonkey
#7 Posted : 12/13/2018 12:43:43 PM

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fidus-archimedes wrote:
I remember seeing trippy shit and thinking, "I want this to be impossibly beautiful. Instead it looks like a cartoon with too much detail." I expected too much; fair. Still, the cartoony nature of the visuals was making it difficult to take seriously as a profound transcendent event.

Hm I think this says a LOT. You were expecting God the Father, and instead got Bozo the Clown.

Psychedelics are pretty good at getting us down a few pegs if we need it, but they are equally capable of lifting one up. Bozo the Clown may turn out to be God the Father, if you don't laugh and scoff at him. I don't know what a "profound transcendent event" should look like in your book, but you seem to have a very detailed and rather focused set of expectations. That's the absolute, absolute worst way to go into a psychedelic journey.

I know, I tried it. Sad

fidus-archimedes wrote:
Friends have described to me the time they communed with God or experienced in their core the true interconnected of all things. I want to experience this as well.

Some DMT trips feel like that. Others feel like being plant fertilizer in the garden of the mad emperor Azatoth, with his insane pipers mixing you in water and spraying you on the vegetation.

As I said, the less expectations, the better.
Do you believe in the THIRD SUMMER OF LOVE?
 
Exitwound
#8 Posted : 12/13/2018 1:01:59 PM

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PsyDuckmonkey wrote:
fidus-archimedes wrote:
I remember seeing trippy shit and thinking, "I want this to be impossibly beautiful. Instead it looks like a cartoon with too much detail." I expected too much; fair. Still, the cartoony nature of the visuals was making it difficult to take seriously as a profound transcendent event.

Hm I think this says a LOT. You were expecting God the Father, and instead got Bozo the Clown.

Psychedelics are pretty good at getting us down a few pegs if we need it, but they are equally capable of lifting one up. Bozo the Clown may turn out to be God the Father, if you don't laugh and scoff at him. I don't know what a "profound transcendent event" should look like in your book, but you seem to have a very detailed and rather focused set of expectations. That's the absolute, absolute worst way to go into a psychedelic journey.

I know, I tried it. Sad


Golden words! Thanks for making me realize I had exactly the same thoughts Smile

I was intrigued from the start by repeated reports with aztec and maya and egypt themes and gods in them, spinning buddhas etc.
Then I have actual trips and see what? Everything and Nothing! All these words "egyptian" and "mayan" it is all in your head. I think there are no words adequate to describe what you see, because in mental world there is no verbal communication. Symbols and visions are words.
 
Jees
#9 Posted : 12/13/2018 1:33:38 PM

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I love you people Love Big grin

Expectation: sort of condition. If not achieved then a failed feeling resides.

Intention: sets out your rudder initially but not really caring much to end somewhere else.

 
PsyDuckmonkey
#10 Posted : 12/13/2018 3:14:00 PM

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bundles wrote:
when you said spice I started thinking K2 po-pouri, that shits only good for copsSmile changa is the worse if it aint white, garbage it goesThumbs up

Bundles both your two posts on this forum so far have been incredibly low effort, low quality wordbarfs. Please familiarize yourself with the community, with the slang (spice generally means DMT in any form), and please try to gather some wisdom before vomiting more inane and pointless one-liners.

This kind of behavior will only get you disliked and ignored here. This is not reddit or 4chan.
Do you believe in the THIRD SUMMER OF LOVE?
 
DreadedShaman
#11 Posted : 12/13/2018 3:49:40 PM

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I resonate with your experience, I've gone in deep on many substances, but maybe besides in the transition between sobriety and intoxication on LSD, nothing has made me more uncomfortable and confused me more than DMT.

The largest reoccurrence for me are the thoughts that I actually have no idea what I'm doing and actually poisoning myself. I'd be lying if I said the thought of never touching it again had never crossed my mind amidst a blastoff.

On a side note, I often too get very "cartoony" visuals, I've never minded this though, I've often associated it with "good" actually existing within and myself being quite goofy and "cartoonish" or clowny when I want to be. Which is as often as I can.

Quote:
Bundles both your two posts on this forum so far have been incredibly low effort, low quality wordbarfs. Please familiarize yourself with the community, with the slang (spice generally means DMT in any form), and please try to gather some wisdom before vomiting more inane and pointless one-liners.

This kind of behavior will only get you disliked and ignored here. This is not reddit or 4chan


Also, this made me lol
 
fidus-archimedes
#12 Posted : 12/13/2018 6:35:42 PM

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I really appreciate everyone's input here. I certainly didn't feel like I was going in with expectations, but upon reflection, and your input, I think it's pretty clear that I had some.

I'm not ready to decide whether I'll ride this train again, but I hear you guys that perhaps the vape rocketship is not the best medium for me. I have enough spice that I should be able to figure out how to make some pharmahuasca and changa, then roll down my dose.

Looking back, I kind of remember having a similar reaction to my first time getting stoned. I'm a very cerebral (too cerebral at times) person. Having my ability to think clearly inhibited is very uncomfortable for me. Over time, and with the help of some very sensual ladies, I came to tolerate and then enjoy marijuana. I still enjoy it occasionally, especially when I want to tune out the analytics and tune in to the intuitive.

Good stuff. Thank you.
 
DreadedShaman
#13 Posted : 12/13/2018 6:40:34 PM

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Hahaha. Sensual women always (usually?) Help with most drug experiences imo.

Maybe not so much DMT...

But pot, acid, molly.. sensual women are always a good thing.
 
pete666
#14 Posted : 12/13/2018 7:23:17 PM

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Regarding ROA, you may consider rectal ROA. By far the best ROA imho for dmt. Perfect duration, zero nausea
Acceptance of the fact that our reality is not real doesn't in fact mean it is not real. It just leads to better understanding what real means.
 
DreadedShaman
#15 Posted : 12/13/2018 7:37:24 PM

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pete666 wrote:
Regarding ROA, you may consider rectal ROA. By far the best ROA imho for dmt. Perfect duration, zero nausea



I've always considered the boof... Not rly with DMT... But it skips first pass with that roa right?

I just think sticking something up my butt would mentally ruin a trip for me xD
 
pete666
#16 Posted : 12/13/2018 7:59:08 PM

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It is perfect for dmt. My oral dose is more than 200mg and lasts too long compared to rectal ROA. My rectal dose is about 60-70mg, lasts 2 hours - one hour hyperspace + one hour of effects after first reality contact.

Wiki - the rectal route bypasses around two thirds of the first-pass metabolism as the rectum's venous drainage is two thirds systemic (middle and inferior rectal vein) and one third hepatic portal system (superior rectal vein). This means the drug will reach the circulatory system with significantly less alteration and in greater concentrations.

Yes, I suggest pure product for this ROA. Own extration is the best way.

Those are happy who can go this way, believe me. It is just mental block, once ok with our body, there is no negative influence within the experience. It is pure experience without any body awareness.
Acceptance of the fact that our reality is not real doesn't in fact mean it is not real. It just leads to better understanding what real means.
 
DreadedShaman
#17 Posted : 12/13/2018 8:04:54 PM

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Oh I know it's a mental block, haha a block that I'm not opposed to overcoming, but one I'm not too keen to jump up and overcome either.

Honestly I need to try oral DMT first xD.

And then maybe boof something other than DMT xD.

And probably make it a project with my fiance.......... Hmm. .
 
Asher7
#18 Posted : 12/13/2018 8:45:38 PM

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Are you sure you want her to see you in that position?Shocked

Legend tells of a great warrior of peace whose special power is boofing and the texts recorded that for him it was hella profound. I’ve yet to try it because I think deep down in those subliminal thoughts I associate it with being deathly ill because as a kid I would get real sick for no reason and that was they only way they could get medicine in me. The people who do it seem really positive about it though almost like there’s some really nice factor about it that I’m overlooking.
 
DreadedShaman
#19 Posted : 12/13/2018 8:52:28 PM

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Mmmm... Its a mental block with drugs. She can see me in whatever position she wants haha
 
pete666
#20 Posted : 12/13/2018 9:08:10 PM

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DreadedShaman wrote:

Honestly I need to try oral DMT first xD.


Expect much higher probability of tighter bond to the body, especially stomach.
Acceptance of the fact that our reality is not real doesn't in fact mean it is not real. It just leads to better understanding what real means.
 
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