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Interested in DMT and depression Options
 
YUBBYWALRUS
#1 Posted : 10/12/2018 9:21:14 AM
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Hello DMT Nexus,
I was aware of this site for some time, but I only recently decided to sign up because I am becoming interested in trying DMT. Apologies for the length of my post. I feel there is a lot of background for me.

I am in my early 20's. Perhaps the most pertinent thing you should now about me is that I've been suffering from severe depression since my early teens. I am not exactly sure what the root cause of this depression is, but I do know some things contribute to it. I am diagnosed with aspergers/autism, which has made it difficult for me to socially adjust to peer groups. I am also a very sensitive and thoughtful person who tends to get stuck in negative thought loops. I experience a great deal of anxiety about myself, my loved ones, and the general state of the world.

The depression has had a very negative effect on my life. Even when I'm feeling "better", I will often feel unable to leave my room or do anything productive. I am in university currently, and am going to take probably two extra years to graduate due to either missing semesters due to depression or having to take reduced course loads. When I am depressed, it feels like there is nothing that can make me feel any enjoyment, and it emotional pain is greatly magnified. The worst thing though, is a lack of hope that I will ever get better. At times I have felt that I am doomed to this existence for the rest of my life, and that it would be better to end my life now.

I have tried many "conventional" treatments for my depression. These include talk therapy with at least 6 therapists, group therapy, exercise, improved diet, at least 5 depression medications and other things. When I am feeling a little bit better these things can help slightly, but when I am deeply depressed, they don't help at all. I was even hospitalized for suicidal ideation, but this didn't bring about any long-term benefit.

The only thing that has seriously helped my depression has been large (350µg+) doses of LSD or 1P-LSD. I have to take the LSD in a relaxed and beautiful environment. I have found my parents' house (when they're not around) to be the best environment, as their house in in the country, surrounded by rolling hills and forests. I generally take the LSD very early in the morning, before the sun has risen. As I'm coming up, I like to watch Japanese anime cartoons. Then at the peak I listen to music, generally classical music, and this is the most healing experience for me. It's like the beauty of the music violently cleanses the depression from my mind. I have been reduced to sobbing hysterically at how beautiful it sounds, after having been unable to experience any beauty for so long with my depression. After listening to music I feel cleansed.

LSD has brought be back from the brink of suicide several times, but it is not a permanent solution. If my life still sucks, that will slowly take its toll and I will have full blown depression again in a few months. Thankfully, after my most recent experience several months ago I managed to make some significant improvements to my life. Most notably, I began my first romantic relationship. I don't think I'm currently depressed, but I'm still definitely not satisfied with my life.

I am interested in DMT because I want to acquaint myself with more psychedelics to see if any are useful. I'm not exactly sure how it might benefit me. All I've read are experience reports, which although interesting, can't tell me how DMT will affect me with my unique situation. One thing in particular that interests me about DMT is its short length. It can be very difficult to fit an LSD trip into my life, and I wonder if DMT could act like sort of a "compressed" version of what I get with LSD. I am also aware that DMT can safely provide a significantly stronger experience than LSD, and I am curious about what I might learn.

I hope that participating in this forum can help me learn enough about DMT to try it safely. Also if there is anyone who has a similar background with depression to me, I would love to hear their experience.
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
YUBBYWALRUS
#2 Posted : 10/14/2018 8:33:28 AM
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Someone PM'ed me but I can't PM back! Is it permitted to carry on a conversation outside DMT nexus? If so, the person who contacted me can PM me some contact info.
 
Jees
#3 Posted : 10/14/2018 1:47:35 PM

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^^ not me Pleased

I imagine that for you integration of experience is a key factor. This stands outside of having an experience. If you have a hard time integrating then we could question the challenge to integrate something powerful.

For example I've known a Mexican shaman (he died btw) who refused to have people in the group with too much of an "instability". Yet he was keen on working with them on a 1 on 1 personal base, guidance of a potential becomes important sometimes. And if guidance presents itself, one has to seriously question the quality of it, there's a lot of deceiving exploit out there. But that remark goes for the regular circuit as well.
There's guidance during, but also the period after the session, days, weeks, maybe more?
Some people have good internal guidance that can take a hit and a slam now and then, others not so much. Better to know yourself a bit.

For me personally it were the longer sessions, oral ROA, that were most beneficial, yet they also take many hours, one has to build the day around it a bit. Then I considered the vaped sessions (later on) as extensions of those. I'm not in your shoes though, nothing to compare!

I'm not really suggesting anything here, just giving some remarks on the fringe and hope it's anything useful.
I hope you get well Love
 
drn
#4 Posted : 10/15/2018 12:15:52 AM
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I'm also new to DMT (1 year or so), so take my words with caution. But from my standpoint, yes, it definitely helps with depression and anxiety. When I took my first hit, I felt it entering my lungs and in a sequence from the top to the bottom, tensions, that I was never aware of, released in an instance. Plop! Plop! Plop! I never was this much relaxed before. The more trips I did the more I established a relaxed state in my daily life. But I don't think that a one time consumption would help longterm though, if you have the tendency to be negative and return to your daily routine, you'll be depressed again. But DMT taught me very early, that I'm the one who is chosing, if I'm chosing negativity so be it, if I am chosing positivity so will it be. I think the teaching and the induced jumpstart is invaluable. Thumbs up

Furthermore, chemically DMT is serotonin similar, the level of serotonin in your system measures and mirrors in some way your mood. If you feel strong, your serotonin levels will be higher than if you feel weak and useless.
 
Kable
#5 Posted : 10/15/2018 5:57:02 AM
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I would suggest reading the book "The Depression Cure" it really goes into causes and practical solutions for depression that good psychological researchers know about but unfortunately most clinicians do not. Diet (omega- fatty acids being most important) and exercise are part of it. The other steps they'll go into are sleep, staying social, early morning light, and NOT RUMINATING. Ruminating is the negative thought loops you are going into. It's hard to stop but with awareness and practice it's absolutely doable. Of course it's hard to make yourself do these things when you're depressed, but you need to, to not be depressed. Or get real regimented about it before the depression returns, then hopefully it won't.

Better research on antidepressant drugs is finding what you found. That they hardly work at all. Maybe they don't work at all and the hardly part is just publishers bias and poor placebo control.

While I think the longer acting psychedelics will help like Jees said, you kinda have that covered with LSD. No research on vaped DMT for depression but it feels to me like it should help, and help a lot if you do it in conjunction with all The Depression Cure stuff. I think it would be a boost that Dr. Ilardy probably didn't know about. The neat thing about DMT is it's so fast, so you can do it more often, perhaps even sub-breakthrough dosages of 5-10 mg, to just let you know life is awesome.

I think depression is something you can absolutely cure, but it's something you'll always have to be vigilant about. On the bright side, all The Depression Cure stuff is exactly inline with what makes most everyone happy and healthy so none of it is a waste of time.
 
Rainner
#6 Posted : 10/15/2018 11:31:46 AM

Stay completely Open and Fluid if you wan't to evolve.... Nothing is static

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Welcome to DMT-Nexus YUBBYWALRUS!

I am also new here but been around for a bit lurking as many have. There seems to be allot of wonderful spirits here that are open and love to share what they know

Anyway, reading your post it came to mind an article I read in Psychology Today almost 2 years ago about magic mushrooms and depression. I found it so you can view it here.

I also have several friends that swear they work wonderful for there depression and literally have no more depression from utilizing this wonderful organic material.

Since I am new I cannot PM either but I have a video I would like to share with you that is on Gaia TV. I can share several a month free to non-members. So if you let me know your email, I can send it to you. I don't think I'm breaking any rule here, so you can email me at nf4me@protonmail.com and I can send you the link if you like. It is 'extremely informative' and valuable for self healing.

I did find a 4 min trailer on it, and that can be viewed here if anyone else is interested.

I hope you find what your looking for here Smile

With Universal Love and Light

-Rainner
As we awaken we understand we are the creators of our own reality... Everything happens for a reason.
 
freerangefaerie
#7 Posted : 10/16/2018 8:46:04 PM

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I can only really speak from personal experiences, so there's that disclaimer.


I have more experience with psilocybin when it comes to depression treatments. Microdosing to low-dosing does wonders for my general mood if I'm starting to really feel the weight of depression starting to drag too hard. It's subtle, and hard to say how it changes my headspace. It's like it helps me "re-frame" how I'm feeling. Like... angst becomes motivation, fear becomes determination.

If I got something heavy to work through, a sort of ritualized and purposed trip on higher doses can often bring me to a place where I can handle facing parts of myself that my ego prevented me from doing sober. It's crazy how even an outloud verbal confession to myself can relieve weight from my mind.

Now on to your inquiry - DMT and depression.

I've only started dabbling in vaporized DMT this year. I only had DMT experience via ayahuasca previously. I find that DMT seems to have this weird "regulatory" effect on my mind, especially in the "after-glow". Whether I vaporize to just a fuzzy, visual space - or full entity contact - I find the tail-end effects leave my brain feeling more balanced. Like, it doesn't magically cure the depression or anything- it just seems to leave my brain feeling "centered".

Of course, integration is key. One entity I contacted did wonders in the way it messaged a sort of confidence and self-realization to me. Blew me away. It took me days to integrate aspects of it. Even weeks later, it was still echoing on my consciousness.
 
Kable
#8 Posted : 10/16/2018 10:38:20 PM
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freerangefaerie wrote:
I find that DMT seems to have this weird "regulatory" effect on my mind, especially in the "after-glow". Whether I vaporize to just a fuzzy, visual space - or full entity contact - I find the tail-end effects leave my brain feeling more balanced. Like, it doesn't magically cure the depression or anything- it just seems to leave my brain feeling "centered".

It's interesting you say that about the feeling coming in the afterglow. When I got my Yocan, 25 mg usually broke me through, but it was so easy to use, I thought why not test every dose. So did 5, 10, 15, and 20 mg. I thought 5 mg was going to be a throw away but it was really interesting. It was so mild it felt like pure afterglow, with zero anxiety going in. And it was mild enough that you weren't exactly sure when it faded away. I don't have depression but I research it, and it felt like it would be pretty helpful because it would be so easy to just do it on an as needed basis, without the worries of a full breakthrough, nor needing time to integrate.

For what it's worth I feel like integration is overrated. Or a better way of saying it is I never felt like a subsequent trip in any way impeded my integration of a prior one.
 
BaronVonVapesAlot
#9 Posted : 10/17/2018 12:42:27 AM

So many aspects of veganism go hand in hand with the good vibrations we seem to be trying to cultivate and explore with spice. A powerful, positive change, bringing with it good vibrations, compassion, and a cleaner soul.

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Hi YUBBYWALRUS,

I have also been suffering from various forms of depression (un-diagnosed. The idea of actually talking to someone about all of this used to scare the crap out of me) for many years. Most recently, everything seemed flat, and I found myself almost entirely devoid of emotion; positive or negative, with the remaining emotions leaning hard towards negative. I unknowingly developed an almost unbreakable cynical core, and lost so much inner-child. Over the years I have also come close to suicide.

I posted a similar question to Reddit (before I found the nexus) and the overwhelming answer was to go ahead, which surprised me.

I have since experienced 2 breakthroughs; one I can barely remember, and the other was quite literally another world filled with jesters and cogs. While I'm sure there was a message to be gleaned, I missed it that time.

The most life-changing effect I've received from DMT has actually been via low-dose. My brother and I 'trip-sat' for one another, and during my experience I became very aware of a female presence, running throughout every part of the world, spreading warmth, love, and colour. It made me cry - which was the first time I cried in years. I lay there with a smile on my face, and tears running down it and my brother looked so happy for me (he has always been aware of my problems), and I suddenly felt more normal than I have done in such a long time.

After what felt like 5 minutes, I asked my brother how long I'd been high for, and he told me I was at minute 25. At this, my tears came again, as I realised I wasn't under the influence of the molecule any more, and that this wonder and life was back in me, and that I'd carry it with me for a lot longer, if not forever.

Over the past week, every day has been a growing experience. I feel less broken than I did the day before, stronger in my pursuit of living, and less frightened of becoming numb again. There is life and beauty everywhere, in you and me, the lamp next to your bed, the plasterboard of your walls. Everything has this energy and life that I couldn't really see before, or refused to at least. There are now feelings and flavours to cultivate, and I'm doing just that.

I hope you do try DMT. As many have said on this forum, you'll experience what you need to. It may or may not take time to decipher, but I truly believe the answer is there.

Peace to you.

https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o (edited speech by philosopher Alan Watts, around 3 minutes long) - this now means more to me than I think it could have before. Perhaps it will to you too.
https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o The Dream of Life - Alan Watts
 
 
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