Hello !
I've been visiting this site quite often over the last few years or so. There really is a wealth of knowledge available here, and I've thoroughly enjoyed reading about people's psychedelic experiences, so I eventually just decided that trying to be a part of this community is obviously something I want to do. Anyway, a little information about myself:
My name's Raj, well, that's the shortened version anyway, I'm an 18 year old college freshman at the U of I at Urbana, IL. I currently study Nuclear Engineering but I'm getting a job with the crop sciences department next semester (hopefully!) and I seriously think I may rather be an engineer in the field of agriculture or something. I'm Indian; I've lived most of my life in Delhi and Gurgaon.
To say that drugs are something I was meant to do from birth would be a huge lie, because only by chance did I get introduced to the amazing world of psychedelics, and when that happened (I was 16 at the time) the person who I was, the beliefs I held and overall just the feeling of being alive became dramatically different. Timothy Leary describes his first LSD trip as the most shattering experience of his life, and I can totally relate to that because the first time I got 'really high' on some dirty, laced weed, I blacked out and my life instantly changed. It was extremely traumatic at the time because the ketamine, or whatever was in the weed (I know I sound like the typical yahoo answers kid, but trust me, the weed we have around here is fundamentally different compared to the weed in America, and I know because I've smoked both)basically gave me horrible memory damage and depersonalization for a very very long period of time. It would have been shorter had I had the correct support system, or if I knew what was happening to me, but I was young and immature. Those were without doubt the hardest days of my life...struggling just to stay sane where dreams felt as real as real life. But such is truly the story of anyone whos embarked on a journey with psychedelics
. Anyway over time I started to realize that the depersonalization got stronger and stronger the more I tried to understand it, and after literally half a year of absolute fogginess I finally realized that the only thing I could do is to let go. I had to just stop thinking about it and have faith that I would be ok. The beautiful part about it is...this is the only thing that worked. I started to be able to think and feel normal again. I started to come out of my depression and I finally really allowed myself to fall in love with my girlfriend(who I'm still with to this day because shes so cool) and overall life was good. However, I never stopped smoking weed, as for all the horrible things that came along with it, the psychedelic state weed used to give me was the most beautiful and liberating thing of my life. Not just the actual high even! I started to meet REAL PEOPLE. I made the best friends of my life and I finally felt as though I had found myself. Weed to this day holds a very very special place in my heart, for although the days when I would make a homemade bong and get stoned and watch Pineapple Express are day by day becoming a half-remembered dream, those days were the first of the rest of my life. Then, I dropped acid.
Lol, sorry to be dramatic. After trying really really hard to find LSD, because obviously I was a cocky kid who now thought he could handle anything coming out of that phase, I finally found 2 cubes and asked my cousin to come over to have both of our first acid trips.
Such beautiful memories. Anyway, to describe what happened I think I should say that before LSD, I was an incredibly rational and, frankly, egocentric person. My terrible experiences that also incidentally happened over the years made me think that the only way I could survive was If I was hard as hell. But right from my first trip, I changed. This is very probably due to the possibility of acid changing brain chemistry, which I believe is 100 % true, because even though it was a very small dose (probably like 50 actual micrograms or something, lol) I felt different on the inside from the very moment I first realized what it is that LSD does. My first trip was one of the best trips of my life and it was certainly the most euphoric. Ever since I started doing acid, my depersonalization has completely gone. It was like being born again. I started observing mundane things as if I was a baby and I was seeing the whole world for the first time again! I like to think of this transition poetically in terms of biggie smalls' albums. In my weed days, I was 'Ready to Die' but after acid, I became 'Life After Death.' Corny I know, but hey.
But of course, nothing comes without a cost. As I started to do higher and higher doses of acid every time almost every 10 days or so, and after my first ego death experience on LSD, I started to notice that my mind was changing. The things that defined me once again stopped making sense and the connections started to break once more. But of course, this did not stop me from dropping higher and higher and higher, because my idea was that either I could get scared and give up, or I could go down the rabbit hole and truly find the answers. Frankly, I dont even regret this because although every single trip I had was dark and serious and disconcerting, I powered through until my last trip before college, by which time I truly had found some answers. I found out that just like with weed, worshipping acid too was just a phase, and the real thing thats making anything happen is ME. And at that point, I dropped a huge dose of acid and had the most euphoric trip of my life. It was the end of another chapter. From then on I went to college, and I like to think I've become more responsible, because compared to not getting a high school diploma, I'm getting mostly As now. However, I most definitely do things with an intensity and frequency exponentially higher than before, but hey, thats college. lol.
Over the last few months I've basically been doing any new drug I could find. I've so far done pot, acid, shrooms, dxm, amphetamines, methylone, ecstasy, cocaine, K2 and other crappy spices, nitrous, and probably other lame stuff. Except for their value in satisfying my curiosity, I'd say every drug on that list is overrated and/or stupid except for weed, shrooms and acid. I mean come on guys...how is the feeling of being messed up on meth laced pills and almost having a heart attack anywhere near as good as the clean, strong and amazing stimulation acid gives. But hey, thats just my opinion. One thing I definitely want to add to that list, though, is DMT. I used to think I would never find it, but of late I've realized that given the right knowledge about extraction it might just be one of the most EASILY AVAILABLE things !! I feel as though I'm ready for DMT just like I was ready for acid,(not at all lol) and I cannot wait to do it.
Anyway guys thanks for reading this much, much, much too long essay. I had an amazing time writing this, and for that I thank you
I Look forward to being a part of your wonderful community !