Pre-launch exercise:
I smoked 30mg of jimjam spice through my GVG while sitting in the living room with no music/TV playing and only my PC monitor and the moonlight from a couple windows illuminating the space. During this experience, I found myself focusing on the couch set perpendicular to the one I was lying on. The lines between the cushions were distorted with what I like to refer to as 'visual echoes' - a very familiar visual effect with all of my journeys. What I noticed as a peculiarity was a sense of these echoes moving towards me, and it was as if I was able to look down a tunnel formed by the echoes. I stayed grounded, though, left to ponder where the tunnel could lead.
About a half of an hour later, I was feeling very calm and carefree. I decided to change up the setting a bit prior to a second attempt to breakthrough, and so I turned on the TV and surround sound. Boondocks was on Adult Swim <3 I loaded up 40mg into my GVG and started preparing in the usual way.
3..2..1..
My daughters are away for the weekend with relatives and their mother is hanging out with friends. Self-exploration has always come much easier for me in isolation with the assurance of not being interrupted. Somehow, this time, going for a second hit comes with no hesitation or apprehension. A third just feels right. Letting go of the third and final hit, the shifting lights from the TV are distracting and an immediate drive to rid the space of the light comes over me. The remotes on the coffee table in front of me have geometric grids above them, like miniature crystalline skyscrapers, the foundation of each being the individual buttons. I know one of these buttons serve the purpose I seek, but I realize identification of it is impossible.
At this point, I stand up and walk towards the TV. I feel for the power button on the right-hand side of the TV, a brief sense of despair coupled with a tinge of humor. I'm quite literally laughing at myself by the time my finger settles upon the button, shutting down the light emanating from the TV. The audio is still running through the receiver at this point, but I paid little attention to that matter. I begin walking away from the TV, noticing some various papers on the floor seeming to have a phosphorescent glow - like illuminated stepping stones across a dark sea that shudder and bounce with every movement of my gaze. I find my self back in front of the TV, feeling for the button to turn it off again. I live the experience several times over as time begins skipping - starting with long-lived jumps that accelerate into ever shorter skips of time as I make my way back to the couch.
As soon as I sit back down on the couch, I realize I am in a different place. The room I am in is filled with an aquamarine pulsating glow. As I am pondering the details of the place I'm in, a voice begins speaking. I can tell the voice is coming from the direction of the TV, but I am afraid to look towards it. A sense of dread overcomes me immediately as the thought of looking towards it pops into my consciousness. Something within me knows it is best to just listen.
As soon as the despair of not knowing what is speaking to me wears off, I realize I'm not focusing enough on what is being said. By now, I am utterly filled with a sense that I have been transported to a different, secret dimension and am experiencing for the first time being connected to the Akashic records. The messages begin to coalesce around this notion, and while the exact content of the first several messages is lost to me, I have the feeling that whatever I have done has unlocked this space that contains any and all secret knowledge I could desire to know. The space had taken on a very strong CIA/FBI-ish feel to it, as if I had been plopped down into a higher dimension cell of sorts, for the powers that be to take note of my new-found awareness.
After the indistinct messages, all sound began speeding up, as if what I was hearing was on a turntable and someone was winding it up to speed through part of a track. I hear blips of commercial-type audio, $.99 sale of this or that, call toll-free now, etc all in chipmunk-style higher pitched voices. As soon as a smile cracks my face at how nice it is of them to help get through the bullshit faster, the message I am to remember comes through as sound/time gradually slows down to normal tempo:
The voice tells me, "You have been given the responsibility to bring psychedelia to the next generation of humanity."
I had up until then not been sure if I was hearing true auditory hallucinations or just garbled distortions of whatever may have been playing through the speakers be it part of the Boondocks show or a commercial. I now know which it is, and I begin to wonder how far had I really gone? I feel rather at ease now to look around - the TV is black and nondescript. I feel no presence of any entities and the solitude begins to worry me. I am now astonished that the experience has lost none of it's intensity, and as I begin to give into astonishment of the raw power of it I see her walking down the hallway of echoes.
My daughter's mother walks into the room. She need not say anything - I know that she realizes I am deeply entranced. She asks, "Can I sit down next to you, is that OK?" I feel she has come for a reason, possibly to help guide me through the exit back to the world I knew before and I tell her yes. As she sits down, reaching her arm around my shoulder, deja vu hits me like a tidal wave. How can this be, though, that I have this sense of living this moment prior? She has never been in my presence while I've tripped ever before, but yet I feel with certainty this is not the first time she has helped guide me through a psychedelic experience.
She seems anxious to me, and I see her stand up and then kneel down beside me. A rush of anticipation comes over me, and my heart leaps at the thought of, "Is she going to ask me to marry her?" What she does speak is, "You wanna have sex - can you do that now?" A crushing weight of apprehension falls on me, a black cloud begins creeping into my visual field from the opposite direction she is sitting, and I can only utter, "I don't know" as my mind begins probing for meaning in the blackness that is turning this experience evil and unnatural at the mention of sex.
She abruptly stands up and I can sense she feels disturbed. She picks up our cat and rushes out of the room telling the cat, "Come on, we're not supposed to be in here!" As soon as the door slams shut, the space I am in begins rippling away. I sit for 5 minutes, feeling as though reality is being brought back to me in teardrops before checking on her. A drop of rightfully dim (instead of searingly bright) light here, another drop that transforms the rail support back into wood (instead of Akashic veins) there.
My apologies for not delving too much into the visual effects of the trip - most are literally ineffable for me. When I left to talk to my daughter's mother, the next show had just begun. From first hit to her leaving must have been 6 minutes at most. The most interesting part of all this was finding out what really happened. The only thing she ever actually said was, "Hey, you wanna have some sex?" - she was a bit drunk and horny ^_^ The deja vu I experienced of her asking to sit next to me didn't actually happen, she never knelt down next to me, etc.
I cannot stress enough the sheer power of the experience. Every bit of it tears into my atheist beliefs, making me question reincarnation and manipulation of time perception among other things. This just so happens to be one of my reasons for being drawn to spice. It's been almost two weeks since this experience, and I feel very much drawn to investigate the effects of unplanned-for stimuli being introduced into an experience. How can one plan for something unplanned-for to happen, though? I have also noticed a pretty strong recurrence of my messiah complex invading into my thoughts, but curiously enough there is no anxiety accompanying it as there always used to be. The timing of my daughter's mother coming home is no small circumstance to wonder over, either. Had I vaped even 2 minutes earlier, or she left to come home 2 minutes later - well, you know...
