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followingkrishna
#1 Posted : 4/24/2017 12:06:36 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 13
Joined: 22-Apr-2017
Last visit: 11-Jan-2018
Location: on earth
Before I start I should say it gets old to go SWIM. So in place I would rather talk about how I am a monkey. Also I have very bad spelling. Also I have very bad grammar. So being a monkey makes since. I mean we just started learning sign language in the 60's. As you can tell I have a active imagination.

I have ptsd. It is from abuse. I was diagnosed in the first grade by three psychologist.so any one who also has this and has any form of help or wants help I am completely two way and will be open and honest with you. Please do the same with me. I have met a lot of people with it. Ihave found several ways to help.

At first I saw my friend so relaxed after smoking a joint. I researched everything i could find about cannabis. I went crazy. I could not stop researching. I found things saying it did this and did that. Then I would find things that were more honest. So I stored a loaf of bread, a bottle of water, chips and, I think juice in the garage. I aslo brought whole grain bread.

We went to the park and sat under the shelter. He unpacked it and I hit it 3 times. I coughed but not very hard. Then I became more relaxed than I had ever been. I felt like even if my mom beet me for getting high I would be so relaxed it would not hurt as bad.

I got super super super baked. I walked home and sat in the garage my mom came out and was like what are you doing. By then I was at the last three pieces. She was said some thing like why are you eating when dinner is ready. I said to get my weight up for wrestling. I went in and ate the whole plate. I was so relaxed that I was not anxious about saying the wrong thing and her coming across the table that I answered the questions smoothly and acted normal not shaking and dropping stuff. After i went to bed. The next day I got some of my own.

I dont think I have ran out besides once since. Every other experience I have had with another medicine has been with cannabis loaded in my system. I am fine when I don't smoke/eat. I enjoy growing and cooking it when I am in a legal place. I have always grown inside since the three suns have always been to bright. I enjoy baking and cooking with it. Biscuits and gravy and I make mini brownies. When I make it i use all organic vegan and I try for kosher.

I love Albert Hoffmann's problem child. I used to love using it to party. Not now. Now it seems as though im not aloud to. When I try I am brought directly to the mind set of healing and being one with the all. I am actually very well known to micro dose. I mean for a few days on end. The first few days it is hard to get used to the sleeping schedual. Man when you do it becomes perfect cause say you want to go to bed at this time. Well tune in and drop out 14hrs before.

What he calls aproblem child has been a blessing in my life. It has helped me through and out of depression. I have fought the most horrible emotions and memories I have ever had with the help of it. If you have depression you really need to look up the studies done on people with depression and LSD-25.

Before I do anything I research it as much as possible. Often i have actually waited so long it becomes outdated. Doing research on how to maintain a trip and helping some one through a bad trip has helped with not only tripping but also with my anxiety.

I perform multiple types of meditation including death and astral. I have seen the same realms on lsd as I have astral projecting to other dimensions. During a death meditation i fell back and saw a monk with a tiger. He stood before a vertical hole. He held me back from it with a stave ( staff? ) and said are you ready. When he said this I knew it meant am I ready to die and learn everything. I said no and was sent back to my body.

Because of the places i have been while astral I do not believe that I am experiencing an hallucination but have been shown the truth of a seperate and connected reality.

In my dreams I have researched with cocaine, cannabis, meth (one crazy night I didnt know and could never handle again), heroin (same story as meth), opiates, benzos, tranquilizers, lsd, 25d nbome, mushrooms, moonshine, dmt, salvia, testosterone, mdma, alcohol store bought (unless its vodka I am going to take a pass 9 times out of ten), mescaline, tripple c and, I think that is all.

In a dream I have over dosed on tripple c, mdma, roxys, oxys and, vikes. I have regretted every time. With the tripple c it was cause i was suicidal at the time and spent three days in the hospital. I do not recommend any one mess with triple c if they have no baby sitter. Mdma sadly happened twice. Once cause I read the scale wrong and consumed 400 mgs. My vision turned into a bglitchy mess and I expelled my stomach contant. My friend took me home and i was almost naked. I ate 6 cups of sugar and had the most emotional crash of my life. I called every one I had given it to and said wait till i figure out what i did before you consume cause it might be way way way stronger than i thought and you might get sick. Then i broke down crying thinking I killed so many people. When I realized what I did I got a better scale. Oxy, roxys and, vikes were a straight up suicide attempt. After a full 60 piece prescription of each over three days i was laying there in my own stomach acid unable to stay awake. I woke to my mom coming home she kicked me and scolded me to clean the mess then kicked me and left the room.

In the first years of my life I was extremely suicidal. It was not until my mom walked in on me with a rope around my neck that it stopped. She said well i can bury you in the back and keep collecting the money. I was so mad she didnt care. I thought if she cares that little about me i should care less about her and what she thinks.

I moved out when I was 16. I rented a house through a friends moms name. A lady helped me get the money my mom was getting and I used that to live on as I went to school. I am sure you can guess it was a party house. There was a lot of drama so I moved out. I moved in with my grams when she got cancer to help her. To me her and my aunt are my only real family. They were the only ones who showed love besides my moms dad. I look him up all the time and some times use a wifi cell number to call him. He will answer some times and its good to know he is ok.

I went back when gram's cancer went away. My friend was going to the town so i had her drop me off and pick me up. I walked to my mothers house. I was shaking so scared. When her girl friend answered the door i felt her regret. She hugged me instantly and said she was sorry and loved me. I know it was just guilt. I forgave her and told her i loved her. I walked over to my mom and hugged her but it felt cold. Like hugging the towel you used after a shower 4 days ago that was under other cloth. She asked if I wanted food. I forgave her and told her I love her even though she didnt say anything and didnt respond.

I truely forgive her. It was the first step to really recovering. I have since become extremely responsible with my body. I am about to start going to a gym to work out with weights. I have bad anxiety and my ptsd is mostly muscle now. It seems I have a problem with things moving fast towards me than noises any more. A large part of that was working through noises by pretending it is music.

I am here to learn any and every thing I can. I will also be here to help with any thing I can help with. If any one wants to just talk about anything hit me up. Thank you for reading this. If it makes you mad I can not spell all I can say is I am sorry your words do not match my spelling. I am a monkey after all.
I'm a monkey who learned how to use a computure. I spell bad and have bad grammar. Everything thing i say is a lie. Everything posted by me pertains as a line of fiction. The internet provider is paid by my dolphin friend's owner who is a unicorn. Monkey out.
 

Live plants. Sustainable, ethically sourced, native American owned.
 
DmnStr8
#2 Posted : 4/29/2017 3:28:25 AM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
Sounds like you have a great attitude about your life considering the hardships you have endured. Sucks you had to go through such tough times. Hard to forget that kind of pain. It doesn't just go away. You are a strong person to have gone through all this and still strive to be happy. Just one thing I would say is that you are not your past. You are what you are right now. Stay strong and keep on keepin on friend!

I wish you the best in your healing!

Take care buddy!
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
jma182
#3 Posted : 4/29/2017 4:14:51 AM

Better than a thousand useless words is one useful word, hearing which one attains peace.


Posts: 183
Joined: 17-Dec-2016
Last visit: 08-Feb-2022
Welcome to the Nexus, this is indeed a fantastic place.

It brings good feelings to read about the changes you've made for the betterment of yourself and i can relate about LSD being a great healer it has helped me out incredibly as well, juts a suggestion you might want to look into yoga and meditation to complement the weights, i started recently with youtube yoga and it helps a lotBig grin .
“Whoever, at any time, has undertaken to build a new heaven has found the strength for it in his own hell.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

 
followingkrishna
#4 Posted : 4/29/2017 9:58:16 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 13
Joined: 22-Apr-2017
Last visit: 11-Jan-2018
Location: on earth
Thank you. From my heart; thank you. I would love to try yoga. I will do that when I wake. I can not wait to learn and grow with this forum. I feel it can help me as much as I could help it. I do feel like yoga will help with the muscle issues. I tend to tense when things come at me fast. That is some thing I want to work on. Love to every one. Again thank you.
I'm a monkey who learned how to use a computure. I spell bad and have bad grammar. Everything thing i say is a lie. Everything posted by me pertains as a line of fiction. The internet provider is paid by my dolphin friend's owner who is a unicorn. Monkey out.
 
 
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