I am frustrated with existence right now. I'm just about to finish high school but i can't bring myself to do anything. I find myself wrestling with a question of choice: Choose a life of schooling by teachers, work, mortgages, insurance, materialistic gain, type of and point of existence lifestyle.. or a self developing philosophical, health, and seek more to understand type lifestyle.(the question is probably more diverse but i'm not sure my feeling right now) I feel i need to pick one before i do anything. I can't bring any motivation, and when it i am motivated, it is a very uncomfortable happy motivation. I feel the ignorant bliss that is common in the western culture i'm in right now and i feel almost mad. Eveything is very rushed here and i feel i've not enough time to figure out my path or anything i'm actually interested in. Constantly have to worry about school, job, getting a car, getting insureance, all that stuff, but i don't want any of it. I look at people going for all these things and i see something just form in them, i'm not sure what it is but i don't want to be it. There's also no passion or real enjoyment in anything. Every job just looks like exploiting to get means to live, and it's a standard. I've never anyone to discuss this also which is a big issue. Everyone i know basically is a prick of some level, although i'm not sure if this is my own personal ignorance. Generally when i start to question, anger comes from them. In my opinion (which is all it is so i'm not sure if it's right) this shows ones lack of understanding of what there talking about. If they knew they would be calm and descriptive, but they mearly argue with statements and not discussion. Also EVERYONE seems to have the same anger. To be madness in a world of insanity seems like an appropriate saying.

Now, i've been looking into physkadelics (if i spelt that right) for a bit now and all the experiances i've heard of are really interesting me. Ones of what i think you guys call The Spice which removes ones ego and bring's about entities which apparently kinda guide you. Guidence would be nice, and that of the school guidence...

I wrote this late at night to bear with me if it seems a little off at all heh

Don't get bummed out or overly concerned about it. Get a job that you think best suits what your capable of and/or interested in. If you don't like it, just stick it out for awhile. Get some money together, take responsibility for yourself, and don't worry about it if your being exploited/exploiting, for the moment. Get out of the house and find some roomates that'll expose you to different ways of thinking/living.. don't think of others as a standard for yourself. Maybe work towards getting out of your home town. STAY OUT OF DEBT! Get with some people in their 30's. If you have the energy level, go to college part time, just to check it out. Or, hang out at the library. Get a stack of books on anything that intrests you, get reading. shut off the TV, turn on the coast to coast AM. (www.coasttocoastam.com) Trust me, your outlook is going to change allot over the years, and then it's going to change again. Do some natural psychedelics (mushrooms/DMT) occasionally if your drawn to it, but steer the hell clear of other substances. Life has allot of things to learn/places to go/things to see, just get going on it and don't worry about it if you don't sense you have a definate direction. You could spend your 20's figuring things out & you'd be putting those years to good use... listen to your parents/pastor/teachers/elders, and then judge their advice in whatever manner you find suitable... make a habit of just striking up conversations with odd looking strangers. don't worry how fucked society can seem; be an agent of benevolence, help others. follow your dreams.

Very nice advise. I might add to question everything you are told. Please think for yourself and don't allow others to do it for you, be it the media, your parents, your teachers, or even your peers. Your outlook on life will most definitely change, even though you may not think so now.

Seek out some mentors/old people, study their advice, seek the opposing world views; Ultimately form your own conclusions. Don't just adopt other's views as your own (it seems like your well beyond that). I try and remember the old people are dying off, and the world is changing fast, so I try and gain knowledge of the old-timer's perspectives while I still have the opportunity.

You can live a life with schooling and learning more about what interests you while still have a self-developing and understanding lifestyle.

The whole point is to become responsible for yourself. Go to school (if you want to) to learn what you want to learn, and then move on. For instance, I am heavily into science and therefore I am going to school as a biochemistry major to later do research in this area...how ever I also live by my own ideals that I have developed through my own spiritual path.
Don't get sucked into what seems mainstream just because it's popular (which I see you've realized already), do what you feel will make you happy.

Life is about being happy and fully experiencing what there is to experience, not about building up your monetary possessions and obtaining obtaining obtaining. So do what you think you should do to live as happy as possible, if that means leaving society with a bow and arrow, some survival how-tos and moving to the forest, then so be it. Don't do annything just because it's 'the thing to do'.

Peace and happiness is key

adrian

Thanks for the replies guys, appreciate it.

Part of my issue right now is finishing high school. My main issue with it is that everything i'm learning right now is essentialy none productive (none productive in the learning way, but it is productive in the 'making it in this society and in order to live' type way). I've a fairly decent ability to question. Although when i'm happy it leaves me and i get uncomfortable lol (i've come to the conclusion that having to much of any emotion can throw off ones reality). We read book's, copy question's liek who is the author, what's happening in the book, what words stand out to you...it's great.

As for seeking out people i've NO clue where to go, or even how to. You guys don't have to answer those. Everyone here where i'm at right now has to worry about getting by. Especially with the way the economy is going. I think in order for me to reach the kind of people i'm looking for i'll have to leave, but to where is a question i have to look into as well.

I mainly came to this site because of the stuff about dmt like i said. I talked to my mom about it, of coarse she's fearful, but she accepts it lol. Jumps to quick to the stereotype of the word drug instead of looking at the ?spice? itself, very assumptive. I myself never really did drugs much. I tried pot and drinking but i felt...kinda a lack of reality on it. Not really depressed but the awkward joy i feel when i'm normally happy.
I'm looking into alchemy and way's to make my own dmt though. I'm reading into it a lot. Once i figure it out i'm going to start sharing it. Not sure how much it costs though heh.