It's been a while since I made a post, and a lot has happened since then. Before I go into that, I want to explain while I'm writing. I've been on the nexus as a registered member for something like a month, but I have been lurking for far longer than that. I have always been interested in what could very broadly be termed mysteries of the mind and soul. I became aware of DMT about two years ago and have been passionately seeking any information I could find about it since then. Regretfully, that information is very limited given the (perhaps fortunate) fact that DMT is not very well known. I believe this is because it is too profound and spiritual to ever be the "cheap thrill" other illegal substances offer. I don't think I can call it a drug or even a hallucinogen anymore. I don't think its a drug, I think its the chemical link between our world and others, and I don't think It can properly be called a hallucinogen because I don't think what is seen on it a hallucination. I could always be wrong, or delusional, but then again anyone could. I am writing because I lost my "DMT Virginity" at last so to speak. After months of research about this molecule I finally got the supplies necessary and succeeded in having a real trip with freebase Syrian Rue seeds and freebase MHRB powder after several attempts with several methods including a botched extraction that destroyed one of my pans. Most of this information or attitude is probably familiar to most of the people here, but the reason I am writing is to express my love for this molecule and my desire to continue to use it and be involved in the community around it. I find it difficult to post often in the newly christened welcome area because it seems a tad limited in terms of subjects and posting opportunities, so I am writing this essay to assist in my promotion to full membership (I hope this is the right place to put it!). I am not so vain that I expect writing a single essay to instantly promote me, but I do want it on my "resume" so to speak that I have contributed one.
Over the course of the last month, I've done many things to attempt to achieve a trip. Many times I thought I succeeded, and I wondered "Is this it? Is this really the spirit molecule that inspires so much respect and exaltation from its users?." I had so much doubt, but some impetus within encouraged me to keep trying. I tried mimosahuasca, an extraction and freebase powders several times. I got frustrated often and tried doses that I know now were very large that I nearly instantly purged. In retrospect, this probably saved me the extreme intensity a trial by the noetic fires of DMT. On my last night of many attempts in a row, I tried the simplest combination of 3g Peganum Harmala seeds ground in a coffee grinder and 5 grams of MHRB powder. There is nothing in my previous experience that could have prepared me for the power and depth of DMT. Now i know that those "trips" I had previously were not even close to what DMT is and what it means. I rocketed through otherworlds hellish, heavenly and everything in between. I learned and experienced more in the span of 3 hours than anything could have prepared me for. After it was over, I was very shaken. Not in a bad way, or a in a good way. I was the proverbial early human who had lived her entire life in a cave and only had just left and saw the vastness of the world beyond. I was filled with awe at the scope of the the numerous otherworlds I now know populate the realities of which our physical world is only a paper thin part. Sometimes when I write about my experiences with DMT (I have done this already several times since my trip just a week ago) I wonder if what I'm saying sounds too "trippy" or is just the ramblings of some wannabee amateur psychonaut, but then I remember the extreme detail and hyper-reality of my experience. I know now I can never again dismiss the reality of otherworlds and my psyche as "all in my head." I want to remain grounded, as I think everyone should, but I've started to believe that a loss of a grounding only comes with a reckless, thoughtless use of DMT. I never plan to do that. This molecule is too sacred to be used in any way except wisely and in the right context. I remember that I got up the night after my first real trip and did things that I have been putting off for far too long and then I did some things that other people needed done that I did not have responsibility to do. I was altruistic in a way I never have been before and felt a sublime happiness that lasted through the day and even through to now. I can't remember feeling that way since childhood. My accumulated cynicism was replaced by a reinvigorated
joie de vivreI am very grateful that DMT decided that I was worthy to receive its wisdom, and now i view the chemical in a quasi religious sense. I don't ever intend to evangelize this molecule. As far as I'm concerned the only people who should ever use it are people who are sought it out on their own and have researched it. I can't imagine what DMT would do to someone who was "just curious" or wanted to get "high" off of it. The chemical has a life of its own of sorts that I felt quite strongly. I felt as though it was self aware and benevolent, and interested in my well being. Perhaps that's insane, but then again perhaps doing "drugs" is insane. I guess we all have to live and die with our stupid beliefs, but DMT has shown me some wonderful and terrible things I can never forget. ever. I am comfortable with my worldview as impacted by the transcendental force of the spirit molecule. It balanced me in a way I had never felt balanced before. All spiritual texts, religions and science melted away in light of that direct spiritual experience. I know I am essentially writing a love letter to a "drug" and if the me of a couple years ago was reading this, I would have been ashamed that I flaunted my DARE teachings and became involved with the "evils" of "drugs." I have to believe there is far more to reality than the simple machinations of one physical universe, and I have to believe DMT gives us access to what is beyond it. Implicit in DMT is the promise to move humanity or just individual humans forward along the paths that we may have once followed for knowledge and enlightenment. I can get quite grandiose about these things, but forgive me, I'm the freshman who has romanticized college after spending one week in it. I'm looking forward to being involved with this molecule and its community for many years to come, and right now I think trying to a full membership here is the best way forward for me
Thanks for reading my love letter to my ego and an illegal substance
(and please consider me for full membership sometime in the future!)
Everything I post is complete fiction. Any similarities to real events or people is entirely coincidence.