CHATPRIVACYDONATELOGINREGISTER
DMT-Nexus
FAQWIKIHEALTH & SAFETYARTATTITUDEACTIVE TOPICS
Overcame the Darkness, Still A Bit Shaken Options
 
unknownvalley
#1 Posted : 9/14/2018 7:44:33 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 5
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Nov-2018
Several evenings ago I had my first experience. It was unfathomably intense, with subjectively positive & negative aspects. The context undoubtedly contributed to the negative ones. Please acknowledge that in hindsight I am fully aware of my overly casual recklessness. If I had known I was dealing with the “most powerful psychedelic on earth” I would have done differently.

Firstly- though I’d long heard about and planned to eventually try DMT- my knowledge was limited to brief anecdotes of “blasting-off” & seeing “crazy visuals” for “about 15 minutes”. Thus my respect & caution were not adequate to help prepare me for the intensity of the experience. Secondly- I’d had probably five strong beers that evening, and had been on a moderate bender with friends for several nights prior, so I was generally exhausted and in a compromised headspace. Thirdly- the setting was quite unideal. I was in the kitchen/living room of two friend’s plain suburban home, with them and two more friends. I’ve known them all for from 15 to nearly 30 years, and love each of them, but in hindsight, a single, more grounded trip sitter would have been desirable. These are not guys with particularly calming presence, and being drunk they weren’t too conscientious of what I was going through. So, yes, the entire context was far from ideal.

My prior psychedelic experience could be called intermediate. I’ve done moderate & light doses of psylocibin & LSD probably a dozen times each, have had one beautiful cactus experience, and one bad but interesting MDA trip. So that night when my buddy pulled out a DMT vaporizer he’d been gifted, but claimed he couldn’t get substantial hits out of, I figured I’d give it a few tugs. I was overly cavalier, puffing it until it was really burning hot, and sucking down 2-3 deep hits.

I stood up and threw my can of beer to the floor. I entered an amorphous, overwhelming time-warp of sorts. According to my friends my eyes rolled back and I stuck my arms out like a baby first walking. One helped lower me into a chair. Eventually I regained some awareness and opened my eyes. The room around me had become an electrified, purple cage. My friends were shrouded in the same purple, and I looked around at them as their movements quickly ramped from extreme slow motion up to what I perceived as normal speed. I became nearly terrified by them, seeing them as the conductors of some sinister experiment that I was the subject of. And it felt I always had been, but was only now aware of the charade. Like they were servants of some behind-the-scenes force who knew secrets I’d never been in on, and were discussing me. I was flabbergasted by this apparent realization and had a horrifying sense that I had not only been in some simulation prior, but that I was it’s focal point. I sat in terror for some time, despairing over the implications, until I felt myself regain some physical faculty. With this came new confidence, and I stood up, the simple act of which made me feel invincible in the face of my torturers. I looked around at them, now unafraid, and trotted out of the front door. One friend trailed behind to escort me down the stairs but I deftly flew down them and away. At this point a purple grid lay low in the sky above me, wrapping around trees and giving the appearance of some digitized world. I ran around a nearby grassy field feeling like some kind of superhero, until I found myself kneeling. The grid started to dissipate and I thought “I’m ready to return to the comfort of my friends’ company”. Entering the house, the visuals had mostly subsided. I walked up to one of my buddy’s sitting in a chair, and without any thought leaned over, grabbed him by the face, and gave him a big kiss on the lips. I’m typically pretty heterosexual. I sat down feeling exhausted and rather traumatized by the whole thing, and found comfort in the music playing, especially when my friend turned on one of my own recordings. It was an affirmation that I was really back to the reality I had just departed from so jarringly. I spent the rest of the evening strolling around the night with one friend until I eventually went and slept.

For much of the next day I saw everything with a new sort of wonder, and enjoyed a beautiful lunch with some friends and their amazing little daughter. I remained mostly very present, and what reflection I did was on the exhilaration of the trip. By that evening, though, I came to feel rather disconnected from the physical world, and it seemed very eerie. I wrestled with the so seemingly “real” hostility I’d experienced during the first half of the trip, and my logical mind’s reminders that I was hallucinating. Over the last two days, the sense of eeriness and residual recollections of the terror I felt have lessened but still arise here and there. Plus my senses all seem heightened and I've had moments of abstract paranoia. I did have a beautiful dream the first night following, of an unearthly landscape I never would’ve conceived prior.

Anyway, the only thing I’d experienced that was similar to this was years back, during the aforementioned MDA trip, where I took way too much and ended up in a concert medical tent. In that case, the EMTs tending to me had huge twisted “alien” heads, and seemed to be operating on my totally helpless self. I felt myself die and watched as I rode a pillar of fire into space where I floated, filled with deep sadness.

Would love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things... particularly the morphing of those around you into hostile entities, the feeling of overcoming said hostility. Also any thoughts about why one might be prone to experiencing that sort of subject-of-the-experiment, operating table dynamic. A friend of mine proposed it might be a result of me attempting to cling to my sense of self in the face of a completely altered sense of reality. Makes some sense. I also know that I grew up being a little more self-conscious than I'd like, though I've moved beyond that in for most intents and purposes. But part of me wonders if these sort of hallucinations are from a buried, sub-conscious tendency to define myself through other humans. Plus I carry some vague senses of shame and... differentness.

Any thoughts are deeply appreciated. It will likely be a long while before I try it again, but with the right circumstances and setting I would love to experience the feeling of connectivity and peace so many speak about.

 

with a seemingly autonomous entity after taking DMT?
 
Chasemandingo
#2 Posted : 9/14/2018 4:01:47 PM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 7
Joined: 13-Sep-2018
Last visit: 17-Sep-2018
Location: Losnj
Seems to be a common theme that when we enter the scape we feel that that was always our real reality and the life we just left was but a dream. I had the same experience on salvia. I merged with the machine that ran the universe and I had always been there. When I came to for a split second before getting sucked back into space I saw my friend and became sad. I knew that all my friends and family were an illusion and my real life was being a part of the machine. Very interesting!
 
tatt
#3 Posted : 9/14/2018 4:04:28 PM

DMT-Nexus member

ModeratorSenior Member

Posts: 4102
Joined: 17-Jan-2009
Last visit: 19-Nov-2018
Enjoyed the report, thanks for writing, you have a good writing style.


unknownvalley wrote:
Would love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things... particularly the morphing of those around you into hostile entities, the feeling of overcoming said hostility. Also any thoughts about why one might be prone to experiencing that sort of subject-of-the-experiment, operating table dynamic.


I think much of your question/s revolving around this could be answered in one of your very first statements:

Quote:
Several evenings ago I had my first experience. It was unfathomably intense, with subjectively positive & negative aspects. The context undoubtedly contributed to the negative ones. Please acknowledge that in hindsight I am fully aware of my overly casual recklessness. If I had known I was dealing with the “most powerful psychedelic on earth” I would have done differently.


This is important. Having this in order can save you quite a bit of confusion and panic if your reaction to the experience starts going south. Glad to hear that you'll pay more attention to this next time.

Reacting by getting up, moving around, walking - that can definitely cause panic and terror, especially if your reaction before that point was being terrified - it can just compound. Having a space set up, a seat, a recliner, something, important important.

Also, you'r immediate reactions - internal and external can mean alot as to how it'll unfold and draw you in ime.

unknownvalley wrote:
The room around me had become an electrified, purple cage. My friends were shrouded in the same purple, and I looked around at them as their movements quickly ramped from extreme slow motion up to what I perceived as normal speed. I became nearly terrified by them, seeing them as the conductors of some sinister experiment that I was the subject of.


Was their any other colors aside from purple? Greens, blues, reds, oranges, or predominantly purple? Was the space fairly vivid if you closed your eyes? During how much of the experience did you close your eyes, if at all? Can you describe it more through memory, or is it fairly tough to do? If not it's no big deal.

Was it beautiful at all to you?

When people have experiences like this, get shaken up, if it's intense, always makes me curious to know more details. I always find these the most interesting.

Having the eyes closed is important. Not so tethered to things around you, you're able to slip into that space/place more easily ime.

unknownvalley wrote:
And it felt I always had been, but was only now aware of the charade. Like they were servants of some behind-the-scenes force who knew secrets I’d never been in on


This can be pretty common. Liberating some some, confusing for others, some are in the middle. It can be an unnerving feeling/realization for sure.


unknownvalley wrote:
I was flabbergasted by this apparent realization and had a horrifying sense that I had not only been in some simulation prior, but that I was it’s focal point


Flabbergasted is good. Helps keep you honest about yourself and about the experience.


The rest of what you'd wrote post-experience, that all sounds good, made for a beautiful day with your friends it seemed like?

Then you wrote:

unknownvalley wrote:
By that evening, though, I came to feel rather disconnected from the physical world, and it seemed very eerie. I wrestled with the so seemingly “real” hostility I’d experienced during the first half of the trip, and my logical mind’s reminders that I was hallucinating. Over the last two days, the sense of eeriness and residual recollections of the terror I felt have lessened but still arise here and there. Plus my senses all seem heightened and I've had moments of abstract paranoia. I did have a beautiful dream the first night following, of an unearthly landscape I never would’ve conceived prior.


And how do you feel right now?

Go spend time with those good friends, get outside, do things. This can help alot with bringing you back in focus and just general mental contents.

Really though - next time prepare for it. At least you'll have a bit of an idea as to how to approach it next time.

The experience can smash everything - your reality, you, it can all be dissolved down into something far beyond what you could ever put into words. Just the tip of the iceberg too.

Having a healthy respect of the power and depth of it - if you journey enough ..sooner or later you get there.

Nice report and welcome.





 
Achilles
#4 Posted : 9/17/2018 11:02:32 PM

DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 79
Joined: 21-May-2017
Last visit: 23-Sep-2018
Ive had that feeling before. Its like everyone in the room somehow knows everything about you and what your thinking. Its weird and terrifying.
League of Fractals
 
unknownvalley
#5 Posted : 11/7/2018 7:42:45 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 5
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Nov-2018
Chasemandingo wrote:
Seems to be a common theme that when we enter the scape we feel that that was always our real reality and the life we just left was but a dream. Very interesting!


I find this aspect of it at once comforting and disturbing, in that on one hand, it felt as if an explanation (albeit a rather unfathomable one) was provided for my latent existential quandary. Years of "Is this all there is ? With no explanation or greater context revealed ?" being provided a resounding retort of "No, it's a sort of 'game' you're being run through, and there are further levels of the soul's experience. It's not limited to the relative superficiality you've known thus far".
On the other hand, all I'd been shown prior is all I had known. And to be made to feel that life on this plane (a variety of I've developed a loving affinity for) is somehow false, or at least limited enough that transcendence to a seemingly more real, almost enlightened dimension is possible... that was relatively "earth-shattering". It's true incorporation requires some detachment from what one has come to know.

 
unknownvalley
#6 Posted : 11/7/2018 8:10:10 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 5
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Nov-2018
tatt wrote:

This is important. Having this in order can save you quite a bit of confusion and panic if your reaction to the experience starts going south. Glad to hear that you'll pay more attention to this next time.


Indeed, indeed. A lesson well-learned.

tatt wrote:
Was their any other colors aside from purple? Greens, blues, reds, oranges, or predominantly purple? Was the space fairly vivid if you closed your eyes? During how much of the experience did you close your eyes, if at all? Can you describe it more through memory, or is it fairly tough to do? If not it's no big deal.

Was it beautiful at all to you?

When people have experiences like this, get shaken up, if it's intense, always makes me curious to know more details. I always find these the most interesting.


It was all purple, initially more pink shades then deeper violet ones. What are your thoughts on that ? In my perusing others' stories this seems uncommon.

If I recall correctly, I only closed my eyes for the initial jump, which could have been 30 seconds or 2 minutes. Probably closer to the former. The feeling could best be described as tunneling through a black hole at hyper speed. Felt as if my brain were being flooded with every neurotransmitter and bit of energy within me. The space was not there to be recalled as long as my eyes were shut, which I was resisting in hopes of returning to the familiar via the physical space. Little did I know what awaited me.

Aesthetically, none of it struck me as beautiful. Intimidatingly impressive at best, but mostly inorganic and limited. The most beautiful thing was the sense of relief that I felt in the latter half of the experience- that there was more to my soul's existence than I'd believed prior.

tatt wrote:
This can be pretty common. Liberating some some, confusing for others, some are in the middle. It can be an unnerving feeling/realization for sure.


Yes, like I described in my post above, I was in the middle. Deeply unnerved, yet deeply comforted.

tatt wrote:
And how do you feel right now?


It's been 6 weeks or more but I returned to my usual moods & brain state within a couple days of my original post. The experience has certainly created many questions, and, in moments when I recall it vividly, leaves me with a feeling of somehow being "in limbo". It's cultivated both a healthy apathy and a renewed love for this dimension.

Thanks for your response, Tatt. Any more thoughts are welcome & appreciated.
 
unknownvalley
#7 Posted : 11/7/2018 8:16:55 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 5
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Nov-2018
Achilles wrote:
Ive had that feeling before. Its like everyone in the room somehow knows everything about you and what your thinking. Its weird and terrifying.


Care to elaborate ? I'd be curious. After contemplation & some casual research I think this dynamic is a result of unideal outer context, plus the inner-workings of one's personality, and might accompany a predisposition to any sort of neuroses, shame, paranoia, etc...
 
unknownvalley
#8 Posted : 11/7/2018 8:18:07 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 5
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Nov-2018
*accidental post
 
yellowyroom
#9 Posted : 11/8/2018 10:50:56 AM
DMT-Nexus member

New member

Posts: 2
Joined: 08-Nov-2018
Last visit: 14-Nov-2018
unknownvalley wrote:
It was all purple, initially more pink shades then deeper violet ones. What are your thoughts on that ? In my perusing others' stories this seems uncommon.


I see a green and purple (pinkish-purple that dominates over the green) ... grid, every single time on acid and this is only since I have taken DMT. I've seen it once in a meditative state too with open eyes. It seems like energy ebbing and flowing around the room or in the air, connecting everything. It's on my skin too, on others... On lower doses I can most easily see it around trees Love Although I haven't seen such thing yet on DMT, but I link this to it closely, maybe third eye related...

 
 
Users browsing this forum
Guest

DMT-Nexus theme created by The Traveler
This page was generated in 0.057 seconds.