Not sure if I have much to add to the incredible things documented on this forum but I feel like it makes sense for me to share my first experience with DMT. Bit of a long rant ahead, so thanks in advance for reading!

I'd prepared myself for this trip for a good few months, reading countless trip reports (just the good ones, naive mistake in hindsight) and scientific documents, working on meditation, talking to people about their experience, etc.

Both my friend and I had aimed for a full breakthrough on our first time, our general idea being that anything worth doing is worth doing right, and going balls out straight away. I decided to go first, as I was the one who had obtained the spice so therefore I should be the 'guinea pig'. I also felt that my friend going first and having a possibly negative trip would impact me negatively, so I was fine with this decision. After a long bike ride, healthy meal, relaxing shower and an attempt at calming my nerves through breathing exercises I figured it was time to go for it.

As with any other drug, I always get incredibly nervous the first time I try it and this was a feeling I couldn't shake. I didn't however consider backing out of it at the very last moment as this would only mean that I'd be just as nervous the next time I went for it. I vaped one huge toke with 50mg in the VG and immediately was too anxious to go for the additional second or third breakthrough tokes, despite my friend's insistence that I do.

As I exhaled I immediately felt all bodily sensation flush out of me, from the top of my head down to my toes in a split second, and I was bombarded with a madly intense whirlwind of visuals. 90 degree angles everywhere, visions of immensely huge, possibly infinite, sentient, screaming Aztec temples in very bright primary colors violently gyrating around each other in mid-air, everything collapsing in on itself, and a very high-pitched carrier wave tone.

My nervousness immediately turned into blind panic as I was clearly not ready for this. It was the complete opposite of what I had expected, and I immediately thought 'ok this is what salvia must be like'. Because I hadn't dosed enough, I felt like I got stuck in this loop of reality collapsing in on itself, with the maddening visuals just going on and on. I remember saying out loud 'why can't I relax', to which our sitter responded that I should just breathe. At this point I had completely forgotten that I had a body, let alone the bodily mechanism of 'breathing' itself. I never felt like I was dying but I did feel that giving in to this feeling would unequivocally mean accepting permanent insanity, so my mind kept fighting it. I felt like breathing had nothing to do with this state of mind as my body was no longer connected to me anyway. The persistent feeling seemed to be that first I had to get out of this 'place', and then I would have time to relax. Proper fight-or-flight control mechanism.

After a few minutes everything seemed to briefly return to normal, and I remember saying 'ok, I'm back', at which point my sitter said 'yeah?', then looked at me for a second, smiled, and said 'no'. She could clearly see that reality collapsed on itself again as the DMT tried again to take hold. My sitter's face was like a datamoshed video frame that froze mid-motion and smeared out across the room, and I fell back into the repeating loop of insane pyramids and the loud beep. At this point my panic ramped up because I wasn't sure how many more times this process would repeat itself.

I fully came back 8 minutes after vaping, confused and disappointed. Initially I couldn't believe that this was DMT, perhaps I was given some sort of Salvia or 5-MeO? I was expecting slow kaleidoscopic images and a pure calm, then a breakthrough into some sort of blissful truth-space. Instead I got chucked on the ultra insanity carny ride.

Had a tough time the next few days trying to integrate this experience, trying to figure out what went wrong, what my next step should be, what kind of emotions to associate with this trip... As time went by, things became more and more clear to me. I had hyped myself up for this trip so much, expecting some sort of ultimate solution to every problem one could possibly have in life, some ultimate truth, yet the mystery had only gotten bigger. I realized that it's true what people say about DMT not giving you the trip you want, but the trip you need at that moment. I was too nervous, I didn't vape enough to break through, hence I got stuck in this loop reminiscent of a high fever mind-loop (nobody likes those).

In retrospect I'm very glad that I made the plunge, my initial fear of the unknown has at least been overcome and I feel like I'll be much more prepared next time. Being able to let go truly is the main objective with DMT, that much is clear to me. I don't know what will happen next time, I don't know if I'll be ready for a breakthrough, but I've definitely learned something from being slapped around like this. As with any harsh but just teacher, I can show nothing but full respect.

On a side note, my friend vaped 50mg, also with the same VaporGenie and hardly noticed anything. He tried 50mg again the next morning and it still didn't launch him anywhere. It's worth noting that we're both pretty heavy former pot smokers, so holding the smoke in is definitely not an issue for either of us. He was definitely more relaxed than me, and just as willing to have this experience. Same build as me, so we're at a loss here. Perhaps his tolerance is higher? Perhaps he didn't vape correctly after all? Guess we'll try the 'machine' for him next time, or a higher dose.

Thanks for reading this long ramble, would be curious to hear if anyone else has seen such heavily Aztec-related imagery and what the possible meaning of this could be.

Hello beacon,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you for posting that great and well-written experience report. I found it to be a very enjoyable and thus seemingly quick read.

Sounds like you know what you need to do (at least in my opinion) - utterly let go, truly surrender, try to be an accepting observer and figure things out later.

Regarding was it NN, 5-meo or Salvia . . . . next time perhaps you should extract your own. This way you know what it is, where it came from and what was done to it when and why. From your descriptions, I suspect you have N,N DMT, but I do not know why your friend failed to get off. Your trip sounded too visual to be 5-meo, plus those would be very dangerous 5-meo doses (physically). Also, salvia tends to come in leaf and not crystal form.

By the way, how did you feel "the day after," so to speak?


Also, I am wondering if you might take some time to write up an Introduction Essay? You are a very good writer and I'd love to learn more about you. Make more good posts and show you know the rules and I bet promotion will quickly follow.

Thanks again for this great report.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it, felt like a bit of a ramble for me but it was good to get it all out finally.

At this point I'm pretty certain that it was N,N - at the time however I was so shocked and confused that I had a hard time believing that this was the same substance that all those people described. Hence why reading only positive trip reports and ignoring the fact that, as with any drug, there are also bad trips, was a childish mistake on my part. I definitely wouldn't be opposed to my own extraction next time!

The day after was alright; mild headache, didn't sleep well, bit disappointed still, trying to accept that this was it and I hadn't achieved my goal, and that it was time to go back to reality. Like I said, it was difficult to attach some sort of emotion to the overall experience, or how to feel about it in general. For a few days I felt like I had missed out on some crucial life lesson and that the only way to avoid being left behind would be to do it again soon. I quickly realized however that I shouldn't rush it as my mind definitely got bruised up a bit.

I'll look into writing an introduction essay, thanks for the advice.

Just goes to show why you shouldn't have high expectations when going into a trip. Don't expect a certain thing to happen next time. There aren't really any answers to the Universe to be found (or are there ) but you can learn about yourself in these spaces for sure. Just relax, toke and let it taaakkkkeee yooooouuuu aaawwwaaayyyyyy