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DMT makes me feel like a bad person Options
 
secretbrac
#1 Posted : 9/8/2023 4:49:10 AM
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I am entered a new phase in this journey with DMT. The fun is over but I still have much to gain from my experiences. It was one trip that kind of changed everything and really made me feel like a horrible person. I feel like I am in need to become better in every way. I have never felt like this before. Like I am the absolute worst, don't deserve to live kind of bad. I know it sounds awful but I am thinking this will help me evolve and hopefully feel at peace with what I put out into the world.
 

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Pandora
#2 Posted : 9/8/2023 3:12:49 PM

Got Naloxone?

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secretbrac,

DMT is very strong medicine. It can open up things inside of us that we were not consciously aware of or that we had very neatly buried in our past.

I am sorry that you are hurting so much right now. I think a break would be a good idea and if you cannot resolve things by leaning into the mundane - work, school, friends, exercise, food and things like that you might want to consider seeking some professional counseling help to deal with all of these heavy feelings.

There's nothing wrong with that and I honestly feel that psychotherapy goes great with DMT. When I was in therapy my therapist was fascinated by my DMT tales and often extended my sessions 10 to 15 minutes without extra charge. If you can access it and afford it it's not something to fear but something that can help you possibly get through this.

Regardless I hope that time will be an ally to you and that you will be feeling better and like you have grown after some time passes.

You were very brave to share this because it's not easy to say such things so I thank you.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


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fink
#3 Posted : 9/18/2023 8:21:09 PM
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Dont worry, you're not the only one Very happy


Edit: so I dont think it actually makes me feel like a bad person. It just makes me realise how much better I could be. Even though before was reasonable.
I don't know much, but I do know this. With a golden heart comes a rebel fist.
 
secretbrac
#4 Posted : 9/21/2023 6:12:23 AM
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I want to follow this up by stating i am not a bad person. i love my friends and family very much but something changed for awhile when I used DMT. After having a beautiful breakthrough moment that brought me to tears, I had a trip where I felt like I was being damned or condemned. Like I was nothing, and there was no coming back from it. it was so weird. It happened around the same time I was dealing with my first derealization experience. I talked about that in another post on here. Luckily that passed in less than a week but it was awful. I don't know if the two things are connected. Thank you guys for your thoughts. This forum is always so helpful.
 
JonDeemz
#5 Posted : 9/21/2023 8:57:08 AM
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Oh buddy do I know exactly what you going thru and there's no Way to explain the extreme pain this caused you. But fret not as this does pass too. Just give it a little break and don't stress the experience and what it might mean. In time she will teach you. In the meantime, stay positive and spend time with friends and family.

The trip i had that caused the same thing in me,was so far from a typical DMT trip I'm used to. Everything moved, appeared and disappeared, like a movie set with cameras and equipments. Everything felt like avideo game loading. Came to a point where I was being loaded into the realm, but halfway thru my loading, everything beeped and stuttered and my loading started over again and this went on for what seemed like hours. With each loading sequence,something was off so it would retry again. It was like I was lost into every dimension and my algorithm was looking for the correct realm toload me in.

I don't know why it left me with the feeling you are going thru but it sure did. Like i had never been suicidal but after that for a good weeki was convinced that I have to off myself to get out of this. But each day that passed, so did s little chunk of that feeling. A few weeks later and I was back to normal.

Stay strong and remember this too shall pass. Come back and talk to us if you find yourself struggling. We are a family and we all understand on the same plain so we are here for you. God bless
 
OneIsEros
#6 Posted : 9/21/2023 9:07:45 AM

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Psychedelics can dramatically show disorder and disintegration. While they can facilitate ordering and integration, sometimes by that same power they just show it, in disturbing fashion. Take it as a gift and give attentive faith that achieving integrated union is possible. When it happens it is as wonderful as the previous showing was terrible. This does not need to be done using psychedelics, and if it seems like using them to facilitate this may cause harm, perhaps consider different avenues for the time being, or lower/non-breakthrough sorts of experiences.

Personally I tend to prefer ayahuasca as it gives time to work at the ordering/mending work, while DMT flashes happen so quickly, it can be difficult to do work in such a rapid timeframe. Meditation while being shot out of a cannon, while possible, is more difficult.
 
 
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