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The Garden Goddess - Older Psychonaut Profound Psilocybin Sensitivity Options
 
Pandora
#1 Posted : 5/4/2023 2:01:46 PM

Got Naloxone?

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INTRODUCTION:

A month or two ago we got a new member who bragged about doing 2 Kilogram commercial extractions supposedly for an entheogenic church in my city. When I replied with a lot of cautions, concerns and the Attitude he got very defensive and personally attacking and endlessness banned him for a month.

Meanwhile I JOINED the entheogenic church in my city. It’s practice is ONLY around marijuana and mushrooms. Our Pastor talks about how the mushrooms at low dose put a hole, at mid dose put an opening and at high dose completely open up the soul which is in fact our Universe or God attempting to know itself. He talks about how our Universe is seeking knowledge of uniquness. So, if you are a brown shoed square working a standard 9-5 and not questioning or being truly different and unique you are kind of boring God/The Universe. The Universe loves us for our weirdness and uniqueness. I found great resonance with these ideas and just thought I would share. Very happy

For the remainder of this week and into the beginning of next week I hardly have any work. This happens though it is rare.


SET AND STRESSORS:

My life is an ongoing crush of stress and crises. From an outside perspective, one might say, given your reality you should never trip. And they might be right.

Nonetheless, I have gotten used to living like this while maintaining good energy and a positive outlook. Living with constant physical and psychological pain and stress builds a kind of stoicism and gratitude for what remains.

My husband is going blind. He has already lost a lot of hearing, can only swallow liquids, has no taste buds, constantly has nose bleeds, has a depilated neck beard and underarms and other issues. This is a direct result/aftermath of his surviving cancer 10 years ago.

To kill the cancer he took a gamma ray knife to the head. The gamma knife was programmed to hit the tumor from every single angle. The machine moved around such that the ray came from down his neck, up from his head and all other angles.

So, my husband is in hell and I am dealing with a nightmare of our family being out $36 K a year which means I will no longer be able to donate to my beloved Cat House on the Kings, FentCheck and DMT-Nexus.

Also, my cat sitting and dog walking business though lucrative does not make enough to support 2 normal adults, 1 severely disabled adult with need for special diet and lots of medical supplies and 3 cats. So, I will probably by looking into getting another part time job and limping by or getting a full time grave yard position and trying to keep some of the cat sitting and dog walking gigs to supplement what no doubt will be close to a minimum wage job/gig.

This is a worst case scenario and it may not fully play out like this. Nonetheless I feel that we are going to be okay. I have a strong work ethic and my brother lives with us so somehow we will make this work. And Nemo Amicus (my husband) may not go fully blind. He is having daily opthamalogic and cornea clinic visits.

So, if you have been gracious enough to read this far you are pbobably thinking, wtf, forget it your set is doomed.

But, again, I am used to this never ending stream of crises. I am older and deal very well with crises.

Regardless I decided to try something different.


THE DOSE & THE TRIP:

For a couple of months I had been microdosing mushrooms using an approximate Stamets stack protocol.

I am in the period of taking an entire month off from microdosing, actually I was close to 30 days into it so my tolerance was ZERO. Also, it is worth noting other than a few recent low dose DMT trips I haven’t had an authentic psychedelic experience in well over 8 years. Well, I can say that taking a break sure brings on the profound effects.

That and getting old.

I had always read that older folks were more sensitive to drugs. I had noticed this previously in my husband and had begun to notice this in my own life. But, this trip I took yesterday sure brought this fact home to roost.

So, I decided to take more than a microdose, but I figured as long as I kept it under 1 gram it wouldn’t get too trippy. I just wanted to light the day up a bit more than a microdose, think some things over and maybe get a few light CEV’s

I used mushroom chocolates. I ate the equivalent dose of 900 mgs of mushrooms.

I had not eaten that day and got an alert in about 25 mins. I started getting hit with waves of positive feelings. I also noticed that wonky transition feeling I always get before a real psychedelic experience starts. This really surprised me. I figured whatever happened it would be good because I had the day free and my husband was well and stable.

I began getting peripheral vision hallucinations of movement to the left and right of me. After turning my head a couple times to check and realizing nothing was there I just chuckled.

We had been streaming a program on the computer with an audible description for my husband and I started noticing trails as the characters moved around. This really surprised me and brought home the idea that this was going to be a real trip, much more than a stimulated afternoon. I immediately switched that off, went to music, lay down and closed my eyes.

No pun intended, but seriously, tripping is like riding a bike. Not tripping on DMT of course, which is it’s own thing and skill set but general tripping. I was super pleased at how slowly things unfolded and how easy they were to remember relative to the frenetic, scrambling pace of the DMT experience.

I worked hard to cultivate skills to “bring information back” from my DMT experiences, at least the content of my visions and feelings. They have been slowly returning. Having this as a base made the mushroom trip an easy, fun and memorable ride.

Some of the material that came up may have been disturbing to certain folks. I mentioned it to a chatter and he was grossed out. I did apologize. I am not trying to gross anyone out but sometimes I do get flesh, guts, bones, blood type images in my trips. The thing is I don’t see this is bad or negative. I am a-okay with body stuff and not at all squeemish.

What is “bad,” is what we judge to be bad. Clearly evil does exist but when judging our own experiences, I know some feel bad and harrowing but they really all just contribute to growth.

So, I hope folks won’t judge the material as too “gross” or “bad” because for me it was nothing of the sort. Everything was profoundly beautiful.

I had many visions, thoughts and feelings. My mind had been opened up but not shattered or flayed. In my Pastor’s language I had sliced a nice opening into my soul to let truth in.

Many of the thoughts were around existential concerns. I know my husband does not have a lot of time and due to certain issues with myself I suspect I may not have much longer. I have been working for a long time at coming to terms with this and the work is going very well.

I examined many thoughts and feelings around these issues, tripped on the idea of living the rest of my life without my husband and things like that. I just came to the usual deep realization that every single breath is a goose-pimple inducing gift of HUGE value. That companionship, relationship and old love are to be cherished and shared.

I am not stating anything new or profound but to have these feelings sink in deeply rather than just at surface, intellectual levels was very helpful and kept the fantastic positive vibe of the experience going strong.

I had many fantastic, sharp and 3D rendered visions with a very DMT like aspect. The colors were all over the place but the main theme was lots of greens, blues and purples. There were numerous spinning marquis strips of what I call alien language. I see these all the time on DMT.

When my eyes closed I was temporarily in a large, cylindrical space with a low ceiling. It was psychedelically alive and very synaesthetic with the music. Kind of like being in a living, hyperspatial, party yurt. It faded rapidy.

The main visions opened, understandably given what’s going on, with mountains and valleys made up of eyes. Spinning eyes. Valleys of eyes descending into invaginations. I let go and descended with the eyes.

I saw many dancing female entities. Some of them were perfectly rendered humans, naked and oddly multiply conjoined. Even attached to each other at the shoulder or waist, these dancing females were in ecstatic party mode.

I also saw a kind of geometric downtown city. The colors were rainbow, the shapes mainly cubes and the cubes were stacked to create buildings. But, the cubes were only traced in color on the outline of them. Their interiors were black. So, it was kind of a skeletal, geometric city.

I saw skeletons in this city. Some were screaming which did not seem to bother me. Not being bothered at all caused them to stop, smile and start dancing around like Grateful Dead skeletons. This made me chuckle.

I also saw a fantastic, elongated, stretched out horse’s head with blood dripping from it. Rather than being disturbing, it was oddly beautiful.

The high point of the visionary experiences was landing in a fantastic green space that was an amazing hyperspatial lush garden. In the middle of this gorgeous hyper-plant space was a kind of multi-armed Garden Goddess (for lack of other terminology).

Generally I don’t see Gods or Goddesses while tripping but clearly she was the Goddess of this fantastic garden. Energy and nutrients flowed in beautiful, golden streams from her arms to the lush life within the garden. It was fantastical and amazing. It would be super cool to meet such an entity IRL but heck where would a woman like that be safe in our culture, right? She certainly thrives well in my mind/mushroom space.

The tranced out, visionary part of things lasted a bit over 2 hours. I was still quite intoxicated after that but able to sit up, talk and was feeling myself rapidly returning to baseline.

I was astonished at the profound effects and realized if I had taken even a low dose hit of DMT I would have broken through.

My plans to breakthrough in early June will probably involve a 1 to 2 gram mushroom dose to start - of course I will have to pre-measure the DMT. Before I realized I was so sensitive to psilocybin I had planned to eat 4.5 grams LOL. Now I realize given my sensitivity if I did that I’d probably need an adult diaper.

One factor keeping everything positive was Nefer the cat. She acted as a trip friend/sitter, speding 50% of the time laying on me and purring and the rest very close by.

I returned to baseline with no difficulty and feeling a positive afterglow. Stressors have not changed but I feel my attitude has been improved.

I think eating about a gram of mushrooms once every month or two if time permits would be very helpful to me in the future.

This was a long winded rant, so if you actually read it I thank you and welcome comments and feedback.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


Hyperspace LOVES YOU
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
strtman
#2 Posted : 5/4/2023 6:28:08 PM

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This sure is a long report. I enjoyed reading it.

Sorry for your husband, really sad to read about his state of being. I hope he will be fine as far as this is possible given the conditions.

You talk about microdosing. What does this bring you? I am not into microdosing. Better to take the real hit Smile .

Quiet the mind and the soul will speak
 
Voidmatrix
#3 Posted : 5/4/2023 7:00:45 PM

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strtman wrote:
You talk about microdosing. What does this bring you? I am not into microdosing. Better to take the real hit


Mucrodosing has been show to help people manage certain mental health disorders such as anxiety depression, others use it to help with creativity and productivity, and others to help in getting off of other meds or drugs.

One love
What if the "truth" is: the "truth" is indescernible/unknowable/nonexistent? Then the closest we get is through being true to and with ourselves.


Know thyself, nothing in excess, certainty brings insanity- Delphic Maxims

DMT always has something new to show you Twisted Evil

Question everything... including questioning everything... There's so much I could be wrong about and have no idea...
All posts and supposed experiences are from an imaginary interdimensional being. This being has the proclivity and compulsion for delving in depths it shouldn't. Posts should be taken with a grain of salt. 👽
 
Pandora
#4 Posted : 5/4/2023 7:12:03 PM

Got Naloxone?

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Last visit: 17-Feb-2024
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Microdosing is helping keep my mood stable and upbeat no matter what comes my way, it is noticeably increasing my visual acuity and I hope it helping with cognitive repair because two bouts (I was and am vaccinated) of covid damaged more of my memory than 35 years of heavy cannabis use.

I work every day of the year. Even in this quiet period I have morning gigs so taking the real hit, though desirable is seldom realistic given my life and schedule. I got lucky yesterday and hope to do so again in early June.

Thanks for reading gents!
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


Hyperspace LOVES YOU
 
Voidmatrix
#5 Posted : 5/5/2023 2:44:16 AM

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Now I can provide the answer that such a powerful and beautiful post deserves.

First, my deepest condolences for your trials. You know that I'm just a baby (34), so I can only imagine what your experience and life pressures can be like with everything going on in your unique situation. You also have my approbation for you're extreme magnitudes of strength, resilience, indefatigability, courage, wisdom... I could go on. I deeply hope the best for you.

Your trip overall hit home for me as a month or so ago I had a similar experience in eating 1g of Yetis... And I've also become much more sensitive to psychedelics, even at my age, so definitely have my curiosities about how much this may increase with time. And by similar, I mean in terms of unexpected intensity.

It was warming to read what you had to say about "dark," "gross," and/or "bad" imagery. Sometimes such imagery is just there, without a particular reason. Sometimes it symbolizes something for us to learn from. It may be uncomfortable, but after careful thought, we are the ones that have the final say it what some imagery my mean or symbolize. Thank you for sharing that.

I also appreciated your statements about still journeying, even in sets that may not be the most beneficial, condusive, or therapeutic. If I tried to always abide by that, I would never do psychedelics... but then, that's one of the reasons why I do psychedelics Laughing

Considering your intention in retrieving old DMT memories, were any of your visuals reminiscent of past DMT journeys, or were they novel to this particular experience?

This was a wonderful trip report. Thank you.

One love
What if the "truth" is: the "truth" is indescernible/unknowable/nonexistent? Then the closest we get is through being true to and with ourselves.


Know thyself, nothing in excess, certainty brings insanity- Delphic Maxims

DMT always has something new to show you Twisted Evil

Question everything... including questioning everything... There's so much I could be wrong about and have no idea...
All posts and supposed experiences are from an imaginary interdimensional being. This being has the proclivity and compulsion for delving in depths it shouldn't. Posts should be taken with a grain of salt. 👽
 
Pandora
#6 Posted : 5/5/2023 8:20:35 PM

Got Naloxone?

Welcoming committeeSenior Member

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You are very kind.

Nemo Amicus is at a University now and will be home tonight then returning tomorrow. He had his eye biopsied to see if it's cancer or an autoimmune disease called occular OCP.

I was wondering if it might be okay or at all appropriate (sorry - I am a bit on the spectrum) to have a SHE where we pray and meditate on Nemo Amicus keeping what vision he still has? If not I completely understand and to be honest the turn out at the memorial SHE left something to be desired.

On another note, if I die suddenly and you find out I would hope you VoidMatrix would MC a SHE to see me off. Love

You asked about similar or retrieved DMT trip imagery. Certainly the party yurt seemed like a variation on a theme in various rooms and waiting rooms on DMT. The spinning strip marquis of alien language are something I always see in hyperspace and this was the first time they appeared on a mushroom trip.

The entities. Wow. Previously I had only met mushroom entities on my 7 gram liberty cap trip and ironically with eyes open - cats were ascending and appearing out of the floor.

But this trip had a bunch of female entities, which was interesting because my DMT entities were mostly male or non gendered iirc in the past.

These mushroom entities, other than the skeletons, were completely autonomous, disregarding or unaware of my presence/observations. When I meet entities on DMT they are seldom chill. Usually they crowd and rush me in a pushy way, get all up in my hyperface and compete to show me stuff.

The skeletons who were screaming then dancing reminded me of the hyperspatial Thalia and Melpomene masks I saw on my last DMT trip. It started frowny but my attitude caused it to turn into a smile. Seems like the skeletons exhibited a similar kind of attitude.

My ego wants to go wild and interpret this trip as symbolic of all the death and "bloody" business I have had to deal with with while living in the big city with the garden Goddess being myself trying to hold it all together. But somehow that does not feel right, there is no authentic resonance.

I think I will hold off on further attempts at interpretation until some more time passes.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


Hyperspace LOVES YOU
 
dragonrider
#7 Posted : 5/5/2023 8:29:31 PM

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Yes, i agree with void. It's a wonderful report.

I sometimes get "gross" images as well.
It's probably an accurate reflection of the human experience, wich sometimes just happens to be gross and gory.

I'm also sorry to hear about all of your struggles. It says a lot about you that you still manage to have this positive outlook. And also that amidst all of those things you still have the guts to "open the soul" with mushrooms.
 
Voidmatrix
#8 Posted : 5/6/2023 5:24:06 PM

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Pandora wrote:
Nemo Amicus is at a University now and will be home tonight then returning tomorrow. He had his eye biopsied to see if it's cancer or an autoimmune disease called occular OCP.

I was wondering if it might be okay or at all appropriate (sorry - I am a bit on the spectrum) to have a SHE where we pray and meditate on Nemo Amicus keeping what vision he still has? If not I completely understand and to be honest the turn out at the memorial SHE left something to be desired.


I think this is a very beautiful idea and I would definitely be a in attendance. Did you have a time frame in mind? I can also help organize if you need. Would love to help and facilitate sending healing and gracious energy in anyway that I can Love

While I deeply and sincerely hope that this does not happen in the forseeable future, I am honored that you would like me to take such a role and I will gladly, humbly, and devotedly take such a mantle. In the short time that we have been interacting, I find you to be a phenomenal individual, and by honoring you in such a way, I am blessed to be able to have a part of you with me always.

Pandora wrote:
But this trip had a bunch of female entities, which was interesting because my DMT entities were mostly male or non gendered iirc in the past.


How did you feel having more feminine energy around in that form? I know I personally have a bias towards women and the feminine and I think that's why a great many entities that I have come across have been portrayed as female. I also experience entities that are gender fluid or without gender at all.

Pandora wrote:
These mushroom entities, other than the skeletons, were completely autonomous, disregarding or unaware of my presence/observations. When I meet entities on DMT they are seldom chill. Usually they crowd and rush me in a pushy way, get all up in my hyperface and compete to show me stuff.


How does it make you feel when entities are indifferent to your presence? I know for me, depending on my mood because I am very very introverted at times, it's a relief when they just let me be. I think they can tell before I get into the space whether I am open to interacting or not. However, in my guidework, I tend to have many journeyers that describe similar behaviors of entities, crowding and encroaching on people while they are in the space. Personally, I've found that when this is the case there is something to be gleaned from that kind of chaotic interaction that can be of great value.

Pandora wrote:
My ego wants to go wild and interpret this trip as symbolic of all the death and "bloody" business I have had to deal with with while living in the big city with the garden Goddess being myself trying to hold it all together. But somehow that does not feel right, there is no authentic resonance.

I think I will hold off on further attempts at interpretation until some more time passes.


The ageless act of integrating through interpretations Smile Do you ever find that there are times where the content may not have any explicit meaning? Do you also find that there are times that the meaning and symbolism is polyvalent, sometimes with antimonies? As always, you show great temperance in these matters and affairs, knowing when to try to make sense of it and then also knowing when to just let it be for a time. Something very admirable.

One love
What if the "truth" is: the "truth" is indescernible/unknowable/nonexistent? Then the closest we get is through being true to and with ourselves.


Know thyself, nothing in excess, certainty brings insanity- Delphic Maxims

DMT always has something new to show you Twisted Evil

Question everything... including questioning everything... There's so much I could be wrong about and have no idea...
All posts and supposed experiences are from an imaginary interdimensional being. This being has the proclivity and compulsion for delving in depths it shouldn't. Posts should be taken with a grain of salt. 👽
 
Pandora
#9 Posted : 5/7/2023 11:27:07 PM

Got Naloxone?

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Thank you so very much.

I was thinking that to enable as many folks from the East and West coast of the Americas and some Europeans (at a minimum in terms of geography) to be able to attend as well as fit in with my hectic busy schedule that maybe Saturday, May 20th at 2 p.m. might work . . . for the SHE for Nemo Amicus.

Regarding the novelty of female entities: The entire experience had an excessively positive vibe about it so meeting these females was pleasureful. I delighted in seeing them.

Regarding indifferent/chill entities: I really love them. I am used to the pushy ones. I like being able to observe them or just mellowly interact. Don't get me wrong, DMT entities have been very benign and have attempted to help and heal me more than once. They have put me into fantastic and fun/pleasurable machines and shown me amazing things and vistas. But it is really nice to encounter disinterested or chill ones. Very happy

For sure I have had trips that really don't integrate into a deeper meaning - just kind of a huh, or weird or LOL reaction to material that didn't glean further analysis. I do suspect this current experience is heading in that direction. It's all part of the overall good as far as I can tell.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


Hyperspace LOVES YOU
 
Voidmatrix
#10 Posted : 5/10/2023 2:41:11 AM

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I hope many will join us Smile

I wonder how common such an experience really is (something we may never know). I have been in contact with a handful of questionable and nefarious harmful entities, but they tend to also just let me be.

This conversation is reminding me of many journeys I had not thought about in a while Love

Apologies if it seemed like I was insinuating that your experience was lacking content. My question was kind of a non-sequitir out of my own curiosity relative to my subjective experience. It's come to a point where I will have experiences where there isn't much that's novel to learn and glean aside from experiencing the novelty of that particular journey. No insights received, no insights formulated. I have had some pretty interesting ones that land in this category and I'm very thankful for them. They also tend to be some of the more wild ones that I can't begin to describe.

Smile

One love
What if the "truth" is: the "truth" is indescernible/unknowable/nonexistent? Then the closest we get is through being true to and with ourselves.


Know thyself, nothing in excess, certainty brings insanity- Delphic Maxims

DMT always has something new to show you Twisted Evil

Question everything... including questioning everything... There's so much I could be wrong about and have no idea...
All posts and supposed experiences are from an imaginary interdimensional being. This being has the proclivity and compulsion for delving in depths it shouldn't. Posts should be taken with a grain of salt. 👽
 
WanderingCat
#11 Posted : 5/20/2023 11:33:07 PM

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Glad I took the time to read this all, I quite enjoyed it Smile

Life circumstance is dreadful, and unpredictable. We can only do so much. I too have had that sort of gore visions before as well. Especially the creepy demon bug things where I get an up close look at their faces. Very odd to say the least. The space we enter when taking DMT or mushrooms is a vast space where I seem to keep finding new things hiding around the corner. Its far from a bag of tricks and seems to move and grow as I do. I always thought during my younger trips I'd see everything that the space has to offer. Couldn't be more wrong at the time. I hope everyone can achieve what they need in this life.
Grass Grows When The Tiny Cat is Dreaming

Phangz wrote:

"this is your height on dmt.."
 
 
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