It's very odd for me to notice how so very familiar DMT's headspace is. Not just familiar in the sense that i recognize it from mushroom trips, but there's an all encompassing sense of deja-vu i cannot shake. I'm very comfortable at the pre-breakthrough level.

This is why it's even odder that in the process of coming-down, feeling guilty, disappointed, "why am i doing this?" and "i'm not doing this again" is almost as equally strong.

I can't really rationalize this, and it's especially confusing because after a while i start to think i'm ready again.

I like to think i'm stable and experienced enough to handle the usage of this drug, but what's going on here?

Does this sound familiar to any of you, because i'm stumped.

"Why am I doing this?" is one of the main questions you should be asking yourself. When you ask yourself that question, do you ever answer it?

No one here can tell for sure "what's going on." because simply, we aren't in your head. But, it kind of sounds like you may have negative dormant feelings about using compounds to alter your consciousness, but who knows.

What are the reasons you smoke DMT for?

When i first read about DMT it appealed to me on some level. It made me curious, and certainly the first voyages were very positive. Physically and mentally i found myself re-attached to a kind of mindset i'd forgotten about.

Relaxed, joyous, and in touch with spiritual awareness that lasted for days after those first trips. I didn't expect this to happen, and was pleasantly surprised that it had such an impact.

I'm very positive about expanding the mind via entheogens. They have been a very beneficial influence on my life and general wellbeing for years and years.

But perhaps you are right and i need to evaluate my reasons for doing DMT, and the frequency of the trips.

Thanks Korey for helping me finding the answers

I usually get conflicting feelings, during the trip. Which can really alter where i land at the end. Sometimes, when belief isn't strong enough i literally get slaps from DMT. Other times, when i have complete trust and faith in my actions, the journey seems ever so pleasant.
I think it's the concepts of good and bad at work. I have noticed that by pure observing, the trip goes deeper. I feel that analyzing one's self during the trip really hinders the experience.

Thanks for sharing!

yaxar's points align with SWIM's experience very much. She has sometimes had trips, where thoughts will be coming up like "NO NO NO, THIS IS WRONG, I CAN'T BE SEEING THIS!" but as long as she stays disengaged from them, they don't drive the journey. If she takes them seriously, and allows herself to become emotionally imbalanced due to them, the journey can go anywhere.

Thank you for your replies, i appreciate it very much.

There seems to be an element of survival present in my hesitation and subsequent guilt. It's reflexive; a respons to an imminent threat.

It's as if, at the most basic level of being, there's a lot of trepidation coming in and coming out of the trip.

That is why, now i've realised this, that preparing for the trip through [a form of] meditation is necessary to quell doubt so i can surrender to the experience.

The lovely part of all of this is that, since i first smoked DMT, it rekindled the kind of awareness that was present some 10 years ago when i emersed myself in the pursuit of [philosophical] truth.

Both DMT and the earlier pursuit leads to one ultimate conclusion about the nature of self and truth, and subjective existence. Something i'm still resisting, apparantly, lol.

I think a lot of people develop a sense of guilt because they approach DMT as a "drug" as well as running risks of alienation from society in response to both doing such a "crazy drug" as well as the taboo beliefs that you increase your chances in believing in them. DMT is not in my opinion a drug. It is a sacred biochemical tool. I really think higher of it than I would even feel comfortable describing, but if there's one thing DMT's taught me is that it's to go with the flow, and if you resist something that you feel you'd want to embrace, then you may find yourself in a dark place. Instead I say you should take the ride (unless genuinely bad things start happening of course).

Altough that might be what happens to some people, it's not really what i mean. This goes deeper than that.

DMT rattles the cage of impermanence and reminds me of my own illusory nature.

The ego-construct does not like being reminded of that, and it's this involuntary respons to DMT that makes for conflicting emotions, i think.

Altough mushrooms occupy the same universe, DMT extends into the farthest reaches of the mind, well beyond what i've experienced on shrooms.

I find this fascinating, and this is where the conflict originates.

Interesting times lie ahead.

A sacred biochemical tool us a great description .

I ve noticed a while range if emotions that can come up
During my sessions . Sometimes a negative vibe can come out of nowhere .
I think its all tied into the healing nature of what this is about .

This idea that it tends to give you what you need not
Necessarily what you want seems to be true.

Over the course of many journeys I,ve come to trust
This sacred thing more than ever.

No matter how intense or dark a series of journeys are
I ALways come out feeling better in the end . This is a truth .

Trust the process

I've come to the conclusion that freebasing DMT, and even changa [enhanced leaf], isn't the right way for me to experience DMT.

I'll continue researching different ways of injesting, or go the pharmahuasca route.

For the time being i'll refrain from tripping on DMT.