Hi everybody.

first of al I want to thank the dmt-nexus staff and its member for allowing me to post and/or read my story.

I have used dmt for the last 10 years of my life and during each trip I always tend to keep my eyes open. I found that there was always more to see rather than with closed eyes. This kept me from dosing high because if I did to much and kept my eyes open things just went to weird.

Before a couple of years ago, reading about it on the internet, I didnt know it was possible to breakthrough on dmt. Being to afraid to try that I never did it.

Last times I did dmt (eyes still open) it wasnt fun at all. It was so boring. Even at high dosing when things got super weird visually, it was absoluttely boring as hell. So I asked dmt (i often speak to entities induced by or the drug itself) and it told me it was time for me to breaktrough.

After reading about it I now understand that I will have a ego-death and that there is a big chance I will come back not like a person (what I believe now to be myself) but just a enlighted being.

Now I have a good understanding about what an ego represents because I spend about 5 years of my life not listening to the chitchat of it due to a psychosis.

After carefully thinking about it I decided not to do it because I have a wife and I think it would be the most selfish act I could do, doing something that could kill my personallity. I believe doing it would make me better but I made a commitment to her to always be there for her. I can not do something that might change that.

I now came to this site with allot of spelling errors to try and find out if I am doing the right thing.

Everywhere I read some people find it bliss afterwards and others are messed up because now they think everything is an illusion. I know I would LOVE to have the mindless yapping of my ego to stop. I never listen to it anyway (at least I try or I think I dont)

But I can never find out what it did to the people around these people? Their loved ones.

If you read this and think you have something to say, plz do. I would appreciate a comment. I would love to read what people think of my story.

Hey DES, don't worry you won't come back as en enlightened being. Ego death is quite rare on DMT anyways (5-MeO-DMT will probably be more likely to hit that note). And if you should be so lucky to come back fully enlightened experiencing from a non-dual perspective 24/7 you (and your wife) should be so lucky. And you could probably write a book about it since you probably would be the first person to achieve that.

Welcome DUTCHENERGYSYSTEM!

If you've been working with it for awhile and the entites said to do it! It's a good sign.

Personaly, I don't enjoy sub breakthroughs that much.

I dout it will change your feelings for your wife. It might change her feelings tho when you won't stop talking about how amazing it was 😎

What put you in a psychosis?

Hey Zikzak,

thank you for the reply. I have known for a long time (due to previous research online) that 5-MeO-DMT is allot more likely to give ego-death. So by that reasoning I could have known that DMT will more likely not do that. Also to think that I would come back fully enlightened is probably absurd .

Thanks for the welcome Bigflip1991.

I know that the feelings for my wife would definitely not change, I just dont wanna change to much in a short amount of time. I noticed in my life that people who's ego reduced to fast by using psychedelics they became alienated from their friends. They just didn't wanna hang out with people who didn't undergo that change. And for the friends it just looked like this person became selfish.

My wife is already tired of me talking how amazing dmt is

It is possible that I am making excuses because I'm still afraid

My psychosis started because I used to take ketamine on a daily basis and every weekend I took LSD. I was really abusing the substances and bragging about how much acid I could take and still being an ass to everybody when I took it. Then one day it just bit me in the ass sort of speak.

Hello friend
I completley agree with zikzak even if you do achieve any sort of ego death or enlightend realizations i can only see that as a positive thing. Not only for you but the people around you.
The very fact that you are aware enough to contemplate potential pitfalls is a sign of healthy state of enlightened thinking in its self. All i can say is trust yourself and if then you trust the process of going for a brekthrough you will be fully congruant and achieve good results.
Either way take care and good fortune.

DutchEnergySystem, don't worry about getting enlightened from trying dmt. Enlightenment doesn't really exist. It's just a fairy tale. If it were to exist, it would likely cause you to accept everything as it is and act accordingly. You might as well be doing that right now, without all the mystical enlightening blabla. DMT (and other psychedelics) are interesting, can be inspiring (to the beholder of the trip) but is ultimately a very personal experience. Keep your feet on the ground, your heart in the right place and keep an open mind but don't let your brain fall out.

Every time I see this wringing of hands over 'enlightenment' and "how will it affect my life?!?!" I'm reminded of that one zen story that goes like this

A student says he wants to become enlightened. So the teacher sends him off into the forest to meditate until he is enlightened. After many days and nights of sitting he achieves the total extinguishing of his karma body. He ventures back to the village and finds his teacher who greets him and asks "My pupil, have you succeeded in your quest to achieve enlightenment?"
"I have teacher. But I have a question."
"What is it?"
"What do I do now?"
"The dishes need to be washed, and the floor hasn't been swept since you left."

[daft and unhelpful quip removed - glad to see the OP has returned to the forum with some great posts too! ]

I have read replys to your post and found a few jokes, maybe because of your comment about cheating on your wife. But what I want to say is that if you truly have serious mental problems (you wrote psychosis), I don't think large doses of a strong drug like dmt is a wise thing to be doing.
And I don't understand the bit about not closing your eyes when dmt is famous for closed eye visuals. It seems like your missing a really beautiful aspect of the whole thing. There is nothing wrong with just taking 25 mg and seeing the most beautiful moving visuals anyone will ever see. I was all set to take 50 mg once and then I read about one guy out of a whole group (it may have been Rick Strassman's group) who was weeping afterwards by himself apart from all the others who told him of their amazing experiences. And he told the doctor how he had been held down by large ugly reptilian beings and sexually assaulted. Who the hell recovers from that overnight ????
Be safe.

I was attracted by your post title, I know it´s been some time since you post it, I´d like to know who did it went on for you.

Personally, I think DMT doesn´t make you more "enlightened", (as Zikzak mentioned), I think that is an ilussion of your ego, that you somehow become a better or wiser as a result of phychedelic use.
It reminds me of a funny guy on youtube, ( "AwakenwithJP" ) he makes satire out of spiritual trends, one of his books is called "7 ways to be more spiritual than your friends". Check this vid LINK

I think you should go for the full DMT experience, specially if the spice is telling you so.
You will still be yourself, being aware of what ego is might give you some insight and make you a better person (unless you have a promising carrer on politics).

I´d like to finish with some question regarding "cheating".
Marriage is a contract or commitment with other being, the contract expires at the moment of death ("...till death do us part..." ) .

So... what or who is your wife really commited to?

1- Your physical body?
2- Your personality?
3- Is your ego the same as your personality? (for budist the "monkeyvoice" is actually the source of suffering)
4- Your soul?

And if DMT grants you access to the information of soul, re-incarnation and life after death, wouldn´t you want to make your wife experience that (make her smoke...) at least once before she dies... I mean, if death is not the end, that makes the experience of having people close to us dying much easier, no unnecessary stress or suffering for a loved one when the end of the road is near.

Reading all the reports from that book by Strassman (DMT the spirit molecule) has definetely increased my pre-trip anxiety...

But anyway, if I remember correctly, in some cases there are reasons why some people have these sort dark experiences (as described in Strassman book):

1- Some of them have been sexually assaulted during childhood. DMT can make you re-live that experience (in some cases is not necessarely bad, it can be therapeutic, allowing you to move on with your life).

2- That guy in particular from the book had low tolerance to other drugs such as LSD, and preffered mild ones like MDMA. He also had some personality issues going on.


To conclude, I´m not saying everyone is 100% free of not going to be raped by crocodiles... but it seems some people are more prone to other to experience that (esquizofrenia, personality disorders, etc).

maybe try talking to our wife about it.

You are supposed to love each other's souls...the personality/ego can change from life to life if you are soulmates.

usually marriage = soulmate weather that was the case before or not

Is it selfish of you... is it cheating on your wife if you purposely seek ego death? Do you sleep every night? Is sleeping cheating on your wife? Sleep is a version of ego death that is embraced by the ego. Ego death through psychedelics is not really KILLING your ego. It's more like putting it in a time out. The ego doesn't like this. It will fight and you must surrender or you are going to have a rough time.

I have a theory. It comes from dealing with suicidal ideation on a regular basis and having those suicidal thoughts, reliably put away for awhile by psychedelics. I see a drastic reduction in depression and anxiety after a full on psychedelic experience. Especially if I achieve ego death. Which is very common for me, opposed to what Zikzak says. I think if you practice surrendering, it gets easier and easier.
Here's my idea: When someone is walking around with their brain constantly saying to them: "Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself." What it is really saying is: ""Kill THE self. Kill THE self." People in modern society have largely lost the knowledge of the methods for creating ego death on demand. That's why suicide is so common. Just like our devices, we need reboots and de-frags on occasion. Some more often than others.

You are not going to break through and come back as, literally a different person, in a different universe, and if you are, it may already be happening every time you go to sleep and wake up. Or every time you blink. And the same thing is happening to your wife. I seriously doubt that this is how things work. If you are truly worried that you will come back from a breakthrough as a person who is so different that your wife wouldn't recognize you or want to be with you, you may want to consider not doing dmt. I don't know the nature of your psychosis. Dmt could be a bad thing for you.

If it was a transient psychosis caused by chemicals or a physical health problem, and dmt isn't making you delusional, consider doing it with your wife. Multiverse polyamory. If you do continue to use dmt, have a support group. Tell people about your experiences and the ideas you are having. Friends who aren't tripping can be very helpful. they can tell you if you are losing your shit. If you are believing ridiculous or dangerous stuff.

Good luck to you. Talk to your wife. She's your wife. That's what she's there for.

OP's last visit was on 7 October so maybe the bird has flown?
Anyhow, nice bits to read here

Hey guys,

4 days ago I received a mail from dmt-nexus that a message has been posted here? Now I see it's been allot longer ago. So hope nobody minds I re-open this old post

Thanks for all the reply's, although sadly I just have read the most recent now. Yet everybody is been very helpfull, thank you.

In my life I always wanted to achieve enlightenment but was afraid I would completely loose my whole identity (and afraid dmt will cause this really fast). So I was always held back by being afraid of it and the responsebility's i had in my life.

So I was talking to my wife about it a couple of weeks ago and she agreed that I can go on trying to achieve that all the way and she will love me no matter what.

Now the following what I'm about to say maybe different from other people's experiences or believes:
A couple of days later I already knew the truth. That the state of enlightnement is'nt a state in wich you have feelings of bliss and extacy all the time. Where you need to forget who you are and don't have any desires, feelings or thoughts.
Believing those things will make you work for a state of being in the future.
I knew that I, and everybody for that matter, don't need to go to a place to become enlightened. They just need to stay in the now. To become enlightened just takes you about half a second.
So I stay in the now but feelings, thoughts, desires, emotions still all come like before. Totally nothing has changed on that part!!!
but I just accept those feelings that this is all part of me, part of the universe, so I give up the desire to control them. Hell, just yesterday I feld bad all day because of a loss of something dear to me. And I allow myself to be sad. And now I reallise that in the past I did'nt allow myself to feel bad or sad. I kept it in because i thought we as men need to be strong, or bad feelings are wrong.

Then I noticed that in my daily live I get allot of invite's to participate in life. Be it with people, situations or my own desires. So I just choose to participate (or not) and when I do, I always realise that I am just participating. I'm just an actor on stage. When I do this I do feel emotions and desires like before but now I am in control in what I participate. If I feel it's bad for me I just walk away.

Now I am totally free! I am not a monk or hobo, sitting on a bench 10 hours a day looking how beautifull life is. It even looks to me that all these books about enlightenment are a hoax because they tell you how you need to be. Read here what you can do to become enlightened. Why not: you are enlightened but you don't realise it.

Give up trying to become enlightened and see that you already have. Live the same life with the same feelings, thoughts, desires, emotions, ... en let them manifestate. Never try to control those or feel bad you have them. Accept yourself 100%. And from that point you will see all the people participating in live and you will feel sad how seriously they all take it. And do participate, but always remember you are only participating. Then you will be free forever.

And fortunately I hardly changed and my love for my wive is the same (or more). So love really is something more then a participation in life or a ego-based something.

Now I feel really ready to breakthrough on dmt. I will do it in the near future.

Hope this is helpfull to somebody. feel free to pm me if you like.

Congrats on your promotion!

You've made some great posts lately, welcome back.


(I think your thread here got bumped when I edited out a stupid joke up there somewhere^^)

For a long swath of history, pre-modern, the term "enlightenment" was used in a Perennial Philosophy sense. By this I mean that it was NOT used to describe a vague, ill defined, near impossible to attain, "new age" status of being. It(enlightenment) referenced a well defined mental model or worldview, often experienced during mystic states catalyzed by plant medicines in the form of psychoactive brews("mixed wines".

Initiates were intentionally introduced during banquets, seasonal rituals and at house churches. The mental model described as enlightened might alternatively be termed, TRANSCENDENT. Differentiating it from the default state, EGOIC mental reference frame. Briefly, EGOIC describes our usual sensibility that we travel across time guided/steered by an individuated and free willed, steersman or homunculus that resides within our body/mind. TRANSCENDENT describes an EXPERIENCE during which our usual control agent seems to loosen it's grip or even "die". Hence the term, ego-death. Self control is felt to be rather illusory as one experiences, no separate self and no(or little) free will.

The particulars of these mental models are well described at the following site for those interested. The important point is to articulate that, enlightened or transcendent mental model is an experience that will be had by most people if appropriately catalyzed. The EXPERIENCE is true, whether it reveals foundational insight or Truth is a personal question.

So described, enlightenment is neither rare nor difficult to attain. How one uses the particular reference frame to inform their mundane, daily life is the stuff of tomes.
http://egodeath.com/Enth...ligion.htm#_Toc177337620

Peace

Thank you for this. I often see specific people paint enlightennment as some neo-specific nearly-unattainable state, in where you have to do x, y and z to 'get there' or something similarly. There's nothing to attain imho, in my eyes it's more or less something that is already innately present, something already 'there', day in and day out, though much of the time it seems that we can become so inundated by various things in our lives, things that can easily [and possibly even sometimes effortlessly] obfuscate the obviousness/immediacy of 'It'. Thinking linearly in regards to enlightenment I think, imho, is doomed to failure [just being approached in that way and how I often see it approached].

There's a name for a state of being in the Mandukya Upanishad that I feel is somewhat relevant [and wouldn't surprise me if it be one n' the same], and puts this a little more into focus, 'Turiya' [The Fourth State], the state that underlies [& transcends] waking consciousness, dreaming and dreamless sleep,pure consciousness, Brahman, we are That.

The Chandogya Upanishad says that we enter this state regularly, if we could only be aware of it: that every night we are:

“like someone unknowingly walking back and forth over a buried treasure, so near and yet so far.”
(Chandogya VIII.3.2).

** And just for reference, I don't think turiya, pure consciousness, brahman, or w/e 'is' enlightenment hah, I just think mentally speaking that these states in and of themselves can reveal a mode of perception [once back in consensus reality] and/or being in the world, something that isn't so easily cast aside as is most other things, something that (ime) isn't shakeable, it's something that's there every..single..day.

It's all part of the journey IMHO. We get an idea of what enlightenment is, it sounds exciting and alluring, so we read and research and find out how to 'get there'. The books, helpful to some extent as they are, do end up creating some confusion as the methods appear to be contradictory with myriad subtleties. You should do this but not that, and behave this way, but not that way. Then like many religious texts the messages get (mis)interpreted by people and beliefs start to emerge which muddy the waters.
I still see it as a path because we can expand our knowing, and one of the early lessons I found was that I had to read about enlightenment to realise that I didn't need to read about it. It just becomes another goal or acheievment for your mind/ego to get stuck into which is ironic really.

I agree with tatt, that it's not something to attain, it's already there. IMO it encompasses everything and is what we are. As a wise man once said "To understand what we are, we have to understand what we're not."

Thanks guys!! So refreshing to hear that our psychedelically informed brethren recognize the archetypal nature of the mystic experience, most typically catalyzed by entheogens. As fun as "trip reports" are to read, the obvious REPETITIVENESS reveals an underlying commonality. Most religious and mythic story telling IS allegory for the plant induced mystic state.

As tatt acknowleges, the enlightened state is indeed our true nature. Ever present, just needing to be remembered and reconnected with, moment to moment. Yogic philosophy does a great job of teaching this. Really all the esoteric traditions convey this perennial wisdom.

Peace