[Author's notes: I profusely apologize for the length of this diatribe, I don't mean this to look like an indulgence in egotism, but for mine and SWIM's sake I wanted to chronicle all the thoughts in SWIM's heads that have been there for years but never articulated or documented. I've separated parts of SWIM's story to make it easier to read, but, there is no information or knowledge written here that is unique or not already well-known by this community, and for that, SWIM and I apologize for taking so much of your time if you so chose to read this in its entirety. This post is mainly for the benefit of SWIM as its something SWIM has wanted to document for the past 8 or so years and is finally doing!]
Greetings travelers,
I've been lurking on-and-off of the nexus for the past 2+ years, always astounded by the quality of information presented herein and the degree of warmth shown towards one another in the community. Today, I pledged to myself to join the community and, God-willing, become an active participant, sharing my thoughts and knowledge with humility and traveling further in my own personal journey.
I apologize in advance for the length of this introductory post, but I've really enjoyed reading about other's backgrounds and what brought them to this point in their personal journeys. Also, most importantly, the below story is something SWIM has repeated to others only a handful of times and fears that as the years progress, SWIM may forget details (many already have been), so SWIM wanted an opportunity to document this story for his/her own's sake as it was truly the greatest experience in SWIM's life to date. SWIM now realizes the inherent importance of trip reports!
===/ Mushrooms Experience I /====
SWIM's story begins 7-8 years ago when s/he was first given an opportunity to experiment with mushrooms. SWIM's friends had been big fans and proponents of the magical fungi, however SWIM was always considerably more cautious and lacked a sense of adventure. Whenever the opportunity arose, s/he politely declined and stuck with MJ for fear of "leaving reality."
One night while in college during Valentine's day of all days, SWIM received an IM from a friend saying s/he had some shrooms and inquired about SWIM's interest in partaking. SWIM thought a moment and with a sense of adventure, decided to take the plunge and see for him/herself what the deal was.
Now, SWIM had always heard that the psychedelic experience was "a religious experience" but assumed this to be a euphemism meaning it was totally cool. S/he had always heard that mushrooms should be taken while in nature, but at that point SWIM had no particular interest in nature (that has changed) and was glad to have the opportunity to experiment within the confines of a safe dorm room. Maybe half an eighth was consumed (hard to remember all these years later, according to SWIM) but it was the most miraculous, mystical and loving experience SWIM had ever encountered.
Just for some perspective, as I feel its intriguing to know the psychological background of others, SWIM had always been a happy-go-lucky kid who oft wondered about the state of the universe and existentialism. S/he was also the type who would always read the last few pages of a book first and want to know the end of a movie. SWIM was never religious and tended to be a skeptic by nature who believed that modern science could explain all and that ancient wisdom was, as the saying goes, for the birds. However, if SWIM were to ever awaken in the Matrix (the movie had just come out the year prior), SWIM would be able to continue living happily ever after knowing the truth while still living within the system -- SWIM was definitely not counter-culture or rebellious (to be honest, SWIM was pretty much a goody-two shoes growing up and totally square!) However, SWIM's mother is more new-age and introduced SWIM to psychics and the like traveling here from the East, each of whom said SWIM possessed certain gifts for spiritual healing (though SWIM believes this to have been a way to cur SWIM's mother's favor!)
And now back to the story... SWIM and SWIM's friend were tripping in a dorm room. SWIM went onto chat and lo and behold, found an acquaintance from HS on AIM who SWIM knew to be an experienced psychonaut (the term still had no definite meaning to SWIM at this point.) SWIM IMed this individual, who was just about to go to sleep, asking for any sanguine advice. SWIM's friend ended up putting off sleep (the ingestion happened at approximately 1:00 AM) and guiding SWIM through the entire trip.
Memories of the beginning part of the trip are hazy -- but likely, fairly standard trip stuff. Now, where the magic occurred was when SWIM's friend pointed SWIM to some online videos to watch that were a compilation of trip art and hypnotic music, when, all of a sudden, s/he heard a high frequency tune in his/her ear, felt a vibration, shut his/her eyes to see a kaleidoscopic of fractals and other geometric figures followed by Buddha-like images, and then, a dark tunnel, where ....
BLAST OFF!!!!!
Prior to this, SWIM was deathly afraid of "leaving reality" but quickly realized that THIS was reality! SWIM was rocketing through space, and being led on an incredible journey through the universe, seeing far off galaxies, and then, in return, being brought back inside his/her body to realize that the universe existed completely within his/her own mind and body as well (talk about fractals!) SWIM also saw detailed visions of DNA molecules and ancient people meditating, almost cartoon like. SWIM was a liberal arts major with no science background and knew literally nothing about world religions, so SWIM knew this could not be an illustration from his/her own imagination, or at least not likely. There was something present with SWIM; however, SWIM can't say s/he saw sentient beings, but there was definitely a telepathic connection where information was being revealed to SWIM.
SWIM realized quickly what hyperspace was, and that s/he was within it. The guide (or so SWIM defined the source of knowledge) was telling SWIM that mushrooms were just a key to open the door to this dimension and that one could reach this stage through natural means as well: meditation, etc. SWIM came to realize that the words s/he had heard around psychedelics -- hyperspace, psychonauts, etc. were actually apt descriptions and not just a colorful use of vocabulary!
SWIM remembers saying something to his guide about wishing her were in nature to experience this, to which the guide replied that nature was within us all already. At that point, SWIM felt connected to a universal consciousness and felt the life force flowing around him.
SWIM saw a large, glowing radiant light that was emenating such glorious warmth. It was the physical manifestation of love, and in particular, the love that SWIM's mother had for him/her. SWIM had been very selfish at this point in his/her life -- SWIM's parents were going through a very difficult divorce and SWIM was too caught-up in his/her own affairs (and in honesty, too afraid to confront the loss of family) to really be a support.
SWIM physically began to cry when s/he felt that warmth, that love; SWIM also instinctively knew this to be GOD, something which SWIM never truly believed in before. SWIM's trip began to fade and as s/he was reintegrated, s/he had the biggest smile on his/her face for the days to come and felt the after-glow for weeks.
===/ Mushrooms Experience II /====
Two weeks later, SWIM was eager to have another encounter with the divinity that mushrooms brought. SWIM had the day planned : s/he cleaned the apartment thoroughly, laid out candles, played hypnotic music, and bought "trip toys." SWIM planned to ingest an eighth of the same mushrooms and to trip alone.
Bad idea. There was no breakthrough, and in fact, the only overwhelming feeling was fear. SWIM had received a call from a friend that SWIM sold some product to that was underweight (this was SWIM's first time doing anything of that sort.) Needless to say, SWIM thought s/he was going to be murdered. This was during Spring Break so no one was around so SWIM felt completely, utterly alone and cried to him/herself. There were no memorable visuals at all, if any, even though the dose was 2x the previous encounter and of the same exact material.
However, when SWIM finally got a hold of two friends to come over, SWIM had a great sense of relief and once the trip ended, s/he still felt the afterglow.
Now, even though this experience was negative, SWIM still holds it in high-regards because it taught SWIM a very valuable lesson: mushrooms/pyschedelics are sacrament and meant to be respected (at least in SWIM's case and IMHO.) Even though it was truly the most amazing experience of SWIM's life, SWIM has not mushroomed since that time, assuming the when the time, set and setting are right, it will happen again...
===/ Discovery of Spice /====
SWIM discussed his/her experiences with the fungi with friends who are experienced mushroom users. In fact, one of them is even the moderator of a very popular forum on the subject. However, none of them every experienced a breakthrough similar to SWIM's and downplayed it... saying it was likely the mind on drugs, in their opinions, having read similar trip reports but not having experienced it for themselves. SWIM decided to not discuss the subject matter with others, any longer, until....
The Summer of 2009, so several years removed, SWIM found & read an interview with Dr. Rick Strassman online. When SWIM read this interview detailing the findings of Strassman's DMT experiments, SWIM was floored. It was literally a life-changing moment -- SWIM had never heard of DMT, ayahuasca, and the like previously. SWIM hadn't even read many trip reports from mushrooms, but had read about medical research that affirmed the mystical state of mushrooms.
SWIM was truly overcome with joy seeing experiences that paralleled his own (but to a much greater magnitude!) and to feel that s/he was no longer alone in thinking these things. SWIM joined the Nexus but never posted, and read through hundreds of reports here and on other forums and boards.
SWIM at the moment became inherently more spiritual. A week did not go by that SWIM did not think about spice. Unfortunately, SWIM's friends were too uneasy with the idea of spice to agree to aid an extraction, and SWIM was going back to school for a Master's degree and living at home. As mentioned, SWIM is not an adventurous person -- SWIM was not confident in his/her ability to follow through with a tek without first having an accomplice.
SWIM quickly became bogged down with school (SWIM thought s/he was going back to school to have a more chill life, but boy oh boy was SWIM wrong!!!) SWIM had to shift focus away from spice (though it was always in SWIM's mind, somewhere) and knew that SWIM needed to wait until the timing was right to experience the cosmic knowledge that spice had to impart... if there's one thing, SWIM is a very patient individual!
===/ Spice Experience I /====
A few weeks ago, SWIM was traveling overseas and met a FoF and her bf. SWIM had never met these two but had struck up an online friendship just prior to his/her travels. The two were active participants in another forum and were good friends of SWIM's friends, both on and offline.
Prior to SWIM's travel, SWIM mentioned what s/he was doing in his/her studies, and what vocation that would lead to, joking if it didn't work out, SWIM would train to become a curacedero. (Note: SWIM has not experienced aya.)
After finally meeting for dinner, SWIM made casual mention to his/her long-lasting desire to experiment with spice. To SWIM's delight/nervousness, the two mentioned that they have spice at home. So it was to be....
SWIM was highly nervous... pre-flight anxiety was at epic levels. SWIM didn't know the two well (and those two were into other things that were quite a bit different from SWIM's cup of tea, but there was absolutely no judging involved -- SWIM just doesn't have knowledge or experience with many of these substances!)
The spice was not an extract but a pure synthetic. SWIM asked for one of his/her new friends to hold his/her hand as s/he puffed away...
PUFF ONE: Light lungful, warming up the GV (not GVG though), quickly feeling a momentous body high... muscles all relaxing...
PUFF TWO: long, slow draw, fighting to get as much into SWIM's lung as possible... SWIM had heard from his hosts that the smoke would be very harsh and chemically/plasticy, but SWIM had no issue keeping it in... as SWIM slowly exhaled the smoke out, SWIM saw the world around him/her slowly disolve away... fractals appearing, energy waves surrounding his/her hosts...
SWIM reclined onto the sofa, held the hand of his/her host, and saw the patterns emerge. It was a radical light show of images flashing and dancing infront of SWIM's eyes... and unfortunately, that was all it was. SWIM did see what appeared to be a magician's hand appear to show SWIM, look at this show!
SWIM slowly reintegrated, and realized that SWIM needed that 3rd toke -- SWIM thought once the dissolution effect was occuring, that SWIM would breakthrough. Had SWIM kept reading the nexus, SWIM would have realized that s/he needed to KEEP HITTING!!
Either way, SWIM was glad -- SWIM had a great deal of trepidation (not to mention an insane allergic reaction to the host's cats.) This was just enough to pique SWIM's curiosity and make SWIM pledge to stop waiting for the time to come, and make the time come.
===/ From Here /====
I know what you must be thinking, 2,500 words and 10,000+ miles traveled to tell you that SWIM didn't breakthrough! SWIM feels this was alright because it forces SWIM to be more active in his experience with spice and be willing to go through a STB tek! Feed a man a fish, you feed him once, teach a man to fish.......
And at last, here we are now. Besides for wanting to finally document SWIM's mushroom experience, the secondary purpose for this lengthy post is to make SWIM feel invested in this community, which in turn will enable SWIM the courage to explore SWIM's consciousness and hyperspace more.
Godspeed,
qz