Well i am not sure how much i can tell you about myself with out incriminating me or the forum. I am about to be 23 years old and yes i still live at my parents house. I work at a restaurant. I have done my fair share of experimenting with drugs. Id have to say the first drug i ever tried was Caffeine or DXM (when i was just a young lad of course) then i tried nicotine when me and friend were in like 4th or 5th grade. we took it from his mom and shared it, it was pretty disgusting. I used to take a sip off of a beer if some one left it around at my house but always hated the taste as a young boy.

As i grew up and found out that my parents smoke pot, i became interested in it. I always wondered to myself at school, "If these drugs are so bad, why do people keep doing them?" when i was in 7th grade i tried pot for the first time, didnt really like it. I only got the physical effects of the weed (red eyes, hunger, dry mouth) but i don't think my mind was developed enough yet to be in that marijuana head space. I smoked here and there for a few years but never really got high until i was in 10th grade and i got my first bong and some good herb. i got home from school that day and loaded my bong up right away. it only took me a few hits and i got so stoned, i felt like i was in a video game, i mean like i felt like i was in a 8 bit video game! it was crazy i was giggling, i tried masturbating and it was amazing! food tasted great and i remember saying to myself "I want to feel like this all the time!" needless to say i became a pot head after that, surrounding myself with people that liked to smoke pot and weren't to involved with their personal image and people that would actually be able to teach me something about myself.

When i was a junior i got drunk for the first time off of crown royal. I liked the feeling but i threw up and the whiskey tasted gross so i didn't really like it that much. Junior year i tried mushrooms for the first time. when i heard about them and what they were i thought "id like to try this, i want to see what else i can see" The mushrooms kinda gave me a scare for i was myself when i was peaking, i had alot of negative thoughts, about live and suicide, thinking that life was pointless if im going to just work my whole life. I didnt keep this mind state after i was down but it did give me a scare. I tryed cocaine next when i was a senior and i liked it, didnt like the taste but liked the way it made me feel. I than began to use cocaine about 3 times a month (usually on weekends) and continued to smoke pot. I tried shrooms a few more times and had some better times, but i always felt weird when coming down from shrooms.

When i was 18 (almost 19) i tried E for my first time. I took one after coming down from some cocaine and started to feel amazing, so i took one more. That night was awesome, i stayed up with a few other people that were all rolling, music sounded awesome, i felt amazing, and i was playing video games like a mother fucker. After that i think i tried percocets next. Didnt really understand why people liked pills so much so i didnt really get into them until i got a bunch of OC 80's. I traded most of them for bud but i did use them a little bit, a tiny bump would make me nodd out.

I continued to use cocaine more regularly when i was 20. because i got put on probation for getting busted with an OZ of weed. Some one i was selling to was working for the cops and i got sentenced to 3 years probation. I stopped smoking but upped my cocaine and alcohol use. I went to jail in September of 08 for testing positive for cocaine on a drug screen. My parents posted my 10,000$ bail (Thats right $10,000 for my first dirty urine!) I was put on a 6 month good behavior period while still on the probation (this means if i fucked up again i would get the maximum jail time) well i stayed out of trouble for that long.

A little while past and i got a hold of some L and MDMA from a friend who just came back from camp bisco. The first time i did the L it was kinda weird, i dont think it was that strong but i noticed small things, like lights looked different, and brake lights were leaving trails stuff like that. but it wasn't intense. I did the MDMA throughout the next week, Sniffing most of it and loving it. loving the way it felt clean and not super "Uppy". I got my hands on a 10 strip after that and ate a few tabs with a girl that i was seeing at the time. We had so much fun that day, i tripped my bawls off and i LOVED it. seriously i fell in love with L.

I hate to say this part, but it is part of who i am. The same girl that i tried L with was into H and i decided to do some. I liked the way it made me feel and i started using it for about 2 weeks then one night i was at my house with her and another kid who used H and we were getting all smacked out. I had to work early the next morning at 6am. So i went to work while the other 2 were still sleeping. the chick left and when i came back from work around 3pm i found the kid that was still at my house laying on the floor, not breathing, Blue in the face, and unresponsive. I lost it, i started crying, i wasn't sure if i should hide the body or call 911 because i was still on probation at the time. Well i couldn't live with myself if i didn't call 911 so i did. My probation officer got wind of what happened and told me to come in for a urine screen the next day. I tested positive for weed and H and had a court date coming up for it.

The next few months of my life was just a waiting period for me to go to jail. so i tried to consume as many drugs as i could (Not the H tho) I took acid a bunch more times with amazing results. but one night i took 2 hits of WoW and was hanging out with a few friends (they were not tripping) and i broke down and started crying, i think everything in my life that i have done wrong was hitting me at that exact moment, i had my friend drive me home and i burst into tears telling my parents i was tripping on L and that i didn't want to do drugs any more. I gave my dad the rest of my L and my bag of Pot. Well the whole "not using drugs thing" didnt last to long because i used L,POT, and oxy codone right up until my court date.

I was sentenced to 9 months in county jail. while i was in there i read alot of books, doors of perception was one that stuck with me. i did alot of meditation and soul searching while i as in there. i got let out after only 3 months because i entered a 28 day treatment program while i was in there and got released upon completion. The day i got out, my friend came over and we had a beer. i then took a hit off of my mothers pipe and got stone (she smoked crappy weed too). I remember kind of seeing the world a little differently after being locked up. i appreciated things more.

The first week i was out i took 2 hits with a couple friends and we had an amazing night listening to music and just looking up at the stars. made me remember how much i loved L. well not much happened in-between their and now. i continued to use oxy codone frequently and then stopped cold turkey for about 3 months, then i started dabbling in it, then got right back into my old habits. thats at this current day. Its been 3 days since i have used oxy codone and i honestly feel like my 4 recent uses of DMT have helped me with not using the oxy codone. it even helps with the physical withdrawals of the drug. I am not sure if i have typed what you are looking for. and i know im not the best story teller, but i want you to get a feel for who i am. i love using hallucinogenics. maybe too much. but i would much rather use them than opiates or amphetamines.

Peace and Love

i just put paragraphs in why arent they showing? i am trying to follow the rules please dont delete my post it took me forever to type that

thank you for not deleting it. i had a very intense dmt expierence tonight using the key v2. love that thing!

add one more "enter" between paragraphs and they should be separate. I would love to read your essay but it really strains my eye to do so. Ill read it later when theres more spacing

(Welcome to the Nexus btw )

Hi lookatme,

Welcome to the nexus
you have quite the rough past. I hope things will proceed a bit better for you in the future. If I were you I would perhaps reconsider my approach to drugs. Life is not a long list of substances that have affected us... These experiences and substances are only worth as much as they positively affect us.

I'm sure you've noticed that the general consensus here at the nexus is that we don't use psychedelics to "trip ballz". The way you describe your time before you went to prison sounds like a very chaotic time of just trying anything and everything. I think it's important to understand that using substances like psychedelics can really be done on a whole different level, a responsible and beneficial level, that goes beyond just 'having a good time' - though that of course can also be included.

This also means that certain substances that we as individuals recognize are harmful for ourselves and our development should be left be - for me this includes caffeine, H, cocaine, dxm, nicotine(when I can avoid it) and alcohol, as well as the whole spectrum of pharmaceuticals.

Additionally I think every time I use psychedelics should be somehow related to some inner context that can utilize the experience. I try not ever to do them 'just for the fuck of it'. Naturally there is always curiosity involved, especially when doing something you haven't tried before or doses you haven't tried before... but beyond that I find even if I don't have a question or a specific issue I want to address there is always some kind of process within that absorbs the experience and transforms it to something positive for me. If this process does not exist, then the time is not right to do psychedelics.

I think it's good that you got into meditation during your stay in jail and tried to make something positive of it. However falling back into your old habits might not have been the best course of action beyond that. Please don't get yourself in more trouble. Also we don't condone selling drugs on this site, so please don't talk about it if you can avoid it.

In any case I would try to use some of this self-reflection and stillness that you can obtain from meditation and contemplation to revise and review your actions and responses to life-situations. What's done is done, so it's all about making the best out of what#s to come and even more importantly maybe out of what is right now. You can use psychedelics for very positive things, but it's really up to how you use them. Try finding a more balanced way to go about substance use, for example try questioning what your motivation to use them is, whether this is a healthy impulse or a destructive one, and if the latter, then why? What would it take for you to lean more towards something positive?

There is most definitely more out there than getting f***ed up, or crazy sensations and experiences. Life holds so many possibilities to explore itself; IMO it is necessary to cultivate direction, to aim for progress, rather than repeating patterns and indulging in hedonism.

So aside from this long list of experiences, your past, your substances, your troubles, who are you?

cheers
Enoon

btw, what happened to the kid that turned blue in your place? Did he survive?

That is quite a life experience you have had and I think that it is wonderful that you were willing to share it. It sounds like there are some substances that you regret having done/doing still. Spice has a way of putting things into perspective and making other highs seem almost impure and in my case unwanted. I think this forum is a perfect place for you and I hope you spend some time absorbing the information and experiences here. I came here for the spice but eventually found much much more.

I would also say to be careful not to treat spice like weed or other drugs of abuse, but spice has a way of teaching its own lessons if it is misused.


Side Note: Glad you like The Key V2.


Keep us posted on your journey
OPB