Posted an inferior post that didn't touch on what this board is for, shortly ago. I would like share my history, and where it has brought me. My progress has not been fast. Very slowat first. But today, I am so very grateful to where I am. I’m going to take a long break from this all here, so I wanted to end on a positive note on the forum, and actually share something someone might find valuable. This page is long, the first part is not particularly interesting, and it reflects on a cycle that in the beginning should have waited. I share my first experience years ago, then get to my own path with it. But if you make it to the end, I start the share some of the goods today. I still have a long way to go with it, but I’m at where I’m at with my experiences.
The sun is shining through my window right now. And before I attempt some sleep, I'd like to actually share where it brought me to.
My progress has not been fast.
A little history on what led me to the first. I keep referring to fall 2009 because I am still completing my degree. I was in the college town the summer 2009. That summer, I had summer house, while I attempted my first semester back from a medical withdraw. I met up with an old friend in the town, from the fall 2008 semester. Many nights, we would enjoy the summer nights when nothing else was going on, passing time on mj and various others. He brought up dmt alot. We both had read alot about it, but both had never. We both agreed that whenever the first of us came across it, we'd smoke it together.
Back to fall 2009. My old friend showed up one day at my apartment. Nicely rolled a 4 inch joint, and revealed a vile with yellow powder. I was excited. I think first time was always the best. Rolled it up, we went for it. I’ll do my best to remember the finer details of this one. I was just in awe.
We were in a room, and I layed back, after he told me, just keep grabbing it even when you can't sense your arms. Went off. First very visual. There was a ceiling pattern in my room of rectangular cinderblocks. The geometric patterns started off. Dancing back and forth with purpose. Intricate patterns of light were the edges of all now. I saw what almost appeared to be phaoroh heads. The room kept dancing. I felt like it flipped, and then it was no longer just visual.
I felt like I was zooming through different zones. But it was all moving so fast. All light. All peace, my positive mindstate allowed it. I felt like it was light room, to next light room, although room is just trying to attach meaning to it. Light zone after light zone, all the same, but kept moving. It's been a long time, and I wish I had wrote this part down right after. Like I was stuck on a little light vehicle, and someone pushed it down the track. It has been a long time since this one, and it was a first, but I invite you to keep reading.
I came back loopy for a long time. I thanked my friend, and thanked him that he provided me with the experience we first discussed. I had tried other hallucinogens, but nothing held a candle to my knew look on it all.
So that's when I started my research here in late 2009.
Withdrew the next semester (grades fine, personal situation)
Moved back home. Wasn't the ideal place to be, but certain circumstances demanded it. Transferred to a branch campus of the main college.
Got a chance to do the first extract september 2010.
First time after initial completion, always checking the freezer every hour, watching them grow. Excited that my 5 hours paid off. Had three small clear glass bowls in there. Being the first, I ended up with most in the first, a fair amount in the second, and barely any in the third. First bowl, my turkey basting skills were off, and grabbed some grime, and had a slight yellow tint to it. The rest were snowflakes. So I read up on it, and decided even after the initial freeze, it was worth it to do it right, and saturate the right amount of naptha. I scraped all with a card, even the alright white, into a much smaller amount in a wine glass. Put in back in the freezer. Already watched the process once, but still couldn't resist peeking at the growing results every now and then.
Let it sit a day and a half. I checked at certain times, and it seemed that no further growth was taking place, so I took it out, carefully poured, and turned on a fan on them. Smelling naptha through the kitchen, my a feeling of achievment.
I said before, that I moved forward slowly. The reason is, just after a lot of the events of the last year, was in a constant mind state where it wasn't an absolute no to venture, but I knew I shouldn't have afterwards.
My first from the first batch-
I liked to sit on my back porch a lot. Early september still had fairly nice weather, so there was sunshine to help me feel like it would be ok. But that little thought of doubt would always get the best of me.
A few personal situations have led to be homebound for the last year, so most of my first are solo. There was doubt with the a lot of this time due purely to where I was at with a few different situations.
I'd inhale. I'd feel the slight head lightness. I'd inhale again. I'd wait. I'd go forth. I have 3 hills in my backyard off the porch. They move up in 3 steps. Theres some nice trees there, and I'd watch them all sway. They started swaying together. Small patterns appear, and they all seemed to share the same 'glimmer', reflecting off one another, moving with the lawn.
Then the little doubt always came. Like my yard was torn away when things really got started, and like there was a giant red head, right in my face, going off on negative thoughts and emotions at my expense. A reflection of my own negativity due to that year. Every thought I had, the head, still right in me, would put it back. The environment was red. I did not feel peace. I tried to reconnect, but failed. I sat there with the red, the head dissappeared, and there was no embracing any of the light around me, just me on my own negativity, consumed.
And of course, being my first batch, I get up when I come back. I get away from it. But I still go back. That first day I must have gone back 10 times. I dont know why. There was a part of me telling me that I should wait till better thoughts. Then there was a part telling me, you gotta face these thoughts with or without dmt, maybe going through it with it will help it pass.
Next few times, very similar. Would inhale. feel the lightness of physical body, inhale again. Put down and watch. I fought hard to stay with peace, because, I would always do it at first. I'd watch the trees started to pattern off of each other again, like the one in front of another was a projection of itself. The grass would sway with patterns within it, and then I'd go off.
I found myself diving back down the same path of red. Its when I couldn't focus outward anymore, and the negative just brings that face in front of me again. But the next few times, I would pull out for moments. I would take a stand to block it out, knowing the red environment is still there, but choosing to ignore. The times I really pulled through, It was as if the sunshine came in. The environment would turn from a red hell to a light heaven. Just a light color, almost light. The yard had been gone for a long time now, but the biggest tree, the one right in front of where I was when I smoked those times on the back deck, would come back. I would feel peace. I could just simply observe. Just watch it all fall into itself and back out.
The rest of my week went something like that with the first batch. Like I said, I feel like I wasted alot of valuable product. Because I kept going back to try and battle that part of myself. And at the end of the week. I was at peace. I locked up my product for the next 2 weeks. Had done what I needed to do.
The next times I kept going, were mostly positive. Similiar details to before, but I was very disappointed that I didn't have ANY experience like my first.
I said I moved slow. I did. I guess my next best positive one was after I came back in the spring. After a long break. This one, I sat on the same spot. But this time, I just didnt sit there when it hit. I had such a feeling of joy. I was attempting to forget and work through alot of the situations that led me up to where I was in my life over the past few months, and I'm glad to say, even though I feel most would call going in on bad vibes just plain stupid, I am glad I did. It made it so I couldn't ignore them, and had to face them.
I just didn't sit there. I stood up. And the whole environment transformed. Right where I am on the back porch, there are two 6ft pine trees on either side of me. When the environment tranformed, everything grew. Everything grew in such a way that when I was allowed to stand up, I wasn't just in a light environment that commanded my awe, I had a little sphere of influence as I was told to move about, my body was still present. The trees and plants WERE MAGNIFICENT. Every color reached levels I wish I could fathom again. I had been smoking alot of cigarettes on the back porch to stay awake, and I deeply inhaled. My lungs felt clear as ever. As I deeply inhaled more, I grew in size. My entire environment grew with me. The trees grew. I grew. I was able to walk back into my house, and I smiled like I hadn't in a long time. Right at that point, I made a fresh step in my life. And the greatest thing was that I felt as though even though I came back eventually, a part of me stayed grown. Like when the whole environment just got painted with a beautiful paintbrush, and almost looked to be animated in a completely new fashion, when it came back, some of that beauty stayed.
I know that thus far, non of these are really far intracate experiences. I said I moved slow. I ran out, did a second A/B.
Now the fun began. I will share a few of the deeper ones I've have to this point. I know, I am still moving slow.
First good one. I had that day where everything went right. My past siutations are still here, but most of them subsided for today. Hadn't even smoked for a while, locked up and out of thought. Struck with inspiration, that thought that says "its the perfect time".
Went off, sat off in the corner of the porch in a different spot than the usual. Inhaled. Felt that lightness. Inhaled more. Lighter still. Telling me to take another. Ask to use my hands now to do so, I am allowed. No troubles.
I focus on a girl from my past. Always a positive experience with her, no regrets. And that feeling is brought to me as my body and environment fade to a dark surrounding, with only a pink/red positive reflection of some sort of woman in front of me. She projected back on me all the positive vibe I was putting in in thought. It was beautiful. She stayed, and projected off each other. The environment was dark on the edges, but she filled it with light. Peaceful, I wanted to stay longer, but soon found myself back, on a visual experience with the geometry of the environment.
Another of my favorite, I began as expected, enjoying the peace I came into it all with. I hit, I hit, I hit once more. There is a lattice on one portion of my back porch, covering all the walls. When I smoke back there, it all changes into dancing squares with the spaces in between, then flies off. Then, suddenly, I was slingshot-ed into what I can only describe as a "light ship". I saw stars in every direction, but I was in a light room, and it was one of many rooms, the walls were see through, just the edges light. There were a few light figures in front of me. There is no possible way for me to describe this any further, but I instantly recognized the middle one somehow as my father. I went forward, shed tears of joy to be there with him. There were others standing behind him. But in that moment, I had no focus other than what I can only to this day describe as my father, some part of him (He is still here though, so I can't explain why I felt that feeling). The others sat behind us and watch, projecting peace and love. They were happy I was there, they were exstatic that I was at peace with the experience. He took me by the arm and pointed out of the "light ship" out into the dark. And just pointed at the stars. Trying to just show me. At this point, I was almost instantly back into my body. The environment was back, althought I longed so much to be back on that ship. I wanted to meet the others. I wanted more time.
That memory will never leave me.
My fingers are tired. I will write up my next best one here when I come back from a long break. I have very good experiences right now. They all go off into the distance. All I can say Is that I am very fortunate that this is here. I still have my trials today, but every other month or two, I take a week to journey, and come back with new life, and a better tomorrow. I have a few writeups from this week I will share when I come back
. I'm sorry if I wrote that terrible one as my first post, but I hope this one makes up for it. Need to go sleep.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.