Hello! Still working on the questionnaire, but below is the essay. It's kind of long...
Am so grateful for this site and its community:-) What an amazing, intelligent group of people and an invaluable resource!
I'm trying to share things without revealing too many details for obvious reasons. Am a middle aged female and it's only later in life that I began careful exploration of entheogenic plants. Past substance use has been occasional MJ and light enjoyment of home made wines/beer or store bought booze.
For a good part of life, I began feeling less in control and increasingly jaded/pessimistic. Lost the fascination I had as a youth for spiritual and metaphysical things. Society's materialism did its best to twist me towards its empty, meaningless frantic dance. "What's the point?" I'd think. Life just seemed like a pain-in-the-butt struggle for the barest of basic needs, like I was a chess piece for some invisible, sadistic deity who'd frequently throw bad luck my way just to watch me squirm. Then we die and that's it? Really? WTF??
Yep, my attitude about life had gotten pretty bad. Two years ago, when I was diagnosed with a painful, "incurable" illness, I realized I'd taken the wrong path for quite a while and was subconsciously trying to exit the physical world. I really did have more control than I'd thought and turned back toward my buried, neglectedβ spiritual side. I'd forgotten about childhood astral travel experiences and vivid past life memories (which proved to me we DO have souls) and grandmother's teachings about my native roots. (We all have native roots to learn about & explore)
I had some lessons to learn and realized life here is a gift, an experience. What we perceive as good and bad are part of the experience.
My ancestors used sacred plants and fungi among other things to connect with the spirit world and gain insight. Plant teachers- 'shrooms and, later, Ayahuasca, were catalysts for my healing and reconnection. These entheogenic medicines changed my attitude, boosted my flagging sense of self worth without the ego's insecurities, and helped me to help myself.
I do not have the eloquence to begin to describe Aya's DMT experience; that writhing electric kaleidoscopic ringing buzzing jangling multidimensional gateway to telepathic inner space. It's a serious learning opportunity. The shroom's gentler lessons got me in touch with an ancestral totem, one of the Ancient Ones, which humbled and awed me to no end.
I'm overjoyed to be back in charge of my life and am having fun interacting with others. In my own small way, it's a joy to help make a positive difference in this world. My illness is being held at bay for now. Healing and personal growth are part of my path. Entheogenics are enjoyable, not always physically comfortable, powerful teaching tools that have my utmost respect. I'm in awe:-)
I am only an egg