Well I guess psychedelics found me at a young age. Or to be more precise, my brother found a bag full of LSD on a bus when I was 13. I snuck into his bedroom and took some. I continued to take it frequently and sometimes in large doses. (As well as a lot of experimentation with whatever my immature, fiendish, grubby little self could get my hands on). Around 13 years ago I stopped myself from taking any drugs pretty much (exept for booze and cocaine) due to traumatic experiences I had gone through resulting in my being institutionalised. For the past 13 years then I have grown and strengthened into a mature (hahah not always... that would be no fun at all) adult with wisdom, experience, health, wealth and hindsight. This would be considered remarkable from those whom told me I would be on medication for schizophrenia for the rest of my life and would be lucky if I could function at a reasonable level ever. Well I do function, successfully, and I haven't taken any of those mind dumbing pharmaceuticals for over a decade.

This year, just in time for the end of the Mayan calendar and the recent Solar Eclipse et al, it would seem that DMT synchronistically found it's way into my life. My first 2 experiences were extremely profound (which I wrote about somewhere at the time... Will try dig it up and share when I can). This was followed by an experience on LSD which dramatically changed the way I see the universe.... And then from there I have had a variety of experiences (both utilising the medicines and also naturally through meditation and pure experience) which has brought me to a more enlightened clarified state than I thought possible. I have managed to explain why everything I had ever experienced when I was so called "sick" occurred and recognise the connectivity of everything (which I guess I had often assumed though not experienced) as IMO science fact.

I could go on for ages on this topic however I'm typing on an iPhone.

I will share this however about the first time I smoked DMT. Straight after the kaleidoscopic rainbow sacred geometry pattern which occurred upon exhale... And after the self described hyperspace time travel (which I had never read about) I opened my eyes and I was in a familiar realm I know I had dreamt of. A place which reminded me of an experience I only once had on LSD. A place I knew existed, though that I apparently in this lifetime, had not yet physically been. I uttered the words (apologies... I naturally have respect so did read the forum rules relating to foul language however I march to the beat of a universes drums and refuse to censor my quote).... "How the fuck is this even possible!?!?!" I was reawoken in an instant.

Since I have undertaken many tough and possibly brave decisions in order to create that reality for myself which the collective 'I' has pre-written. I am now remoursefully separating from my wife whom I have been with for 12 years. We can unfortunately no longer see eye-to-eye on some fundamentals essential to mine being myself. I am however enthusiastic about the future. Hopefully one day she is capable of changing her mind too.. however what will be will be. Not just for myself, but for the planet... As I acknowledge it all as reflection of my (see: our) perception.

I would naturally appreciate full membership as I do like to feel involved and accepted in my community... However will leave that decision of course, to you as I can only control my own actions (or do we?).

I am sure I will be around here for a long time. I'm certain I have (humbly) many of my own insights and experiences to share and will continue to do so.

I have experiences already after only using DMT for a short period where I have turned into a Tikki-like demon folklore creature (amongst every other creature). Seen a trillion eyes which are all mine (and yours) and mine. Had Ganesh appear before me with a praying mantis above her head. Experienced downloads of data and information from the ether after smoking nothing but a small amount of dope and I theorised that 'God' has a wicked sense of humour and was being a cheeky 'Devil' when they decided that he/she/we created the Big Bang (and on that note, they would also like to sincerely apologise to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and of course their families... Was good to see that that bomb worked so well but don't think we'll be needing that thing again for a while at least you'd think ). I have really really seen and created my own understanding of the universe beyond my childhood fractal fascination and limited understanding and insights into quantum mechanics.

If I was Max Smart... I'd be outer Control and inter Chaos.

Disclaimer: I don't feel I really should need to write this, as I would never dare to tell anyone else what to think and I will never live their lives, though I hope my expression of universal philosophy now and in the future does not come across as preachy. Any assumed arrogance, ego or super-ego, you can be assured is counter balanced with an equal measure of id and self analysis. I hope you can accept this as personal style and opinion only. I make no apologies for anything which may come across as 'matter-of-fact' as I am merely conveying my sense of reality through my own prism, derived from my own experiences which I conclude to in my reality.

Hello Bee E Ze
I am grateful for your story. It resonates with my personal insights and cosmic view. You have journeyed beyond my own experience but it seems to be where I'm headed soon. I am sorry for your teen yrs and their treatment and prognosis, and heartened and hopeful for others who are similarly diagnosed. You stand out as one who has rejected and grown beyond the "label" they slapped on you. AS a former mental health professional I can say that you have opened my eyes regarding "labels/(sentences).

I wish you well and I hope you are able to resolve your marital situation in a healthy and loving manner.

Thanks Spangles. What a beautiful welcome. I appreciate your words greatly.
I'd love to discuss the mental health side of things in more detail one day. There is a lot to talk about on that. I have seen a psychologist who I've told some batshit crazy thoughts to and she told me that I sound the most centred ever (she has known me for 6yrs). I hate labels too. She told me that she would be surprised if I indeed ever had schizophrenia. The symptoms I experienced were, I believe, among other things, my subconscious trying to wake me up.

I am sure everything will work out okay and civilised with wifey... Just on different paths. We have been in each others lives for a reason. We will still be in each others lives... Just not in the same capacity... As I guess it is both of us who want this to be true (consciously or not).

Hello Bee E Zee,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thanks for submitting a well thought out introduction essay. I feel you and other new members do need to write these, especially if promotion is desired. One must post, be honest and show via one's posting that one understands the rules here for promotion to happen, in general.

Yours was an interesting story. Sorry to hear about your separation but I sincerely hope that the time had just come and that your fascination with drugs wasn't a key issue.

I am curious . . . had you ever extracted your own DMT? It is well worth doing.

Of course, we are in a time of great change with the availability of the plants (or lack thereof), changing teks, growing from seed, etc.

So, what's next for you do you think? What's on your horizon? Or if you prefer, how do you imagine yourself contributing here at Nexus?

Again, welcome.

Thank you for the welcome. No the separation most certainly has little to do with drug use... However the medicines did assist in helping me realise what I want out if life (including sending me into a brief spiral or Karmic fear... Which resulted in some unappreciated honesty).

I am yet to do an extraction however I have a friend willng to teach. It is precisely the sort of thing I would take avid interest in as I trend towards obsessively working towards all sorts of hobbies and fascinations to great length.

What is next for me is that I am selling my house.. Getting out of debt.. Buying a van... Relocating to the bush... Working through my graphic design studio remotely with an aim to greatly cut down my work hours and focus more on lifestyle, altruistic and creative endeavours and less on making money.

I am sure I can contribute through empathy, compassion, sharing, experience and understanding.

X

I am an avid graphic designer as well! Photoshop certified actually hahah. I Don't do it as a job, but more of a hobby. I'd love to see some of your work!

Wow, great response, .

When you speak of going to the bush does this mean you are in Australia?

Yours is a laudable goal/path. Thank you so much for sharing and again a very sincere welcome to you.

Also, casting a Yes vote for promotion.

Thanks Pandora.
Yes Australia. I currently live in an expensive but beautiful old inner city Queenslander though am discussing possibilities of relocating for free or very cheaply to a friends property in Northern NSW to a small unoccupied shack. Tidy it up. Grow some veggies. Nurture some animals. Extract some spice.

Hi Uftusaf.. I created my avatar last week for fun. I have spent entirely too much time focused on clients and I want to spend more time on creative and altruistic endeavours (actually edited my post but you were too quick ::

Absolutely. For a small period of time, I started to offer my services to people. It became very business oriented (black and white advertisements), It stopped being about the love for creation and art.

Good luck on your exciting adventure Sounds like you have lots to look forward to!

Thanks heaps. I'm keen to see some of your work too. When I have time I will try to share more