Well, after much exploration I feel that I need to tell a little bit about myself, and I feel like this is just the place that might except me. I've always felt that I have two personalities when doing drugs, but it's not like one might think. When I was younger I experimented with a lot of drugs. It started with alcohol and then cigarettes. Eventually I moved on to try marijuana and loved it. The interesting thing is that I've always felt like a sociopath, like there is this total disconnect with those around me, and sympathy or even having a conversation has always been hard for me, until pretty recently in my life. When I smoke marijuana I become lively and talkative, I feel like a human being while high. While "sober" I can get by just fine, but life seems boring, and I am not impressed with humanity, but while high, everything is good and I feel like the guilt is gone and I can just be me. It seems DMT has changed a lot of that for me... To me what is important now isn't the actual experiences that I have had while on DMT, but the after effects... The deep profound feelings that sweep through me like waves ever since I started experiencing it. It took me ten years of waiting before I finally came across the sweet spice. I have spent many years meditating, and consider myself somewhat of an expert on it at least as experience goes. I meditate often and frequently. and I can say that the things I experienced while meditating definately prepared me for my eventual DMT experience. When taking DMT the separation of the mind from the body could seem frightening the first couple times it happens, but I was used to doing that every night before I go to bed so it wasn't so bad when I tried DMT, it just seemed to fit right away, and I have yet to experience something bad. DMT definately knocked something loose in me though, It seems now that I can experience people better and relate to them, and I also feel very connected to the universe around me. I have always been a deep thinker, often getting lost in fantasies and grand plans for the future.
Since doing DMT, and having had several breakthroughs this life has changed quite a big, as well as my perspective on it. I am going to describe some of my feelings but I don't want people to think I am crazy, of course I can't control it if you do but I know I'm not crazy. DMT was definately a rebirth, i'll say that much before going on.
Now I found that I can slip very easily into a deep meditation, much more easier than I have ever have been able to. For example, earlier today I was doing dishes and listening to Daft Punk, the music was completely new, even something I've heard a thousand times suddenly seemed brand new and crystal like (I haven't done DMT in two weeks at the time of this writing). I started to dance rhymically while listening to Daft Punk. I found that dancing and doing the dishes I was starting to have the most profound meditative experience, much more profound than when I used to sit for an hour in silence in what I thought was deep meditation. Emotions started raining over me, it felt as if time was standing still just for me, my thoughts went over what happened during the day, to just being immersed in the experience, a couple times I laughed out loud, a couple times I shed a few tears. It was as if the entire universe was moving with my every beat and every beat of Daft Punk. I have never felt as open as I did in that moment before In my life. I was high at the time but typically marijuana makes me paranoid and other problems, but this time was extremely different. I can now say with conviction that I will survive this death, and move on to something greater. Dare I say that I look forward to that day when I die (without being suicidal of course, because I'm very much happy to be alive at the same time). Everything I do now has more purpose because of this magical spice. I don't want people to get the idea that I am encouraging other people to use, because this definately isn't for everybody. My wife doesn't partake in any drugs but tolerates my behaviors. I don't allow drugs to interfere with my life, and I do DMT only when the house is completely empty and I can be confident that I will have at least an hour to have the experience and then integrate it before somebody comes home. It works out great.
It also seems that I am much better and coping with social situations and getting along with my fellow man. The experiences I have had definately were life changing, and that is evident now. I look at the world in a whole different light, it's just as indescribable as the actual DMT trip was so it is hard to elaborate more than what I hsve done already. I do feel, however, that the changes aren't over yet. It's like DMT speeded up the evolution of my soul, where It used to be more gradual, now everyday I am going faster and faster forward in positive changes to my soul, attitude, beliefs, behaviors, intelligence, I mean everything has been touched by the spice. I feel like I am rambling too much so I guess if anyone responds to this I can respond back and continue the conversation. Thanks for reading.