Hello nexians!
First off, this is going to be a long post about an experience I had, and possible interpretations of that experience, which honestly has left me feeling quite troubled and down. While having this experience, several things were presented to me as fact, and I understood that they were fact during the experience, and to make describing the experience easier, I will present them as such, but that does not mean that I am trying to now claim that there is any truth to any of this.
First off, a little about me- I have been using spice for about a year now, and up until about a month ago, had mostly used the bulb method for smoking. I saw that everyone on here said it was a horrible method, but it was working for me, so I didnt see any reason to try another. Then about a month ago, I decided to try putting a scrubber in a bowl and see how that worked, and the difference in the consistency of depth of the experience (using way less spice) has blown me away. I had had more than a couple very deep experiences with the bulb method, but most times I used it I would burn some and it would become very harsh. This would lead to taking several minutes to smoke the entire amount I had loaded, giving me a longer, but less intense and less immersive experience. With this new method, I am able to get most of what I loaded in one hit, which consistently takes me deeper than I am used to going, and maybe I havent taken the time to integrate these new deeper experiences. Maybe that is why I had this troubling experience, because I havent been spending enough time reflecting on what these voyages mean. I would also like to note that it was not the intensity or depth of this particular experience that troubled me so much, as I have smoked much more and gone much "deeper", but the content and way it was presented to me.
So, here goes. A few days ago, I smoked an amount based on others trip reports I would guess was around 30mg. I dont have a scale, but a specific tool I use to scoop the spice with, and I think I have gotten decent at eyeballing doses. So I take two hits, then lay down. I close my eyes and I am in a bright colorful space, or a room of some sort. There is a being right in front of me, as well as several off to one side. In the space of this room there are pieces of something floating around. They look like small white squares of paper or something, and they are floating towards or away from what appears to be a hole in the space or dimension of the room. There is nothing particularly amazing or intriguing about them, but for some reason my attention is fixed on them. I hear the beings making calculations in the back, but I still pay attention to the pieces. This goes on for a few moments, until I realize that the beings are calculating how long it will take me to go from looking at one piece to another, and then how long it will take me to realize what they are doing. Once I realize this, I become immersed in their calculations, in this equation. It wasnt shown or explained to me, but experienced by me. I didnt work it out pencil and paper style, but I felt it, and felt and KNEW the truth of the mathematics behind it. A mathematical equation more complex than anyone on this earth could possibly understand, an equation spanning multiple dimensions that has explained the position and trajectories of every particle in the universe ever, all leading up to the moment where I make the choice of which of these pieces of paper to look at. This equation has a 3 dimensional form, it is our universe, and it flows from the mind of this being effortlessly transforming from knowledge to matter, and somehow folds itself up neatly into a cylindrical storage drum type object, that is being carried by another being into its place in a huge warehouse full of these drums. Now, up until this point, aside from the math, this isnt much different than many experiences I have had-beings doing tests on me, seeing giant landscapes/spaces/objects/beings fold themselves up and reveal themselves to be small part of something larger ect., but the math and next part were new ones to me.
As I watched our universe being folded into a storage drum as nothing more than a piece of information or the results of test, another being walking by chuckled at me and my amazement upon realizing this information. This is where things got very intense, and I am not sure exactly what happened, but can recall bits and pieces. A being then told me I was living in a computer simulation. The entire purpose of this simulation was a probability experiment, to see which piece I would choose, or something like that. The whole universe had been created for no reason other than this, to be a piece of information. We are a scientific experiment created by a civilization who's only goal is the pursuit of knowledge. As my brain scrambled to counter this argument, they again show me equations. This time bigger than the first, and these equations prove to me this truth. The words "THIS IS A MATHEMATICAL FACT" were spoken, and then "EVERY POSSIBLE VARIATION HAS BEEN COMPUTED" and again, I could see, feel and understand the truth in these statements. They really got in my face with this, and pushed this onto me in a way no other dmt-being has ever pushed anything on to me. A queasy, awful feeling entered my body, and I started to get very emotional and upset. The beings saw this, and seemed to lower their intensity, but again showed me the proof of these things they were claiming. I could understand this math and these truths more clearly than I had ever understood anything in my life. I knew, deep within myself, what they were saying was true. At this point I couldn’t take it anymore, and opened my eyes. I think I thought I was gone much longer than I had been, and was expecting to be back in my room. Unfortunately for me, it had only been a minute or two, and my room was the hyperspace version of my room. A different set of beings were there, and there were mumblings about stopping the simulation, or pulling me out from it or something like that. I jolted up, heart pounding, gasping for air, confused about my surroundings, and emotionally devastated by the realization that this entire world and everyone in it were simply parts of a computer program. I felt like an animal in lab, and when the beings saw how stressful this was for me, they backed off a bit. It was still too much for me, and I begged them to stop. “Please make this stop, I don’t care if its not real I want to go back, I don’t want to know!” I pleaded. Things slowly started fading, and I laid back down, my body trembling.
Now that a few days have passed, I am starting to feel better. I guess Ive decided that regardless of whether or not there is any truth to any of this, it doesn’t change much. Im still here, and so is the world around me. Im still going to try and live my life in a productive way that makes me and those around me happy, and try and fill myself with love and compassion for all other beings. Whether or not this is a computer simulation doesn’t really change that I guess. That being said, Im still feeling a bit down. In the past few days I have gotten pretty emotional seeing the smiles and laughs of people around, as well as having trouble focusing on anything. Writing this all out has been extremely helpful, and knowing I have a place to share it with others who have been here before is a very comforting feeling, so thank you nexus! Also thank you to anyone who takes the time to read all this, I appreciate it.
I was going to include questions about what others think about our world being possibly computer simulated, but due to to the length of this post, Ive decided to start a different thread on it in the open discussion forum.