I have known of the spice since I read about it on erowid as a teenager.
I became intensely curious to try it when I got interested in Terence McKenna.
I was beginning to think I would never get the chance.

About a month and a half ago I heard Dr. Gabor Mate on the radio talking about his experiments treating hardcore drug addiction with ayahuasca. Subsequently I wondered if it was possible to order the necessary plants online. The search string brought me here.
I would have never thought in a million years I could make my own spice.

I've had a good lot in life, I feel thankful for that. However, there have always been things I've struggled with.
Social problems and what some would call existential issues.

I'm interested in spiritual themes, but when I try to explore them I always feel like I have failed.

I had my dependent days with alcohol and weed. A love affair with psilocybin. A bad acid trip in the rockies that nearly killed me. I was a high school coke head. I made it through a dance with freebase unscathed (thank god). I watched some of my friend's lives go down the toilet and worse. I've been through a co-dependent marriage where MDMA was just as important as sex. These days I'm more or less sober.

The spice has manifested at a time and place in my life where I hope it can help me heal.
I'm dealing with social anxiety, feelings of hopelessness and don't know where to turn.
I'm finishing my university degree because I have nothing better to do.
I have ample resources at the moment and I need to make them count.

My first breakthrough came yesterday.
It was terrifying and ecstatic all at once - nothing short of earth-shattering.
It left me trembling, touched something inside of me I had forgotten was there.

My favorite Osho quote "life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived"

my experience yesterday helped me forget the problem and reawaken the mystery,

I look forward to more journeys.

Thank you all for creating this wonderful community.

Welcome to the nexus Tactic

Welcome Tactic. Good Osho quote. If life's not a mystery enough just add a bit of spice.