Hi all!
I want to compile this experience i had on 60ug of LSD. Previous usage of LSD is lying 8 years in the past. Ive had stronger trips before, which mostly didnt end well or were too overwhelming for me to handle. I only drink coffee, no other drugs were involved, no consumption in the past years. I wanted to do this in a therapeutic sense, to face my fears and work on myself. I was expecting a mildly enhanced thoughtprocess, but oh boy was i wrong. I had some lentil stew for breakfast. It was on a Sunday morning, i set up some beans to cook for 3 hours, put ¼ of the tab under my tongue and took a big blanket and laid it out in my garden. This was at 10:25AM. The sun was bright and the sky was cloudy. As i was enjoying the sun i was listening to some Psybient on my bluetooth speaker. I wanted to record my experience and brought a small notebook, where i began writing down things.
+ 15
I had some placebo effects. I think i was a bit nervous whats about to come, but i didnt think much of it. With my shirt off i was enjoying the little sunbath as Ott- A nice little place was playing.
+30
At this point i think i had better access to myself already. I was thinking about the borders i put up when interacting with other people. Also my peripheral vision slightly increased.
+36
I felt pretty neutral, my attention was enhanced.
+43
At this point i felt my appreciation for music was increasing, i had some very mild effects in my vision. My garden was getting brighter. I thought about how the phrase „Die Seele baumeln lassen“ was fitting into my beliefsystem, as i don’t believe in souls. Just found that thought interesting. Also i really enjoyed watching the birds and bugs in my garden.
+47
Of the Trees – Dream Atlas is playing, i had the feeling of being more present. I was watching the sky and was losing my head in them. I noticed how the cloud edges were moving quite a bit and my depth perception increased. I was pretty amazed by the clouds.
+60
One hour in i was still watching the clouds, the fractal effects increasing and i noticed a small body high. It was pretty easy to „get concious“ and i got the first glimpse of my inner emotional landscape. Of the Trees – Panama played.
+70
My appreciation for music got very intense and i noticed some mild accoustic hallucinations. Slowly but surely i was dropping into myself, losing myself in myself… I noticed how „I“ was fading away.
+74
Dream Atlas – Clozee Remix played. I was experiencing pure bliss. Atleast thats what i wrote down.
At this point it got really hard to write, but i wanted to write some notes so i wouldnt forget.
+93
My CEVs got pretty strong, i noticed the theme of this trip which would be many hands, bending in 90° angles and people dancing around the things in my inner architecture. Especially this dancing, these people representing themselves, was very insightful. I never had a trip which was this sharp and „alive“! And all this on such a low dose. I realized im getting alot more i bargained for…
As i was getting baked in the sun i quickly moved my blanket in the shadows, but shortly after i realized i better should go back inside. Im back in my room, music playing and i was enjoying my trip. I was able to deeply let go and gathered some realizations while doing so. I got great understandings on why existance is worthwile.
I was working on some fears i had in the past, which felt really good to look at and let go. I realized where i wanna go, what potential lays inside me and how i miss my friends and deeply connecting to people in general. As i was getting up from my couch at some point, i started to work out a little, do some dancing and entering a tantric state, which felt reeeaaally good and refreshing, but it felt alot like people were missing. I really would’ve liked someone to dance with in this moment. I also got a sense of how old i am, what i do know already and the things i dont. I think a better phrasing than age would be: „Grade of maturity“.
One vision came over me which especially held some value for me: I saw a small guy shoving pill-liked objects in myself, which indeed felt odd. The pills were opening once inside and some spore looking things came out. I quickly realized that the stronger i do not want this to happen the more power this smalle man gets, so i decided to let it happen. This lead to him getting fearful, smaller and smaller, packing his pills and wanting to go, and at that moment i was willingly grabbing his pills, he suddenly melted inside the floor and was gone. This was an abstract way of telling me: „You cant hide from the bad parts of yourselves. Embrace them and let them go“. I think this will help me alot in my future.
I had some anxiety run over me as i realized i wont be home alone for much longer, but luckily many nexians helped me out in chat. Big thanks to you! I realized it too late that what i was meddling with wasn’t just „an easy therapeutical session“. This was going very deep and was super mental. Time now gets difficult, about 4 hours in i was able to let go very deeply, was enjoying music in a very unique way. This also was my first trip which was just themed around psybient and psydub, and i did like it alot. I hope to get to know a festival which plays alot of it! My CEVs were pretty intense, but i didnt have much OEVs. Where as my OEVs were adding small fractals on any edge, with alot of color, my CEVs still had lots of dancing people, still many hands, alot of bending and super sharp tunnels. Also the resolution of my inner workings were pretty intense. I saw things splitting in two, in two, in two…. And so on, going unbelievably far, still seeing the content of each part and suddenly every part goes to fuzzy. I also was stretching alot and it felt extremely good to feel into my body, stretch and flex every part of it. Been a while. Good stretches.
After 8 hours i was talking with some nexians and a good friend called me. We had a pleasant talk and i could let some of my emotions out. It felt really good connecting to him again in a very „true“ sense.
So. This was a hefty therapeutical session, but the knowledge i gained from it is phenomenal. I had forgotten alot of myself in all those years, and i realized why it drew me back to psychedelics. Instead of the abusive behaviour i had with psychedelics, smoking pot and doing speed besides that, i finally am at peace with myself. Theres alot of weight off my shoulders and im not afraid of the future. Today, the day after, i was able to integrate alot already, was able to talk with strangers (at work over telephone but you know.) in a more meaningful sense and i feel alot more in the picture. I also noticed my presence is getting noticed from other people, and i dont feel the barriers as much as i had them before. Ive gained a lot of confidence. Holding this pace in my psychedelic journey should be really beneficial and it makes me confident in my future, and all the great memories that may lie ahead of myself. I think i finally realized who id like to be and where i should draw the line.
Im grateful for the people that support me, for the home im living in, for the food im eating, the clear water im drinking, for my family, for my friends and all the people that didnt put facades up and be who they are, in a world where it gets harder by the day to not do so. I feel like i have alot to give back to the world and cant wait to do so.
I cant wait to meet my friends again and make new ones and hopefully shed more and more of my anxiety as i gather experience and maybe in the future become an experienced guide for the people around me.
Thank you.