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Experience in the jungle.. healing the worst of heartaches. Options
 
Metashaman
#1 Posted : 4/17/2017 1:53:27 AM

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Please take this with a grain of salt as I know that "my truths, may not be the truths" and I may have been told what I needed to let go of my insurmountable grief. This experience has many spiritual overtones.. I am not meaning to mess with anyone's faith. However, it was extremely powerful and after talking to the veterans, I feel like I was given a gift few get out of it.. and it's rare to have a straight conversation with her.

I was on a concentrated high level dose of Black Ayahuasca. Supposedly this is the most hallucinogenic version. I do not suggest this high of a dosage outside the care of a physician and Shaman. I took blackout levels and forced myself to stay awake.

I found out my child had a inoperable condition and could very well die soon. (This has since turned to happier news, as nothing new has happened in years. So it went from "now" to could be 50 years, just wait and watch).

I have been very religious all of my life. I have never had my faith fail me.
I was content letting go to God if it was my father or myself, but I was the one who had to protect my son. I contemplated suicide to make sure his daddy would be there waiting for him, but knew better as I have 3 other children. I never had that thought again, but I knew I would break if the worst happened and I didn't know.

(As I wrote this, I could feel the pain I had before and should have never tried to hide from my family, much less my wife. Keeping a smile for the day and breaking down at night.)

I searched everything to try to remove my need for faith and to have some proof of the afterlife. Near Death Experiences, astral projection. Then I happened upon DMT.
I researched it whole heartedly, I learned how to make it. Read everything I could on it. I tried to make friends on Nexus and Shroomery who could help me understand better about what the material was. I had convinced myself (through Straussman and many other esoteric Dmt-Nexus posts) that DMT could be the knowledge of the Tree of Good and Evil. Meaning this was something that could be an affront to the God I wanted to find so dearly.

Even so, I was weary of faith. I had to know.
I had agonized over this decision for almost 18 months, and I got deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Anything someone reported that could talk to you or show you external entities that wasn’t DMT I had to research.

I had gone so far as the heroic 5g Mushroom dose in the dark alone in the woods (and promptly freaked the hell out as I thought about McKenna and his Alien fears). All I could think of on the heroic dose was… maybe this is how the aliens get you and this is all a trap. Put yourself out in the wilderness alone and that somehow it was possible the Mushrooms allowed them to find you like a marker.
Laughing

My experience went from the forest to… sweating near my computer in the dark with all my cheap LED toys taking my fears away.

But I didn’t hear voices nor meet any one those nights.

After I had communed with the mushrooms and 2 types of cacti I still didn’t find answers. I was scared if I went over on DMT my despair would make me challenge anything I saw. I was looking for a fight, and Hyperspace isn’t the place to go for one.

I released myself and told my church and family that I had to search for God all over the world.
This started my trip to Peru.
Ceremony

I had walked off into the jungle to cry. I was finally going to get my answers. I have been in so much pain for so long. As I was able to dry my eyes

I remember being upset because they took my music away from me before the ceremony started. I had a playlist of Jason Mraz and Alan Watts. I thought to myself “how dare they take my mp3 player”. Heh I had a chip on my shoulder as I thought I knew better than the group I went to visit there.

When I went up and asked for my dosage.. I told him I "had to meet God", his eyebrows raised and he poured more into the shot glass.

The taste wasn’t horrible, but it stuck to my teeth I sat It was a concentrate and very thick, like a cake batter. I was the only one who brought a toothbrush and used it 10 times right after. A while after brushing my teeth and just thought to myself, enjoying all of the beautiful people near me. I could feel the effects coming on. But I also started feeling very, very tired. So I sat up and prepared to puke, my only experience was hoasca. The rue seemed poisonous compared to the Caapi. I heard others starting to purge in the silence and then the chimes started from all over the room.

Tired…
I was so tired.. I had to fight to stay awake.. all I could think of was “this isn’t right, I have never been tired on a hallucinogen”. Then I thought back to all the food that I had eaten over that week because it felt like if I let myself fall asleep and might die. Since there is a strict diet for heath reasons I started fearing I ate the wrong thing and I could die! I had thoughts that the shaman would just throw me in the woods (even though there was a doctor on the camp).
I called over one of the facilitators and explained I thought something was wrong. She said it was ok to sleep, but then my head went back to the dark spot and I thought.. “I have 4 kids to feed and a wife that depends on me, I can’t die.” And devised a way to stay awake. I got on my elbows and knees and as I dosed off my head would hit the floor and wake me up. The moment that ended I felt like I was on a high speed train moving faster than light across this universe.. but I was still in the room with all of the beautiful musicians and shaman at the same time.


That is where my despair hit its high point.

Fight
I distinctly understood there was something in my head with me, and we weren’t staying there.
I was through, but still there… If I closed my eyes I was on the other side, if I opened them I was in the dark jungle watching the dances and listening to the most beautiful music (well for as long as she would let me).

The fight began…
“Where is God”. My anxiety started rising.
-“God is not here” she said. My worst fears were coming to fruition, that somehow all of the signs were wrong.
“F*** you then, I don’t need this, I need God” I told her. “Let me off this train”.
-“Stop” she said,
“F*** you! No! I have to know, I have traveled too far and for too long”.
-“I can help you with this pain”.
“I am here for my son, there is nothing you can say to take me off that path, if God isn’t here then I really don’t need you. Help others.”
-“Hmmm”
I had won. She let up, like we were waiting at a bus stop.
Almost like it was a “how is the weather” conversation. She signaled that I had “outwilled” her.
Then she told me.. “I kept you from falling asleep for a reason, I can’t help you over there if you cross without me”.

-“So Can I pretty please help you?”
- “Come on… “
-“Pretty please?”
This is where the possession started… she could make me move or speak.
I physically started poking myself. She started making me speak!
“Get over yourself" I must have repeated a dozen times, and not of my own volition.


-“I will show you things I don’t normally show people”
I responded very firmly “If you lie to me in any way, this conversation will end”.


I saw a flash, not sure if it was her trying to convince me or if a biblical figure actually stepped in, but I saw the "old standard" picture of of this figure in my head and he said "Let it go". While I was explained his place in the plan later in the evening, I didn't have any more contact with that entity throughout the experience. I had a “really this is a sincere search, you have nothing to worry about”.

I completely let go. As I did, I could feel the acid coming up out of my stomach and I purged what seemed to be more than I had eaten in a few days.

-“you need to relax a little”.
- “I am not saying there is no God, what I am saying is that I am not God.”.
-“Can I tell you about him, and how much he loves you. You are very lucky these are things I don’t show many people understand your pain requires this knowledge to heal”. I had an understanding that the knowledge that would be gained in this profound way would break others, and I had to see it to heal and be able to let go if I had to.

I had this insurmountable yearning to see God, to know I could let go and let him take over. There has been this energy I have felt in my body as a child, I always thought it was some sort of “esp”, except I couldn’t ever manipulate anything. So it went to the back of my mind, only appearing again occasionally as I grew up.

It was like I was channeling my rage into that energy. For the first time ever it felt like it released and she finally gave up what was behind the curtain… she told me the mechanics of the universe.

At that moment all I could think of what the DMT spirit molecule, where the guy said “The being asked me what I wanted to see, and I replied what can you show me”.

Throughout the night, if I got mesmerized by the facilitators or Shamans song or dance, she would make me wave them off and made me speak, “Not yet, we still have work to do”.

Below are some of the revelations, though they are randomly placed. (Not posting any at this time). I wrote this up for a couple of friends originally so the reveals aren't well documented yet, just plain answers.

... For now I have to temper what I can speak about. As I know this could all be in my head. I was told after by the people who hung out with Terrence and the shaman that I had a "extraordinary" experience and she doesn't lie. That once I was able to talk to her one time I could return and talk to her again very easily and that getting to that "love" required an extraordinary about of pain.

Near the end of the ceremony (1 hour before the closing blessing maybe?) One of the women in our group was going through some deep pain, she was sobbing uncontrollably.. The Shaman started talking a song in english (He had stayed in Spanish every other second)I later found out was the Hopo ponopono. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank you". Then others in the group started in with him as if the collective love we felt in the room at this time allowed us to comfort her. Within 2 - 3 minutes she was back with us, resting from the trauma.. I realized what the shaman was there for.... to pull us out of our own head.

Throughout the night I had the most amazing hallucinations. I distinctly remember hearing the shaman play a maraca but his hands weren't moving. Between hearing 20+ people puking, crying and laughing in what seemed to be to any passerby a "dome of madness".

The person I had next to me, was extremely cool.. my purge bucket was kicked over and part of it his his blanket... He immediately said "no worries, I have been watching you for a while. Get back in there". Every few minutes being pulled out of the conversation as the staff had mopped up and cleaned the bedding.

One thing it seemed to do for everyone.. face the pain and release it.

Finally she didn't seem to have knowledge of things she had no contact with.

I love you folks.. I will post the reveals soon. I hope everyone has this type of experience with their individual groups.. the music was like a live concert with beautiful singers and at least 20 kinds of instruments played. It seemed like we were in the middle of a symphony of sound by people with multiple albums under their belt.. all of the volunteers were great musicians.

I had a time after where I told the group about my fears of this being somehow "unholy" and got a laugh.. was told about Sante Diame. One of the attendees put it like this.. "We don't see many people after this doubt there is something else out there". (They weren't Sante Diame, but had 0 idea there was a Christian/Aya religion. It would have put me more at ease.)

I have even attempted to convince myself it was all a hallucination.. none of it matters it seems that hole in my heart is gone now.

God is the Universe itself and it is all from Love..

The way I was told to explain it...
Think about a fairy garden. Think about how sad you would be when they were sad, and how happy you would be when they were happy....

I will post these parts as I get the details together so I can try to explain the magnitude of the images and words I heard. I have never had anything "speak through me".

When I asked her, her name she told me to think about the love you felt as your mother held you and that people gave things names and she didn't need one. But I was told she took many forms and she was just a small part of that larger force. She gave me the impression she was from the Garden of Eden...

I was told if my experiments with proving that you could bring information back from the other side were documented and worked, then it would be "breaking the rules and reality". That it would not help others and would make their job way more difficult and not have the expected results that I had initially wanted.. To call God out as I believe if he is real, we need him so people quit acting like they do...

One thing that was noted was.. people get confused over there and are tricked into thinking they are God because they are a part of him... and if this happened to tell them to stop it all and end the universe when they return because they will have that choice at some point.. It would fail and they would receive a lesson from it.

It seemed like there were some contrary to my faith things as well.
When I asked about why we die, I saw myself and my wife falling in love over and over. Wasn't sure if she was trying to show me reincarnation or if it was to explain so other generations could share in the experience I had.

I also realized that out of the 100+ women I had loved throughout my life she was the only one I remember the moment I met her. I asked her when I came home and she said the same thing.

I asked about
The very specific answer I got that I needed...
"The universe loves your son more than you ever could. You don't need to worry even if things go wrong. Spend your time loving him rather than in pain over something that will happen eventually to all of us"


Doesn't matter to me if this was all just a chemical reaction, though too many old hippies there said they had miraculous experiences while there. One guy had his hand fixed by native americans and said his xray came back clear within 5 days of breaking it in 2 places. They told him he had to play music for someone important and that he should be healed. I never did ask him who he thought they were taking about.. though it was 4 years ago for him. I'd have to see it to believe it, but it made me happy others got real healing (or thought they did).



Editing in place..
I am leaving out much of what I learned about the why's as they seem to line up very well with the life I had led up until that point.

One thing I noticed is I had little complaints about myself. I "kill it" in every day life and have for years.

I told my father I was proud to be his son and I was the most successful with our last name in 10 or so generations and it was due to him and skipping on his own life so he could help provide for my mother and I.

When I asked "who is already doing it right", because I knew someone had to have the right answers I saw quite a few people and my mom.. who I think will be a nun after my father passes. She spends her life hanging out with the elderly after work and has a really good head on her shoulders about life love and religion. Plus it would have been easy for her as a young teen to get rid of me, but she kept me. Left her family to do so. Not many girls could handle that even in 2017

Things she shouldn't show me.
What happened after my own death... said I would need to die to find out but not to worry.

Things she couldn't show me.
If my wife had an affair. Straight up "I don't know", but she convinced me that my hang ups were not hers and from what I had in my head.. it seemed like I was just being paranoid. That my wife was love and I needed to stop punishing her for things I would do that she wouldn't.

If my son would live.

If she knew the shaman "no, but I like him".

What was going on in other people's experience.


How I know this was special
A friend tried to prove me wrong and is a seasoned traveler, maybe in the top 5% in the world types.. He went in to disprove the love theory and it seems like the Joker was playing his games. He saw despair and loneliness.

Then something happened were he was sad about life due to a child as well, though not as extreme as death.. he said he was told "this is on you" and as he finished his lesson he felt that Love I had described....

The shaman and the folks I later found out hung out with McKenna pulled me aside after my group "experience report" said that they hear this kind of stuff rarely, but it is reserved for people in immense pain. The shaman told me I was blessed and would be able to return to this conversation whenever I drank again.


Note.. names, locations, children which loved one was in pain.. all changed for safety of myself.

Where are the standard messages she gives..
Loud and clear captain.. She doesn't want society to stop. Said it's t he only way we can open God's present of the universe. That there are mysteries out there we can get to if we can stop playing man's self created games. We don't need to stop, but we do need to be responsible.

Told me to plant her in my gardens.

Showed me how money hurt us all, that my son may not have had his issues if people didn't pollute the earth and it all made God sad.. (like the fairy explanation).
Pollution led to cancer which led to unneeded pain.

I was also told the same thing as Terrence about mankind killing itself off (He will not reset the earth again, this time if it does reset it will be all Man's doing. She called it the 3rd reset).

But I didn't get the dread Terrence did as the rest of the story was.....after the reset people will remember their lessons and fix things. So there will be less pain and will let us fix this stuff (while not forever, for a long while). This is the second time reincarnation entered the conversation. That if we were going to be back, we'd rather be back after the reset.


Afterlife...
Again, PLEASE do not read into this too much, I believe what I saw because it was all too real to me in the jungles.

We lived this life and we were judged. But also we had a choice in part of it..
As we died, anything "anti-love" was removed from us and put into a void. If we held onto those feelings we would go with it. Also if we made the world a worse place to be in, though all of this was tempered with "the life we were given".

It was like a conveyer belt where we were weighed down from this life and scrubbed off.. the dirt and rage would then be thrown into a portal that looked more like a blender than a solid place.
Then as they reached the end of the conveyor belt they flew away like fairies.

I was shown most people are not evil, but rather man stood in mans way before God, because *if* you control that. You can control every aspect of man. That most people are trying to see him using incorrect assumptions built on evil men in the past.

God was never hiding.. that in fact he created the universe out of himself. That we were living inside of him, and just to see any object was seeing God. This part made me weep for 2 days.. I felt like a fool trying to call him out and make him show himself.

I now take issue with many parts of my religion and others. I realized how inconsequential Christ was and that he would have never been a part of the story at all if God didn't feel the need to tell us how to live. Also that we concentrate too much on his death and not enough on the "love one another" parts. (Christ in my visions was the 2nd reset).

I was told people use Jesus in the wrong way. To turn people away from God and that was never the intent.

Also while we are part of God, we are not "he", nor do we understand his consciousness. However, I also had a lot of conversations on how there were miracles, but they had always been auto correcting.. Where back 300 years ago any miracles would fold back into time and be forgotten about, due to the internet we couldn't have many now because the same "forgetting" system won't work.

Again it seemed like when we die, our souls are cleaned of all the pain this world brought and that pain was put into a void so we didn't carry it along with us. It seemed like that freed us to be "a fairy" again and to join every other clean soul.

Other auto corrections were Hyperspace and plants that were meant to help wipe away some of the pain we were caused by other man.


--------- Up and remembering the details of the start of it all. 4/24
"God is Love, start from there and you will understand all".

I was in the place that I would think of as hyperspace, but It was like we were in a soft loving warm radiating force it was more of a presence surrounding me and I radiated pink to warm red.

I saw a far away darkness and in the darkness I saw a keyhole of light (thought it was a bowling pin at first). Then the bottom opened like an umbrella or jellyfish.

Then I saw in the opening of the umbrella, the Universe and millions of galaxies. That we were inside of God at this moment. That Kinosis was real.

It went onto explain what happened when we tried to break reality. Take away faith and bring back too much information from the other side.

That there were self correcting systems. If we broke something too bad the universe could reset it all and start again and change what the problem was this time around. That other smaller fixes could be applied though preferable unnoticed.. Almost like the matrix, but instead of "programs" it was the angels or spirits who had to do all the repairing unless it was too big for them and he only had "so much time".

Hyperspace was by her words "A place to not take seriously, a place to waste time until you die." I asked again about it the second night, and was told I could play if I kept that phrase in mind while playing. More like a "really?.. ok then". One phrase from watts that makes me pause is "Once you have heard the message you can hang up the phone".

I was told (from someone else) that I could call on her to help me in Hyperspace anytime.

Society had to continue forward to get out into the universe and it was going to be a lot of fun for us here. That my understanding that there were autocorrecting systems.

The more God could fix without actually having to do was good. Hence Caapi made it out of the garden of Eden along with other plants that were left here specifically for divine experiences.

"Plant me" was the way to help. I thought it would want me to bring awareness (tell others), and later it explained many don't need this and it would just cause them to stop functioning, like I did. To let people come to her if they started that quest on their own.


The only downside is, I had a lot of understanding of who I was and what my "mission" was on the other side. That points to no ego death.

 

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Yumi
#2 Posted : 4/17/2017 2:33:40 AM

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This is an awesome report, Im glad to see it up here.
The Snakes Den \m/\m/

 
Metashaman
#3 Posted : 4/17/2017 10:47:30 AM

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Moved into ER.
 
Metashaman
#4 Posted : 4/17/2017 11:00:42 AM

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Moved into ER.
 
Metashaman
#5 Posted : 4/17/2017 11:38:18 AM

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I feel like I have a new family now.. while scattered over the globe it seems like there is an underground movement to get Ayahuasca out into the open everywhere. I was told there were dozens of ceremonies weekly in places like New York.

They aren't spreaders, but rather people who have legal defense funds and are doing things the legal way when possible.

I found my way into this group via a burn. I still have a date with 2 planned where i am going to fly out and hear about their stories with Terrance. They said "while he didn't trip as much, he did still use".

I no longer believe in the Kingdom of heaven, but rather the Garden of heaven.

Even attempting to persuade myself this was all in my head.. the pain is still gone. I felt that love and nothing can shackle me back to those insecurities.

On a side note everything in my garden grew substantially while I was gone. 2 weeks of growth when I left for 4 days including the plane trip.

I was still under for 2-3 hours after the main group was up and getting served food. It seemed like 20% of us were journeying for near 10 hours. Even after that it was just as McKenna stated about a post DMT trip.. "It's like you are on a huge amount of acid, but because you are back. It seems tame".

One of my close friends from here told me something that made me proud after...

"I know folks who wont go get fresh food to get their kids healthy, you gave up your faith and traveled past the ends of the earth for yours. You once called yourself a paladin, you are".

Since then, the Shaman told me other plants would help me if I didn't abuse them. One of the leaders asked me to (instead of just lighting up) give thanks and ask for the desired result.. Peace, Sleep, stress relief. So far it may be a mental trick, but it does seem to work.



~ I met a Shaman.
 
Leviathansbane
#6 Posted : 4/17/2017 10:45:16 PM

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Smile

This is beautiful
 
twattlehead
#7 Posted : 4/19/2017 6:13:56 AM
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Thanks for the report. It brings that stones song to mind, the one mckenna used to quote about not always getting what you want but if you try sometime you find you get what you need.

I'm curious about the religious aspect, and as an agnostic and aya virgin, cautious too. I'm ok with the idea of a higher power, or more than one, just calling it "God" doesn't sit well for me. Should I stay away from aya?

Good to hear your son is better. Do you think your aya experience helped his condition in any way?
 
Elmo
#8 Posted : 4/19/2017 12:15:56 PM

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Thank you for sharing your amazing experience And thank you for the lesson, my friend. Your experience makes me take a serious look at the importance of "site and situation" as well as "intent" and "dosage" in my own preparations. Yours is a powerful story it has started the wheels in my mind, I am perceverating, this will require some meditation.
Steal your face right off your head
 
Metashaman
#9 Posted : 4/19/2017 12:18:39 PM

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twattlehead wrote:
Thanks for the report. It brings that stones song to mind, the one mckenna used to quote about not always getting what you want but if you try sometime you find you get what you need.

I'm curious about the religious aspect, and as an agnostic and aya virgin, cautious too. I'm ok with the idea of a higher power, or more than one, just calling it "God" doesn't sit well for me. Should I stay away from aya?

Good to hear your son is better. Do you think your aya experience helped his condition in any way?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7knIi3LGf4M I agree.. it may be she told me what I needed to hear.

The standard answer to Rue (another healer according to the Caapi) Hoasca and Ayahuasca, is that your greater self gets an honest conversation with your lesser self. It very much so could have been this and my "higher self" knew exactly what I needed to hear, though there were things I didn't believe thrown in there.

If what happened was real, then I feel like I forced knowledge from the realm with a incredibly high dose. If it was not, then it was what I needed to hear to heal and "carry water, chop wood". To be a better father and stop with the hidden grief.

I had a lot of things about miracles. It implied, it had 0 power and that we shouldn't ask for them. That God is actually busy and wants to help everyone, but it seemed like the more he performed the more others had heartache about it (why did this child get healing and mine did not, does he not love me?).

[Do you think this helped your son]
I would say absolutely no, even if he did have another shrinking tumor MRI, I wouldn't attribute it to this conversation. Though he has his father back, so in some ways. Yes.

The further I get away from it the more I try to put it into perspective. The only unhealthy part about it mentally, is that each night I went back and had the exact same experience finishing up more parts of the conversation and even when I asked for the "classic experience" and that I had heard all I needed to about the veil, my conversations seemed to be filling in my new "spiritual path". This was way more real than any retreat or bible. It's too hard to turn away from for myself.

My kids and wife and I will be "the same faith" as the knowledge may all be in my head and even if it wasn't it would be too disruptive to "chop wood, carry water" for everyone in my family to deal with.. plus I don't want to start a cult. I am fairly charismatic Razz

On another note, two of my atheist friends believe me and said "that is what God would be like". I have held tight to my faith and beliefs even through 30 years of an alternative lifestyle where it is seen as a negative. So when I faltered, since I never have. They took notice.

Again, if it is the truth. Then maybe my story will give others peace or those in pain will find their way to one of these healing mothers. If not, maybe they will at a minimum get the healing they need.

There are many christian religions that use this plant in their worship, so they may be better informed than I am about what they think it brings to the table. However, while no one left an atheist, I do not believe it forces faith into you. I think it lets you heal from whatever pains you may have, and that "basking love".

If I were hearing voices or thinking miracles happened I would be concerned about myself and realize I have to take the "mental health" path for this. I am returning to see her again for another multi-night session again, with the same shaman and group.

If I have another experience and conversation and it heads down the same path. Then I will start with the experiments, to see if there is any proof. Thought it really did seems like she had realistic limitations and I felt the Love I was told God has for us. So it's difficult for me at this point to dismiss it as a possibility that it was all real, but also I know better than to take too much from psychedelics.. though I have never had anything talk through me or control me. Nor has anything since. I feel like I have a solid foundation of pre-skepitcism, but after I am still collecting and just trying to get it all on "paper".

For me, I am grateful.. I healed pain no amount of faith or talking helped. I do not think you should avoid, this. However, I disagree with the sentiment here that you should be able to do this alone by yourself. (At least at first).

There is no way I would have had this experience without the group, that I could let go and do a level that was extremely high and have an MD around for medical reasons and a Shaman around in case I went too deep down the rabbit hole. I feel like I could do it now alone, but I believe everyone should do this one time with someone who knows the plant like a mother and sister.

"The Mother" takes those insecurities, pain and insurmountable heartache and makes you face it, understand why and then helps you recover and "let it all go". That alone is worth the 40k dollars I have spent on research and gardening and travel since starting this journey almost 2 years ago. I feel like I found the plant I was looking for, that I should have never been fearful and that I could now just "be".

The only other thing I want to do now is 5-Meo-DMT the "God molecule" and see if the conversation continues there. I was blessed, I can't get away from that. Just to the extent I am completely unsure of.

One revelation was about space and how it was this "gift" and a video game, that if we could get over "man's game" we could get out there and play with all of the wonderful things we were given. Not sure why this just popped into my head, but seemed important enough to add.

I asked a friend to follow up who is an atheist, he has been with my on my journey. He may be able to give a better perspective for you.

 
Metashaman
#10 Posted : 4/19/2017 12:37:45 PM

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Elmo wrote:
Thank you for sharing your amazing experience And thank you for the lesson, my friend. Your experience makes me take a serious look at the importance of "site and situation" as well as "intent" and "dosage" in my own preparations. Yours is a powerful story it has started the wheels in my mind, I am perceverating, this will require some meditation.



Thank you, again I know this could all be in my head. So I caution digging too deep. That part is difficult for me as I experienced it and it was real (to me) for at least for 3 days.

Most people's sharing were things like "I feel better about my weight" or "I stopped drinking". I did try to "dismiss" what I was told around the Mckenna folks and they made it sound like I should not. That even if it was just in my head. It was meant for me and it shouldn't matter if it was real or not. That I should cling to it as it was the way back to a healthy life. "You get what you need (to hear)".

My only "overpowering want" that may be unhealthy is the need to grow more caapi. I started 5 seedlings and will care for them until adulthood. It's my way to say "thank you".
 
Leviathansbane
#11 Posted : 4/19/2017 3:20:00 PM

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twattlehead wrote:
Thanks for the report. It brings that stones song to mind, the one mckenna used to quote about not always getting what you want but if you try sometime you find you get what you need.

I'm curious about the religious aspect, and as an agnostic and aya virgin, cautious too. I'm ok with the idea of a higher power, or more than one, just calling it "God" doesn't sit well for me. Should I stay away from aya?

Good to hear your son is better. Do you think your aya experience helped his condition in any way?


Just curious as to what it is you would fear if you had aya? Are you concerned with having some specific religious context appear and convert you to say, christianity?

My own experiences took me from a flat out "god doesn't exist" atheist to a "I think an architect of some sort exists". I do not think I fall under any predefined category as I can not claim a specific deity eg Yaweh so I am definitely not a theist. But I can not claim agnosticism (that God exists but we can't possibly know him) because what I encounter guides and helps me to understand its nature and it's thoughts, well that is how it feels. I love science but wouldn't claim to be a scientism(ist?) because when you find things like the double slit experiment, quantum entanglement, the nature of absolute zero, testing to disprove multiverse theory and always failing, specific self correcting code in the mathematics we use to describe the physics of this universe (one we use in Web browsers) etc... I can only conclude that the more we discover the more complicated and confusing it gets. Kind of like a cat chasing it's tail.

Which brings me to is it even a god I/others experience? How can I tell if it is THE god, a god, angels, demons or satan in disguise, aliens, mischievous sprites, leprechauns, my higher version of myself teaching me etc etc...? These are all unfalsifiable propositions that can not be tested to differentiate between one or another. We use terms like God and forget they are symbols to describe a phenomenon but often forget that how you convert that into a mental representation is never identical. Eg, without looking at the moon, picture it in your head right now. What you are picturing as your direct conscious experience will be different to what is in my head right now and what pops into anybody else's heads as they read this. What I learned in my aya journey and have gathered from all the experience reports I have read is that whatever "it" is, is similarly using symbols that you understand as an individual in order to convey a concept. The messages received apear to be delivered in a context that you would understand the best. For some this might translate to christian/jewish/islamic contexts because of their upbringing, but it could also be the case that a drastically different context is needed if your schemas really need shaking up in order to grow/expand your consciousness, eg someone with a staunch christian upbringing seeing Shiva so as to snap them out of a specific line of thinking that has been detrimental for that individual.

It can be summed up with "the map is not the road and the menu is not the meal"

If you can grasp this fundamental concept, that words are only symbols that act as a filter between that world and this... if you can accept that in trying to put the indescribable into words you lose a lot in translation... then imo you are ready to take the plunge.

https://youtu.be/mY9gVIcRkkI

Enjoy the mystery, enjoy the game. Welcome to earth.
Peace my friend Very happy
 
GuruD
#12 Posted : 4/19/2017 4:21:59 PM
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very excellent account met a shaman. I am glad for your recovery.

I unfortuanetely cannot heal my heart, ever. Because others ran off with it a long time ago. Sad

Yew ken knot mayk mi knull bee kuhz eye am gohd sew kyndli phuhk awf withe yor knahtzee skair taktiks
 
Metashaman
#13 Posted : 4/19/2017 4:45:25 PM

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GuruD wrote:
very excellent account met a shaman. I am glad for your recovery.

I unfortuanetely cannot heal my heart, ever. Because others ran off with it a long time ago. Sad



Don't underestimate your higher self. One thing everyone seems to get with a real ceremony is closure.

I have been looking at the psychology and the "parts of the brain affected", it helps repair some of the pathways to keep you from going into that pain daily.

I love you man, so does the universe (though that is my take).

Don't hold yourself back from peace, but also don't force yourself. The middle way: Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. You will know when you are ready to let that go, and I believe the plant teachers are there to help with that.

~I met a Shaman.
 
Metashaman
#14 Posted : 4/19/2017 4:49:36 PM

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On a side note... one of my long time friends was interested in my experience.. so I showed him this report.

His one question was, not about God or the Universe..

But rather
"If I do this, am I going to become this wordy? You guys like to type a lot."

Big grin

HAH!
 
DmnStr8
#15 Posted : 4/20/2017 12:47:53 AM

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Not sure what to say after reading that other than thank you! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. This really brought up some feelings for me as I read. You touched my heart!
 
Metashaman
#16 Posted : 4/20/2017 4:06:41 AM

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DmnStr8 wrote:
Not sure what to say after reading that other than thank you! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. This really brought up some feelings for me as I read. You touched my heart!


Thank you, you and Running were always kind to me in the past, you guys actually guided me in the first of my fungi projects. Part of why I returned (even if they decide it is temporary) was to share the end of seemed to be a long quest.

I have asked for forgiveness as I was a "spreader" and learned over time, this is only for those who have already taken the first few steps. Furthermore, I was pretty dern obsessed with what it all "meant" and I just had a flow of consciousness that was disruptive in the past.

I am at peace with that now. The answers I got were clear and concise. That many already lead a good path and this isn't for them. They don't need it. They have that love ingrained in them and haven't let the world take if from them. Finally, that what I was torturing myself over was a beautiful space and was a truly random game, meant to let us have some fun as long as we didn't take it all too serious.. like a D and D adventure.

I do hear the Watts message loud and clear "When you've got the message, hang up the phone". I feel like I got that message, but I still want to role up my Hyperspace character and see what kind of fun I can get into.

Also, I want to make sure I get the same message I got that first night again in a separate experience rather than in a lucid multi-day event.

My final real goal is 5-Meo, but seems too hard to find solid Tek and I don't want to hurt any frogs, so that may have to take a back seat to traveling for now Smile

I love you man, always have. So many of you helped me get there. When I was taking it all WAY to seriously, you forced me to search on my own. The end result and the end of the road has been beautiful.
 
twattlehead
#17 Posted : 4/20/2017 7:14:14 AM
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Leviathansbane, thanks for the reply, made me think about what and why my attitude is. Also the archer link, funny stuff.

I'm not worried about being converted to christianity or any one particular religion as much as being converted to something that may not in my best interests. Metashaman (thanks for your thoughtful post too) mentioned 5meo dmt and I've heard experienced aya people talk about 5meo as the one true path, the complete ego dissolution, connection with "source" and the realization of the knowledge that we are all one entity.

It's the idea of a drug experience giving, or forcing on me a philosophy, of making me believe this is the one true path that I find scary. It doesn't seem that different from a fundamentalist religious type saying, "I KNOW this is true, because GOD told me it is". At this stage I prefer to believe there are many valid paths, and my dmt experiences don't seem to discourage that atm. They may all be in the domain of "source", and maybe one day I'll have guts to try 5meo, but not yet. Aya feels much closer in the future though.

Re aya communicating through symbols, is that aspect different from dmt visuals? There seems to be a lot of symbolism there too ime.
 
Metashaman
#18 Posted : 4/20/2017 7:34:52 AM

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twattlehead wrote:
Leviathansbane, thanks for the reply, made me think about what and why my attitude is. Also the archer link, funny stuff.

I'm not worried about being converted to christianity or any one particular religion as much as being converted to something that may not in my best interests. Metashaman (thanks for your thoughtful post too) mentioned 5meo dmt and I've heard experienced aya people talk about 5meo as the one true path, the complete ego dissolution, connection with "source" and the realization of the knowledge that we are all one entity.

It's the idea of a drug experience giving, or forcing on me a philosophy, of making me believe this is the one true path that I find scary. It doesn't seem that different from a fundamentalist religious type saying, "I KNOW this is true, because GOD told me it is". At this stage I prefer to believe there are many valid paths, and my dmt experiences don't seem to discourage that atm. They may all be in the domain of "source", and maybe one day I'll have guts to try 5meo, but not yet. Aya feels much closer in the future though.

Re aya communicating through symbols, is that aspect different from dmt visuals? There seems to be a lot of symbolism there too ime.



When people discuss this at large it is like your "true self, gets to have a conversation with the daily you". I think that is still very true.

Again, I don't think this stuff forces you into any religion by any means. I do however think it is difficult to say "this is all there is" after these types of breakthrough experiences. Again, I can only speak for myself even there, some people may come out of these experiences with those thoughts as well for all I know.

I feel like I got what I needed. I do think you will know what it is time to go find what ever it is you are looking to heal, confront or find when it is time. There was nothing unkind about the experience, other than me. It seemed to not want to fight and literally took the fight right out of me. Letting me rage, then slip into fear, then face my grief.. then I felt like it held me for hours in this blanket of love and let my mind wander into beautiful conversations about the universe....

On a side note I was on high levels of mind altering substances, and always have to take that into account. Very happy

I'd say no preconceived notions is the healthiest way to go in, even if just from a scientific perspective, not to mention the benefits that would have on an experience where it took you where it wanted you to go rather than concentrate on things about you.

My intent wasn't to color your adventures, but rather to share what I believe was an unusual trip report.

 
twattlehead
#19 Posted : 4/21/2017 8:25:11 AM
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Metashaman wrote:
I'd say no preconceived notions is the healthiest way to go in, even if just from a scientific perspective, not to mention the benefits that would have on an experience where it took you where it wanted you to go rather than concentrate on things about you.

Well put. That's exactly how I plan to do it, mainly because the trips where I ask for something, understanding usually, don't very often give the desired results. Not that they were bad trips. They all show me something that seems useful or interesting or beautiful, just not often what I ask for. I wouldn't being going into aya looking to heal or confront anything either. I think my main goal will just be to connect, experience and satisfy my curiosity. Though I won't be surprised if aya shows me something I'm not aware of that could be healed or confronted. I'm looking forward to it whenever the opportunity comes around, just not sure if I'll do it in a group or by myself - all my tripping over the last couple years has been done solo.
 
Metashaman
#20 Posted : 4/21/2017 6:00:09 PM

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twattlehead wrote:
Metashaman wrote:
I'd say no preconceived notions is the healthiest way to go in, even if just from a scientific perspective, not to mention the benefits that would have on an experience where it took you where it wanted you to go rather than concentrate on things about you.

Well put. That's exactly how I plan to do it, mainly because the trips where I ask for something, understanding usually, don't very often give the desired results. Not that they were bad trips. They all show me something that seems useful or interesting or beautiful, just not often what I ask for. I wouldn't being going into aya looking to heal or confront anything either. I think my main goal will just be to connect, experience and satisfy my curiosity. Though I won't be surprised if aya shows me something I'm not aware of that could be healed or confronted. I'm looking forward to it whenever the opportunity comes around, just not sure if I'll do it in a group or by myself - all my tripping over the last couple years has been done solo.


Having a shaman and a personal orchestra is amazing.. not that I can down a solo experience as that gave me a whole toilet and shower all to myself lol. Not sure how you are, but when I trip solo, even at high amounts I never feel like I can "really just let go" without panic setting in. With the group I was with, that was their selling point. We have an MD on staff, that attends every ritual. We have a shaman there to bring you back out of your own head if needed.

It made me feel that for the first time in my life I didn't have to be responsible and hypervigilant (not that it meant I would be reckless, but that I didn't have to watch my vitals every 20 seconds and do "checkins" with myself every 10 or so to make sure I am still on the right mindset or in a mental loop I can't break out from.)

I have heart rate monitors etc when touching MAOI's in case of hypertension etc normally. Not because I have medical issues, but I am just OVERLY careful with everything.. to a fault.

I felt like I could let go there.

If you have local burns I met a couple of the underground folks at the Mckenna based area's. If you have anything local like a burn, I'd look it up. Burns aren't my thing anymore. I prefer much more peace and less drunken chaos at things I attend. However, there are always some diamonds in the rough at those.


~I met a Shaman.
 
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