Greetings, fellow spice travelers. Thought I could share the most recent experience of mine.

First some background: I have been fighting with depression for most of my life. I always had a feeling that my life is just a torture, and that I'm the most miserable person on this planet. All of my life I was trying to live life according to lives of others. To try to "be normal". To fit in. To be like everyone else. Thought I am "not right", and need to be fixed.

I've never experienced true love, never had a girlfriend whom I truly loved. Nor have ever felt that someone really loves me. Totally emotional dullness Not much interested in sex either. That's why I thought "this is wrong, everyone around me is talking about it, everywhere there talk of it, tv radio internet. ..everywhere. And what about me? Then for it to get worse, I've had issues with gender identity disorder. And this is where i ran into another obstacle. Society doesn't accept that. Stop pursuing something which will only get you into trouble. I had problems with distorted self image, thought everyone is better than me, and that I have to do something to "fit in". (What a fool, how could have I forgot that this society is a big sick perversion, that it is corrupted, and that real glory is with everyone being unique, not same!?).

And much more problems were bothering me. But to not make this a novel, rather than a short story, lets pass some of those...

And how did i cope with this much disappointment and sorrow? Well, I tried to find happiness in small things. Like, accepting that all that simply must be, and that I should occupy my mind with other things. That was mostly going to work, playing video games and watching sports. Something that will make this life just pass, and then suffering will finally come to an end. And one more thing, I've thought that I found one more ally which will make life easier. Alcohol. That one which killed my father, which tried to reassure me that it will help me, regardless of what I saw and heard for what it really is.

It first started as drinking few beers, now and then, here and there. And I thought I have total control. This doesn't mean anything. Come on, you think that drinking 2-3 cans of beer will make me a problem? Nah...

Then, will 3-4 beers make me a problem? What about. 4-5? Or 6-7? Every week? Every few days? And ultimately every day? Or, for example, will a shotglass of brandy with coffee every morning be dangerous? What about few more after that? Please, don't tell crap. Booze is awesome.

So that its how it was. It eventually came to the point where I thought: "Alcohol is an amazing thing! Where was it so far? How did I live my life before it"? I drank always and everywhere. I started coming to work drunk. But that all was perfectly normal to me. People were telling me I might have a problem. I thought they don't have best wishes for me in their mind, so ignore 'em. If you quit, you'll be miserable again.

And then, something called me, to come back where I wasn't for quite some time. Like an invitation. A phone call. Like someone telepathically calling me. I did stray away, forgot everything previous experiences from Hyperspace taught me. What an idiot I was.

And I agreed. I answered, two days after. Thought "DMT and booze don't go well, I should go there sober". And I managed not to drink any booze. Only a coffee.

So that morning, without much hesitation, I loaded around 40 mg of spice into the machine, and emptied all through few giant hits. It began. All familiar, my room becomes unrecognizable. I close my eyes.

The experience:

Immediately, I found my self in some kind of forest, which was mainly dark and purple in color. I was going through narrow forest path at great speed. Like I was flying. Around me, there were some kind of beings, I couldn't discern their shapes, but they were watching me. Like I was a car at NASCAR race, and there were spectators, lets make such analogy.

I don't pay much attention to them though. I keep following the path, until I reached the end of it. And there...I've met Her.

There was what looked like a small hut, or some kind of primitive house, with fire burning in front. There was She, waiting for me. She was very thin, had a tall staff, stick of some kind. She was wearing a long sleeveless dress, had something like rings, bracelets on Her upper armed, She looked like some high priestess or shaman. She approached me, and started talking with me. Telling me all I needed so know. Explaining. Not just was She explaining, but She was drawing some kind of symbols on the ground, with her staff. Every time She drew something, it was like my whole being absorbed the symbol itself, and very energy it was made of. The feeling of that cannot be compared with anything else. I understood all of that very perfectly. At the end, She sent me back, asking me to promise to be true to myself, and not to disappoint her.

As I returned, immediately I wasn't anymore who I was. The illusion was shattered. Now I know what I was doing to myself. I was shaking and crying, thinking: "My Gods, what I was doing to myself? Why? Why was I doing that to myself"? The lifting of the veil and exposure of this lie wasn't a pleasurable experience. It was shocking and painful .

But that's what had to happen. Truth is often painful. I had to face it. And lets be clear on something: She didn't tell me: "stop drinking, it will destroy you". She just showed me true face of the octopus which was wrapping its tentacles around me. It was upon me to chose, destruction or awakening. The causes of my misery are ridiculous, and that was the reason to surrender to alcohol? Oh, good gods... I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

To this day, I'm still true to my promise. I will be successful. I know that I will meet Her again, and I don't want to stand before Her, to look into the ground and say: "I failed, sorry ". When we met again, I want to look Her straight into the eyes, and say: "I've made it. Thank you. "


Peace and love. Sorry for the long text.

Lovely!!

One to add in the Positive archives

Man, I tell you what, this report greatly resonates with me. So much that it is almost eerie. Of course I'm referring to the drinking aspect mainly. When I first started using spice, I was really deep into alcohol. Drinking daily and not really caring about it. And with the power and enormity that is spice, I found it hard to take the plunge without a beer or two in my gut (or more...sometimes much more... ).

This method eventually led to many hyperslaps, and being drunk, I never seemed to be able to figure it out why until one powerfully positive and sober DMT trip happened. Here is a quote of some of the insights I learned from the trip:



This was from my trip report:
"Do What You Will, I'm Letting Go." if you care to read it. Sorry for the lengthy reply but like I said, your report is relatable to me in many ways. I still have not cut alcohol out completely but it is few and far between which I am happy for...like once or twice a month in a social situation(s) generally. DMT has really helped me put things into perspective and I couldn't be more grateful.

PEACE

My fellow human, I'm happy that you put that beast under control. I can't describe how different I was after the encounter with Priestess. Reborn. Clean. Infant like. Didnt have any desire for alcohol. I know it will try the counter attack, and it did. But my willpower is stronger. Now that I know what it really is, it cannot trick me anymore.

Stay strong. Peace and love. <3

Oversoul,

Thank you for this inspiring trip report. It was a joy to read.

I have also struggled with deep, heavy alcoholism. It is pretty amazing what power psychedelics have to change one's perspective on addictions.


You speak of finally being shown the "octopus" and seeing the harm that you were doing to yourself, and I can totally relate.

A decent while ago, I was pretty heavy into nitrous oxide. I was drinking heavily as well. Part of the reason I loved nitrous soo much was because of how incredible it was with acid. An important footnote is that I am a chronic underachiever and also addicted to pretty much everything.

So I take a heavy acid trip, and am all ready to go with the whippits. I find that if you start the whippits too early, it weakens the trip somewhat, so I always wait til as close to the peak as possible to let things rip.

The trip started out so promising. I had gone on a long walk through parts of campus that held personal meaning and memories for me. I had some sweet tunes playing. Thinking about some music and writing projects I'm workin on, as well as a possible love interest. I am so excited to be alive right now!

And then I remember the whippits back at my place. When I got back, I had only dosed about an hour and a half earlier. What the heck, I thought. I had 48 of them... I told myself, ill just do a couple!

But as any nitrous user knows, after the first one, its game over. I blew through the rest before I even hit acid primetime, and came out of the trip feeling totally scrambled. I couldn't focus on anything other than devising a plan to get more nitrous.

In essence, I had a destroyed something with infinite potential, something that was exciting and meaningful to me, all because of a cheap high that lasts 30 seconds and only leaves you begging for more.

And thats when it hit me. Oh, kind of like MY ENTIRE LIFE, I thought.


In a fit of frenzied anger and triumph, I went outside with my whipped cream dispenser and a hammer and completely decimated the dispenser. I then threw it away, along with all of the little nitrous shells into the dumpster, and began to re-evaluate my life.



I think a key in beating addiction has a lot to do with these experiences of ours. You've got to realize three things.

1. If you stop your addiction, you will have a richer life that is full of meaning.
2. You are doing this to yourself, and you are without a doubt hurting yourself.
2. Most importantly, YOU WILL BE HAPPIER.


Keep up the great work!!!!!!

I didn't know that NO2 can mess you up like that. Im sorry to hear that, man. I do realize at least a bit in how much trouble you was, and I'm glad you're recovering now.

And to everyone who thinks: come on, booze is great, you're BSing, I don't have anything against alcohol. It was affecting me in bad way, and obviously wasn't a good ally, only an enemy. Whoever, likes booze, cheers! <3

Beautiful report oversoul!

More power to you, my fellow human, on the path to be your most perfect self!

Peace be with us all.