First of all I am eternally grateful to whomever put this introduction area together. I've seemingly been isolated from other types of minds that I can openly discuss with my recent personal and spiritual evolution. I've been on the nexus before curiously seeking knowledge of DMT, however I am here now to sing, dance, grow, celebrate with brothers and sisters.

I'm a college student but a single year ago my mind was more child like than anything. I was insecure, immature and irresponsible. I had been entering the realm of psychedelics and liked what it had begun teaching me. I had started becoming more outgoing, and to an adolescent who had felt caged by his shyness this was the greatest gift one could ever ask for... but it wasn't all peaches n daisies. The summer of drug using had past and the fall semester of drug using had begun. Depression would come and go for about 7 months. At one point I had begun fearing my own humanity. I would later identify this phase as chapel perilous, darkmoor, etc. as it felt like a negative somatic body high. (thank you deoxy.org)

My intention was to cure my depression but habits were consistently keeping me down. I had soon shifted my intention, to be free by summer. I had used my intellectual/rational mind over the past year educate myself about psychedelics, the nature of reality, Buddhism, quantum physics, biochemistry and other areas of interest. While I understood my depression was irrational on an intellectual level, on an emotional level I still felt depressed, I was still chained.

The fuel for a remedy had been piling up over the course of the depression. I could have guessed that a psychedelic would be the spark that would set ablaze the fuel and release me. In my circle of friends we have set the framework for a small caring/sharing community of trustables. In the past I have shared many entheogens with them and them with me(mostly kind bud ). Near the end of my depression a very good friend had gave me the elixer of life force. Five hawaiian baby woodrose seeds. My intention for the night was to take 2 seeds and get stoned, if it was going well I would take the others, so I did. I tripped alone but hung out with one of my best friends smoking into the night. The conditions for a nice light evening were good but even though it was a relativity small dose of woodrose, I noticed some real change. It was as if my vital body had caught up with my mental body, FINALLY. My emotions now began to resonate with my thoughts. My house was a mess and I had been tripping all night. Physically I should have been tired but my mystical experience was enough food for the body to keep on that day and I proceeded to clean up the house, using mystical thought and alchemy.

As the week went on I proceeded to act out of my true center. Ego games were reduced/(some parts vanished) and my depression was removed and replaced with what I am today. Integration has occurred.

I'm awake, aware and entirely dreaming.


Some notes:

The fact that I watched the movie called "The Secret" outlining the law of attraction, and the documentary "Quantum Activist" was HUGE. These helped me believe, these helped nudge me in the correct direction.

More gems were to come post-integration. The movie "What the Bleep Do We Know" was so blatant in regards to my experiences. The Matrix was another major key. I watched the movie with the utmost mindfulness, message received .

Here is a personal story of mine:
Morpheus and Neo are symbiotically co-creating a brighter future for all. They woke Neo up from his dream, together, even if they are not aware of it. This was important because I drew an analogy between their relationship and my brother and I. For instance, I witnessed him directly speak on behalf of the forces evolving me when we were tripping together. He is so heavily entwined in my synchronicities and he doesn't even know it yet!

I recognize unbounded potential and our infinite nature but it is time to end this post.

I am here to learn. Teach me. I will teach you. I am only 20. Young and old alike. We will grow and thrive together.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any input or suggestions are appreciated Peace n unity.f

Thank you for sharing your introduction, I enjoyed reading it.

I don't really have any advice for ya, it seems to me like you're on the right track.

I'm glad that you've found relief from your depression. That stuff can be a bitch.

Anyways, welcome to the Nexus! I'm sure you'll fit right in around here.

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As far as the visuals go I do find meaning in them. Hard to describe how I feel about them exactly but as you have said I am constantly reminded of previous psychedelic encounter. Sometimes this means I am reminded of patience, love and things of value. Sometimes the visuals remind me to be a better person... but for the most part they are just pure aesthetic enjoyment or business as usual. The most important purpose I have discovered it serves me is to remind me that this is all an illusion and of the impermanent nature of everything.

Those symptoms you speak of sound interesting, I have never heard of this but I think I've experienced some. Before the visual changes objects looked defined and solid. Now when I stare at say, a blank wall, it is very hard to just look at the wall without seeing patterns. It reminds me of quantum physics. If the "normal" vision were to be staring at solid particles, the new vision would be exploring the wave of possibilities.

Thank you rabbit,
This is exactly why I am here. I think this space is gudda gudda.