Just thought i'd share this one with you all as it was so interesting, and ask you all a couple of questions.

I loaded up 45mg in the VG and took three long milky thick tugs before I sat back in my chair ready to voyage.

Above me i saw a kind of window, a flat opening into another world which was like a vast ceiling above me. through the opening i could see a very vivid, brightly lit world. The background was pure white, there were 3d structures of various brilliant colours, everything inside was glowing. I could feel a very powerful energy coming from this world, i felt it on the top of my head at first.

I noted that the window was descending, covering more of my vision, and the energy radiating from it was getting closer and more intense, i assumed that it was eventually going to engulf me, if i had taken a large enough dose.

Inside of the white world a huge black disk formed, the disk was covered in intricate geometric 'carvings', its surface radiated a strange light. I gazed at this disk in utter amazement at its beauty, intricacy and strangeness.

As this window got close to me, it got to the point that the energetic tension i was feeling was far too intense. My whole head felt like it was glowing, vibrating, literally like it was going to burst. I assumed this was a kind of tension which was the result of crossing the threshold to that world. I therefore hoped to god i would just cross the threshold and the tension would be gone, i hoped it would happen before my head actually popped all over my kitchen floor.

At this point i was suddenly engulfed, entirely immersed in this world, i was no longer looking though a window at it, i was inside it. My head now felt a hundred times worse, i was sure it was going to pop at any moment, i could hear my heart beating and feel it pounding in my chest, at a rate of maybe 180bpm or more. I was having a subconscious reaction to what i was seeing and feeling, like it was too much for me to see, like i wasnt supposed to see it. This subconscious reaction was a form of panic.

A part of me was just thinking "this is way too intense, im gona have a heart attack or my head is gona literally burst, i wana get off this ride". The other part of me was experienced enough to know, there is no getting off, panic only makes things worse, i tried my best to breathe and relax to the experience, but my subconscious was still recoiling from what it was seeing.

As my mind subconsciously tried to turn my gaze away from what i was seeing, it was as if someone was grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at it, it was inescapable. I tried to relax and ride it out but it was too intense.

I saw indescribable geometric structures inside this world, insanely intricate patterns. Best of all, i saw two dna helixes made of cuboid prisms, the two helixes spiralled around eachother to make a larger helix, this structure towered above me as i looked upward. Far above where the helixes ended, i saw an eye, for all intents and purposes, this was the eye of 'god'. I knew and could feel that this eye was a mask, a front, for the all seeing, the all powerful, nothing like a man in the clouds, something impersonal, vast and all powerful. Seeing this was amazing but i was panicking too much to take it in till afterwards.

I forced myself not to open my eyes, as i knew it would make things worse if nothing changed when i did. Eventually i thought of putting my hands over my eyes to reduce the light and dull the imagery. This worked splendidly and allowed me to catch my breath, relax and sober up quicker. In the darkness i saw a tunnel stretch out to infinite and thought it was awesome. The whole experience had that 'more real than real' look and feel to it, impossible to understand unless youve experienced it.

I opened my eyes as soon as i thought i was ready, sparkling geometric forms overlaid upon reality, i ignored them as i was filled with overwhelming relief to have gotten over the peak without my head exploding or having a heart attack.

At the time this experience was exceedingly uncomfortable to say the least, and i wanted to escape it at all costs. In hindsight i just want to go back to it, or wish i had taken it in better. Another part of me thinks that seeing that just the once is enough, but yet another part thinks "nah lets see it again some time". It was an amazing experience, perhaps perspective shifting in time.

In short, it felt like i looked beyond the curtain, and it was too much for a human to behold, to loud for a human to hear, but i survived to tell the tale and it was awesome.

Question: if i had a similar experience next time, would i be less inclined to subconscious panic? Was the overwhelming intensity due to too high a dose as i suspect?

Thanks brothers and sisters of the Nexus.

45mg is quite the hefty helping. You very well could have taken too much. Uncomfortable experiences are sometimes also brought on by burning the DMT, so if that happened, you'd be at increased odds for a hellbender. I think you actually handled your experience like a pro for as over-the-top as it might have been. Next time, definitely do a lower dose, but if something similar ensues with the pressure or whatnot, just remind yourself that you got through it last time, and you'll get through it this time. A certain amount of courage goes a long way in hyperspace. I've also noticed that it's often those most intense, uncomfortable kinds of experiences where sometimes they may even be inflicting pain to some extent, that if you can hang tight and demonstrate that you're not about to be shaken, that when the energy finally breaks in the experience, you are standing there wide open ready to reap the rewards of your patience as all that was tightly packed with energy is now free-flowing and loose, blooming and engulfing oneself in euphoria.

yeah i'd probably attribute it to dosage more than anything else. i did 50mg my first time and it was a cyclone of annihilation, i would have panicked but my mind was too overwhelmed to even free up the necessary amount of processing power for panic. like Benicio said, too much man, too much too much.

It takes a certain amount of practice that comes
over time . Learning how to stay cool , even and rock solid
takes time to develop. I'm a strong advocate of ramping up and not
going balls to the wall every time. This advice has only come from my own
experiences and the realization of the extreme power
of this stuff . I have been humbled on many occasions and never forget
the magnitude of it's potential . In time you get better at managing it's not always easy
but you can learn ways of coping. There's tons of discussions about that .
Personally I never go without caapi in the mix it's
a balancing context enforcing vital piece of the puzzle.

First of all, welcome to 'why we're all here'. ...this experience

Next time it could potentially be just as crazy if not crazier. It's just the nature of this experience, it's so novel, so 'ever-changing'. Truly impossible to pin down or fully prepare yourself.

There's a healthy respect that comes with allowing oneself to dissolve the illusion temporarily. This trepidation is normal, even the immense shock/profundity of it during those moments when your DEEP in....all normal and on course.

And let me tell you...what you experienced..is literally the tip. This place we dissolve into...it's infinite. Waypoints or landmarks that the mind tries to throw up will only cause confusion n' panic. Just let it take you, no matter how it may feel.. Just let it go..

The building intensity can be off putting and can disallow full immersion. Welcome the intensity. Welcome that coursing feeling that comes over you and builds and builds. Welcome it all with open arms.. You won't be harmed.

Smile, throw back your arms and fall into the fold, dont look back.

Glad you had such a profound experience

Onward!

Thanks everyone for the wise words and advice. I assumed it was simply too high a dosage, i have been very cautious in slowly acquainting myself with the spice but made a classic mistake this time. I had just done a 30mg dose and was dissapointed at the intensity, wrongly assumed it was 'just one of those days' and thought i'd need a higher dose to get a normal level effect, safe to say i won't make that mistake again.

I also made the mistake of thinking i had seen the most intense aspects of the spice before the experience, and was shocked at the level of this experience, i won't make this mistake again i hope!

You verbalised my thought exactly Global, i'll know next time that my head isnt going to pop and just embrace it, in that sense the adage "what doesnt kill you makes you more prepared for high dose dmt sessions" rings true, as Felnik pointed out. Thanks again guys, your advice and support is greatly appreciated!

It took me a long time to breakthrough. At some point I remember deciding to load up 60mg in my GVG. It was the most I would ever load up. Suffice to say it was way too much. It was the first time I was legitimately way in over my head with DMT and felt a real kind of fear. Up until that point I had always closed my eyes for all the trips. On this one I was so scared the whole time I completely forgot to close my eyes. It was sooo intense, and it felt like the world was coming to an end. As I sat there, nauseous as can be, thinking my mind was about to fly out the window, there were arching violet/ultraviolet rainbows abounding throughout the room. It was all remarkably beautiful. As the experience drew to a close, I remember being disappointed that I hadn't closed my eyes. I thought to myself that surely if I had I would have had my first breakthrough.

Fast-forward a few weeks in the future. I took 4 hits out of the GVG which was the most I had taken at that point. Around that time my vaping skills were pretty poor (which was hindering my breakthroughs) so getting 4 hits out of it was a doable thing. Once again I felt this sense of impending doom like everything was coming to an end. The lamp and the cable box looked on me with a kind of pity like "he's really done it this time". I recalled all the same feelings as that 60mg experience, but I thought to myself this time, "well last time worked out just fine and nothing really bad happened" and so with that thought I went for the record fifth hit. There was a theatrical kind of peace in the air. It was almost like reality didn't know how to behave. I sat back, closed my eyes and experienced my first breakthrough. You definitely don't wanna overdose, but when you do, maintaining an extra bit of courage is vital.

Thats an awesome story global, expertly told aswell, i shall definitely keep remembering this story as part of my integration of my experience, and preparation for the next. Hopefully next time i reach such heights i can muster the same resolve and enjoy the experience as it unfolds, rather than as i look back upon it.

That feeling of the lamp saying " he's really done it this time "
is a great scene . I know it well . I have a memory of standing at my sink
desperately trying to get myself under control after completely
overdoing it and foolishly loading too much in my VG on the heels
of a robust cup of super strong caapi tea . My limbs were transparent
and shimmering with colors. The air was vibrating and filled with colored waves
In all directions and it wouldn't stop .
I was convinced there had been some kind of alien
Intervention on the earth that I was bearing witness to and that the world as I knew it
would never be the same again. And that was just the finale after just being splintered
Into a million fractalized fragments and feeling terror like I never thought was even possible.
I will carry that memory forever . It was the moment the true power of this stuff was
revealed to me . I think that feeling of crossing some kind of line is pivotal point
In ones evolving relationship with this molecule .

Enjoying these.

If you're lucky enough to experience the same thing twice, then you might be less inclined?
But with the panic itself, less inclined to let it stand in your way with each dive. Swimming at your discretion you are unlikely to drown.