Hello everyone! Brand new here. Super excited to be part of this community. I've been writing about my psychedelic experiences for personal use and would like to share with everyone a summary of my first 2 DMT sessions.
This is such a wonderful repository of human knowledge and experience, so thanks everyone so much for sharing your adventures! I look forward to getting to know some other curious humans.
SESSION 124 June 2018 - 1030pm
Gender: Male
Body Weight 180lbs
Known sensitivities: None
Substance: DMT (orange, resinous crystals)
Dose: 28mg
Administration: GVG, torch lighter
Prior psychedelic experience: Psylocibin, LSD, Ayahuasca, Salvia Divinorum, Cannabis.
My first experience smoking DMT. After about a month of reading on DMT-NEXUS, listening to McKenna and reading a book called TRIP by Tao Lin, I purchased a Glass Vapor Genie, torch lighter and precision jewelry scale for weighing the dose. The DMT itself is orange, crystalline, slightly resinous like sap.
Have been trying to find a good night to journey for a little while. One where I could be quiet and alone. After a day off from work spent surfing and writing I felt excited and ready: like this was the right time.
I eat dinner and clean up my little house. I prepare a space in my meditation room on the rug in front of my altar. Sage my sister sent me from New Mexico, salt lamp, votive candles. It’s warm in Southern California so I strip down to shorts and a ceremonial headband I used in ceremonies with my Native friends. I put on a recording of didgeridoo because it reminds of sitting around campfires in the desert and because it helped block out the sound of my dearly beloved roommate Tami talking with her Match.Com boyfriend on the patio outside.
My room is dark but for the two small candles and dim salt lamp. I sage myself, the DMT and the GVG. I use the scale to weight out 28mg. This feels like a decent dose. I am comfortable with it.
I load the GVG with the DMT onto a stack of 6 screens. I replace the ceramic vaporizer bowl. I set the pipe on my altar and sit quietly meditating for about 10 minutes. I feel happy, excited, nervous and open to whatever the journey brings. I set an intention for my heart to be open and to see the best way I can share my gifts with the world.
I take the pipe in my hand and use the torch lighter to vaporize the DMT. I play with the angle and distance of the flame from the bowl until I feel a good blend of heat and vapor entering my lungs. I aim for a long, steady breath in order to clear the dose in one hit.
The pipe fills with vapor; my lungs fill with vapor. I release the lighter and clear the chamber. I pull until I can’t hold anymore and then I sit with the smoke in my lungs for about 10 seconds. I exhale a thick cloud and immediately go to light another hit, but there doesn’t seem to be anything left to smoke. But by this time it doesn’t matter anyway.
I set the pipe back on the altar. Almost immediately, the mosaic vase holding the deer bones, the Borges books, the candles and American flag on the wall begin to morph into the most beautiful geometric colors I have ever seen. It is like staring into Google Deep Dream with 16-dimensions. I keep my eyes open and the colors become a glittering sphere or tunnel or room or outer space. I am moving into another landscape, another realm. Obviously, these recollections are only approximations of what is utterly impossible to codify with Oxford dictionary English; the actual experience is beyond our language.
I shut my eyes and remain seated on the rug. I feel electric currents coursing through my body, crackling, zapping, shocking me into new states of awareness. I remember thinking very clearly, “this is shocking me awake.”
I travel through interstellar geometry into what seems to be a serious of dazzling rooms and hallways, totally unmoored from any terrestrial plane. It feels, in a way, like a spaceship or intergalactic classroom. There is light. Great beautiful beaming lights all around me. I am floating through these lights into these dazzling rooms. This is a place that seems to be made of language. Pure glossolalia in alien tongues that I can perceive and feel but do not have the mouth to pronounce. The very fabric of time and matter in this place is made of language. I can see it streaming past me a billion miles an hour like Matrix code, almost like my brain has split and is spilling all its knowledge over the floor.
I have a clear sensation that there are other beings there with me, large, curious entities. These beings want to examine me. Not in a medical way, but in a spiritual, essentially emotional way: they want to see the chemistry of my soul. I get the impression that these rooms are a sort of ante-chamber to whatever comes next. They are easing me into their dimension, scanning me, waiting to see what I will do or where I want to go.
I don’t feel threatened at all, but I feel my humanity dissolving. I feel my body dissolving. Part of me wants to hold onto the idea of “myself,” but I can feel it slipping away, away, away. It is an unreal, alien feeling. Definitely a bit like death, but not scary.
I ask the beings, “What do you want to show me? Is there something you want me to see?”
Very clearly I hear, “Stop trying to think.”
And I know that the only thing holding me back is my own mind.
You can’t control this, you can’t fight it, you have to let go.
The beings reassure me, tell me that it’s ok. I believe them. I know I won’t be harmed here, but I can still feel the conflict in my heart and mind, hovering in these inter-dimensional chambers, not wanting to leave my body on earth.
In the moments when I do feel myself let go, I feel a total emotional catharsis in my body. I realize I’m gasping, sobbing, waves of energy very much like the ocean are rolling through me. In fact, at one moment I feel like I am swallowing the ocean, or hurling the ocean out of my body all at once. I feel my body melting, dissolving away.
I open my eyes and see my hands planted on the floor. I see rings of energy radiating from my fingertips into the floor and when I breathe I can wobble the world around me, kinda like when Neo flexes at the end of THE MATRIX and reality bends around him.
Something tells me, “Now look and see how magic you are. See you powerful you are.”
I can literally see the waves of light and energy flowing through me into my bedroom, connecting me with all the fields in the space.
I see the portraits of Borges on his books on the altar, one when he was a young man, and one when he was old. I can feel his spirit behind the images, I can feel these ghosts in the room with me.
After the most intense part of the journey seems to have subsided, I roll over and lie on my back and shut my eyes again and continue feeling and understanding. I know that this journey is a prelude for what will come. That the entities I felt wanted to ease me into the experience and examine my equilibrium. There are realms beyond this one, they seemed to say. We want you to feel comfortable and safe here before we take you further. I could also sense that language held the key to understanding. That The evolution of consciousness is the evolution of language. That we are such powerful creators we can speak worlds into being.
I felt such awe and gratitude. I felt the DMT was gentle with me, teaching me, encouraging me to surrender, and with that surrender would come the next steps.
But there’s no rush, it seemed to say. Keep going and be gentle with yourself. There’s nothing here to fear. What you seek isn’t unreal, it’s already within you.
I lay on the carpet listening to the didgeridoo music for a while longer. I recalled at certain times it did come into the journey, but never seemed to distract, vibrating along with me like a sonic backbone. I enjoyed it, but I think I would also very much like to try silence.
After about 10-15 minutes I felt mostly “normal.” I looked at myself in the mirror and felt great love for my body. I sat in my leather chair and drank a lemon Le Croix and listened to Tami talk on the phone, maybe now it was her sister.
I smiled. I felt very warm and content. I slept well for about 8 hours without any dreams to speak of, except that someone threw a psychic chestnut at my head to wake me up this morning. Swear to God. I had the distinct feeling of someone lobbing a chestnut at my brain and saying, “Up, up!”
So I woke up.
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SESSION 2 7 August 2018
DMT
Gender: Male
Body Weight 180lbs
Known sensitivities: None
Substance: DMT (orange, resinous crystals)
Dose: 28mg x 2 doses
Administration: GVG, 6 screens, torch lighter
Second session with DMT. Had returned from NYC earlier in the morning. Was fairly tired but knew I wanted to have another session so around 9pm I set up my space in the bedroom and got the pipe ready. Same dose as the first time - 28mg. No music. I like to wear my necklace and headband and little else. Dark except for salt lamp and candles, sage smoke.
I was fairly nervous this time. Maybe even more so than the first time. Not scared. Just nervous for the total rush. The transportation. I had to sit and breath for a few minutes. Then I lit the pipe and took the dose in one hit. Fairly easy this time to swallow all the vapor. No really trouble. Made a point of holding it in longer until my body started buzzing and the strange crackling water sound hit (it’s almost not even a sound, but an awareness of sound or sensation of sound), then I exhaled the vapor and watched the DMT tunnel expand out of the altar. I held up my hands:
goodbye, Dinah.
I shut my eyes and the elven machine world returned quickly in full glory. The most incredible candy Wonka self-building, organic future machines, tunnels, loops and arches. The colors have feelings and faces and are made of words which is the spirit of mystery in this place. I feel lights on me, scanning me, heating me. The rush of color and emotion is extremely intense and I can tell my body is falling forward, folding over in half as I sit on the rug. My mouth is open, drool falling into my hands. I am powerless.
I’m not sure why (I think from awe) but I let go and am broken open and sob deeply. Not from sadness or fear but in recognition of the power I face and am merging with. Impossible hardly begins to describe the trans-dimensional mind meld. This is a place you cannot imagine because imagining does not hardly give you the feeling of the place and emotion is as much a part of architecture of this dimension as is sight or sound. It is literally a hyperspace built of feeling and when you cross into it the boundaries and barricades you have built crumble like spiderwebs. You broken open with awe.
The majesty of such a place is terrifying and incredible. I am aware of crying, of moaning, of my body shaking. I feel like I’m letting go of something big. Then I’m back in my room, eyes-open hypnotized, watching the emergence of hyper-time structures and language that changes its meaning in mid-comprehension. You are able to identify parts of meaning but this language has at least 4-dimensions and while you are comprehending it is spinning and revealing itself to be like Janus, the tongue of a many-faced God looking both forward and backward in time at once.
Gradually I transition back into my body and lie back to let the waves of energy dissipate. After about 20 minutes or so I feel clear enough to proceed with the second dose.
I didn’t necessarily think I would smoke two doses this session, but something seemed to tell me, “Now you’ve broken loose from the apprehension, keep going.” So I listened.
I load the same dose again, 28mg, and resumed my position on the rug before the altar. This time something told me to put on the didgeridoo recording I’d played during my first session, so again, I listened. I feel that a big part of this is about trusting your experience and intuition and learning to feel that and understand it as valid.
I set my intention again, asking to see, “The path which has heart,” to quote the intro to Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan. I also ask to see, “where the light goes.” It seemed simple enough at the time, but I am about to get more than I bargained for. I should have recalled the time I asked Huasca, “Show me what you are.” Humility followed.
With the music playing now, I light the pipe and inhale the full dose, holding it, waiting, then…yes…drifting…opening….16-dimensions rushing in and the gateway has the sound of steady tone droning on and on. The music. I think the spirits like it.
I return at once to the glittering emporium of language and time. Intergalactic chambers of machinery and mechanism that seem to support the architecture of the cosmos. Maybe the place where stars are built or time is dismantled and sent scattering to a billion suns.
I travel forward (are their directions here?) and approach a glowing energy figure - a type of Godhead or source energy - the outline of a human being resplendent in every way, lit with the fire of absolution, divinity, Alpha & Omega. This figure reaches out to me. As I gaze upon it the light washes over me and I feel my being split open as if with lightning, my brain shattered and psyche spilt over the sky. I see my memories, my humanity, my sadness, love, joy, regret, shame, dreams - all blasted past me at the speed of light. I try to snatch my humanity, but it isn’t real, it flashes and vanishes. I distinctly feel myself coming undone. The light is taking me to pieces.
And now, along with Logan, duality is also obliterated. Within the essence of this light there is no good and there is no evil. There is not hate, nor even love. We are moving beyond all of that until only the infinite presence of I AM remains, which is God, which is the light, which is that is beyond the universe and encompasses the universe, that which is implacable and infinite and beyond all human comprehension. I am able to experience this I AM for mere moments perhaps and it is utter catastrophe and utter orgasm all at once. There is no KNOWING here, not even any FEELING - it is pure BEING. Pure EXPERIENCE.
I feel my molecules coming apart. I feel myself going into the light and I have brief terror that from this place you do not return. You go over the edge and you do not come back.
Beyond all quantification, beyond all measurement. There is that place which must exist as the source, the heart of the light. It has no qualities but that it is. Persists. Exists. Always. Of which I am a part. These are things I began to comprehend and feel as I sat mouth agape on my floor staring into space for 30 minutes.
It’s one thing to be able to imagine the concept of, I AM THAT I AM, or that duality doesn’t really exist, that there is only one irrevocable essence from which all creation springs. You can read it and imagine it and even believe it. I feel, however, that I was able to EXPERIENCE these truths. Maybe for a few minutes? Seconds? Who knows how long. The duration of time means nothing in the face of the immensity of the experience.
I don’t think this does anything to diminish the importance of life on earth or this human experience, rather it validates the continued exploration, the beauty of trying to live with an open heart, because having seen beyond the veil, you see there is nothing to fear: the infinite and the divine are accessible to mankind during our brief visit to this planet.
Can you go further than this and still return? I don’t know. I try not to think of it terms of “further,” only being open to what I need to see during that experience. Sobbing and laughing is just as valid as feeling the presence of God. It’s all part of the same spinning wheel. The truth exists in all of it, the meanest and grandest things.
/// The Gospel is fine but it is not a book ///