I would say you just abused the substance and that's it.
There are no external higher forces to please, but they all are inside you and you are part of them. You are displeased with yourself and that's the problem projecting to your trips.
Also you can think of it as mean-brains self-defence system. It is overloaded so it begs for a pause.

Besides I've seen many cases when people took break from the substance, integrated properly and it returned. I think if you properly get the message, then you don't need more, but that's just IMHO.

I haven't had lockout similar to yours, but DMT worked differently at the times. Some days I couldn't get past waiting room, some days I couldn't even get into waiting room, besides same doses same methods etc. I haven't figured out exact reason why, but I think it is most of the times the underlying mental state.

I sometimes struggle in the same way as you describe. The last decade has been often focussed on acceptance of how things are in this world. If we are it, all of everything is us, every molecule, every atom, every impossibly small particle...all of it is one thing and that thing is us...then to be disappointed in ourselves is a wasted emotion.

Look at some dirty pond water under a microscope and we can observe life being life. The underlying principle is often to kill your neighbour and utilize it's energy. There doesnt seem to be much complaint in that water droplet. They just get on with it.

Maybe there is a higher purpose to the mechanisms we can observe. Maybe everything is a well oiled machine that functions perfectly. Or maybe not. But one thing is certain. It is happening all around us on every level. Whether it is the microbe devouring another microbe to assimilate it's energy or the corporation controlling the distribution of energy to millions of less powerful humans. It's all the same process.

It is wrong to condemn the microbe that devours just as equally as to condemn the CEO with the easy life built on the backs of other's hardship.

Even the health of our flesh bodies relies on a continuous warfare with trillions of deaths per day.

I keep trying to see how there is no good or evil. There is only energy transfer through the conduit of matter.

I am grateful that my role so far seems to be relatively positive. I am the part of the one conscious energy that is destined to experience this precise perspective. It's not so bad. I could have been destined to experience life as a serial killer or a war hungry dictator, or a rabbit being chased by a fox, or a rock buried deep in a mountain...or..or..infinite alternatives.

But until I truly learn to love all of it I will only be hating myself.

DMT also likes to beat me up more often than reward me. Usually when over used.

You are the higher power you fear displeasing. Please yourself somehow.

DMT Lexus,

Thank you for sharing.

I want to offer a different viewpoint from what you and others have voiced on this thread.

Even though DMT is a molecule and we understand that DMT is DMT batch to batch there is still a HUGE amount of mystery.

I have three batches of DMT. The first batch I extracted kind of violates the Attitude so I will just say it was a batch and there is a bit leftover. I have found the remainder of that batch to be difficult to use. It has a very mechanical and digital, hard, cold feel to it.

I have a second batch of DMT that I extracted then aggressively recrystalized. I have used it 5 times, including 3 during Nemo Amicus sight healing SHE and every single time in the 10 to 25 mgs range I get zero or the lightest visuals you could imagine.

I have a third batch that is freaking amazing. Best pulls ever. Not due to volume but due to effects. Tremendous effects in the 10 to 20 mgs range, great beauty, some challenge and every trip generally better than the last.

Go figure, right? DMT is DMT. So, here lies the mystery that I am dealing with and it sounds like you may have something similar going on.

I would like to suggest that you consider a fresh extraction. Do you best job and maybe try it without harmalas the first time. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I hope to hear more about this and that the mushrooms work for you.

I suspect this is not an abuse issue. I suspect something is going on with YOU, your subconscious, etc. or something is going on with YOUR batch of SPICE.