PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Nervous
(physical condition) Set: Calm, relaxed but shaking a little
Setting (location): Bed
time of day: 21:00
recent drug use: Marijuana
last meal: 12:00

PARTICIPANT
Gender: f
body weight: 49kg
history of use: first time with DMT

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT
Dose(s): 35mg
Method of administration: Vaporized


EFFECTS

Intensity (overall): 3

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 3
Implesantness: 1
Visual Intensity: 4



REPORT



I was very nervous about it as my last(and most) experiences with psychedelics had not been that great. What made DMT different and had me willing to try was thanks in part to the short time it (physically) lasts, but mainly what I had read from others. As a spiritual person, I've felt there is a lot we can learn from within ourselves, so whether I'm actually travelling to another dimension or if it's just my own mind, it doesn't matter. I'm trying to work with my higher self to achieve my goals and it is the only way I even find them possible. I've suffered from PTSD and severe depression for years and despite therapy and medication, nothing has ever helped. Due to another life event that compounded my PTSD, I became so depressed it seemed impossible to truly connect with my higher self anymore. Meditation felt impossible or futile. So of course, after a lot of research and reading about experiences, I felt it was worth trying.

I placed my general intention before smoking into "healing". Though I accepted that I would experience what I needed to. This aspect did make me somewhat nervous, as I wondered if I would have a really bad one to teach me a deeper lesson(as happened 13 years ago when I tried shrooms). Accepting this, I was ready. My SO and I set up a pile of pillows and position on it to where we can fall back on the bed comfortably. Handpan music was playing lightly and I had the room light off but my bedside lamp on. After taking the third hit I felt like I was being pulled and fell into the pillows.

My vision was watching the room as I seemed to be falling down a long hallway. The walls were black, and I could just feel this heavy sensation in my chest that seemed to press harder and harder as I continued falling. I fell for so long the room was no longer visible. I was in a black void, and even though I was starting to become aware of the fact that I was becoming less aware of myself as a person, I didn't feel particularly uncomfortable. I did start to panic thanks to the sensation in my chest, but I heard a "voice" which simply said "breathe". When I did, I became completely one with the void.

When I opened my eyes I was in my bed, with the same view as I would have normally lying where I was. Slowly I noticed these deep green geometric patterns were warping around but they were difficult to see with the dim lighting and the black wall behind it. I realized that wall wasn't supposed to be black, and when I squinted I could see tiny cracks throughout it with that same shade of green peaking through. On my left I realized everything had become a very menacing red shade. I turned to look and could feel the panic rising up. I knew something very scary was over there. The voice came again, this time sounding a bit more "perked" up and friendly. "Don't look over there. Don't worry about that. Look at your hands. Everything you need is there." I don't know why it was the first thing that came to mind, but when I heard this I immediately put my hands over my face.

When I did, for a few moments everything was that fractured black color and faint warping patterns in front of it but it was black and red this time. I actually felt very happy in that moment. I could tell the black was beginning to warp into something else and I took my hands away from my face only to see my room again. As soon as my hands were back on my face I was immediately back to seeing the same image.

It came in slowly, getting brighter until I could clearly see. The right side of my vision was obscured by my hand and was completely black. I was told not to try to look over there, and to also not try to turn my head or move at all. From the corner of my eye, on my left I saw a large blue room with a pure white, void-like back drop. I was suddenly aware this place was completely void of any sound. But again I heard a "voice"(this one felt "away" while the other felt more "internal" ) , this time feeling like it came from my left. This entity was huge, stretching from halfway into my vision and disappearing past my peripherals and was a bright lime green. It looked like a jungle gym with posts for every squared area. But I could also see it was more soft and tube like than metal. A few of the "posts" lifted up and moved around and the voice just said "Hey, you're okay!" It sounded very friendly. I wanted to "say" something back to it, but I had that pulling sensation again and found myself back on my bed.

The visuals after were minor, mainly just a slight wobbling of the walls around me if I looked closely. I felt wonderful, and after a moment of adjusting "back", I started laughing. My SO asked what happened and I could only laugh at how silly it had gotten. My first words were simply just "They're messing with me!" And it felt very true. This moment also made me realize I hadn't laughed like that in quite a few years. The biggest take-away I'd had from the experience so far is that I've been taking everything too seriously. Things that don't need to be but that I react badly to as I had lost a lot of my humor. This wasn't an issue I had even realized I was having so I am very grateful for this. Nothing that I heard was said by my SO, he had sat silently beside me watching. I had actually put my hands over my face but I didn't remove them until it was completely over.

Hi, thanks for that good read. It's funny, but my hands have also always been a grounding element to hard trips also. Well, except that 9ne time when they wanted me to learn the most important lesson so far. Your experience sounds interesting to me also because of the blackness. Another element that occurs for me regularly. I've never had the colourful circus some describe. Has it left you wanting more?