Hey guys, SWIM is an experienced user of DMT for about 2+years. He hasn't counted but must have done it about 25-40 times. He has also smoked DMT while on LSD twice so is no stranger to intense psychadelic experiences. Normal dose for him is 30mg. He left DMT alone for about 1 year and changed a lot of things in his life and improved himself dramatically, but has recently started doing it fairly regularly and has been having some amazing trips.

Apologies for the long post but its really about 2 things -

1. Breakthrough

He doesn't know if he has ever had a breakthrough, but definitely sees more than just the crysanthemum. He has had spiritual trips, divine trips, really erotic trips and has been taken to the same places on many occasions and also still has new unique trips.

He sees unbelievably beatiful and colourful 3D imagery whizzing around him and sometimes feels himself whizzing around . He has had amazing feelings of bliss and love. He always sees beings, and very often there is at least one female presence there. On a few occasions it has felt like the female presence is making love to him and these have been some of the best trips. He has had something speak to him telepathically, not in words but SWIM just knows what "it" means. But he never feels like he has really "gone somewhere else" like people who have had breakthroughs say. The way a breakthrough is described is like literally stepping into another reality where you are conscious of your body not being where it was before, ie. the couch.

SWIM is either always aware he has his eyes closed on the couch and is just enjoying the trip or he has ego loss and forgets who he is. Does it sound like SWIM is breaking though or is he somewhere between the crysanthemum and breaking through? People say you just "know" when you've had a breakthrough.

He is happy with his trips and feels he is not psychologically ready for a full on breakthrough (unless this is what he is having already?) and has never had the balls to do a really high dose. He is still in the process of improving his life and feels that he will be ready for it at some point in the near future.


2. Pulling out of trips in the middle and the panic attack

A handful of times in the past (previous to the year he took off) SWIM has pulled himself out of a DMT trip in the middle of it for no reason he can think of and then started freaking out when the world around him is twisted so dramatically. What he gets when he wakes in the middle of a trip he can only describe as reality "folding around him". Every move he makes, the world folds in and out, like stepping from reality to reality. He knows intellectually that you always return to normal but for some reason he forgets this and feels like he's "snapped" or "gone crazy" and that he's the one guy who won't return to normal and he'll live the rest of his life in a dream world. These freak outs have not been proper panic attacks, SWIM panics when this happens but they are not panic attacks in the traditional sense. He always feels silly afterwards and thinks to himself "why did you do that? you were having a nice trip and you pulled out".


Anyway so now on to what happened:

SWIM had planned to do DMT with 2 people on a given day but the night before he ended up doing it unplanned with 2 other people after a night out.

SWIM got the feeling that he shouldn't be doing it as he was doing it the next day but he did it anyway, which is never a good idea. Was having an amazing trip but for the first time in a very long time, did the above and pulled himself out of it in the middle of it and started freaking out a bit. Wasn't too bad and when he realised what had happened he felt stupid for pulling himself out of an amazing trip.

The next day he did it as was planned but also had a slightly bad feeling before doing it and had something happen that has never happened before. He hit it and then layed back and closed his eyes, and nothing was happening visually.

Then he started to get this horrible feeling like something wasn't right. He felt like he was in danger and something bad was gonna happen and started to feel real terror and panic that he had never felt before. He then thought to himself, "OMG I feel like I'm having some sort of panic attack". Its strange as he had never had this feeling before but he knew immediately that it was a panic attack. Its a really hard feeling to describe but its like where the feeling becomes so immense its unbearable.


Then he opened his eyes and sat up and felt like he'd totally lost grip on reality. He had the thoughts in his head of "you've done it this time, you've lost your mind" etc. It was the usual "reality folding" thing that was happening but more intense than ever before. He has never felt anything like that before. It was like a 5 min psychosis. It could be that he opened his eyes right at the beginning and not in the middle which is why it was so much more intense with eyes open than it has been before.

In the 2 days since, SWIM has had slight feelings of this panic again in every day life but he realises what is happening and calms himself immediately.

He also gets the feeling now he's had one that these panic attacks can be brought on by ones own self. You start to think you're having one and then low and behold the feeling gets stronger and you are having one.

SWIMS thoughts - This was DMT kicking his ass for doing it too much and SWIM brought this on himself by the bad feeling he had before doing it. Like a self fulfilling prophecy.

SWIM will obviously leave it alone for a while but when he does it again he thinks that doing a whole trip with eyes open will be a good idea so he gets used to what it feels like with eyes open and it won't freak him out when it happens again.


Anyone else had anything similar happen to them?

Can anyone relate to this reality "folding" thing with eyes open?


Thanks for reading, I know it was a long one !

..i once watched someone smoke DMT in a dark room..after 3-4 minutes they started screaming "turn on the lights!"..i did..they then moaned "It doesn't make any difference!" ..above a threshold eyes open or closed is less relevant..

foreboding feelings beforehand is surely your instinct telling you to be cautious or wait..something may be wrong in the 'setting'..uncleared mental clutter, psychic energy from another person, a substance ingested or food eaten, even just tiredness..

..i think your answer lies in either 'getting back on the horse' at the right time (with a smaller dose), or meditating on what has come through in the last few experiences..

remember, it's a 'teacher' or a tool, not a guaranteed good time..there are usually challenges on the way...

I've gotten this before. On very high doses, this imminent sense of doom and alertness intensely suspended in the air is everywhere. I've actually had the tv (which was off!) and the lampshade tell me pretty much word for word, "you've done it this time." The lesson I learned after it happened the first time and nothing terrible ensued allowed me to have one of my most beautiful breakthroughs to date where I found myself in that alert-panic state, but since in my head I knew everything would be fine, I took another hit, sat back and had one of the most bizarre, surreal and satisfying experiences of my life. I also think I know what you mean by reality folding, but you just gotta let the molecule do its thing. I'll fold and fold itself back with or without you (and mostly without), so I would try to not get too caught up in worrying about that kind of thing.

Wow those are some wise words nen


Respect

Also, you're not alone for being upset at pulling yourself out of a good experience. You should give my old thread a read.

"..i once watched someone smoke DMT in a dark room..after 3-4 minutes they started screaming "turn on the lights!"..i did..they then moaned "It doesn't make any difference!" ..above a threshold eyes open or closed is less relevant.."

I can totally relate to this! That feeling of "eyes open, eyes closed its all the same thing" I've even had "it" tell me that before

Maybe what I had was some kind of breakthrough and I couldn't handle it. It definitely felt different.



"remember, it's a 'teacher' or a tool, not a guaranteed good time..there are usually challenges on the way..."

I agree with this 100%. I often get trips that feel like its trying to give me some divine teaching but I can never recall enough to know what it is. The only thing I can get from it is that "anything is possible".

"I've gotten this before. On very high doses, this imminent sense of doom and alertness intensely suspended in the air is everywhere. I've actually had the tv (which was off!) and the lampshade tell me pretty much word for word, "you've done it this time." The lesson I learned after it happened the first time and nothing terrible ensued allowed me to have one of my most beautiful breakthroughs to date where I found myself in that alert-panic state, but since in my head I knew everything would be fine, I took another hit, sat back and had one of the most bizarre, surreal and satisfying experiences of my life. I also think I know what you mean by reality folding, but you just gotta let the molecule do its thing. I'll fold and fold itself back with or without you (and mostly without), so I would try to not get too caught up in worrying about that kind of thing."

Thanks, I take much solace in this. I have this kind of feeling that once you have gone through something like that and come out okay, the next time it happens you are prepared for it.

When I was much younger I had a proper freak out on some really strong LSD. In the times when I've done it in the future I have reached points where it "gets on top of me" and I start to feel panic but I just tell myself to relax because I know I've been there before.

I had a similar experience a couple nights ago. As soon as i exhaled a large dose i felt like something wasn't right, i closed my eyes and wasn't having any visuals so i decided to open them. This is when i realized everything was different including me(it was different then how stuff looked/felt all my previous times on dmt). I kept thinking that i had done it this time and i was stuck there, after a couple of minutes things finally started to return to normal.