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Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation: Options
 
BirdmanDMT
#1 Posted : 5/13/2018 4:57:46 PM

"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"


Posts: 81
Joined: 03-Mar-2018
Last visit: 23-Jun-2018
Location: Cold Spring, KY
Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation:

PRE-CONDITIONS
Mindset: Concerned
(physical condition) Set: Healthy
Setting (location): Home
time of day: 10:00 PM EST
recent drug use: None other than DMT 1 week earlier
last meal: Chicken wrap (self made) 7:00 PM EST

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 81.65kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: (Private)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Caapi leaf, DMT
Dose(s): 3 pipes of Caapi (mgs unknown), 85mgs DMT
Method of administration: Freebase GVG (Glass Vapor Genie)

EFFECTS
Administration time: 9:30 for Caapi, 10:00 for DMT
Duration: 2.0 hrs
First effects: Five seconds
Peak: T=10:00 PM -11:30 PM EST
Come down: T=11:30 PM -12:00 PM EST
Baseline: T=12:30 PM EST

Intensity (overall): 4+
Evaluation / notes: Not sure what this is?

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4+
Unplesantness: 4+
Visual Intensity: 4+

REPORT

PRE-CONDITIONS
Mindset: Concerned
(physical condition) Set: Healthy
Setting (location): Home
time of day: 10:00 PM EST
recent drug use: None other than DMT 1 week earlier
last meal: Chicken wrap (self made) 7:00 PM EST

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 81.65kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: (Private)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Caapi leaf, DMT
Dose(s): 3 pipes of Caapi (mgs unknown), 80mgs DMT
Method of administration: Freebase GVG

EFFECTS
Administration time: 9:30 for Caapi, 10:00 for DMT
Duration: 2.0 hrs
First effects: Five seconds
Peak: T=10:00 PM -11:30 PM EST
Come down: T=11:30 PM -12:00 PM EST
Baseline: T=12:30 PM EST

Intensity (overall): 1,000,000,000
Evaluation / notes: Not sure what this is?

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 1,000,000,000
Unplesantness: 1,000,000,000
Visual Intensity: 1,000,000,000
REPORT


Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation
(PREFACE):

This will be a rather long DMT experience report and I apologize in advance. You always have the option to stop and read more later should you choose, so I've decided to err on the side of extensive detail in this regard.

I am treating everything I'm reporting about DMT as more of a science experiment as I have no real interest in psychotropic drugs anymore. The only reason I have revisited this arena is based on the many diverse (and conflicting) reports of "near death-like" experiences DMT users often claim to have experienced. This report is my personal contribution to the DMT Nexus as to what happens to a person on hi-dose FB DMT (with smoked MAOI) and I want to document this as clearly and accurately as possible.

Much of what is written in these first few sections is not directly related to my DMT experiment(s) but by reading these sections first, you will walk away understanding the reasoning as to why I deemed these DMT experiments as necessary. You will also be assured of a certain "level of sincerity" in my honest reporting of what I have experienced.

You can skip to the money shot should you choose, but you will be missing out on valuable information as to why I've attempted any of this at all. If you are interested in a truly unbiased, personal study of the effects of DMT, then I encourage you to read this entire report as scripted. I have broken up this review into different parts so that you have the option to read whatever section you choose (see "Review Menu" ). This also saves you from searching through the infamous "wall of text" trying to find the specific information you seek:

REVIEW MENU:

( 1 ) MY BACKGROUND (This post)
( 2 ) HOW DOES DMT FIGURE IN?
( 3 ) FIRST DMT EXPERIMENT 04/03/18:
( 4 ) SUBSEQUENT DMT EXPERIMENTS
( 5 ) ACHIEVING BREAKTHROUGH 4/30/18:
( 6 ) THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER
( 7 ) RETURN TO REALITY
( 8 ) WARNING TO EVERYONE
( 9 ) CONCLUSIONS:
(10 ) FINAL THOUGHTS


( 1 ) MY BACKGROUND:

For those who don't already know me, I am an artist (mural-size oil paintings) and a writer (logical/analytical processes). My art is a combination of abstract expressionism, cubism and surrealism (Painting Photo Link). If Dali and Picasso had a baby, that'd be me! As an artist, I have a natural ability to bring back and communicate visual information from my experiences that is more difficult for other non-artists to do.

My current literary work is based on a step-by-step logical process I have developed for ascertaining truth (and making good decisions) when only limited information is available. I have been painting since 1986 as a result of a life changing LSD experience and my book is the result of another life changing event that happened in May of 2008. My book and my paintings are byproducts of various psychogenic experiments, "confusing" life events, my personal quest to understand the reason for why you and I exist ...and why we are tasked with figuring out what life is all about in the first place.

About My Book: The logical process I use in my book is similar to René Descartes' process of Methodic Doubt, but I've configured it to be more like a "self-help book." Descartes' rather unforgiving use of logic involves so much "doubt" going on that a painfully infinite regression of doubting emerges. It leaves one doubting the one who's doing the doubting, and then doubting the person that doubts the doubter (See "Evil Demon"). This process is of no use to someone who has made costly mistakes in life and just wants to make better decisions going forward. As long as you're not a nihilist, then my logic-based, decision making process can aid you in this regard.

The scope of my process has the reader starting at what is tantamount to "Zero" (or "ground zero" ) and working their way up from there. You are required to remove everything that can lead you in the wrong direction (bias, prejudice, favoritism, emotion etc. ) which then allows the truth to reveal itself without you unknowingly running interference along the way. You are like a "newborn baby" in this regard. Whenever you are faced with a situation where a decision must be made while not have all of the facts and data, then obviously there is a chance you will make the wrong decision. By following my simple step-by-step process you will gain the best possible odds for making the right decision.

My process doesn't guarantee you will discover the truth or even make the right decisions in life, but it will greatly help by eliminating common errors of logic that can cause you to make the wrong decisions... or be deceived by what is not the truth.

Since I am the one who designed this process, then obviously I have to test it out on myself to see if it works. In virtually all situations where information was limited and yet a decision was required, my process provided dramatically better results than found in my past experiences. However, once I applied my process to my own "spiritual beliefs" things became rather difficult. In order to assess validity (truth) within my beliefs, then I am required to remove all prior spiritual beliefs to which I've held all of my life and re-evaluate them at the zero point. This can be very difficult task for anyone who has fostered extensive spiritual beliefs most of their life.

For me, I have been a Christian most of my life, but my beliefs came into question back in 2008. At that time I began questioning various things in my life that made no sense or were contradictory in their nature (which included the Bible and many elements of the Christian faith). The paradigm shift in my spirituality back in 2008 helped me to cast aside my personal spiritual beliefs and see if the existence (or non-existence) of God can be evaluated using my process. This is where DMT figures in.


( 2 ) HOW DOES DMT FIGURE IN?


You've probably heard many proclaim, "Truth is relative" or "There is no way to really discover the truth" to which I claim neither statement is accurate. In EVERY SITUATION someone experiences in life, the truth is always present. It may be hidden, extremely complex or difficult to uncover, but the "Truth" regarding whatever it is in question is always present and just waiting to be discovered. Truth is not "relative" nor is it ambiguous or malleable. Truth is just the factual revelations of what we do not know at the time. How our universe came to be, why you and I exist, whether a Creator exists or everything came to be by natural events remains currently unknown, but the truth is available to us regardless. We just don't know what that truth is, where to look for it... or even how to look for it.

One of my process's requirements is that if an information resource is available which can aid you in discovering the truth, then you are REQUIRED / OBLIGATED to access it. Since information is limited in most of life's major decisions, then logic states you must always access any information that IS available. Example: You find yourself facing a non-compete contract at work and you're deciding whether or not to sign it. The truth is that an Attorney has valuable information that you simply do not have in this regard. You may "think" that everything is fine, you know what you're doing and that you don't have to drop $500 on a lawyer, but the consequences of the money you saved on not consulting a lawyer might result in your getting fired and not being able work in your field of expertise for the next two to five years. Was your $500 savings worth your $250,000 loss of ongoing employment revenue?

Spirituality: The most extreme application of my logical process involves re-evaluating my own spiritual beliefs from a completely neutral standpoint (i.e., "ZERO" - meaning, "No personal bias, prejudice or favoritism, etc." ). Along with re-exploring my own existence by way of science, nature, logic and mathematics I have also learned through research that DMT has the potential to shed some light in this regard. From the many reports, studies and user testimonials I have reviewed, an argument can be made that DMT holds valuable information in potentially discovering who we are, why we are here and exposing the realm of our existence. Since DMT does indeed hold this "potential" then (as stated before) I am required to explore it.

Below represents my accounts of my experiments with N,N-Dimetiltriptamin and how it relates to my quest for truth:


( 3 ) FIRST DMT EXPERIMENT 04/03/18:


When I first joined the DMT Nexus, I offered my first three questions about the effects of DMT (out of a series of nine) as this is how my logical process works. Since I had never used DMT before I had the opportunity to form these questions based on the research I had done prior to joining the forum. In addition, I could remain 100% neutral during each of my queries. Proceeding in this manner also provided me the greatest possible advantage for discovering the truth about this potentially mind-altering drug prior to using it myself. Unfortunately these questions were met with extreme resistance from several forum members who did not understand why I was doing this. I was unfortunately forced to simply give up and move on.

After achieving very limited success regarding my questions I decided that it was time to just go ahead and dive on in. I wish I would have had the opportunity to offer more questions prior to my experimentation, but the forum environment (and the nature of internet anonymity) was not conducive to my desire. Not only were these questions deemed important based on how my process works, but they would have also established if my pre-processing evaluation efforts were effective to the point where I can ask relevant questions regarding something I was yet to even experience. ...Whatever the case, my experiment proceeded onward.

CHOSEN ROA: I opted for a rather expensive vaporizing device known as a GVG (Glass Vapor Genie) and a 40mg dose of FB DMT. No sense in wasting my time or using inferior equipment, so I went all out. Even so, I still did not discover what I was looking for.

The delicate nature of DMT crystals, my inexperience with vaping and the configuration of my GVG produced a rather "tame" DMT experience. Much of my DMT was destroyed via my poor vaping process, but many of the powerful effects of DMT were made very clear to me. One of the very first visuals I noticed was a strange Aztecan-type puzzle piece pattern that formed seconds after vaping. This "puzzle structure" seems to always appear prior to any other visuals in subsequent vaping attempts. I have tried to recreate this puzzle in the image below. I attribute the development of this "puzzle pattern" to my subconscious "inward desire" to organize and apply structure to the things I encounter in order in order to make better sense of them:



What immediately followed was what felt to be a tidal wave of visual and mental information occurring at such a rapid pace that it was nearly impossible to focus on any specific object, image or shape. The majority of these strange images consisted of cleanly-structured geometric shapes and symbols reminiscent of what one might see if millions of playing cards flashed by your eyes in a brief, but steady stream. I also noticed an absolutely pure flat-white background to which all of these symbols and shapes seemed to be moving across - which I found very interesting. Applying Occam's Razor to what I had just experienced, I most likely psychologically created this phenomenon based on my many years as an artist and graphic designer. In my art, I always begin with a blank white surface and start adding color and shapes as I go.



Although my first attempts at DMT proved to be rather fruitless at uncovering the truth, I could still tell there was much more to this substance than meets the eye. So far, nothing indicated that DMT was associated with anything "outside" of my own self. However, my logical process dictates that I must consider "all possibilities" regarding DMT, so I cannot reach a final determination at this point. Based on my first experiences, I found DMT to be nothing more than a quicker, high-powered version of LSD. What I was experiencing was the inner workings of my own mind made manifest in abstract shapes and forms. I was very impressed with DMT's ability to twist my own psyche in such a unique way, but I was skeptical if it would eve be able to shed any additional insight into the information I was seeking.

More experiments were obviously required.


( 4 ) SUBSEQUENT DMT EXPERIMENTS


I attempted several other freebase DMT vapes which produced better results, yet all failed to meet the criteria of what many have deemed as a "breakthrough experience." My prior experience with psychotropic compounds served as a guide for me to make this assessment. If DMT was allegedly deemed the most powerful hallucinogen known to man, then for me, it was clearly overrated. I had experienced LSD trips in my youth that provided far greater insight into my spirituality.

Insufflation Experiment 4/25/18: In an effort to discover just how much I was destroying by poorly vaporizing my DMT, I chose a rather unorthodox ROA known as Insufflation (snorting). I cleaned and processed a 110mg dose of finely-powdered freebase DMT and took it all in at once. This is absolutely NOT a method I would ever recommend someone attempt unless you really want to establish how badly your vaping methods are failing. Rather than restate everything that happened during this experiment, you can read it all in the following link (Link to my Insufflated expereince).

What I will state in this post is that it was a truly remarkable experience! My previous assessment was that DMT was more likely just "inner reflections" of my own personality and that my own personal mindscape was simply being made manifest within me via complexly abstract hallucinations. I found myself totally reconsidering this assessment. There might be more to this DMT than previously thought? However, even with the dramatic effect that this single insufflated DMT experience had on me, I was still left "questioning" whether this was all merely manifestations of my own mind ...or if this was a reflection of something fare greater than my own self.

I think what I experienced during my insufflated DMT experience is what many might easily regard as a "breakthrough experience" but I could still tell that there was a lot more ground to cover in this regard. For someone with limited experience with psychotropic drugs this would have been considered overwhelming and a definite breakthrough. For me, I saw it as a dramatic improvement over my earlier attempts, but not a home run experience.

Although I did make a major connection with something I deemed as existing "outside of me" (which I found quite compelling), the connection wasn't strong enough for me to not file it under the nasty nemesis of reason known as "Confirmation Bias." I still had my doubts, and (based on my logical process) when you are seeking the truth, nothing but the truth will suffice!

This profoundly greater insufflation experience prompted me to do some more extensive GVG research and work on how to generate a successful vaping session that could potentially surpass my rather "painful" insufflation route. I opted for using a very "light" Caapi leaf sandwich on top of six GVG screens along with smoking some Caapi leaf and powdered extract 1/2 hour prior to my next GVG vaping experiment. This sandwich method's only purpose was to prevent me from burning up my spice and preventing it from seeping through the screens. As you will discover in my next experiment, ...this proved to be 100% successful!


( 5 ) ACHIEVING BREAKTHROUGH LEVEL 4/30/18:


The common phrase, "Be careful what you wish for!" was proven true based on this particular vaping experiment. Everything was carefully set in place, my GVG was meticulously loaded using tweezers and an eXacto knife to guarantee a perfect DMT/Caapi sandwich. I opted for a very high-end 85mg dose, but I was also compensating for the likelihood of yet another failed DMT intake. I was situated in my bedroom under a thin bed sheet on a rather warm night. I configured myself so that I could easily fall back into a safe and relaxed position after intake.

My first inhalation consisted of unusually thick white vapor. I instantly knew I had taken in exponentially more DMT in this one draw than anytime prior. Not to succumb to the mere appearance of success, I took a second draw after approximately 20 seconds of holding in the first. However, the effects of DMT were hitting so hard I had difficulty aligning my lighter to the opening of the GVG. I was able to take in another massive draw, but there was no possible way I was going to be able to draw a third. The instantaneous nature of the effects were so extensive that I simply fell backward.

The commonly-reported "crackling sound" and metal-like ringing was very prominent this time, but the speed of onset and brief duration did not match up with other people's accounts. My experience was clearly moving along at a far more rapid pace. Whereas before I could retain many of the visuals I encountered, this time the visuals were no longer a "separate occurrence" that could be potentially recreated later via my artwork. The visuals became a "unified element" of the entire experience. I cannot paint a shape I am observing when I've physically become the shape.

What proceeded to happen within my mind from this point forward is beyond all words, artistic expression and personal understanding. The transference of who I was into what I now found myself to be is utterly indescribable. Within literally SECONDS there was no more "me" that I could establish. It was as if I was never actually in my bedroom nor did I ever exist as a human being at all. Where I found myself at that moment was my "true self" and I had been psychologically fabricating my human life as a inward fantasy all along.

I also felt that my imaginary human life was just one of an infinite number of "illusionary lives" to which I have been experiencing throughout eternity. I felt that I was jumping in and out of these "lives" at my own discretion. I could feel a part of my own self convincing myself that this was the truth ...and I did not like this "explanation" at all!

As the seconds passed, I kept trying to re-establish within me who I was, that I was merely on a DMT trip and not to worry, but I could tell the effects of DMT were just getting started. The "human me" and the "DMT me" were at war with each other trying to establish control. The battle was soon to be won by the DMT as the effects just kept on increasing in power. I was rendered powerless to fight whatever was happening to me and in my mind ...I had died. I grieved for the ones I had left behind and those who I had damaged during my life. I remember being ashamed for how they would discover my body and equally-ashamed for living a wasted life and leaving behind so much unfinished works.

This was a horribly terrifying experience and something anyone attempting this type of high-end dose should consider beforehand. I desperately wanted to go back and fix things, but it was simply too late. I was gone. The shame you feel for how you spent your life is emotionally unprecedented. However, my sadness and remorse was quickly overshadowed by what was heading straight toward me from all directions.

I had previously read many stories of jesters, spirit guides and "machine elves" that supposedly appear and I had witnessed much of what these probably represented in my previous DMT experiments, but absolutely none of this was to be found this time around. Instead, I was being subjected to a "power" that kept increasing and increasing in intensity so much so that I couldn't stand it. It was way too overwhelming. Although I was utterly terrified by it, I could tell it was not an evil or dark controlling power, but more like a "universal power" that possessed ultimate authority. I tried to look away but there was nowhere else to look. "Seeing" was no longer an option and it was all around me anyway. It was more like I was being absorbed or swallowed by it from all directions.

Just when I felt that I had reached the zenith of what this power represented it would magnify itself in even greater amounts of powerful. It kept doing this over and over in a steady stream and did so while swiftly approaching from all directions. It was without any recognizable shapes or forms as what we call "visuals" were all just tiny flowing parts of this immense power (almost like liquid glitter at this point). I had no eyes to shut nor could I turn away form its brilliance, so I became increasingly frightened. In writing this review, I do want to say that it DID have what we call "structure" but it was more like it was "all structure" and all happening at the same time. It formed endless structures within itself while never remaining in any single isolated recognizable form... which obviously makes it hard to define it as having structure.

Approaching Presence: I could sense something "else" was approaching me (or whatever I had now become) and it was approaching from the outer realms of this indescribable power. I can honestly state that there was no "giant sphere," cathedrals or anything mentioned in other people's DMT breakthrough accounts. None of this was present. This was of no describable shape or form - or of anything recognizable that I can use a human word to describe.

What compounded my fear was that I clearly sensed it was extremely angry with me. I could feel this anger becoming more apparent as it approached. It openly displayed its anger prior to its arrival by shredding everything I had ever questioned, berated and criticized regarding "life" with each passing moment. It did so through so many demonstrations of its raw unimaginable power which countered any criticisms I had held within me regarding life. There were conditions, states and events happening all around me that were simply not conceptually possible and this "power" was responsible for them all... and it was clearly angry!

I, like many others, have openly complained to the great beyond about the horrific levels of suffering we all experience during our lifetime. I have used isolated events in my life (and the horrible events of others) and used these as a basis for questioning whether our existence can in any way be considered by design. You know these questions. You've asked the same. We've all presented them to whatever it is that is responsible for our existence and we never seem to get a response. The arguments that Atheists have made over the past 20 years were deeply embedded within my heart as the logical nature held within me cannot deny their relevance. I now found my own "self" on the business end of these same types of questions which were now being hurled back at me from the outer reaches of this power. It was brutally judging me in the same way I had been judging "life" all along.

This power proceeded to humiliatingly crush every single criticism I have ever held within my heart and replaced them with its own criticisms of who I was, what I had become, what I had done with my life and how poorly and hatefully I had treated so many others. Mean spirited "little things" I had done in my youth that were long since forgotten were resurrected and thrown back into my face. As this power was approaching, drawing closer and closer, I realized that every criticisms I had ever levied at life had been turned around and used against myself by a level of authority to which I simply could not comprehend... and I felt so profoundly ashamed. I have no words for my level of shame.

I felt as if I was flailing around like a fly trapped in a spider's web trying to escape what was approaching me, but I was at the core of everything going on. It was all closing in on me so fast and I could tell there was no escape. I knew this "encounter" was inevitable and I will honestly state to you that I have never been more terrified in my entire lifetime. There is no higher level of absolute terror I can describe other than having to face this power that was now closing in on me at warp speed. It was not a fear of anything evil or destructive. In fact, it was the exact opposite! My fear was rooted in the profound level of inadequacy and utter shame I felt within my essence as it drew closer and closer.


( 6 ) THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER


Now, this next part is where I fully expect to lose many of you and I fully accept that this will happen. I am SURE I would do the same had this part been written by someone else. I know many theories, explanations and rationale will soon be posted to explain my experience and that's perfectly fine. You have every right to state such and I don't blame you. I know what I experienced and I have no reason to embellish or misrepresent what happened. All I can do is state what happened as far as I can understand it and leave it at that.

The beauty of DMT (an why I "liked" it) is that you can maintain a relatively clear and distinct level of normal consciousness throughout your entire experience. You aren't made to feel "dopey" like with other drugs. You remain exactly who you are - you're just located somewhere else. So what I am about to state right now on the Nexuse is what I believe to be the 100% absolute truth regarding what happened to me. My entire life is founded on discovering the truth, so living my life based on a lie would simply be pointless. Based on this, I continue on:

As this power drew upon me, I helplessly tried to conceal my shame but it was too late. The source of this power had arrived! To put this in more understandable human terms, everything else that had happened prior to it's arrival was tantamount to the brisk breeze you feel just before a massive thunderstorm strikes. Whereas I thought the "extreme levels of power" I was experiencing represented the full embodiment of this power, it was actually nothing more than a small introductory prelude to its true nature.

I would be a fool to attempt to describe what I encountered during this unprecedented moment. I'm sorry, but really can't. I'd give anything to be able to do so, but I just don't know how to describe it. I could never paint this experience on a canvas as I wouldn't even know where to start. It's something that you cannot experience in that unfathomable "dimensionless realm" and accurately represent in any tangible way when you're back in our physical 3-dimensional world. All I can really do is "know" that I experienced it and (unlike Descartes) trust that my own intellect is present in discovering this truth and that I am not deceiving myself.

At the peak moment of this ultimate encounter, the massive and explosive nature of its power blast through me like infinite beams of light energy disintegrating me into something other than I what I was before. What I witnessed was the "unbelievable" made "believable" in a single indescribably intense moment of infinite perfect existence.

Now, I want to be perfectly clear on what I'm about to state. I instinctively shouted out "two words" when I encountered the source of this power and I don't want this to be confused with anything other than how I intended them at the moment. I did not shout out what I did out of "recognition" but rather as one might shout out when they are suddenly taken aback and overwhelmed with something totally unimaginable (like if you just saw a hydrogen bomb go off in your back yard).

(Continued in next post)
"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
 

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BirdmanDMT
#2 Posted : 5/13/2018 4:59:10 PM

"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"


Posts: 81
Joined: 03-Mar-2018
Last visit: 23-Jun-2018
Location: Cold Spring, KY
Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation (Continued):

While lying in my bed, my body physically and audibly shouted out the words, "Jeeeessuuuussss Chhhrrriiiisssst!!!" in a way which I have never shouted out before. It was not that I was actually "seeing" Jesus Christ standing before me nor was I pleading for salvation or calling out for rescue. It was more of an knee-jerk expression of total "shock and awe" to the point where I simply could not take anymore of what I was experiencing.

Much to my astonishment, the very moment I shouted out those two words I realized that I was indeed experiencing what Jesus Christ represents. The overwhelming power I was trying to escape from shifted from being a "energy source" to a "living being" and what I believe to be that of Jesus Christ. It instantly transformed from a unprecedented paragon of power, energy and authority to that of an equally-powerful living, sentient entity. Instead of levying all manner of power, judgment and authority upon me, it was now wielding an equally-powerful level of love, forgiveness and compassion.

Despite this much more favorable change-over in power, I decided that I absolutely did not belong here. This was way too much and I was absolutely DONE! -- I'M OUT!

Attempted Escape: As soon as I realized what had just happened, I totally panicked! I was not prepared for this at all! My essence could not process this instantaneous change over from "power" to "being" that happened at the same moment I shouted out the words "Jesus Christ!" This was absolutely WAY over the top! After I realized who I now found myself in the presence of, I shouted out "ENOUGH!" with equal volume and desperation! I head my scream echo within this encirclement of holy-like power like a clap of thunder and felt the entire "realm of power" collapse in on itself. At the same time I heard my physical voice echoing within my bedroom.

I frantically grabbed for my bed sheet to throw it off of me and get out of bed. I was done, people! (((DONE!!))) The only problem was... the DMT wasn't done with me quite yet. No, not by a long shot!

I kept trying to peel off my bed sheet but I couldn't correctly operate my arms or fingers. It seemed as if I was reaching out in all possible directions and all at the exact same time. one of my "millions of arms" finally touched my bed sheet by accident and all of my other arms disappeared at that point. I ripped the sheet from me and stumbled out of bed, but it was like my body was being pulled in all directions by circular gravity. My feet touched the floor, but the floor was not really beneath me. It was more like slightly overhead and across from me.

I opened my eyes, but there was no tangible difference between having them open or shut. The "reality" of my dimply-lit bedroom would flash for a second and then instantly become the same as when my eyes were shut. I kept reaching for my eyes to feel if they were open or shut for verification. I paused by leaning on my bed to try get control and grasp some type of reality, but I found myself launched right back into the chaos. I looked around my room, and there was no room! It was just another abstract version of what was happening within my mind. I would reach out to touch a wall or anything solid but nothing was there. I could "feel" that my arms were extended, but I couldn't see them or even confirm that they were a part of me.

The only recognizable visual that maintained any consistent structure and form was the dim light emitting from my bathroom (which I had previously configured to "create a mood" ). I didn't want a bunch of lit candles sitting around during my journey (which apparently was a wise move.) I somehow managed to traverse the five million light year divide between my bed and bathroom to which I began desperately slapping my hand against the inside wall trying to feel the light switch. After finding it and forcing myself to remember how to operate it, I flicked it on.

My bedroom exploded into a what is tantamount to a multi-dimensional Christmas tree. I slumped to the floor totally exhausted staring out into this bizarre realm. There were no walls or doors or anything recognizable. Everything was just morphing shapes and structures and both the room (my realm) and I were spinning in all directions like a gyroscope. There was no up or down or left and right. I was just "everywhere" and all at once. I suddenly became overwhelmed with another reality that began creeping into my consciousness. I believed that I was still dead and had been dead for millennium and I was simply refusing to accept this fact. My normal human life seemed so long ago, so distant that I could barely remember who I was.

Voices within me started explaining to me why I was feeling this way and trying to get me to accept this new reality, but I refused to accept it and fought back. I struggled to remember my name, but managed to speak it. I tried to remember where I worked and people that I knew, but the more I struggled, the more the reality of my death became apparent. Everything I spoke was all merely elements from one of my many lifetimes. This one particular "human" lifetime I was desperately trying to remember had long since passed within the course of infinity. This made me extremely sad inside and I once again realized I had accomplished so little within that lifetime.


( 7 ) RETURN TO REALITY:


Time is the enemy of DMT as each second that passed by was one second closer to its effects wearing off. I began to remember where I had placed things in my room and started navigating myslef toward them. Fearing I had been gone for several days (and probably lost my job as a result) I frantically slapped around trying to find my iPhone on the nightstand. I finally found it, but it was tantamount to a solid white functionless rectangle that felt so damn tiny in my hands - like a pack of matches.

I looked over at my alarm clock, but there were no numbers on it that I could make out. The glowing red numbers were more like a miniaturized version of one of Pink Floyd's crazy laser light shows. I decided one way out of this was to exit my bedroom. I decided to crawl down my hallway into the kitchen to try to regain control. I was able to turn on more lights and I could feel the effects were slowly fading away. After realizing I had weathered the storm, I was able to think back on what I just experienced. I kept saying to myself, "Holy mother of god!" over and over (which is a phrase I never use nor am I even Catholic). It was merely something that seemed "appropriate" at the time based on what I had experienced.

I was deeply confused and disoriented. I would think of a task to do and start it, but then shift over to another task that popped into my head and start that one instead. I had many tasks going and none of them were getting done. I just kept repeating, "Holy mother of god!" One task I remembered was that I had set up my blood pressure device on my kitchen counter (experienced psychotropic user move) so I strapped myself in and turned it on.

As my armband was filling up with air I tried to remain calm, but I was also kind of laughing inside because I knew this was exactly what people claimed to be a "breakthrough experience." This was night and day compared to my other DMT experiences. I was just sitting there in utter awe at what had just transpired. I could also feel my memory of the event slowly slipping away, so I started isolating the events and making notes of what happened. This was difficult as much of what I had just experienced was not able to be recreated within my "normal mind" that was now present in my kitchen.


( 8 ) WARNING TO EVERYONE:


My blood pressure reading was 189 over 136. My pulse rate was 125/min. I checked it three times total and the readings varied only slightly each time. Based on my state of confusion, lack of coordination and vision issues this was considered a hypertension crisis level reading and required immediate medical emergency assistance. It is true that a single isolated event that spiked my BP levels does not necessarily mean I needed an ambulance, but this is to let you know that you are not just playing games when you take on hi-dose DMT.

I can only imagine what my BP levels were during the peak of this experience. ...This is some serious shit and not to be taken lightly!


( 9 ) CONCLUSIONS


General Observation: I did my very best to document as much as possible during my post experience, but at this dose level it is tantamount to a near total brain sweep. I cannot remember much of the imagery as it became interwoven into the experience. What I CAN remember is the nature of what was taking place during my experience, the different ascending-type stages which presented itself much like a "scripted story" and the devastating emotional effects it had on me as each stage progressed.

I found it much easier to recall the overall "storyline and effects" of each stage as opposed to any specific characteristics, structural detail or visual imagery. In other words, I can accurately state on an emotional level what was happening during each stage, but lost much of the observable details that went along with it. This would be similar to trying to recall specific details of what happened to you during a surprise gang assault. You would probably be able to describe the progression of events, your overall fear, the effects of the assault and how it left you emotionally, but you probably wouldn't remember much about the clothes they were wearing, which gang member threw which punches or how many times you were beaten.

I cannot logically state that what I experienced during this DMT experiment actually happened or that it is the truth because it was achieved by using a drug that alters mental perception. I cannot honestly state that I incontrovertibly encountered God now that I am back behind my keyboard so many days later. During the time this was all happening and while I was walking around my house shortly afterward in utter shock and awe, it appeared to me to be 100% genuine. However, with each hour that passed, the nature of what I believed I experienced became less and less genuine. It was if my mind began marginalizing the entire event.

What I don't know is if my mind was merely playing out a pre-determined narrative buried within my subconscious in order to achieve an outcome that I had hoped would emerge. This would be like a rather extreme form of Confirmation Bias.. I would like to think that our lives are more than just a random assemblage of atoms and molecules and that we have purposes and meaning embedded within our existence, but the other side of me says that life can be such a horrible experience that it can just as easily be considered meaningless.

What I must evaluate going forward is whether my mind was controlled more by the prospects of "hope" more than rational observation. I have to determine if my mind erred on the side of "hope" during this DMT experiment because deep in side I need hope to be present within my life, or if it happened all on its own. Something that has me thinking this was not necessarily my mind controlling the event is because of what happened at the peak point that I would not have even considered at all had my mind been psychologically scripting the entire event. What confuses me in this regard is ...I was tricked!

When this unimaginable judgmental energy and power suddenly transformed into what appeared to be a living form of love, compassion and forgiveness (i.e., what we would call the essence of Jesus Christ) I felt that I had been ingeniously taught a lesson about arrogance via a rather ingeniously-deceptive method. I felt that my brutally-arrogant judgement of life was strategically turned around and used against me in the same manner I had been doing to it all along.

I have been arguing that there is no God and presenting my case in extremely bold ways to the great beyond. I felt that because I am "alive" then I had the unarguable authority to do so. So when I was now faced with my "aliveness" being judged by the power of life I had been judging all along, I was shocked and torn from within.

The greatest "trick" that was levied upon me was this power getting me to unknowingly shout out "Jesus Christ!" in the expletive (or "totally shocked" ) manner to which I did. I was not thinking "Jesus Christ" in reverence and acknowledgement when I shouted this out. I was just "blown away!" And then to have this power shift over to what I would consider to be Jesus Christ was like life deceptively delivering me the punch line.

I would have never thought up this sophisticated tactic had my mind scripted this entire event. I would have never thought to play this type of insane "intellectual trick" on my own self. My understanding and mental image of what I thought a "God encounter" would be was nothing at all like this. I always pictured the historically understood God and Christ as a long haired, bearded guy with holes in his hands and feet walking up to me in a white robe and offering loving comfort and rescuing me from my many sorrows and sufferings. I didn't expect to get my ass handed to me and then being intellectually "tricked" by way of my own arrogance.

How can something that my mind made up end up out-witting me? If everything was a psychological construct of my own mind, then how did I not know what the punch line would be before it happened? How did I end up so shocked and surprised when the power-change happened? How does one "pull the wool" over one's own self?

On a darker note, I often think of my deceased parents and the love I have for them. After I've had a DMT experience, I always imagine what my mother or father would be feeling had they gone through this during their death. I would not wish this upon my greatest enemy and I'm sure this would have theft them mortified! If DMT is a simulation of what it is like to go through the process of dying, then death is an absolutely horrible experience. I would not want my parents to experience one single second of what I experience on DMT.


(10 ) FINAL THOUGHTS


As with DMT (and all other hallucinogens) you never really know for sure if what you've experienced is real or just the effects of a drug. I cannot say definitively that I encountered God, but dammit I know what the hell I experienced - and somehow I got tricked!

When all of this was taking place, I was the most humbled, fearful and ashamed version of myself that I have ever been in my life. I had experienced something life changing and I was ready to proclaim to the world the ultimate truth. This experience has had a profound overall effect on me, but at the same time I now find myself reverting back to my same old nasty, recalcitrant self regardless. I'm not walking around like some wise and insightful Spiritual Guru all steeped with godly wisdom. Nope, not at all. I'm the same old asshole that I was before.

It might be that we are not meant to ever find ourselves in these types of mental states unless we are dying. It might be that you can't use DMT to create a sense of "deadness" and then return back to life expecting to be able to comprehend and communicate exactly what happens when you die? Maybe our brains aren't designed to hold this type of data and when you are alive, this data is simply no longer present? ...I simply DO NOT KNOW!

I have several other take-aways from my DMT Breakthrough experience that I will post in this thread, but this rather long summary should suffice as my overall review. What I can definitively conclude is that this was absolutely a breakthrough experience, ...and it was definitely profound!

-Birdman

P.S. For any of you out there who wanted to post, "Jeeeessuuuussss Chhhrrriiiisssst that was a LONG post!" ...well, I already beat you to it!
"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
 
goddard
#3 Posted : 5/13/2018 6:42:40 PM

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Great post, really interesting
“Close your eyes and let the mind expand. Let no fear of death or darkness arrest its course. Allow the mind to merge with Mind. Let it flow out upon the great curve of consciousness. Let it soar on the wings of the great bird of duration, up to the very Circle of Eternity.”
― Hermes Trismegistus
 
I
#4 Posted : 5/14/2018 2:25:20 AM

EYE


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Very interesting read: I find it fascinating, and very humbling, the degree at which the creator(s) can completely change reality; how they can twist your being and understanding... the deceit they're capable of, and the obvious "other" presence... I'm blown away each time, and feel that with"regular" use, betacarbolines and tryptamines complete a symbiotic relationship to the spiritual realms... sounds awe inspiring, nice write up!
 
DmnStr8
#5 Posted : 5/14/2018 4:59:10 AM

Come what may


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You have a choice to change.. always. It can be a rebirth if allowed. The old you can be shed like a skin of a snake. Everything can be experienced in a new way. You died.. now reborn. Every DMT journey gives you this choice. We make this life! We choose it! We can be humble and kind and compassionate. We can be same old 'assholes' we were before! The choice is yours in every moment.

Impressive report BirdmanDMT! I am glad you have experienced something so powerful! It's not a trick! Go back and it will show you more.... there is always more....it goes on forever.

Take care!
"Your destiny and the destiny of every living being is to be who you truly are; divine beings full of love and light. Your purpose, and the purpose of every living being, is to heal, serve and love unconditionally in your own unique way." ~Don Juanito~
 
starway6
#6 Posted : 5/14/2018 9:47:48 PM

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quote...My blood pressure reading was 189 over 136. My pulse rate was 125/min. I checked it three times total and the readings varied only slightly each time. Based on my state of confusion, lack of coordination and vision issues this was considered a hypertension crisis level reading and required immediate medical emergency assistance. It is true that a single isolated event that spiked my BP levels does not necessarily mean I needed an ambulance, but this is to let you know that you are not just playing games when you take on hi-dose DMT.

I can only imagine what my BP levels were during the peak of this experience. ...This is some serious shit and not to be taken lightly!


Was your trip a fast cannon shot into hyperspace?


If so...Thats partly why the BP was so high...

This fast take off dmt experiance can cause ...[anxiety]].. ,,especialy for a first timer...

I think most of the long term members long ago gave up that kind of unforgiving cannon shot to the stars experiance because its too hard to navagate through and remember morew details...

Unless you like that unforgiving fast blast off DMT expriance?Wut? ...you may want to ..slow it down.. and make it more navagatable with some rue pre dosing...

I use rue tea before vaping any spice now and the take off is [[MUCH]].. more gentle and slower come up and i can navagate ... experiance ...and remember more of it...

Any time you just blast off full speed your BP will rise quickly and any anxiety will add to your bblood pressure..

Im shure my BP rises but not as high because the whole experiance is like a time released DMT experiance ...i like it better...

 
Fidelsbeard
#7 Posted : 5/14/2018 11:11:58 PM

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Could the feeling that the "Power" was approaching be due to the dmt experience building in intensity as your sense of "self" was split/shattered? If the entity was "real" would it not have been "everywhere" and not had to approach from "somewhere"? Amazing report... Could you explain more about why you feel you were "tricked"?
 
Exitwound
#8 Posted : 5/15/2018 7:18:01 AM

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Very nice report! Safe and productive travels to you, Birdman.
 
BirdmanDMT
#9 Posted : 5/16/2018 5:00:05 PM

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goddard wrote:
Great post, really interesting

...Thank you, goddard. This is what I was shooting for all along.

I wrote:
Very interesting read: I find it fascinating, and very humbling, the degree at which the creator(s) can completely change reality; how they can twist your being and understanding... the deceit they're capable of, and the obvious "other" presence... I'm blown away each time, and feel that with"regular" use, betacarbolines and tryptamines complete a symbiotic relationship to the spiritual realms... sounds awe inspiring, nice write up!

...Thank you, "I." I was only aware of the presence of a power and a single "being." There was no multiplicity of beings. I also did not feel that I was deceived as much as I was "tricked" into a realization that I had not previously considered. I have no plans on using DMT on a continuing basis as I think the end result will always be the same: I will end up having some type of amazing revelation that is completely forgotten shortly after the experience.

DmnStr8 wrote:
You have a choice to change.. always. It can be a rebirth if allowed. The old you can be shed like a skin of a snake. Everything can be experienced in a new way. You died.. now reborn. Every DMT journey gives you this choice. We make this life! We choose it! We can be humble and kind and compassionate. We can be same old 'assholes' we were before! The choice is yours in every moment.

Impressive report BirdmanDMT! I am glad you have experienced something so powerful! It's not a trick! Go back and it will show you more.... there is always more....it goes on forever. Take care!

...Thanks Dwnstr8. I have been in a constant state of change over the course of my lifetime. Many "life experiences" have produced profound changes for the better in my life. I also feel this DMT experience was "life changing" but the mechanics of DMT doesn't seem to allow for any solid retention of what the experience produces. All I end up knowing is that whatever I experienced "seemed real" at the time.

It's like launching into space via some new hi-tech NASA spaceship and becoming the first person to physically step foot on Mars. You go through all of the training, make all of the back-and-forth communications with NASA and physically experiences the characteristics of space travel through the entire month-long journey... yet what you're only able to recall afterward is your space suit hanging in your prep room before liftoff, a bunch of stars passing by and you looking at some red dirt below your feet. That's your only take-away from the entire event. Hell, if you can't remember any of the major details of the experience, ...then what good is it?

starway6 wrote:
Was your trip a fast cannon shot into hyperspace? If so...Thats partly why the BP was so high... This fast take off dmt experiance can cause ...[anxiety]].. especialy for a first timer...

I think most of the long term members long ago gave up that kind of unforgiving cannon shot to the stars experiance because its too hard to navagate through and remember morew details... Unless you like that unforgiving fast blast off DMT expriance?Wut? ...you may want to ..slow it down.. and make it more navagatable with some rue pre dosing...

I use rue tea before vaping any spice now and the take off is [[MUCH]].. more gentle and slower come up and i can navagate ... experiance ...and remember more of it... Any time you just blast off full speed your BP will rise quickly and any anxiety will add to your bblood pressure.. Im shure my BP rises but not as high because the whole experiance is like a time released DMT experiance ...i like it better...

...Thanks starway6. This was more of a "cannon shot" than the other nine attempts, but I found that every freebase attempt was tantamount to a cannon shot - just some cannon shots seem slightly less powerful than others. I'm not sure that the "onset speed" of the drug is what causes the high BP. I'm thinking it's more related to the physical side effects of using DMT. for instance, cocaine physically raises your BP and heart rate no matter what speed the effects kick in... because that's just what cocaine does!

I do agree that this type of mega-dose freebase DMT technique produces an event that cannot be adequately recalled and described. I remembered much more detail from my insufflated DMT experience, but then again, it wasn't nearly as "profound" as my freebase 85mgs experience. So it's a trade-off.

To be honest, I really don't like the effects of DMT as it feels rather intrusive, confusing and overpowering. LSD was a much more "user friendly" experience and I was always able to retain a majority of information after the LSD effects had worn off. I don't like the smell or the taste of DMT nor do I like the feeling like your body is being "invaded" by some type of alien substance.

Fidelsbeard wrote:
Could the feeling that the "Power" was approaching be due to the dmt experience building in intensity as your sense of "self" was split/shattered? If the entity was "real" would it not have been "everywhere" and not had to approach from "somewhere"? Amazing report... Could you explain more about why you feel you were "tricked"?

...Thanks Fidelsbeard, ...YES! ABSOLUTELY!! I cannot deny that this is an obvious possibility. Everything I experienced could have been my own consciousness merely manifesting an acceptable "story line" (or narrative) in strangely abstract ways. I have to accept this possibility. I remember right after encountering the source of the power thinking that it was absolutely real, because the feeling was still actively within me. A short while later I began to question the validity of what I experienced.

Either DMT produces "genuine spiritual experiences" that simply cannot be retained within a living human's brain... or they are not genuine experiences at all. Instead, it's just our minds subconsciously creating something like a spiritual "screenplay" to which the DMT produces into a full-blown movie. I evaluate my DMT experience in the same way as Jodie Foster evaluated her Vega experience at the end of the movie "Contact." The scientist in her conceded that her entire experience may have been the product of her own imagination, yet at the same time she felt that what she experienced was genuine.

As far as the "approaching being" is concerned, in my mind it was approaching inward from all directions. I was located at the center of everything going on (like the core of a golf ball) and the being was at the very outside of a sphere of power that was all converging on me from all directions. So there was no "specific location" where the being resided. All I know was that I was feeling it coming from all directions (or closing in on me in the form of a sphere).

Fidelsbeard wrote:
Could you explain more about why you feel you were "tricked"?

...I don't think I've adequately stated on how I feel I was "tricked." I don't mean to say the being was deceptive, but rather "coy."

Here's an example: When I was a child and just learning about words I told my father, "Did you know that sugar is the only word that has a "u" that sounds like "shu"?" My dad replied, "Are you sure about that?" and I said, "Yes!" Then he said, "Are you're absolutely SURE that sugar is the only word that has a "shu" sound for the letter "U"?" I kept saying "Yes."... until I finally figured out what the hell he was doing - Then I got pissed off and stormed away.

I felt like this being used my own intellect against me all along, but did so while having a favorable "end game" in mind all along. It took my own interrogative nature that I've continuously used against it, turned it around, and then used it against me. And right at the point where I shouted out "Jesus Christ!" in total astonishment, it revealed itself to me as being one and the same.... just like my father tricking me by saying, "Are you sure?"

I would have never considered this type of tactic being used by an all-powerful creator. This, to me, was "trickery" -- but at the same time rather "ingenious." I can't help but admire this "reverse psychology" technique that was used against my negative judgement regarding the existence of a creator. I was equally impressed with its rather coy method of turning my "alternative meaning" use of the phrase, "Jesus Christ!" into what I perceived as the real deal.

There was too much intellectual "manhandling" of my intellect going on (by this being) for this all to be merely a product of my own imagination. That represents the #1 quality in support of it being "genuine" that I walk away with in regard to this DMT experience.

Exitwound wrote:
Very nice report! Safe and productive travels to you, Birdman.

...Thank you Exitwound! I tried to recall as much as I possibly could and present it as articulately as possible.

-Birdman
"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
 
Fidelsbeard
#10 Posted : 5/16/2018 8:06:12 PM

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BirdmanDMT wrote:


There was too much intellectual "manhandling" of my intellect going on (by this being) for this all to be merely a product of my own imagination.

-Birdman


Could that not be exactly what your brain would do, after all, it knows you better than you do...
 
exquisitus
#11 Posted : 5/17/2018 3:34:52 PM
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beautiful art
 
BirdmanDMT
#12 Posted : 5/18/2018 3:17:44 PM

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Fidelsbeard wrote:
Could that not be exactly what your brain would do, after all, it knows you better than you do...


...I'm not sure my physical brain knows "me" better than my own consciousness does. I may have information stored in my brain that I've long since forgotten, but the realm of "knowing my own self" exclusively belongs to one's own consciousness. True, "brain damage" can bring about a major personality change, but this would be the result of physical interference (synaptic damage) in accessing key information that's stored within the brain thus causing confusion (and personality change).

In order for my brain to know "me" better than my own consciousness, it would need to have access to a totally separate channel of thought that my consciousness cannot access... and thus require a "motive" to keep this information hidden from me. That implies two different consciousnesses to where one of them is either redundant or the two are battling for control.

I don't see any need for my physical brain to have any "special privileges" in regard to knowing my own self as opposed to my consciousness (wich is essentially "me" and is the direct result of all that I think, observe and evaluate).


exquisitus wrote:
beautiful art


...Thank you, exquisitus!

-Birdman
"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
 
Fidelsbeard
#13 Posted : 5/18/2018 8:19:59 PM

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BirdmanDMT wrote:
Fidelsbeard wrote:
Could that not be exactly what your brain would do, after all, it knows you better than you do...


...I'm not sure my physical brain knows "me" better than my own consciousness does.

-Birdman


Just a joke really...but some people who have had operations separating the two halves of their brain can provide different answers to questions by each brain side, verbal and written or pointed at for example.
 
BirdmanDMT
#14 Posted : 5/19/2018 1:41:17 PM

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Fidelsbeard wrote:
Just a joke really...but some people who have had operations separating the two halves of their brain can provide different answers to questions by each brain side, verbal and written or pointed at for example.


...Cortex separations do provide for different responses, but the areas of the brain that are responding are designed to respond in these different ways. One area may be logic-based and another area emotionally based... but it's still a single consciousness that's offering the responses.

Take for instance the issue of "Gun Control." I could see myself offering a logic-based argument and an emotionally-based argument, and yet both arguments would be from the same unified standpoint of how my consciousness comprehends the issue.

One thing is for sure: Tampering with one's brain is a dangerous endeavor. Whether you are experiencing radical brain surgery or merely experimenting with DMT, the end result can be catastrophic. So far I am not a big fan of DMT.

-Birdman
"You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"
 
Fidelsbeard
#15 Posted : 5/19/2018 2:00:47 PM

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I have read several reports of the lasting effects of DMT where dreaming is more vivid and people sometimes "wake up tripping". Usually this seems to be the result of regular high dose use or single very high dose. Who knows what damage DMT could cause.
 
 
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