Hello reader. I write this today to share my musings on my experiences with this peculiar substance.
The first time I smoked DMT, I was expecting Arabesque fractal patterns and alien beings. I did not expect what I got:
"As I set the pipe down on my nightstand, the visuals started kicking in. Everything was beginning to swell against itself, to shift and morph. The world began to take on an 8-bit, pixellated look. The frequency was reaching a crescendo. I lay back to enjoy the ride... only, part of me resisted."What followed that misfire of a launch was nothing less than torture. I'd never experienced ego death before, and I
fought it and suffered in darkness and terror for a subjective aeon. When I finally stopped struggling, though, I reached that timeless place where all is one, and I literally saw the beginning of the universe.
My perception of time, however, was so whacked out that I kind of had this trip an infinite number of times, over and over and over again. I was a beam of light between two mirrors. I thought I'd never get out. Thankfully I was wrong as my perception of hyperspace gradually faded with the drug.
And the
second time I smoked DMT, I got the Fear and tried to abort. I teetered on the edge of a breakthrough and tried to hold on to my ego. I kept my eyes open because of the overwhelming nature of the visuals on the backsides of my eyelids. And though I was still in meatspace looking around, I still found my soul was naked before Brahman, for we were one. It was a beautiful revelation to me:
IT'S ALL YOU. (I'm talking in the sense that the entire Universe is a conscious entity and we are what it dreams into existence)It was something so powerful, haunting, and sad that all I wanted was to forget.
Well, it's been three weeks, and something so profound is utterly unforgettable. And it's a good thing too. It took me a while to integrate this knowledge, but my life (or at least my perspective) has improved dramatically. I've become able to be
in the moment, joyful and appreciative of my blessed existence, more compassionate. I constantly feel like I'm on the edge of something that transcends mortal existence, and I feel a sense of purpose (though I can't discern yet what that purpose may be).
I daily consider whether all this is delusion or genuine spiritual enlightenment, and so far I'd have to opine that, in my case at least, such an argument isn't worth having, as such a delusion has turned a bitter, social-anxiety-ridden, self-loathing, insecure and pretentious ****er into a gregarious and genial pretentious ****er.

Not that I'm in a hurry to use DMT again. Honestly, the way it comes on is absolutely terrifying, and even to think of the smell of DMT gives me the shivers. I'm also concerned that another unpleasant trip could undo the good work done in the last one, or that it may permanently stigmatize the substance as negative in my subconscious. I cannot be humble enough before the unstoppable force.
Held to a hurtling rock by invisible forces,
25 November, 2011