1st experience with both DMT and harmalas. Wasn't quite sure what to expect, so I tried to empty my mind of all expectations.
The setting was at home, in the living room, with minimal light (2 candles) and sitting on a confortable armchair.
At 10.30PM I begun drinking the Caapi tea - it tasted ok. Cautiously, I sipped the tea for the next 20 minutes or so. At the same time I tried not to think too much about things, and just go with it.
At this point, I set an alarm clock for 25 minutes, to remind me to drink the Viridis tea.
So I sat there, eyes closed, just observing the imagery being produced in my field of vision.
Gradually, I begun hearing a sort of a hum, and I knew something was different (mindstate) but couldn't quite place it. This always happens with a new substance, at least for me, when one doesn't know what the subjective effects should be. Is this it? Is this not it? Ok, wait. Empty your mind. Be alert.
At some point I started focusing on some of the random 'noise' in the field of vision, and noticed that I could explore it. When I really focused, my subjective impression was that somehow I was moving "further" or "deeper" into it.
Then I realized that I was beginning to think about stuff like how does a human body form, how are galaxies put together, etc. For some time I followed these thoughts, but then tried to detach from them and just observe.
Started paying attention to the signals I'm getting from my body. "Oh, my hand's resting there". "Ah, I can feel the air going in and out of my lungs". It seemed that the ability to focus on internal stimuli was greatly enhanced.
I had to get up to go take a piss. Got up slowly, as I'd read that balance may be a bit off, even though initially it didn't feel like it would be. A few steps afterwards and I realized that indeed it was, but nothing too serious.
Got back in the chair, and a few minutes later the alarm rang. I pinched my nose and drank the viridis tea in one go. Tried not to think too much of it, altough at some times I was anxious.
This was magnified a while later, when I realized my hands were shaking. It wasn't nervous twitching, or if it was the usual subjective feeling was missing/masked. This worried me on and off for awhile.
At the same time, something new and strange was going on. My mind was racing, like I would formulate some question and immediately got the answer back, sometimes with mind-eye images (not hallucinations per se, but it seemed that the ability to imagine things visually was greatly enhanced - Was it the harmalas? I think so, the DMT shouldn't have kicked in yet)
I didn't have much control over it, or rather, I realized that I could very easily, for some time at least, just observe the "dialog" - altough for whatever reason my short term memory short circuited - I'd follow this chain of conversation, sometimes it reached a point where I was like "wow, yes, that makes sense", but the next second I couldn't remember anymore what was it that was going on (altough today I remember all of this).
One of the candles danced - Unsure whether this was a visual hallucination or the candle moving, I opened my eyes. To my dismay, there were 3D tracers whenever I looked into the candlelight and then away. This freaked me out slightly, as any other psychedelic I've tried only produced 2D visuals, which I could clearly tell were superimposed. This was different, it could actually be there.. it was integrated.
I snapped out of it, telling myself there is nothing to worry about, and closed my eyes again.
At this point I was feeling nauseated. Tried to find a good position to rest the body, but the hands shaking weren't helping. I begun to wonder - was it something I ate today? (yogurt with muesli for breakfast, pasta with a carrot&algae burger for lunch) - will I be alright?
Realizing the futility of worrying about this now, I tried to divert thoughts away from it. The nausea was horrible: I'm very rarely sick, usually catching a cold every 2-3 years and nothing else. I'd felt this way before, but it was so long ago that it had faded out of memory.. nothing else to do but ride it out now, however.
A bit later I felt the urge to puke, and picked up the trusty bucket. Not much came out (I would throw up again later).
I put some music on (ayahuasca-related songs, some Icaros), to divert some attention from the nausea and explore the sensation of hearing music while on this stuff.
At least on this dose (50g Caapi, 25g Viridis) it wasn't too spectacular, altough it was very, very soothing. Time distortion was completely absent, but coupled with the still very vivid mind-eye imagination, automatically images of how the singer might look like and how the room might look like, the audience etc, all based on the acoustics, were forming in my mind. I listened, some of the time doing the above, other times apparently maintaining a conversation with Ayahuasca.
Could that be what people mean when they say the plant speaks to them? I would observe questions formulating on their own, and immediately a reply, in the form of thought and sometimes accompanied by mind-eye imagery (but no visual hallucionations) would form.
Some of the question/answers appeared to resonate deeply with me.
I was afraid I wouldn't remember (short term memory was still kinda fried), and I may have forgotten a thing or two, but most is still remembered.
Puked, again. This time most of it came out. I reasoned most of the DMT would be lost.
At some point, when I was sitting cross-legged and with my head near my legs (image went darker, as the candlelight was no longer visible), I begun seeing some CEVs. They would form only if I dedicated 100% of attention to it.
But alas, I couldn't maintain that position for long (nausea) and had to sit straight again. I felt a bit weak to get up and blow the candles off - at this point I realized it would be better if I had total darkness.
A couple of times I covered my eyes with my hands to make it darker. I saw a grid forming, and once or twice something was beginning to emerge, but considering that hands were still shaking somewhat, that position couldn't be maintained for long either.
With some effort, and understanding the possible danger of doing so (falling asleep and vomiting), I laid down on the couch, just listening to music. It was different than normal, for sure, but different than anything else I'd heard before. It seemed more fluid, perhaps even a tad faster.
Some 10 minutes after moving to the couch, yet another puke! This time it was really hardcore. I felt better afterwards, but tired (it was getting late, too).
The remaining time I spent listening to music, exploring sensations, and for some time in the beginning observing the dialog going on my head.
At around 1.30AM, the music stopped. The effects seemed to be wearing off too, so I went to sleep.
When I turned on the lights, I understood what people meant with the room folding in on itself. Anything light was disturbing, as it produced that strange sensation. It was a bit disorienting.
All in all, it was different than what I expected. There were no complex visions, but it was enough to have a glimpse of the effects of DMT. Caapi by itself was quite a surprise. Such a precious state of mind. Details are fuzzy, but I think the hardcore nausea begun some time after the Viridis; Balance was off just with Caapi, but as I was mostly standing still, it didn't negatively affect things.
I still wonder about the hand twitching/shaking: part of the experience, or interaction with something I ate?
Other than that, I found the Caapi state truly interesting.
In retrospect, perhaps I should've tried to hold the viridis in a while longer - the little I saw of DMT has left me with more questions.
It's an experience I plan to repeat. Perhaps the nausea doesn't even appear without Viridis in the mix?
This is the time to really find out who you are and enjoy every moment you have. Take advantage of it.