obliguhl wrote:
@whiskey5
So it also makes you feel very confused? This is something i don't like like...the inability to think...not because of the intensity but because of "mindfog".
Could probably call it confusion. Its my mind full of thoughts that come in and out, and I latch onto one for whatever reason and I have to think it through to some unknown resolution.
These thoughts, are like personal thoughts that don't normally surface very often, unless I'm talking to someone I can trust.
So, I don't think about those things much. But, with mushrooms it more often than not will bring those thoughts to light, for a confrontation with myself.
I've come to learn to not know what to expect when I ingest mushrooms. Like going to a reggae fest on 3gs of tea sounds like a fun idea, on a friday afternoon - and for me it turned into a personal trip, where self-conciousness (my #1 obstacle) was brought to bear.
So, I left the fest, with that thought in my mind. And walking through the city where I should have known where I was and how to get home - but I didn't know where I was or how to get home.
But I like those trips. Where I go crazy in my own head. Cause I arrive at conclusions for these "thoughts" I get. And after that its like being refreshed anew, and then I can laugh about the whole experience.
Each experience like that has always ended with me feeling grateful that I made it through the experience. Because sometimes during it, I can think that all life, my life, is meaningless (just a bunch of fibers, nerves, brain cells working together to make "conciousness"
, and you can probably tell where that might end up. I actually think I drive myself crazy during a trip thinking of those things.
Because they won't stop, just an emotional rollercoaster. And the whole thinking process is intense. It actually progresses like the trip itself. Where a thought will come in, I'll pick it up unknowingly and begin thinking about it. And the more I think, the more details I get out of it. And I'm always trying to find the end of that stream of thoughts, and the more I can't find the end, the crazier I actually get. I've had to bury my head in my couch and scream into it one night, cause I didn't want to wake my neighbors by screaming outloud.
But, I had to scream cause it was torrential. So it had a buildup, the peak. And only twice have arrived at an answer to the thoughts. And then it was like the come-down. Breath of fresh air, eyes all watery. And I'm like "whew...I made it....", and then it starts again about a minute later.
Would go on and on like that for a couple hours. And then I can sense that pattern of thinking is gone, and I can ride the rest of the trip out.
I like the way it ends.
Just an example of how that thought pattern works for me, sometimes. I was writing a near-real-time-trip-report on another forum and this is kind of how things went in my head:
(as I start writing in the post)
Me: Why I am writing? Like what is that I'm doing here?
Answer: Sharing the experience with these people
Me: Why? Who are they to you? Why is sharing this experience important?
And this would be very quick, back and forth type of conversation in my head. And that was the maddening part. Sometimes the conversation would be long, and then wrap back around on itself so that the whole thing started over, and thats when I'd usually scream.
Anyways, the questions were more because of what I was actually doing had actually lost its meaning. Like I forgot what the intention was. But it would go on and on like that, and I'd usually never get to finish the post cause it would be crazy time at the point.
And when I would post it would be: "whew....a breather....blah blah....here we go again..."
And then another train of thoughts come rushing in.