2 days ago I had a disturbing voyage. Everything started off as usual, crystaline imagery and textures of all kinds. I've met a female entity and encountered an insectoid... This time, it wasn't an entity, but simply language and textures, and they informed me that there was nothing I could do, that I was being used to fulfill an agenda of theirs and no matter what I did I would be doomed to servein their (nefarious?) plan. I tried to balance things out, committing to go along with what was happening and trusting in this "plan" and it was revealed to me that they, it, was connected to my life-energy and respiration, and that they could take that away from me at any time, and they just might want to do that. I felt like I was being infected with some kind of disease or something.I was left somewhat shaken, with the sense that I have some kind of ailment. The closest thing that has happened to this is I have had on lower doses and lesser psychs the feeling that my biological grip on time or something to do with life energy is being drained and I'm becoming an old man in my mind. I've had multiple people tell me that I literally look like this during the trip, like an old man. I've also been told this in regular life as a child when I first began experiencing an affect problem I have related to anxiety/depression which I've struggled with in the past and am currently controlling with botanicals (kava, kratom, microdose cacti, etc) and practiced mental discipline. I feel like there is some kind of connection between this feeling of becoming an old man and the sense of fear that couples with anxiety when it reaches a peak (like it wears on my mental strength)

I don't expect much but I wanted to share because this whole experience has set me back a bit and I'd like to know if anyone's experienced anything similar.

Hey friend,

I've had some scary trips on DMT as well, as I know others on here have, and it's ok. Some present these as sort of parasitic beings, feeding on negative emotion, as you say. I think there's is some truth to that, but understand that you are definitely in control of your reality and even what you may contact in the other reality. I've had similar depressive experiences- "what's the point? life is senseless or meaningless", but I've had ultimately more profound experiences with loving entities, and positive experiences.
DMT is powerful, and deeply intertwined with our spirit and life. And I'm reminded to treat it seriously each time I frequent it now.
Try to get grounded, eat and sleep well. Sometimes finding some new hobbies and purpose can get one out of existential ruts. I think you're in 'good-hands', and nothing is terrible is impending on you, sometimes DMT can just be a bit jarring and blunt with what it wants to say haha.

Be well

I know how you felt, on a recent high dose cacti for a while I felt like an old man (I also have an anxiety disorder like yourself). Ive felt the same on acid too which is why I dont take it anymore its just too mentally draining and I think it is like you said the effect of the experience and or chemicals on the nervous system.
It could be the hyperspacial version..
I recommend harmalas or passiflora with and/or before.

Plantmind, As is often related, "difficult" psychedelic revelations may be fertile ground for growth. Cave Paintings wizened reminder that these "tools" are "deeply intertwined with our spirit and life", can't be overemphasized. The unique capacity of entheogens to deconstruct our ego(idea of ouselves) and ruthlessly reveal the self constructed(subjective) nature of our sense of who we are, is powerful indeed.

The website, egodeath.com(Michael Hoffman), while somewhat dry and acedemic is a useful resource. In short, the archetypal journey that psychedelics afford often involves various levels of ego-dissolution/derealization/depersonalization. As one approaches the "ego-death/thoughtless awareness/unitary" state, the self/ego is threatened with annihilation and struggles mightily to resist dissolution. This resistance takes many forms, sense of dying, thoughts of self loathing, encounters with beneficent/maleficent spirits or entities. Sensations of threat to extinguish or take ones life force/prana/breath/youth, are not uncommon. If all conditions are conducive, dose/substance/set setting and capacity to "release", one CAN encounter/enter/experience the unitary state of oceanic connectedness with all that is.

While the entheogenic union experience may or may not be ones goal with the use of psychedelics, a basic appreciation of the general psychologic operations involved may help a person integrate/process these often frightening states of consciousness. A persons goals with the use of sacred medicines is a deeply personal decision, however it is wise to understand that these compounds are SERIOUS tools that can and will induce states of "insanity and schizophrenia of the psyche", at least briefly. A little study and contemplation of the thought states that may be encountered is warranted, particularly if one intends to foster an ongoing, growing relationship with such PROFOUND keys to awareness. Be safe.