I have been reading the nexus for over a year and am truly in awe of the respectful atmosphere and receiving tone of this forum. Before finding nexus, I would have doubted such a community existed, or could for long. I feel as a door has opened and long lost friends were found waiting on the other side. Love and gratitude to each and all for sharing your wisdom, it has guided me in ways you will not know, and I now feel somewhat apologetic for not speaking with you sooner.

SWIM has many stories to share and much yet to learn in this life. SWIM is glad to find such friends along his journey. He says he knows we are one, but right now it is just a cold fact.

SWIM is very interested in spice for its abilities to awaken one to truth, which he says is laid bare on breakthrough. In particular, SWIM is interested in holding the live truth past peak experiences and back to his everyday life. So far, SWIM has had such peace and clarity arise both during meditation and while traveling . A successful voyage has often left him holding truths, such as our oneness, for up to five or so days after. After that he is left with a colder version of this. He knows it, believes it, but can no longer directly feel the experience of it. SWIM says his natural tendency to become entranced by the material world and his thoughts about that world form a veil that thickens over time. All in all his journeys over the last few years has had a strong, while extremely subjective and subtle, positive impact on relations with others and happiness in his life.

SWIM would like to know what others realize in breakthrough that they feel most driven to hold on to, bring back, or remember. He's also interested in others' success with that.

Hey bro! Welcome!

Indeed spice can potentially be used to help one become more aware about the world and oneself. Just remember the 'material world' is not necessarily something negative: its where we can put in practice all we have learned. Life is beautiful, and life's struggles are opportunities for us to become better people.

I dont know what exactly in breakthroughs I hold on to, also because its hard to separate the after-effects vaporized dmt has, to my oral dmt and oral psychedelic usage (which I find is maybe even better as tools for self-reflection and inner growth). It depends also on the time of my life, as sometimes it was very specific lessons (like, changing eating habits, making more exercise, studying, being more patient with people, etc), or at times it was a more general realization of how 'all is one', or how I should be happy for being alive and breathing. Or at times its just about regaining this awe-inspired feeling for existence, the mistery of reality, like a child pondering at the immense universe.

What I do know is that integration is as essential as the experience itself, and taking care of it is extremely important for maintaining a healthy relationship with these substances and really taking the best out of them, putting the lessons in action in daily life.

I wish you the best on your future journeys, and may you get ever closer to this truth and life apreciation you desire!

I feel most driven to hold onto my perception of what life was like before that break through. Who was I before that breakthrough. I am a new person and never see life the same after each and every voyage.

I dont know, anymore, how I perceived reality to be, say a few months ago. Thats kind of disapointing for me at times even though I know the upgrades I have gotten in hyperspace have made me a better person as a whole.

Like many things in life its give and take, a trade off. Ying and Yang.

Great Post

Thank you for sharing.

SWIM didn't really notice it, but reflecting, he realizes he sometimes goes into sincere very receiving 'lesson mode'. Such times he often receives some type of fluid from an insect (through a line connected to his neck) or female (mother figure - Freudian connection possibly). Often it feels like medicine which, oddly, holds a lesson. He recently became a vegan, which was unexpected by all, but somehow has aligned something internally ... in the waking world he enjoys even more fully each day. He is grateful.

Peace.

Upgrades. Yes SWIM shares this sentiment.

Perhaps to freely receive (the upgrades) we must freely give (our ability to recall our perspective before).

Perhaps that's just what the upgrade is. A move from one level to the next and if our reality is defined by that, its no wonder we can no longer relate to, or compare with, past positions.

Perhaps, ironically, this a good sign of proper Integration.