Since my first DMT experience a little over a month ago I decided to eventually loop around and revisit DMT only after having a few different experiences. Even if I don't remember it so clearly anymore, it was admittedly the roughest experience of my life.

I believe my main intention for doing psychedelics is just to see how far out it can go. I try to approach the whole thing like a scientist: a thorn up the ass and a smile on the face. So, I decided I wanted the "far-out" without the pain and complete annihilation that my first smoked DMT trip provided.

On two occasions I enjoyed sub-breakthrough doses of ayahuasca which provided surprisingly similar results. I laughed to myself each time because each time I half-expected "fireworks" and all I got was peace and quiet! It put me in this sober-enlightened state where I notice the duality of everything but I'm still right here in ol' normal reality doing normal things. I could "see" the dream world but I didn't go there. At one point I was able to listen to the "unspoken words". Here's something I wrote while in the space:

"I speak to the frying pan like it is my low intelligence companion. It serves me well, letting me eat tasty food and keeps my body nourished. It does not hear the words, or feel my intentions, yet it does within my own heart in this very moment. I burst into tears being so grateful for being alive. I continue crying as each tear I shed is more sincere than the last. Everything is so beautiful."

Along with amazing yet relatively noneducational first mescaline and lsd trips, I have my scope on DMT again, yet I have no idea to know how to prepare or know when I'm ready. I am insanely interested in this space where dreams seem more real than waking life but perhaps I am too steadfast on trying to catch the fairy. A quote from Kobayashi Issa catches my attention:

“Never forget:
we walk on hell,
gazing at flowers.”

Am I being impudent hoping the "next level" experience won't be hell again? I would love to read your thoughts!