Hi 💚
I’d like to share a trip from this summer in hope of having your opinions for future trips.
I cannot help but thinking of one question that arise from the experience, which is if I should or shouldn't trust an entity. While I am aware there is 'no answer' to this (or maybe?), I guess I'd be happy to know what others think. And maybe the question is a bit more complex/other than "trusting an entity", it is maybe about surrender. Or intuition ? Well,
For background, my very first DMT trip was crazy and life-changing. I had an OBE and it had left me in pure bliss afterwards. I will come back to it at the end.
The trip I want to talk about is my second experience with DMT, 8 months after the first trip.
I smoked twice that night. Changa. Here is the 1st experience:
As I closed my eyes I instantly found myself in a bluish interior, with bricked/checkered walls. Very quickly I noticed an entity in it, or maybe more. Though it felt like they were already very...inside of me, I was watching them coming closer and closer, moving towards me as if they were crawling/sliding. Quite indescribable. I got so scared of them. It felt like they were malicious, just as their way of moving.
I started regretting ever taking this trip and just wanted to get out. I noticed I was breathing heavily and the worst is that I even believed I had pissed on myself. I tried focusing on my breath to calm down and also stopped caring about what my friend would think of me pissing on his canape. (Which I haven’t). I don’t remember much from the end. Neither from the whole trip, beside my fear. I have the vague memory that at some point I calmed down and before coming back, started seeing other things, places maybe.
After me having one of the scariest moments of my life (while it was really quite nothing and I know oh so many things can happen over there), I decided to go back right away. I just couldn’t leave with this negative experience. I asked my friend if we could go outside to the terrace (which I asked before the first experience too but he had denied because he was worrying about his neighbors). I couldn’t imagine doing it inside the room again, it had not a pleasant vibe and I thought being ‘in nature’ would help.
So here we are, outside, sitting next to a bush. I am still quite traumatized by what had just happened and also never seen the trees on DMT before, so I decide to keep my eyes open. (Which I hadn’t done before either during the peak).
I start seeing entities 'in' the bush. It was as if a portal/window opened before my eyes, as if their dimension had just became visible, overlapping ours. I felt like I was in two places at once. Conscious of being here on Earth with my friend and at the same time, being 'there' with them. The illusion of time broke again, we were (in) eternity. But..., at first I got afraid of them too. Not in the same way though, it was rather just shock of their alienness and maybe mistrust induced by the previous experience in the bluish room. They looked very different from the entities that had tried to crawl in me. I felt like these just wanted to show me what they do. And what they were doing seemed like dancing, I felt like I was watching them having this cosmic party and they were emanating so much love. So much love it made me laugh in the purest joy. My friend later said I had emitted orgasm like sounds and seemed very happy. I wish I had interacted with them better than I did but I didn’t feel comfortable doing it in front of my friend. Don’t really know what else could I did though, dance with them ?: ) We were just sharing pure love, becoming it. Then came the moment when the portal closed.
Where I want to get to with this is that in the second experience I think I might have fully accepted the entities and instead of fear, I answered with love. I am wondering if during the scary experience I should have tried to do the same. Or shouldn’t had I, because those other kind of entities were up to no good with me ? Were they really malicious or was it just me... Is this when people speak about ‘letting go’ and breakthrough ? Letting go of fear and ... i don’t know. I just felt like they could harm me ?! Or were they just mischievous ? I keep wondering if I should have 'given myself over to them'...
During my first trip, I went to a dark-but-filled place where I had first encountered an entity that seemed...not so friendly. I had asked then for 'kind' entities to come and help me. That’s when other types of entities came in to the dark and made me follow them to the left, until we got to a yellowy folding room which felt like another dimension. (Another from the dark one, and from ours too, of course, but btw very similair to the bluish one). I really could feel a difference in the...vibe of those entities. Or at least it’s the impression I have. After that trip I had also asked myself if I should have stayed with that red and spiral like first entity in the dark... if it wasn’t just me believing it was ‘malicious’.
Also when I think of that existence of good and evil depends on the observer, is it me who made them be as they were by my own thoughts and emotions ? Could have I changed those entities into love ?