I was recently introduced to Antrocles by a friend who felt he could offer me some spiritual guidance through what I could describe as a fully mobilized effort to...wake up essentially: Despite a life long belief in what I'll call, for sake of brevity, Eastern thought and worldviews, I've found great difficulty integrating such a belief system into my very western existence. Short moments, brief periods of relative clarity have always been overshadowed by more dominant patterns of depression, anxiety, and the delusions of ego. DMT aside, Antrocles struck me instantly as someone very familiar with these struggles, and as someone who has moved beyond them in a way that most of us have not. His knowledge and experience with everything related to DMT and with its every potential as a supplement to a spiritual life or awakening can only be described as sincere, inspiring, and profound. I would not have journeyed had it not been through his guidance- much gratitude my friend.

As I hear more and read more I realize that my two experiences thus far have not been unusual or terribly unique. While overwhelmingly profound for myself, the individual, it seems that many of us have had very similar "first journeys." My first was an experience of rooms, walls, panels, corridors composed of innumerable, complex three dimensional forms within forms within forms- seemingly infinite- which continued to morph and shift, change and collapse upon themselves. I experienced the presence of three beings, one which resembled what seems to be termed a machine elf- for me this being was a kind of mechanical composite of jester, elf, and clown, and while it did not have any features on its white, half egg face/head, I was keenly aware of its feelings and attitude toward me. I was aware of another being, which had a presence of what I can best describe as wizardly, wise, patriarchal. But this being was almost completely ethereal- I was aware of it but it did not manifest itself in any recognizable form. The third being was much more simply geometrical and robotic- more of an extension of the myriad panels and shapes surrounding me- it was quite small, and seemed to be pet like. The most memorable aspect of this part of the journey was that I was aware somehow that these beings knew when I was becoming fearful of them and when I was pulling away from fear, and I was very aware of their happiness for me at those moments when their antagonisms had no fearful effect on me. As I started to come back, and was in that dimension between here and there, I felt an consuming presence of joy and connection, of clarity and purity devoid of ego and of fear.

My second experience ripped through me more quickly and intensely- it started with similar but much more complex visuals than the first as I collapsed within myself and entered into a realm where I simply did not exist. I was not me, and I had absolutely no awareness of myself or my existence- physically, spiritually, historically, contemporaneously. I simply did not exist. I seemed to be in observance of the vastness of space and time, with elements of the geometry of the quantum universe coming and going. This lasted only seconds, and it was when I began very slowly to be reintroduced to myself- as if I had NO PREVIOUS AWARENESS of the being that is me, that I felt powerful fear. Terror at first unrelated to anything explicable, then as I was very slowly reintroduced to myself I felt horror at the idea that I may never fully return. I comforted myself then by promising that I'd never journey again. But as I grew back into myself I also became keenly aware of the presence of Antrocles meditating beside me- I suddenly felt that he was somehow journeying with me and I must have felt deep comfort in this, because it was then that I began to experience an immeasurable gratitude first for him, and then for all things. I opened my eyes and realized that I was surrounded by a world that I could not only see, but feel: layers and panels of slow moving waves of energy both in the air and slowly emanating from everything in the room. A beautiful, gnarled plant in the corner performed the most graceful dance of slowly growing and swaying and then shrinking back on itself, and I felt its awareness and deep connection me. These visuals continued for some time through what was the most significant and impacting part of my experience- a truly indescribable joy, exaltation, peace, love, an unity with all things. I erupted several times in uncontrollable laughter at the happiness and clarity that enveloped me.

I am a skeptic by nature, and despite experimental drug use for escapist purposes, I have never held great faith in the notion that lasting peace, clarity, enlightenment, or life change can result from drug use alone, even of the most natural or "spiritual" variety. I believe this still- the philosophy that there exists a short cut to awareness is by nature in polar contradiction to the most basic, broad stroke principles of Taoism, Buddhism, Confusionism...everything I have lived, experienced, believed or felt in my life. However, to say that my first two DMT experiences have been comparable in any way to previous experimentation would be debasing what felt like a gift of exposition- a sample of what is out there for all of us, beyond the sham and drudgery of the delusions that cloud daily life. A sample of what I feel I already knew somewhere, of what we probably all know on some level, however buried under the dust and sludge of egoism that effects us all to some degree. Of course the completely sober mind can achieve awareness, even enlightenment- the vast majority of our great sages are proof of this. But if looked upon as a gift to be respected and to be worked with spiritually- as window and not a door - it does seem thus far that the DMT experience could be a powerful medicine, as a jump start to the worldview that us westerners struggle to attain. I'll journey and post again.

Antrocles..you seem to turn on alot of people..
You are my hero

Welcome rainbird!

You are in safe hands with Antrocles - he is someone who takes the most sincere and deepest responsibility for those he brings to this experience, and has the utmost respect for the power of this molecule, which, it appears, is something you share. You are very welcome here.

Safe travels, friend

really just want to double up on this comment :]

welcome!!

It would be so COOL to see L.O.V.E. Brigades all over the world...

I would love to start one here in the midwest..

A lot of your experience sounds extremely familiar to the territory that I travel through on a somewhat regular basis in hyperspace =)

It sounds like you went pretty deep if this is supposed to be one of your first journeys into hyperspace. How wonderful that you had a kind and experienced guide in Antrocles to assist you! As I'm sure you've heard, the rabbit hole knows no limits in terms of depth of experience, so remember to respect the spice and properly integrate =)

I look forward to future experience reports from you. Welcome to the nexus, you definitely came to the right place =)

"But if looked upon as a gift to be respected and to be worked with spiritually- as window and not a door - it does seem thus far that the DMT experience could be a powerful medicine, as a jump start to the worldview that us westerners struggle to attain."

OMG this sentence made my day. Thanks so much.

Right on. Inspiring report.

Look forward to making your acquaintance.

rainbird....brother....what can i say?

the work we did was as much a gift for me as it was for you. truly. you are a special soul. a compassionate, sensitive human being for whom the extremely delicate tones of self-awareness ring just a little bit louder.

you are so spot on with your assertion that DMT is a window and not a door. such a poignant and completely accurate observation!! i had a sneaking suspicion that you would be a good writer. i had no idea you would be a GREAT one... your words are gifts to many and i am HONORED to bring you into THE MOST AMAZING, COMPASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT AND RIGHTEOUS DMT COMMUNITY ON THE WEB.

period.

i look so very forward to doing more work with you. to introducing you to the rest of the League Of Visionary Explorers (L.O.V.E.) Brigade. you have found a special place to do the deep work. a family of spiritual warriors all united in the name of awakening the coming shift.

you'll fit in juuuuust fine around here....

WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

L.O.V.E brigade... Was that yourself that came up with that ant? I like it

welcome rainbird

Welcome!

Your reports reminded me of my own experiences and indeed of realisations I've had on sub-breakthrough doses that were not actually experienced as have you.

I once read of a theory that when we feel jammed between dimensions this could be seen as an analogy to being born. Similarly, your second experience strikes me as that - of being nothing, and painfully becoming something, while in the liminal space feeling confusion and terror of neither being nor unbeing, but when rejoining the world feeling placated and part of it and ever so grateful - the two polarities, fear and love, and their creation.

I also wonder if rebirth has something to do with this, and specifically our attitude to death. I read of someone who said that he realised after a while that life is not about learning how to live, but learning how to die. And your first experience made me think about how hyperspace would respond to you when you died - if you died peacefully, it would rejoice with you and you would remain in eternity like this, and if you were not ready to die and your ego clings on, you will be fearful also in eternity - heaven and hell. But perhaps eternity paradoxically isn't actually eternal (everybody who has taken DMT I'm sure can attest to this feeling of having experienced it even though it lasted only 20 minutes), so if you are still clinging on to this life, you will be reborn out of your fear. I also wondered what role religion may play in this and concluded that it must help in coming to this sense of peace at the end of one life, of accepting death - whether that is by living a perfect life, or simply accepting Jesus as your saviour - the latter option seems to make no sense in itself but is ingenious as a shortcut for accepting death with the smallest to-do list required.

The above were not attempts to analyse your experience for you of course - just reminded me of thoughts I had that I actually seem to have forgotten about! Would be happy to hear your comments though.

hehehe...yes camakazi my dear brother, the acronym came through me. i have been allowing the energy that 'nothing comes from me' permeate my life.....i am just a synapse in an infinite mind of which we are all a part. it is a powerful notion if fully embraced....that there is a great consciousness that we all contribute to that, in turn, flows right back through us into the choices we make...the art we create...the lives we live..

together...all of us....fully awakened....it is then that the true 'being' of this planet awakens. the consciousness of which we are all a perfect part acquires it's voice.

something tells me it sounds a lot like the carrier wave....

luciapath, great thoughts! thank you for sharing these. you know, plato's final words as he died were in response to his follower's question of "what has all of your philosophical study left you with? what do you estimate to be the greatest wisdom from your life you can leave us with?"

plato's response was succinct and painfully wise...

"practice dying."

i personally know of no other way to 'practice dying' that is more visceral, emotional, spiritual or unequivocal than DMT. it is a courageous path....one must be truly ready and committed to the seriousness of it.

but the rewards and the growth are beyond worth it.

L&G

Amazing, thank you for sharing and welcome, Rainbird.

You guys should write up a Creed or Manifesto for the L.O.V.E. Brigade, and use this as part of it! Amazing idea's & things happening over there it sounds like...

Wow- thanks to EVERYONE for all the warm welcomes. Had no idea what I was in for. I guess I'm surprised anyone even noticed or read that post, considering that vastness of this site.

Luciapath- Having only journeyed twice Im too full of questions and hypothesis of this sort to go on too much about any of them, but yes I have actually pondered the possibility of that part of the experience being somewhat revealing of what may occur during death, and/or birth. I also love the idea that perhaps our relative peace with, or rather extinction of the ego has a direct and immediate result in our death experience. It's funny- Antrocles had just shared that story of Plato's last words with me JUST BEFORE he took me on that journey. And now you're responding to my description of that journey with these same thoughts...Some uncanny connection there. Thanks for sharing your insight!!

Antrocles- Thanks again for all your warm words and welcomes. Very grateful for everything.

The idea of this 'L.O.V.E.' brigade sounds very cool. Its main purposes sound very parallel to my own goals. I really hope that some of you guys can elaborate more about this; I'm very excited to take part in something like this with like-minded individuals who're ready to make a change. Some of you who don't know me can refer back to my intro essay to get a very quick idea of who I am and what I'm about, but those who know me know that I'm serious about these things!

If you guys are joking and you're serious about doing something then again, please let me know. It's all about awareness and new ideas. It's time now to try to help make a change before we hurt ourselves more than we already have.

Oh, there's no secret handshake or funny moose hats or anything. We started out as two guys exploring together. Others got curious and Ant offered up his secret underground mountain lair. The name sounded funny, then just kinda stuck. Voila... The League of Visionary Explorers or L.O.V.E. Brigade was born.

All who partake are initiated with respect and loving care. Some have gone on to establish their own unique and lasting relationships. Others have taken the plunge once or twice and decided to call it a day. Mostly, we're just a like minded group of responsible searchers who support one another before, during and after the introduction to a life changing, ineffable experience (kind of like this place).

The power of many working together with good intent should be great. It would be good to think of more ways to utilize your guys' love for spreading positivity to a greater audience. It would be nice to be able to help somehow, I'm just trying to think of a good way besides just generally spreading positivity (which I'm working on doing whenever possible) through interpersonal interactions/etc.

Rainbird

A warm welcome to you fellow entheogen journeyer. Your words were both lovely and inspiring. Ant is a really special person who exudes much love and light, you are in good hands my friend so no need to worry.


Much Peace and Compassion

I really dig what is written here. This touched something deep in me that reminded me of an idea i've understood before but paradoxically could not formulate. It's like you brought form to something I could only touch. Well written.

Welcome to the Nexus and the LOVE Brigade, rainbird. The humility and curiosity displayed in your journey report are awe-inspiring. Yes, yes a thousand times yes to Ant: I am so grateful for Antrocles opening up his fortress of solitude to fellow seekers, and to Uncle Knucles for catalyzing my explorations in the world of spice. These are beautiful and vibrant souls who do their damndest to emanate unconditional love and eternal compassion into everyday life.

I am sure we have much to discuss, much more than typing will do justice; though I must say you are quite a formidable writer I look forward to a face-to-face communion at Ant's fortress in the near future.

Namaste
Cx