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Hbar238
#1 Posted : 8/22/2017 10:00:17 AM

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Posts: 39
Joined: 19-Aug-2017
Last visit: 22-Nov-2017
Location: Beyond the stars
Hello to all.
I have been trying to figure out what to say here.
I was able to join over the weekend and was very excited to get to join. My story while not unique by any stretch of the imagination is less impressive in my eyes than these other newcomers. I grew up in an overly baptist household. We were those people. Daily or weekly corporal punishment. No tv. Very strict rules. My family seemed to take the path of "let's pretend the things in the world such as sex, alcohol and drugs do not exist so we do not have to deal with it". It was a strange upbringing. While it was mostly a happy childhood I knew I never fit. As a young child I set in church every Wednesday, Thursday, some Saturday's, and always twice on Sunday I set there and wondered why. None of it made sense. This love they spoke of that god has for us all seemed so amazing and should make you feel so good but even as a young child I never experienced it. The churches we attended. The people we met. More often than not they were not happy people. Their devotion wasn't out of love or kindness or happiness it was out of fear of what should happen to them if they did not obey. That never did make sense to me. I always felt like I was either the only one in the room that had any clue that it didn't add up or I was just slow and no one had told me.

Anyway I started at a young age sneaking and steering towards the other side of the road where the rules didnt allow.
Mostly alcohol and cannibis along with other harmful toxins. My limited experience with mushrooms was pleasant but if I am honest about it I wasn't in the right state of mind. I was using it to be abusing it as that was all I knew at the time.

After school I took a job in a uniform to help get money for college. I took my commitment serious and never ventured into anything beyond alcohol for close to a decade.
So fast forward a few years.

One day while catching up with a friend that had moved to California I was asked "have you ever heard of DMT?" As a lot of you I am sure are aware how the next part of this goes for most, mine took a while. I wasn't comfortable making my own and I lived at the time in an area where getting meth is easier than marijuana so it was out of the question. So I would read what I could. I visited this site many times with extreme interest and just waited for the moment to appear. I took it as faith that if this material was as profound as advertised and if it was meant to cross my path it would. A hand full of years passed with me listening( or reading) to people describe these intense experiences. This may sound silly to some but I listened to Jim carry in a commencement address and he said the most profound thing I had heard in some time. He said " you ask the universe for what you want and you work toward it while letting go of how it manifests". So I did just that. I didn't fixate on the experience I just decided it will happen when and if it should happen.

So one day while enjoying coffee with a friend I was reconnecting with and I mentioned I had been hoping to encounter this life changing chemical.
The elements of the universe sometimes align.
I was given the offer and graciously accepted.
The people who were making all this possible were more than accommodating and I can not speak any higher of any human than these people. They would not receive any payment in any form and were slow with me getting ready and leading up to my first experience. My anxiety level was about as high as I assumed I was about to go. I was wrong.
Without going into a trip report I will just say that experience changed things. I mean I knew it wasn't a recreational thing nor was that my intent. But it had been years in the making to get to that point and I expected I was mildly prepared. The ego can certainly get us at times when we don't expect it.
I made 3 more explorations since that unexpected evening. All were life altering (for me) but 1 was shall we say. Noteworthy.
To best explain it without fumbling around I will just say. That love I mentioned earlier that I always heard about in church. I finally know what it feels like.

I am still looking for an appropriate way to repay those kind people who welcomed me so freely into their circle. So any ideas I would be glad to hear Smile

As for this writing I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for making and keeping this site going.
I am slowly making my way through the questions and learning that I am even more clueless than I thought. So much info so fast. It is like drinking from a fire hydrant. I am trying to the best of my ability to just read read and read. I hope this gives a little Insite to my past and maybe a glimpse into where I hope to go. In short. I want to learn. Not just of this amazing substance but of myself and the connection and separation to and from the universe (if any). Thank you all who take the time to read this and I apologize in advance for the spelling errors. Grammar errors. And just lack of fluidity.

I hope to see you all out there.
 

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Sakkadelic
#2 Posted : 8/22/2017 11:09:10 AM

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Posts: 617
Joined: 16-May-2015
Last visit: 13-Feb-2024
beautiful intro
thank you for sharing your interesting story
reminded me of this passage from the book of Mirdad
Quote:
Much like an eagle hatched by a backyard hen and cooped up with the brood of that hen is the
man with the Great Nostalgia among his fellow-men. His brother-chicks and mother-hen would
have the young eagle as one of them, possessed of their nature and habits, and living as they
live; and he would have them like himself – dreamers of the freer air and skies illimitable. But
soon he finds him a stranger and a pariah among them; and he is pecked by all – even his
mother. But the call of the summits is loud in his blood, and the stench of the coop
exasperating to his nose. Yet does he suffer it all in silence till he is fully fledged. And then he
mounts the air, and casts a loving farewell look upon his erstwhile brothers and their mother
who merrily cackle on as they dig in the earth for more seed and worms.

i wish for you to find more and more of that love in your life and journeys Smile
"Is this the end of our adventure? Nothing has an end. We came in search of the secret of immortality, to be like gods, and here we are... mortals, more human than ever. If we have not obtained immortality, at least we have obtained reality. We began in a fairytale and we came to life! But is this life reality? We are images, dreams, photographs. We must not stay here! Prisoners! We shall break the illusion. This is Maya. Goodbye to the holy mountain. Real life awaits us." ~ Alejandro Jodorowsky
 
EntreNous
#3 Posted : 8/22/2017 11:34:15 AM

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Posts: 137
Joined: 22-Jul-2017
Last visit: 30-Jan-2021
Hbar238

Well met. I can see that we are gonna be friends.
Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work. -Flaubert-

till next time , ahskě:nę hę ( Peace)
 
Hbar238
#4 Posted : 8/22/2017 12:09:22 PM

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Posts: 39
Joined: 19-Aug-2017
Last visit: 22-Nov-2017
Location: Beyond the stars
Thank you for that undeserving comparison. I have never heard that text but will learn more of it for sure.


Sakkadelic wrote:
beautiful intro
thank you for sharing your interesting story
reminded me of this passage from the book of Mirdad
Quote:
Much like an eagle hatched by a backyard hen and cooped up with the brood of that hen is the
man with the Great Nostalgia among his fellow-men. His brother-chicks and mother-hen would
have the young eagle as one of them, possessed of their nature and habits, and living as they
live; and he would have them like himself – dreamers of the freer air and skies illimitable. But
soon he finds him a stranger and a pariah among them; and he is pecked by all – even his
mother. But the call of the summits is loud in his blood, and the stench of the coop
exasperating to his nose. Yet does he suffer it all in silence till he is fully fledged. And then he
mounts the air, and casts a loving farewell look upon his erstwhile brothers and their mother
who merrily cackle on as they dig in the earth for more seed and worms.

i wish for you to find more and more of that love in your life and journeys Smile

 
Hbar238
#5 Posted : 8/22/2017 12:10:53 PM

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Posts: 39
Joined: 19-Aug-2017
Last visit: 22-Nov-2017
Location: Beyond the stars
EntreNous wrote:
Hbar238

Well met. I can see that we are gonna be friends.



That is certainly a pleasure to hear.
 
strtman
#6 Posted : 8/22/2017 7:12:12 PM

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Posts: 467
Joined: 06-Sep-2015
Last visit: 06-Feb-2024
Location: in your mind
Good introduction, nice to read.

Until now I have not shared my extracted DMT with anyone else.

When I meet someone I completely trust and who is sincerely interested, such a thing might happen. Do I expect to be thanked for that? Not at all.

But it would be terrible to find out that such a person does not threat the substance with the utmost respect and deals with it irresponsible. I would regret my generosity for ever.

If the person is ‘worth’ the substance that would be enough for me. This may sound arrogant, but I do not now a better way to express myself, I hope you get the point.

I would not be surprised if the people who shared the secret with you think the same.

Quiet the mind and the soul will speak
 
Hbar238
#7 Posted : 8/22/2017 8:12:47 PM

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Posts: 39
Joined: 19-Aug-2017
Last visit: 22-Nov-2017
Location: Beyond the stars
This seems to be the case. They expressed that just sharing the experience was enough.

strtman wrote:
Good introduction, nice to read.

Until now I have not shared my extracted DMT with anyone else.

When I meet someone I completely trust and who is sincerely interested, such a thing might happen. Do I expect to be thanked for that? Not at all.

But it would be terrible to find out that such a person does not threat the substance with the utmost respect and deals with it irresponsible. I would regret my generosity for ever.

If the person is ‘worth’ the substance that would be enough for me. This may sound arrogant, but I do not now a better way to express myself, I hope you get the point.

I would not be surprised if the people who shared the secret with you think the same.

 
null24
#8 Posted : 8/23/2017 3:58:07 AM

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Welcoming committeeModerator

Posts: 3968
Joined: 21-Jul-2012
Last visit: 15-Feb-2024
Welcome, friend!
Quote:
To best explain it without fumbling around I will just say. That love I mentioned earlier that I always heard about in church. I finally know what it feels like.

Big grin
Quote:
I am still looking for an appropriate way to repay those kind people who welcomed me so freely into their circle. So any ideas I would be glad to hear

Pretty sure you did that already.Thumbs up
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*
 
Hbar238
#9 Posted : 8/23/2017 4:32:04 AM

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Posts: 39
Joined: 19-Aug-2017
Last visit: 22-Nov-2017
Location: Beyond the stars
Smile thank you for that. I hope they feel as though I was deserving.

null24 wrote:
Welcome, friend!
Quote:
To best explain it without fumbling around I will just say. That love I mentioned earlier that I always heard about in church. I finally know what it feels like.

Big grin
Quote:
I am still looking for an appropriate way to repay those kind people who welcomed me so freely into their circle. So any ideas I would be glad to hear

Pretty sure you did that already.Thumbs up

 
 
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