3rd time smoking dmt, every time different stuff made with different plant base material extracts. I had a question in my mind about which girl to persue.
like the gestaulkt theory. like i asked it what would make me happy, and concerning these 2 girls to persue. and let me ask you if I'm tripping out here like and it was my subconsious happening. I can ask my friend just exactly what type of dmt it was, and what it was made out of. but he said it was like 50 different types put to together. anyways so, this girls favorite animal is a shark, and well first I seen the snakes, then I seen like this white angel / phoenix thing. then I seen like all these sharks , then they were moving in a circular motion and it looked like they were giving birth to a baby shark. anyways while this is happening, my friend is playing gratefull dead. But for some Reason all I start to hear once it gets to the shark part, is this girl's favorite song deadmau 5 - strobe[url=youtube.com/watch?v=tKi9Z-f6qX4&ob=av2e[/url]
which is the song she said that if she ever got married this would be playing as she is walking down the aisle. crazy huh, and that was preatty much what i was think, like oh yeah it's on with this girl, and then after the experience or sometime right as it was ending, that me and my friend who was smoking busted out laughing at the exact same time, even though I hit it a few times first and he had to repack it and smoke it after me. I hit it about 4 good times. So then after this, i think i started stressing her more and started trying more to do things for her, which might have turned her off, or weirded her out. Like the ol' act like you don't care routine turned off for me cuz i seen some sign and got some sort of verification in my mind which kind of excited me. Also all sorts of other sychronicity has been happening with this girl, which has never happened like this with anyone. Only a little somewhat like my last ex-girlfriend / fiance.
but not like this, well more than anyone else i've ever been atracted to. anyways, i'm back to acting like myself again, so i won't be wiggin her out as much with my crazy ass. But then last time I smoked some dmt, it was a mix of 3 different recipie dmts, cuz me and my big brother had just got through some crazy ass emotional crazy shit. anyways, so I wasn't smoking the exact same stuff. I took like probably 6 or 7 hits that time. and this time I think my mind was clear enough and I didn't ask the dmt for anything. although I still seen some shark stuff this time, and heard the same song slightly. meaning I think my chances for being with this girl are slipping away. cuz I was tired as shit at this last super rave we went to,wheres the last positive place we chilled. I went and persued other meaningless interests the day before, instead of being rested and raging all out with her, and I had a drug test 2 days after the rave, so I couldn't take my favorite rave type drug to have fun. and cuz I was tired I also drank abunch of red bull drinks in my hotel room which made me crash harder. so I passed out like at 11 or 12pm and this rave shit went on till like 230 and started at like 4
when she got there at 7 and i could been there chillin rested and in party mode. instead i got there around 930 to 10 all tired and drained, didnt get hardly any good sleep, I took some clean acid around 9 and passed out around 11, I guess thats how tired i was. she came to this hotel jank alot of us were staying at, but she was all tired and not in party mode and I just woke up. so we were on total different wavelengths. anyways, i got parinoid as shit cuz we were in balitmore and some fucking shit from the wire was going on, so I had planned to go to this house she was chilling at, but never went instead just decided to leave back to my state. we live in the same area. so another reason is cuz of my super parinoia cuz of whatever reasons. and I did some time in prison a few years, i'm now 25. so I haven't had alot of contact with woman, and go to school all the time and don't chill out around alot of girls. so I think I tend to over react and stress it all when I chill out with a girl i'm attracted to.
like before all this first dmt trip, i subconsciously remembered like 20 things she liked and gave her like alot of cool presents she liked. I've never done that with anyone before. and like the best one she wanted was this signed print of her favorite artist. deadmau5 which was odd cuz just randomly this wasn't the most expensive one, but for some reason i happened to pick it. which if you know this artist he plays with different types of helmets on, but for some reason I dont know shit about this artists. but i like his music now she has shown it to me. well anyways, it was a picture with him with his favorite helmet on. strange huh. and i put all the presents into 2 bags, like mad ones, and i kinda made it so like that one would be the last she would open. however she naturally picked through all of them and went right to her favorite one. anyways. that's all i that sounds like a lot of shit, i dont really ever see this girl much or talk to her on the phone, just see her at random lil events. oh yea, and after this, i was all fucked up on phenazepam one day, took like 6 or 7 lil dips, so i was gone for like 5 or 6 days, really bad the first 2 days. anyways, i told her like i was attracted to her, and that i think weirded her out, and she told me she aint like me like that, and she likes someone else. so after that i guess I was like whatever fuckit. anyways i'm not really worried about that, and when it just don;t like it seems like it's happening, so i should try to stress it too much,and i think it'll go alot better for me.
blah blah blah, am better now tho, about 3 or 4 days after orignially writing this.