Its been a long drawn out journey to get to where I am now..cascades of tourist attractions and rest stops, those little hints that remind the roadman over and over again that they are the foreigners..explorers..pioneers of new places and strange modalities..for the seeker these are the defining moments..the clarity that is found within the realization of infinitiy, a diversity so vast that you find utter alieness inevitable around every corner, and it becomes the very thing upon which you find grouding..
There are no maps..there are no tourist information booths..no road signs informing "x miles to the next point"..this is all you..where do YOU want to go?
Nothing compares..nothing comes close..there are no substitutions, no alternate way around the great forests of the mystery that awaits, always. There is only through..for those that choose to seek, there are doorways, ancient portals to those realms long forgotten..find the keys..open the doors..
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Everything so far has been building up to this..a new plateua has been reached..a new door swung wide open..realization of a reality beyond reality..there are no doubts anymore..and there is no going back.
My path with the medicines has recently got more intense..massive reality shattering doses are becomming more common and something is happening..though just what that is I cant say. This is where I loose the ability to language, I do my best but modality seems to fall apart at all angles and drips off the thing like water..
Life..oh what a wonderfully fantastic gift life is..to be alive..to sing and to dance, to laugh..to cry..to love..and to hate.. .. to live. This sacred space of existential form and infinite movement..the dance of the cosmos they call "human"..how out there!..how entirely far out!
To know another..to understand, to misunderstand..to feel the yearning, the desire..to fall..to get back up..to watch one die and another be born..
Where have we been..and where are we going?
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Medicine...ahh the medicines..
..what else can I say?...for those truely prepared to open, a new world awaits.
I remember the wind..I remember the sun..the emerald green and blue shimmers cast off of the great mother that is the pacific ccean as my board glided across her pealing waves as each ones great journey across her body came an end..the sand..the fish, the crabs..the people..the salt water ocean smell of the air mixed with surf wax and neoprene..life is great, i am dripping wet with my skimboard under my arm..this is my element..this is where I belong..The ocean is my church, and there is NOTHING better than going to church before working with the medicines.
..And so I sit cross legged in the dark, light trance music in the background, 3 candles, crystals..the smell of sage burning in a seashell, 1 cup of ayahuasca and a pipe full of vilca changa.
Love and light..I am love, and I am light..my only mantra. I speak the words and drink my tea.
Tranquility and empathy slowly build as I lay in ecstasis..light flows through my extremities as I feel myself open more and more and allow the magical notes of the citar and everything that is adham shaikh move into the deepest core of my being, transforming me..a metamorphosis..I am the caterpillar in my caccoon on my sacred journey to the butterfly.
It is now 40 minutes since I drank..not a large dose at all, just a light dose of the the vine and jurema to set up the launchpad..to prime the receptors for what is to come..there is no doubt though that the presense of ayahuasca is now coursing through every fibre of my being.
One full on breakthrough dose of the vilca changa has been pre-loaded into my space ship. I plan on taking half first, then the other half as a redose later, since my receptors are already occupied..yet, for some reason I take it all in 3 long and slow hits..each one about 2 minutes apart..
I feel only slight nausea..nearly no constriction at all..strange but I figure thats normal for me when I take bufotenine with oral harmalas and DMT. I sit back down cross legged on my bed in the dark and close my eyes..Its already building strong..stronger..and stronger..
Within seconds Iam face to face with the most intricate and animate grid system I have ever seen..shimmering and radiating all possible tints of neonlight..I am swaying back and forth smiling feeling orgasmic throughout my entire body. Quickly another superimposing grid forms, somethat I have never witnessed before..the 2 grids start this play back and forth, weaving in and out of eath other in a higher dimensional seemingly 5d at least space..shimmering and shimmering with increaing depth with each progressive moment..suddenly This thing deepens again to an unmatched degree..it becomes a portal to another place..another world..I can see a real live earth like scene through an opening in the gridwork..i can see a large field, long green grass is growing with trees in the distance and jills..the sky is blue as day and the sun is shining.."another world!" I think to myself completely confounded by what I am bearing witness to.
It deepens again..my head splits open as I break right on through into hyperspace. The thing seems millions of miles wide in all directions and dimensions..there is no end..my body, my form has no boundries..no beginning and no end..landscape after landscape is leaping forth out of this place..and from where?..It's as if these things are THE STUFF of this place..machines, buildings, peoples, places..things you couldnt possible imagine are all going down in this place, simultaniousily and at lightening speed..the infinity of the place bears everything and nothing all at once, and the implications are unfathomable.
Spirits are flying around me, some taunting, others not noticing..others encouraging..I open my eyes finally becasue its just seems to much, but it makes no different..there is no way to ground this journey..my room is not my room at all..for a moment I can make out my huachumas in my window cill looming over me against the dark and rainy night sky..the great guardian mescalito..within seconds they rapidly transform, swaying back and forth becomming a thousand different things shooting accross the room into my third eye. I am still unsure as to where my body begins or where it ends..I cant tell if that is my leg that is moving or if it is my arm..the walls are swirling masses of energy like watery portals with entities arriving and departing continuousily..
Everything just goes on into infinity..
Spirits are flying my face laghing at me..they seem to have creepy clown like faces that are painted on..laughing, laughing with their fake smiles at me for being a worthless littel human thinking I can come to this place. For a moment I cower back, flop down what I can still perviece of this swirling vibrating mass of flesh down onto the bed and wonder "what the hell have I done?".."you really did it this time".."how long is this going to last?".."how long has it been already?"
Somehow, somewhere from deep inside I find the strength I need and sit back up.."I am not a worthless little human".."I am me..I traveled here..I know what I am and I CAN handle this"..I close my eyes and lay back against my wall, back against the pillows and travel though countless realms as jewelled machines spin and shimmer and I am shown over and over things of which I cannot recall even half of..
Suddenly it all drops down a notch, hyperspace receeds and instantly I can now make out the confines of my head again..it no longer feels cracked open to the infinite..I feel like I am flying on a super dose of ayahuasca now, but it practailly feels baseline in comparison..
I smile and rejoyce..slowly crawl foreward on my hands and knees still shaking and find my glass of pineapple juice and take a few sips..Trust me when I say having that juice there ready to drink was the best thing I could have done for myself!..
8 minutes!..8 measly littel minutes I was held in that peak for..8 minutes and an eternity..the nest 30-40 minutes where pure ayahuasca bliss..filled with love and gratitude to be back on planet earth safe and sound. I felt as though I had just taken a long extended stay into the deepest realms of the spirit world I had ventured as of yet..the only thing that I have experienced that comes close to that level of reality dissolution and otherworldy absorbtion is a high dose of salvia divinorum.
I saw and experienced things last night that I will never ever be able to describe with even a shed of accuracy in a report like this..all I have are words..this is the best I can do and it just doesnt seem worthy.
..Until next time...
Long live the unwoke.