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First Time Breakthrough. Need Help Integrating. I May Be Suffering From PTSD Due to It. Options
 
Sam_Ress
#1 Posted : 3/26/2017 5:45:21 AM
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Hey Nexians, this is my first time posting on here, so let me know if I am doing this right. I am just extremely concerned for my well-being. I experienced my first (and last) DMT breathrough two nights ago. I had been anticipating this experience for over a year, and it has been incredibly difficult for me to track down the substance. I eventually tracked down 400mg of what I believed was DMT n-oxide. I will start by explaining my experience with psychedelics. I have done LSD multiple times (most being a 525ฮผg trip, coincidentally being a week earlier than this breakthrough). I had done small doses of DMT many times, some being part of the 400mg and another time I had some changa, but I never had the courage to break through. I felt like I had good mental control on psychedelics, even though I had only been properly exposed to one type of psychedelic. This was enough for me to think I was prepared for a breakthrough.

The first night, being three nights ago, I was attempting to break through at my friend's house, but we didn't have a set of milligram scales. So we just eyeballed the doses and tested them from low doses and increased according to the feeling. My mate was measuring the doses for me, as well as being the one dosing me, as I felt I could trust him (in hindsight, I was wrong). I finally got to the point where I said I was ready to go for it, and I told my mate to pack what he thought would be enough. He put some in, and I smoked as much as I could. It turned out to not be even close to enough, which I told him. He then proceeded to put nearly the rest of the crystal in the pipe (which would have been at least 150-200mg or so). I started freaking out, asking why he did that. He said that nothing less seemed to work. I trusted his decision and as I went for it, the jet lighter ran out of fuel. I ended up giving up trying, leaving most of the residue in the pipe. I brought the pipe home to do the next night.

That night, I asked my sister to sit me, but she refused, so out of stupidity I decided to do it myself. I ended up putting the rest of the DMT I had into the pipe to make sure I had enough in there to break through; yes I was that desperate. I put on a song (being "Where We're Going" by Hans Zimmer), and sat down in bed, had the pipe filled with what I am going to estimate had around 170-220mg of DMT (the residue from the night before + how much I had left). I lit the jet lighter, melted down the crystal, took as big of a hit as I could (I'm going to guess I got at least 60mg+, my lungs are decent so I really couldn't say how much more).

Effects came on as soon as I felt the vapor enter my lungs. I held it in for as long as possible, even to the point of swallowing the smoke to hold it in for longer. I was getting ready to take a second hit. 10-20 seconds later, I breathed out. No build up of visuals, my entire world, body and brain exploded within a mere 5 seconds like I was a firework just set off (another analogy is to think of my body as a tube of toothpaste that just got crushed by an enormous pressure, and the toothpaste exploding out both ends). My body turned into an infinite depth of fluorescent foam, tasting like the fluoride you get at the dentist. There were colours in my entire visual space, and it felt like I had some being/beings laughing at me, saying things like "I told you so" or "he actually did it". I thought I had died. I had no way of moving my body. All I remember saying is "I just did that to myself" (meaning death). I envisioned my mother standing in front of me, asking me "what have you just done?" in the most dreaded way possible. It was horrific to hear her voice say that.

The next thing I can remember is sitting up holding my face. I then pulled my hands back around my head, which felt like I was pulling them through my head, like it was made of some kind of dense, but extremely pliable foam (the same fluorescent foam mentioned above). I was imagining my mother and father standing there next to me, and as I pulled my hands through my head, I started screaming "I DIDN'T REALISE", thinking I had just collapsed my head in. I repeated it again, my hands moving back in front of my face, and pulling them through my head..."I DIDN'T REALISE! I DIDN'T REALISE!....." This went on for about 2 minutes. It was traumatising. I thought I was dealing excruciating pain to myself that I would only feel after I came down. I thought for certain I had gone too far into this. During this time, it also felt like I was uncontrollably swallowing this foam stuff instead of oxygen, like I was hyperventilating on it.

This time eventually passed, I woke up in what I thought was my room. It certainly was a room, but not my room. It was dark, faint patterns on the wall, soft like my bed. It felt like a mental ward for psychedelic patients who'd overdosed. I was confused at first, looking for my phone, but it wasn't there. Nothing was. I started freaking out, this room didn't look like it was going anywhere anytime soon. I thought the drugs would have worn off by this stage. Realising I had probably just gone somewhere I won't return from, insanity began to creep up on me. I began panicking, looking around. The room was uniform everywhere I looked, coinciding with the feeling that I'm never returning to Earth. In a last attempt to regain control, I began to not just pray, but beg to God to bring me back. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. This was nothing like anyone explained DMT to be like. There were no entities, I wasn't in hyperspace exploring the unknown. I was alone, silent with my thoughts. I laid there begging, closing my eyes hoping it will eventually end.

About 30 seconds later, I opened my eyes, and I started to see fractals appear, forming the edges of my TV, followed by the TV itself. I was coming back. Within 20 seconds, I could see my room. There were patterns and geometric shapes all over the walls and all the furniture. I stood up, being as relieved as I have ever been. I start repeating "OH MY GOD" over and over in my excitement. Something wasn't quite right though. I went out of my room only to see my room had mirrored itself.

I realised by now the drugs definitely were wearing off somewhat though, which was comforting. I start to drag my hands through my hair, and like my face, my hair would just disintegrate at my touch. My body was still extremely fragile by this point. My shirt was the same, it would just seem to fall apart whenever I touched it. Another 10 minutes past, nothing had changed, I was still in the same room. I walked out of my room a second time, my lounge-room was back. I started walking up the stairs, contemplating telling my mother and father that I had gone insane. I thought I had, DMT wasn't meant to last this long was it? I got to the hallway of my parents room, and my logic hit me. Maybe I should wait it out, maybe I will come back properly. Maybe my body will eventually form back to it's original state.

I went downstairs, looked in the mirror. I looked normal, my hair looked normal, my throat looked normal (my throat felt like a hollow tube with nothing inside it. Every time I would swallow, I would swallow a huge amount of the foam stuff). I started to tell myself to wait it out, it's just the drugs. They would eventually wear off. Still, nothing changed for another 5 minutes or so, I started to freak out again. Will I ever properly come back, or will I eternally be in this state of physical perception? Eventually things started to go back to normal, I kept telling myself it will all eventually wear off. This was the most comforting bit of advice I have ever told myself.

A total of around an hour and a half after I first hit the pipe, all the main effects had subsided. I thought I was ready for bed. As I tried sleeping, when I got close to sleep, my body would start going into trip mode and I would start to hyperventilate again. I had extreme rushes of anxiety. I couldn't get any sleep until about 7am, but I ended up getting up at 9am as by that time, my body did not want to sleep. Had I gone insane? Have I got PTSD? Will I get insomnia? All these questions, I was nervous, but at the same time so relieved to have had this experience and come out of it in one piece. I will never do DMT again. The night after (being the night just gone), I tried going to sleep, but I kept experiencing the same feeling whenever I would get close to sleep. I got no sleep last night, which makes me concerned that I have triggered a drug-induced insomnia.

The only thing I can put together in this experience, was that it was an experience of my body completely exploding, and slowly reconnecting itself, hence why during many stages of the trip, I could move my hands through my skin like it was just a foam. The only thing I can take from the experience that I can apply to my life (in integration), is to be careful of what I wish for.

Nexians, I need advice on how I can integrate this experience. I am currently still having vivid flashbacks of when I exploded, and it scares me to bits. It was a terrifying experience, and I'm sure I have, at the very least, symptoms of PTSD. I have been prescribed some anti-depressants to calm myself as I have had about 1 hour sleep for over 48 hours, and I need to be at uni tomorrow, so I need to get to sleep tonight. I will not be touching drugs again, this was the be-all-end-all for me. It was too much, and I have too much to lose over a drug. Please, anyone, help. I am terrified. I understand this may take months or even years to get over, I don't care how long it takes. I need advice. I understand it was incredibly stupid not to correctly measure my doses, and to not have a sitter, which is probably why I did too much, however I can't take it back now. What's done is done. I understand it has only been a few days since the experience, and the effects may not be all that bad, so please tell me if you think that is the case. I just need to know that what I experienced was in some form, normal for a breakthrough, and how I can go about integrating the experience.

Peace guys. (P.S. sorry for so much text)
 

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InAwe
#2 Posted : 3/26/2017 10:00:14 PM

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I'll say what I can, based on my experience.

First, as you know, you took too much. 200mg is over 4 times what most consider a large dose. Please don't take offense, but by the tone of your writing, you sound like you may be a nervous person. Nothing wrong with that, but you may have to focus extra hard to be calm before trying something so powerful. I would recommend trying some meditation. Set and setting are everything. Try meditation for a while before smoking. Be as calm as you can be, and as devoid of negativity as you can be. I know you said you'll never do it again. I said that once too.

Second, you opened your eyes. opening the eyes Can make the experience more confusing and scarier than it needs to be, in my opinion. Opening the eyes might make you want to escape what's happening to you, which is impossible.

Going as far as getting an antidepressant prescription is a bit too much, in my opinion. Be careful with antidepressants, they can screw up your brain chemistry far more than any psychedelic ever will.

There isn't really a "normal" breakthrough. They all seem to be different, with some similarities. Being scared to death, then not remembering much actually seems fairly common. It's also not uncommon to have the most beautiful experience of your life. DMT is not recreational, though sometimes it can feel like it. I read one member say something like "you don't get the trip you want, you get the trip you need."

Integration... so hard. All you can do is try to take the experience and somehow turn it into more positivity in your daily life. Maybe exploding into pieces can show you how much you want to be alive. Not sure.

Take all this with a grain of salt, it's just my opinion based on my experience.

Good luck. You'll be fine. Take a month break, a year, ten years, then maybe try it again at a lower dose. you may have a much more positive experience.
"If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance''
 
InAwe
#3 Posted : 3/26/2017 10:04:40 PM

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I forgot to ask: do you take antidepressants regularly? If so, you may want to stop before trying again. Not sure if you know, but SSRI's combined with DMT is very dangerous.
"If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance''
 
TGO
#4 Posted : 3/26/2017 10:37:46 PM

Music is alive and in your soul. It can move you. It can carry you. It can make you cry! Make you laugh. Most importantly, it makes you feel! What is more important than that?

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InAwe wrote:
I forgot to ask: do you take antidepressants regularly? If so, you may want to stop before trying again. Not sure if you know, but SSRI's combined with DMT is very dangerous.


Mixing SSRIs and MAOIs is what is dangerous. Examples would be any SSRI mixed with changa, Ayahuasca, or pharmahuasca to name a few. The following quote is from our very own Corpus Callosum, a medical Doctor:

corpus callosum wrote:

The combination of SSRIs and FB vaporised DMT ie with no MAOI is not physically hazardous; you may find that the olanzapine reduces the effects of DMT by virtue of its anti-psychotic effect (mediated through dopamine receptors).


As for the OP, you took too much and traumatized yourself. It's okay, though it does teach a valuable lesson as to why DMT (and all psychedelics) should be approached with caution and respect. Nothing can prepare you for a breakthrough, especially at such high doses, which is why the Nexus advocates that people start low and build their way up to breakthrough territory.

The breakthrough is startling, awe-inspiring, and extremely terrifying at times. Weird/absurd/impossible is the normal in DMT land. You will be okay. I will leave you with some tips from the WIKI on how to integrate from here:

WIKI wrote:

Integration


One of the fundamental aspects of a psychedelic experience is how to digest what one has faced and be able to put in practice lessons in daily life. Without this part, a psychedelic experience will become meaningless, dysphoric, segregating, schizo-generating.
This is not to say every single hyperspace image must be decoded into a particular lesson. A number of experiences may be so out-there that it will be hard relating it to daily life in some way. But in the very least, a sense of humbleness, of respect, the awe-inspired feeling, the happiness for being back and alive, those are all aspects that can be used for a positive change in one's life, as long as one wants it and works for it.

We spend most of our time in the normal 'waking/consensus' reality, and it is here that the real tests present themselves, it's here where we write the story of our lives and make due (or not) to our responsibilities of being alive. The difficulties of daily life shouldnt be seen as a problem we have to avoid at all costs, but rather they are opportunities for us to improve ourselves, to succeed in the tests presented by life.
While it can be extremely blissful during the effects, to see the DMT and psychedelic experience as an end to itself is a very dangerous attitude. Balance is always the key. Appreciate the gift of being alive and being able to deal with normal life. Psychedelics might be a beautiful part of the process but they are not self-sufficient and wont make your life meaningful if you dont yourself make your daily life meaningful.

Tips how to integrate

Talk to different people and listen to what they have to say. By definition, our vision of life and the events we went through are single-sided and self-biased. Other people, (experienced with psychedelics or not) can provide us with differing view-points that aid in our learning process, like mirrors that help us notice our blindspots.

Put the lessons in practice, specially before taking it again. If during the experience one has received messages about how he/she should change the eating habbits, or should treat others better, or should study more, then by all means make all the effort possible to put that in practice and avoid taking psychedelics again before having achieved one's aim (even if not completely, as we can always be better, but at least to a significant degree)
Express yourself creatively. A large part of the DMT experience is ineffable, impossible to describe in words. Yet, it is important we try to digest it one way or another, to integrate our emotional/spiritual experience. Expressing oneself creatively after smoking DMT (or taking other psychedelics too) through drawing, painting, music, poems or other art forms can be of great help and are very recommended for integration.

Question things! Do not believe literally and take at face-value what anybody tells you (whether its religious leaders, politicians, your friends or your psychedelic experiences/entities). Be self-critical, put things in perspective. Specially doubt and avoid believing any experience/feeling that involves "grandeur" ideas and anything that leads to extreme dissociation from other human beings ('im the chosen one, others are sheep'Pleased. Be extremely careful with suicidal thoughts (read point 7). Anything involving violence or ideas that would disrupt other people's lives should be avoided/disbelieved at all costs.

Balance is the key! If one is investing much more time thinking about and putting effort on psychedelic-related issues while neglecting other areas of life (family, work, health, studies), take a long break! Dedicate to life, dont worry, psychedelics will still be there in a few weeks/months/years, no need to rush.

Remember: You may have experienced Eternal Bliss and saw the Fractal All and Everything while interacting with Hyperspacial Beings, but....... The bills still have to be paid, the house still has to be broomed, the food still has to be cooked!
Health is a main priority! It highly pays off both in consensus reality as well as in the psychedelic/hyperspecial realm and one's conscience, if in daily life one is eating healthily, improving interpersonal relations and dealing with emotions, exercising, etc. If DMT/psychedelic use is negatively affecting your health (physical, emotional or intellectual) directly or indirectly, stop taking it, and only do it when one has significantly been working on one's health issues.

Do not make strong decisions during/just after a psychedelic experience. So if you really feel like saying something important to somebody, or quitting your job due to a realization, or any radical decision, write it down but please always wait for the next day (or week or month), to think over and get the perspective from another state of consciousness. If its the right decision, one can still make it afterwards even if one has waited, but if its the wrong decision and one makes it impulsively, there might be no turning back and one can seriously disrupt his/her or other people's lives.
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One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

 
InAwe
#5 Posted : 3/26/2017 10:41:36 PM

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Yes, SSRI and MAOI is the dangerous combination. I forgot that, thanks for the correction, and sorry to give bad information.
"If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance''
 
scott_1971_h
#6 Posted : 3/27/2017 5:10:32 AM
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I also suffer (C)PTSD and am thinking of using DMT to help with it ... so now I'm a little more concerned lol.
Would dmt or lysergic acid be better?
 
Sam_Ress
#7 Posted : 3/27/2017 9:58:19 AM
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InAwe wrote:
I'll say what I can, based on my experience.

First, as you know, you took too much. 200mg is over 4 times what most consider a large dose. Please don't take offense, but by the tone of your writing, you sound like you may be a nervous person. Nothing wrong with that, but you may have to focus extra hard to be calm before trying something so powerful. I would recommend trying some meditation. Set and setting are everything. Try meditation for a while before smoking. Be as calm as you can be, and as devoid of negativity as you can be. I know you said you'll never do it again. I said that once too.

Second, you opened your eyes. opening the eyes Can make the experience more confusing and scarier than it needs to be, in my opinion. Opening the eyes might make you want to escape what's happening to you, which is impossible.

Going as far as getting an antidepressant prescription is a bit too much, in my opinion. Be careful with antidepressants, they can screw up your brain chemistry far more than any psychedelic ever will.

There isn't really a "normal" breakthrough. They all seem to be different, with some similarities. Being scared to death, then not remembering much actually seems fairly common. It's also not uncommon to have the most beautiful experience of your life. DMT is not recreational, though sometimes it can feel like it. I read one member say something like "you don't get the trip you want, you get the trip you need."

Integration... so hard. All you can do is try to take the experience and somehow turn it into more positivity in your daily life. Maybe exploding into pieces can show you how much you want to be alive. Not sure.

Take all this with a grain of salt, it's just my opinion based on my experience.

Good luck. You'll be fine. Take a month break, a year, ten years, then maybe try it again at a lower dose. you may have a much more positive experience.


You are absolutely correct, I am quite a nervous person. I will be working on methods of meditation with my psychologist. I managed to get pretty well a full nights sleep last night, however I was woken about 6 times from nightmares. It feels great to actually sleep finally though. I never thought about closing my eyes during the experience, it would have been great to know that during it.

The antidepressant medication is only for a couple of days while the traumatic stress is still quite tender, tonight is the last night I take it. I've never been all-for antidepressants, I've seen the effects on all of my sisters, and it didn't turn out pretty. However I believe this will just help take the initial edge off the extreme trauma I'm feeling as I regain a steady mental state.

You are absolutely right though, even though I didn't want that trip, I probably needed it. It's really hit me hard and essentially told me to screw my head back on. I will talk to my psychologist about integration, he is very aware of the effects of drugs (from personal use and his patients), and I know he would have methods of dealing with these kinds of things. Your words have really helped calm me...thank you.
 
Sam_Ress
#8 Posted : 3/27/2017 10:00:24 AM
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InAwe wrote:
I forgot to ask: do you take antidepressants regularly? If so, you may want to stop before trying again. Not sure if you know, but SSRI's combined with DMT is very dangerous.


Nah I don't take them regularly, I've actually never taken them myself. I see you corrected yourself on MAOI's being the bad mix with antidepressants but.
 
Sam_Ress
#9 Posted : 3/27/2017 10:10:20 AM
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The Grateful One wrote:
As for the OP, you took too much and traumatized yourself. It's okay, though it does teach a valuable lesson as to why DMT (and all psychedelics) should be approached with caution and respect. Nothing can prepare you for a breakthrough, especially at such high doses, which is why the Nexus advocates that people start low and build their way up to breakthrough territory.


Yeah I realise that is probably just the case, I may be overreacting but it scared the living daylights out of me thinking that I may have put so many things I've worked for in life at stake. I don't want to lose what I have. I thought I respected the drug, but as InAwe said, the drug gives you the trip you need, not what you want, and I could say it's very accurate.

I appreciate the link you quoted, I read through that whole page (and so much more) before I decided to breakthrough, hence why I thought I was prepared. Some things though, it seems you cannot prepare for. I think my downfall was my desperation to break through; I lost the real reason why I wanted it, being the experience and knowledge/understanding gained by it. I'm going to continue to ponder the experience instead of avoiding thinking about it (as much as I want to forget about it), and ask as many people (who I believe would actually help) as I can in order to understand, and move on from this trauma I've experienced. Thank you, I really appreciate the reply.
 
Sam_Ress
#10 Posted : 3/27/2017 11:05:29 AM
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scott_1971_h wrote:
I also suffer (C)PTSD and am thinking of using DMT to help with it ... so now I'm a little more concerned lol.
Would dmt or lysergic acid be better?


I'd first like to say that I'm sorry you have had to experience this kind of burden in your life, I truly hope you work out consistent strategies to deal with what you are going through, and you eventually make it through this/these trauma(s).

I'll start by saying that I can only really speak from personal experience and what research I have done. I will just note that I did not previously have any PTSD or symptoms of it prior to my breakthrough. Since my (at least, symptoms of) PTSD was/were caused DUE to the use of DMT, I cannot say whether or not it would benefit your case through using it (since in my case, it did the exact opposite of what you are wanting to achieve).

On the other hand, my breakthrough has helped me appreciate my life on a whole new level, which I am incredibly grateful for. I feel DMT would help with treating suicidal thoughts (courtesy of my last sentence), but as for PTSD, I cannot say. MDMA has been better known to treat PTSD, so I would recommend considering using that first over DMT (obviously aim to get the purest MDMA you possibly can, avoid street stuff since there is a decent risk that it wouldn't be beneficial, and potentially be more harmful).

Do not take my experience as a reference case for a DMT breakthrough though, take it as a warning. I was stupid with how I approached it, and I got psychologically slapped for it. My use of LSD has broadened my understanding of myself (introspection is what I always end up doing on it), and I have only benefited from it. Similarly to what I said about DMT, I cannot say how LSD would treat PTSD, as my personal experience does not directly relate to your situation. However, it may interest you that it did help me with getting over and facing my biggest insecurities, which has helped me enjoy the gift of life a whole lot more.

There have been many tests for LSD treating PTSD, and an abundance of forum posts related to it as well, so I would highly recommend doing as much research into this as you can (if you haven't already). Also (again, if you haven't already), read into the health and safety section of the Nexus, it has an extensive amount of great information and advice on DMT use.

As for which one (out of DMT or LSD) I would think would be more likely to be beneficial (or safer) for your case, I would have to say LSD. This is because if things do not go as smoothly as planned (on either drug), you are less likely to be as affected by the LSD experience than the DMT experience. I have also used LSD a lot more, and the benefits from my use do relate slightly to treating somewhat PTSD symptoms (as in, the causes of my insecurities were to the point where they felt like traumatic events). Do not take my advice as fact though, this is just my personal opinion.

One last note, just in case: I suggest not having drugs as your only solution for getting over this. There are many, many ways to deal with and handle these kinds of things without the use of drugs, even though they can (and have been shown to in many cases) be a huge help with it. However, I'm sure you are already completely aware of this, and have probably tried copious amounts of (if not all) treatments/therapies, so sorry if I'm just pointing out the complete obvious to you.

Good luck with any experiences you decide to take on, I wish you the very best for healing what has happened in the past. Happy tripping brother Smile
 
Wolfnippletip
#11 Posted : 3/27/2017 1:41:18 PM

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Maybe I've missed it in the text, but have you been able to get a good night's sleep since your experience? That would seem to be priority one IMO.
My flesh moves, like liquid. My mind is cut loose.
 
scott_1971_h
#12 Posted : 3/28/2017 1:18:43 AM
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Sam_Ress wrote:
scott_1971_h wrote:
I also suffer (C)PTSD and am thinking of using DMT to help with it ... so now I'm a little more concerned lol.
Would dmt or lysergic acid be better?


I'd first like to say that I'm sorry you have had to experience this kind of burden in your life, I truly hope you work out consistent strategies to deal with what you are going through, and you eventually make it through this/these trauma(s).

On the other hand, my breakthrough has helped me appreciate my life on a whole new level, which I am incredibly grateful for. I feel DMT would help with treating suicidal thoughts (courtesy of my last sentence), but as for PTSD, I cannot say. MDMA has been better known to treat PTSD, so I would recommend considering using that first over DMT (obviously aim to get the purest MDMA you possibly can, avoid street stuff since there is a decent risk that it wouldn't be beneficial, and potentially be more harmful).
As for which one (out of DMT or LSD) I would think would be more likely to be beneficial (or safer) for your case, I would have to say LSD. This is because if things do not go as smoothly as planned (on either drug), you are less likely to be as affected by the LSD experience than the DMT experience. I have also used LSD a lot more, and the benefits from my use do relate slightly to treating somewhat PTSD symptoms (as in, the causes of my insecurities were to the point where they felt like traumatic events). Do not take my advice as fact though, this is just my personal opinion.

OK, I think I'll try other things before dmt :-).
Would you have done better with a much lower dose, and (or) a sitter who understood ptsd?
 
Sam_Ress
#13 Posted : 3/28/2017 2:12:10 AM
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Wolfnippletip wrote:
Maybe I've missed it in the text, but have you been able to get a good night's sleep since your experience? That would seem to be priority one IMO.


Yeah my main priority was to get sleep. I have just gone two nights being able to actually sleep. Two nights ago, I had to stay with my girlfriend to feel more comfortable (we live separately). This was after I'd had about 1 hour worth of sleep over around 60 or so hours, so I was obviously pretty tired. Thankfully I managed to finally get to sleep that night. However, I was woken about 6 times during that night from nightmares relating to the trip. I can't remember exactly what they all were about. Last night I slept by myself and I was woken 3 times I believe from nightmares, with similar context. Both nights I had taken 2 tablets of valium (not sure of their dose) before going to bed. Tonight I will attempt to go to sleep without the valium, so I will see how that goes. All seems to be getting better fairly quickly however which is a miracle for me.
 
Sam_Ress
#14 Posted : 3/28/2017 2:22:01 AM
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scott_1971_h wrote:
OK, I think I'll try other things before dmt :-).
Would you have done better with a much lower dose, and (or) a sitter who understood ptsd?


I would say I would most definitely have dealt a lot better with the trip and post-trip period if I had done a lower dose. I didn't have milligram scales which was a big problem as well (and my friend stupidly put nearly all of my supply in the pipe in one go - moral of the story, don't trust your mates with measuring your own doses).

I think if I had a sitter during the experience, it may have made things worse as they potentially could have been trying to hold me down and it would have possibly made the experience even more traumatising for me. Having someone there afterwards however, who has had a similar traumatic event (and understood PTSD), would definitely have helped.

I can say that mostly, the bad experience was just due to taking too much, so if you measure your doses properly and accurately (and have proper preparation), there is a much higher chance you will come back fine (this is if you do end up trying it). However, that is for you to decide yourself; it's going to be an intense experience either way if you decide to break through, so keep that in mind.
 
Hashketchum
#15 Posted : 3/29/2017 8:55:06 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 28
Joined: 18-Dec-2016
Last visit: 01-Jul-2017
First thing that comes to mind is why are you dosing so high?
I can achieve a full breakthrough by vaporizing around 50-60mg on my dab rig.
Having a sitter who is experienced in the substance could have helped a bit as well.
If you ever choose to explore again make sure your doing it at smaller doses.
 
DmnStr8
#16 Posted : 3/29/2017 5:20:03 PM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
Sounds like you let fear take over. It's inside you and came out. So you have some fears. Look at it. Feel it. Concentrate on the things you feared. An experience like you had holds many lessons. You can look at the experience in another way. Let it show you the fear. You may find that some of your fears are coming completely from the ego. You are more than your fears.

Sleeping. Hard to say what may help. Try and relax. Try and find a way to laugh off your off experience. Laughter is very healing. Anything positive you can muster will help. Lighten up if you can. Relax, breathe. Don't carry your fears around. Let it go. Drop it like it's hot.

Call your mom and say hey. Be grateful for your experiences, even the difficult. Mending begins when you can separate what the mind creates from your being. You are not your mind. You choose to create fear. So choose not to create fear by ignoring the illusions of fear your mind creates. Find a balance. Fear and love is within us all. Now you see and feel fear. You can choose love. Love yourself and your experience. Love the fear.
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
JustATourist
#17 Posted : 3/30/2017 12:05:16 AM

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Posts: 181
Joined: 31-Mar-2013
Last visit: 09-Mar-2024
Location: A lucky place
I personally know of several people who have had terrible experiences with too high of a dose and they all get better over time. Time is all you need. You need to get patient and value the fact that you are clearly and rapidly making progress (from not being able to sleep to being able to sleep even if with nightmares, eventually without nightmares, etc). This progress indicates that you are on the right path (which is just inevitable anyway).


From what I read here, I personally don't think you have PTSD, you just describe the common phases people go through when the take too much and need time for these medium-term after-effects to fade away. Take the necessary steps with your psychologist or a psychiatrist to determine if you indeed have PTSD though, if that makes you feel better.
In my opinion residual effects like inability to sleep or nightmares can last for a few week from what I've seen but they don't take long to dramatically decrease, as they already have, as you stated.


Exercise is probably a good idea, and along with the anti-depressants you are already taking, it should help with possible mood swings and to get better sleep.

Personally I would focus on getting better first (which, I repeat, is mainly a matter of time), and only then you should start to reflect on the experience and fully start to integrate it. "Ruminating" about the trip is not a good idea at this stage IMHO, but it probably will be once you visibly get better.

You made a mistake with the dose and that's ok, we all make mistakes, you clearly learned from it and that's what matters.
You WILL get better, like anybody else who already experienced the same feelings you are experiencing right now Wink
 
lsDxMdmaddicThc
#18 Posted : 3/30/2017 5:06:44 AM

The future's uncertain and The End is always near.


Posts: 223
Joined: 25-Nov-2013
Last visit: 15-Dec-2020
Location: Mother Earth
I just had my first breakthrough last night.
High dose Yopo + unmeasured mountain of DMT vaped at peak.

I orgasmically purged lots of negativity I have been harboring for years.
Then, I was engulfed in infinite fractals, entities, and rapidly changing worlds.
The universe collapsed in on itself.
Hell froze over.
"Hell froze over."
My dead friend repeated that phrase as I came back to an altered version of my room & world.
I'm in the parallel universe where absolutely everything goes wrong.
Humanity screwed up beyond repair. We are all facing impending doom.
Blood is covering my walls, demonic entities are coming out of the woodwork.
My dead friend is among them and they all are saying "HELL FROZE OVER"
I have never felt such despair and hopelessness in my life.
I died and went to hell.
This is an eternal nightmare.
My father dies.
A man is about to break in my window and assassinate me at knife point.
But what do I care, I already faced death when I took that pile of DMT.
I'm already gone.
I lay in my bed in this distorted, morphing, hellish version of Earth.
As my father's spirit lifts and leaves this world, I feel an incredible sense of responsibility and pride wash over me.
He was suffering for so long.
A huge weight is lifted.
A new day has dawned!
Humanity has broken through with me from hell into the parallel universe where universal truth is shining outward from every human eye.
How wonderful!
I've made it through hell and now I feel more alive than ever.

Okay so that was what I can recall of the most intense experience of my life.
I don't have alot of free time so this is me just venting.
Don't cling to your fear and anxiety.
It will consume you only if you let it.
Here is the unspoken harsh truth about DMT and life in general :
YOU ARE IN THIS ALONE.
You can socialize and love people, but you die alone.
DMT is unexplainable. Don't try to hold it.
Let it be what it is.
Let go of everything you want your mind to be.
You are not insane, people have done much worse and still recovered.
You are just very shaken by this unexplainable experience.
It is so far outside normal reality that you shocked your system.
You will recover my friend, just remember : We go through hell to get to heaven.
Try setting up an exercise routine.
Yoga and deep breathing exercises are fantastic for grounding your energies.
I personally like to run Smile
Also, some shamans use tobacco to ground people after heavy journeys.
Schizophrenics are also heavy users of tobacco.
I've also found tobacco to help with integration.

I wish you the best. Just keep talking to people on here.
Even though you traveled alone and that will be forever yours, you can still make peace with it and live on to your full potential <3
Heaven existing here between Hell

We surf the transient wave, balancing on our breath, building and destroying until death.

We are the divine creators and destroyers.
We are the portals & black holes.
We choose what we manifest at the present moment in whatever dimension we inhabit.
"We are the ones we've been waiting for" - Hopi Proverb
 
fathomlessness
#19 Posted : 3/30/2017 5:45:21 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 975
Joined: 24-Jan-2015
Last visit: 28-Feb-2023
panick attack episodes are known to subside after 3-5 weeks, after that it becomes classified as PTSD. Although we are dealing with another acronym here also known as HPPD so it is slightly different from straight up trauma like war veterans.

As was suggested by The Grateful Deads quote of corpus callosum, if it persists then go see your doctor for some olanzapine and that should help as well as help you sleep, short term benzodiazapine use for chronic (1 hour sleep over 48 hours) sleep issues is advisable too but watch out as they are something to be wary off in terms of addiction. Both those things cause stupidity over time.

Other than that, try to let go and accept what has happened and don't spend too much time alone thinking about it. Try objective activities that take your mind off this and reintegrate you in to the "real" world.
 
DmnStr8
#20 Posted : 3/30/2017 11:18:17 PM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
lsDxMdmaddicThc wrote:
I just had my first breakthrough last night.
High dose Yopo + unmeasured mountain of DMT vaped at peak.

I orgasmically purged lots of negativity I have been harboring for years.
Then, I was engulfed in infinite fractals, entities, and rapidly changing worlds.
The universe collapsed in on itself.
Hell froze over.
"Hell froze over."
My dead friend repeated that phrase as I came back to an altered version of my room & world.
I'm in the parallel universe where absolutely everything goes wrong.
Humanity screwed up beyond repair. We are all facing impending doom.
Blood is covering my walls, demonic entities are coming out of the woodwork.
My dead friend is among them and they all are saying "HELL FROZE OVER"
I have never felt such despair and hopelessness in my life.
I died and went to hell.
This is an eternal nightmare.
My father dies.
A man is about to break in my window and assassinate me at knife point.
But what do I care, I already faced death when I took that pile of DMT.
I'm already gone.
I lay in my bed in this distorted, morphing, hellish version of Earth.
As my father's spirit lifts and leaves this world, I feel an incredible sense of responsibility and pride wash over me.
He was suffering for so long.
A huge weight is lifted.
A new day has dawned!
Humanity has broken through with me from hell into the parallel universe where universal truth is shining outward from every human eye.
How wonderful!
I've made it through hell and now I feel more alive than ever.

Okay so that was what I can recall of the most intense experience of my life.
I don't have alot of free time so this is me just venting.
Don't cling to your fear and anxiety.
It will consume you only if you let it.
Here is the unspoken harsh truth about DMT and life in general :
YOU ARE IN THIS ALONE.
You can socialize and love people, but you die alone.
DMT is unexplainable. Don't try to hold it.
Let it be what it is.
Let go of everything you want your mind to be.
You are not insane, people have done much worse and still recovered.
You are just very shaken by this unexplainable experience.
It is so far outside normal reality that you shocked your system.
You will recover my friend, just remember : We go through hell to get to heaven.
Try setting up an exercise routine.
Yoga and deep breathing exercises are fantastic for grounding your energies.
I personally like to run Smile
Also, some shamans use tobacco to ground people after heavy journeys.
Schizophrenics are also heavy users of tobacco.
I've also found tobacco to help with integration.

I wish you the best. Just keep talking to people on here.
Even though you traveled alone and that will be forever yours, you can still make peace with it and live on to your full potential <3


I love This! I really love this! Good on ya! Love
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
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