I apologize in advance because I feel like this is going to be difficult to follow. I'm still a little out of it and trying to gather my thoughts as best as I can.

A little backstory... My father's been in the hospital for about a month in the ICU on life support. Yesterday we made the decision to take him off life support and make him comfortable. Nobody could tell us exactly what was going to happen when he went off or how long it would take for him to pass which hasn't actually happened yet as of this post. All month I've been struggling with wanting to know where he was cognitively, if he was still there, or if he was half somewhere else. we were all hoping that once he was taken off intubation and off of sedatives that he would become a little more coherent and responsive but unfortunately that was not the case. This may seem to some to be a terrible time to do psychedelics but I just kept thinking that may be I could get myself to where he was and that I would come out of it feeling more comfortable with his situation if that makes sense. I knew going into it that it was either going to go really really bad or really well and I was fully prepared for either thing to happen. I found myself alone in the house this morning and feeling really confused and decided this was as good a time as any.

I pre dosed .7g mushrooms about an hour and a half before I smoked and was just feeling the slightest effect of it. I loaded up 60mg on to a concentrate par that I've been using for months so likely there was already a decent dose on there to begin with. I decided I was going all in on this one and I used my arizer extreme q which works like an electronic hookah and I found is really great for this purpose. I waited for my medicines to heat up and vaporize and I started drawing hits off the whip and didn't stop until I was completely gone and I guess it just fell out of my mouth. I've never been that aggressive with this before and for some reason I was less afraid or maybe that's not right, maybe I was feeling way more brave then usual... Anyway I was wearing a black out eye mask because it's the middle of the day here and it's bright in my room and I remember feeling the normal come up and seeing colors and fractals and feeling really good and feeling really positive but this kind of darkness started to wash over everything and I was suddenly very aware that I was wearing a mask over my eyes and I guess it reminded me of my dad in the hospital with all of the apparatus on his head and face and I I felt like I had jumped into his body and I could feel my family all around him in the hospital room and hear them talking but I couldn't see them and I immediately felt that I was in his body or his head or something. I didn't feel fear or sadness or anything negative I just felt love from all of these people in the room who wanted me to stick around but I didn't feel any fear or sadness about leaving them at all I just felt warm and love. At some point I started to fall like I was in a laying position and falling very slowly through beautiful I guess I would have to call it some kind of a tunnel but there's really no good way to describe it but it was amazing beings and colors and Aztec symbols and animals and everything that encompasses a world and energy and everything that there is it was all around me and I was falling down through it and it kept getting more intense and more intense and more intense and I just kept feeling all these positive emotions and love and the more intensive got the more love became the main emotion that took over all the other emotions until the love got so strong along with everything else around me that it started to break apart and the walls if you could call them that of this tunnel started to peel off in little pieces and there was just bright white light behind them and the further I fell the more pieces peeled off and the whiter and brighter everything got until I was left with nothing but bright white light and a feeling that I can't describe but was overwhelmingly positive and loving but beyond love. There are no words to fully explain it... At that point I guess it was wearing off and I start to become aware of my body and I pulled the mask off and started to come back to reality and I just felt better then I had felt all month and I came out of it knowing for sure 100% that my father was ok and that he was loved and that he felt loved and that he was on his way to an incredible journey and his next phase of existance whatever that is. As I'm writing this I'm in tears which is amazing because I haven't been able to cry through this entire horrible thing all month.

This is so odd for me because this is such a deeply personal experience and something I will never forget but it's not something that anyone im close to will ever understand and I just needed to document it or share it or whatever. I can't express enough how grateful I am for this experience and this medicine. I truly believe that it knew what I needed and it gave it to me in the most loving and nurturing way possible. For all of you skeptics I know I sound a little crazy or dramatic or whatever but I've been a skeptic my entire life and I've dismissed a lot of so-called nonsense but I'm telling you that whether or not this was just some drug-induced hallucination or if it was truly a glimpse of the other side it doesn't really matter because it made all the difference in the world for me and what I'm going through right now.

Thanks for writing and sharing this

A beautiful write up. <3

tattvamasi said the important part - thank you.

You verbalized very well some things I never could, but these things I do feel, also.

To you, and to your loved ones, I wish the best.

Really sorry to hear about your father. I can definitely relate. Many can and Im glad you seek comfort in the medicine as well as this great forum.

You brought tears to my eyes with your report. Very powerful and I wish you the best of luck in your tough journey ahead. Please take care of your family as they will need your strength, just as you will need theirs.

Is the mushroom acting as a lubricant of sorts for your DMT journey? Ive not mixed the two, but have felt that in some of my mushroom trips where I've meditated that I have been so connected and actually on another plane where fear and anxiety didnt exist... that at this time, a DMT journey would be ideal. Certainly 5-MEO in which I am too timid to try at this time.

I've had trouble breaking through in the past and I find that a low dose of mushrooms definitely helps to put me in the space I want to be in. They also help put me in a really good mood and I find that I have a lot less pre trip anxiety and for some reason I cough less but that could be coincidental.

Just Wow...powerful stuff. Had to sign up today just to say how much I enjoyed reading your post.