I normally don't take the time to introduce myself when I join a forum, but I feel that I should share my mind with you guys. My experience with drugs goes back a few years. I started as most people do, looking for a cheap high. Anything that numbed me, made me happy or helped me forget who I was. At the worst time in my life in regards to drugs and spiritual/mental/emotional health I was stealing DXM from stores daily and taking it constantly. It was my favorite seeing how easy it was to get. I was also stealing whatever I could get my hands on from Wal-Mart and selling it to local stores that would buy it back to get the drugs I couldn't steal. My DXM abuse got to where I was losing friends. I was frequently chasing third and fourth platuea doses because there was something beyond just getting "high" with this drug. I wanted to know more and I wanted to learn I just lacked the motivation. I eventually picked some shrooms from a local field with a few friends after a long night of alcohol and uppers. We picked more than I would ever know what to do with. Two bags and a shirt full of mushrooms. I ate and I ate and I ate. I ate until I was tripping and then I ate some more. This was obviously to much for someone who's psychadelic experiences are limited to cannabis. My world broke down in front of my very eyes and I lost it. To this day it has been the worst yet most rewarding trip of my life. I stopped stealing and started treating drugs with a little more respect and got gained a major interest in psychadelics and what they have to offer. I changed the person I am a lot and I honestly don't believe I would be here today without that trip. I wish I could go more into it, but that's an essay within its self.
Fast forward to my first semester in college and I'm back into my old ways (with a little bit better personality at least) and eventually drop out of college near the end of my first semester because of the depression I had accumilated from all of the drug abuse and negative energy I surrounded myself with. After I dropped out things got bad for my family (I was still living at home). We were the poorest we had been in a long time and I couldn't find a job to save my life. What this did was gave me months of time to think. Think and think and think. With a lot of time to spend on the internet I got big into the RC scene. Knowing what psychadelics had done before I decided it was time to start pushing my mind and my limits. I have done what some people would consider "heroic" doses and what some would just consider ignorant. For me it's been a long journey of self discovery and acceptance that I'm not sure many people understand.
I'm sure you all know how high doses of psychadelics affect your thinking and beliefs. I have always had deep spiritual beliefs. I started experimenting with PSI and OBE's in junior high and gradually learned more and more different plains of existance and where I belong in all of that mess. I always keep quiet about my age because it usually changes people's idea of me and my knowledge and sometimes why the feel I do the things I do. But, here I feel it's important that people know my age and where I stand in my journey. I'm 19 years old and still live with my mother. But, honestly I feel that many people even here are young adults (18-25) and just stay quiet in fear of judgment. Because I know as well as you do how the people in this world are.
I come here now at a very important part of my journey. I don't like to say that regular psychadelics aren't "doing it for me" anymore because there is still a lot to learn. But I've been waiting for a time when I was spiritually and mentally prepared for DMT. I've done low doses smoked a few times, but never broke through. Because I know this isn't a one time thing and this will be a time where I will be full of questions and trying to piece together an unfamiliar puzzle I decided to come here. I've spent time here reading and skimming and not only do I get good vibes I trust you people. I know that we share an understanding of acceptance and growth and that's what I feel I need. I'm going to do oral DMT within the week with two other people that I trust and have been through a lot of the same struggles and realizations I have. So, here I am. I'm bill, I'll be around and it's nice to meet you guys.